Somehow the ghosts did something to the disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Ghost characters. Takes place shortly after The Vault.

Ghosts Anonymous

"All right everyone," Pete stood in front of the group of ghosts in the living room. "I think it's time we start our first meeting of Ghosts Anonymous!"

"Hoo-rah," Hetty groaned.

"Why is it anonymous?" Sasappis asked. "We all know each other."

"We need a better name bro," Trevor agreed. "It doesn't really fit."

"How about Ghosts Who Know Each Other?" Thorfinn suggested. "That fits!"

"Perhaps we should vote on a name?" Isaac suggested.

"I suggest Bob!" Flower spoke up. "Bob's a nice name!"

"We are not calling this…Whatever it is Bob," Hetty told her. "Robert I might accept but Bob…"

"Look I think you are all forgetting the point of this group," Pete reminded them.

"To be completely bored and regret ever dying?" Trevor groaned as he leaned back in on a chair and put his feet up on a table. "Been there."

"Done that," Sasappis added.

"It's about improving ourselves!" Pete was exasperated. "You know? Making us better people? Or whatever a ghost is classified as."

"I'm just pointing out the rather obvious flaw in the name," Sasappis told him.

"Why don't we just call it a Self-Improvement Club?" Alberta asked.

"It's not really a club though," Sasappis told her.

"Okay then how about Ghosts for Getting Sucked Off?" Hetty suggested.

Trevor snickered at this. Pete glared at him. "Trevor!"

"Well that's what we're trying to do," Trevor smirked. "I'd vote for that name."

"Big surprise," Pete grumbled. He had figured out for some reason Trevor thought the term sucked off was dirty but didn't want to ask why. "We're not calling the group that."

"I say Self-Improvement Club," Alberta spoke up "It's simple and easy."

"How about something grander?" Isaac spoke up. "A Congress of Ghosts? That has a nice ring to it."

"What about Bob?" Flower added.

"Look the name isn't important!" Pete snapped. "Do you know what is important? Us not ending up like Elias! That's what's important!"

"Oh right," Hetty realized.

"That was bad," Alberta said at the same time.

"Yes, let's avoid that," Isaac agreed.

"So scary," Trevor gulped.

"Pete is right," Thorfinn spoke up. "Name is not important." He looked upwards. "What's important that we are all working on being better people! Really trying down here!"

"Let's skip ahead," Pete sighed. "I think this group needs to work on working together as a group. Maybe if we learn to get along better it could help us…You know? Go up!"

"Pete we can't even agree on a name for this whatever it is," Trevor pointed out. "You really think this is going to work?"

"It's worth a try," Pete told him.

"I don't know Pete," Flower spoke up. "It's not like you're a licensed therapist. And I've been to a few of them in my time. One of them gave me some really neat drugs that expanded my mind!"

"And another piece of the puzzle falls into place," Alberta sighed to herself.

"What is a therapist?" Sasappis blinked.

"I'd like to know the answer to that myself," Isaac realized.

"Thor knows this," Thorfinn spoke up. "Fraiser Crane is one. He talks to lots of crazy people! Very funny!"

"Isn't that some kind of doctor for crazy people?" Alberta asked.

"No! No! Not necessarily for crazy people!" Pete explained. "A therapist is just someone you can talk to in order to work through your problems. For example, Carol and I went to a marriage counselor to try to help our marriage. Of course, it would have probably have helped our marriage more if my wife wasn't sleeping with my so-called best friend!"

"Here we go," Trevor groaned as he sunk in his seat.

Pete went on, his voice getting angrier and higher. "If I had known the problem was that my wife was sleeping with another man I probably wouldn't have had to pay a hundred bucks a session and fill out all those stupid workbooks! What a waste of time those were! Workbook of Passion! Workbook of Trust! HA! TRUST! THAT'S A GOOD ONE! HOW ABOUT THE WORKBOOK OF MY WIFE WAS A CHEATING SO-AND SO? I DIDN'T SEE THAT WORKBOOK!"

"And this is where the wheels come completely off the wagon," Isaac sighed.

"And the therapist had the nerve to suggest that the problems in the marriage might be might be my fault!" Pete went on. "Yeah it's my fault my wife and my best friend decided to fool around behind my back! RIGHT!"

"He really should work on his anger issues," Sasappis remarked to the other ghosts.

"A hundred bucks an hour to just sit back and randomly assign blame!" Pete threw up his hands. "Boy what a racket! I should have been a therapist!"

"You see the fact that Pete admits he's not a trained therapist," Isaac said to the other ghosts. "And still insists on leading this thing…That's what worries me."

"You're not the only one," Hetty admitted.

"Being a marriage counselor is easy! EASY!" Pete went on. "All you have to do is sit there and hand out stupid workbooks! WHAT A RACKET! WHAT A RACKET!"

"PETE! PETE!" Alberta shouted. She went over to Pete and shook him. "Snap out of it!"

"Oh…" Pete composed himself. "Sorry about that. I went away for a bit. I'm back now."

"So…" Trevor remarked. "You're going to help this group work through our issues?"

"It's official," Sasappis remarked. "We're doomed."

"Look I forgave Carol," Pete explained. "Forgetting is another story!"

"Obviously," Isaac groaned.

"It wouldn't have been so bad if she didn't insist on eating all the donut holes!" Pete added. "She knew I loved donut holes! She thought they were stupid! She just ate them just to spite me!"

"Okay Pete!" Alberta sighed. "Maybe someone else should lead the group for now?"

"Let me guess," Hetty sighed. "You?"

"Well I don't see anyone else stepping up!" Alberta snapped.

"I could try," Flower suggested. "I've been to a psychiatrist's office plenty of times."

"I don't think it counts if you're a patient," Trevor told her.

"I wasn't always a patient!" Flower told him. "I volunteered for some experiments at the college I went to before I dropped out. Whoa. I went to college! Groovy!"

Isaac sighed. "Continue Alberta."

"I think we all need to work out some self-improvement," Alberta went on. "Starting with the weakest link."

Everyone looked at Trevor. "What?" Trevor looked at them. "Oh, come on! Why me?"

"Do you want the full list or just the top ten reasons?" Isaac asked.

"You do seem to be quite the little instigator around here," Pete told him.

"No more than any of you!" Trevor protested.

"Oh really?" Hetty looked at Trevor. "Let's recap the past few months, shall we? Whose idea was it to haunt the livings? Who caused Samantha's accident that almost killed my last known descendant?"

"That was an accident!" Trevor snapped. "I never meant to hurt her! And it worked out! She can see us now! We now have a living to talk to and to help us!"

"Accidents are no excuse," Hetty glared at him.

"How about when you catfished Jay's sister?" Sasappis asked.

"Not purposely!" Trevor protested. "I was just looking for a new connection! I'm lonely!"

"You're a degenerate," Hetty sniffed.

"And let's not forget the Bridge Club Incident," Isaac added.

"Oh, come on!" Trevor protested. "It was a different accident! I was only dead a few months and I was still trying to figure out my power!"

"Trevor because of you they canceled those bridge club games at the house!" Sasappis snapped.

"Thor does miss the gossip," Thorfinn admitted.

"On the other hand," Hetty mused. "Because of him the Farnabys no longer had an excuse to snoop in my home. In fact, old Mrs. Farnaby was almost arrested. That was an amusing day!"

"And I didn't like them," Alberta sniffed. "Uptight racist biddies. They didn't even like jazz!"

"And I suspect some of them were Irish," Hetty added.

The other ghosts looked at Alberta. "I know. I heard it too," She sighed.

"Again," Trevor looked at the others. "She thinks I'm the bad one!"

"Nobody here is bad!" Pete pointed out. "Technically. I think we're getting off track here."

"I think it's funny that all of you think I'm the bad one of this group when some of you have done a lot worse!" Trevor snapped as he stood up. "I never killed anyone! I never set an entire village on fire! I never worked orphans to death!"

"We never deliberately worked those orphans to death!" Hetty stood up. "Accidents happen!"

"Accidents are no excuse!" Trevor shot back.

"We gave those orphans every Sunday off as well as Easter and Christmas!" Hetty snapped. "Plus, a thirty-minute lunch break! Sometimes 45 depending on how much blood we had to wash off the machines."

"Damn girl…" Alberta whistled.

Trevor went on. "Plus, I didn't like what you did! Trying to send me to Hell!"

"Not cool Hetty," Flower shook her head. "Not cool."

"It was a joke, Trevor," Hetty waved. "I knew it wouldn't work."

"Not for lack of trying!" Trevor snapped.

"That did seem to be a bit in bad taste," Pete admitted.

"I would never do that to you!" Trevor added. "No matter how much of an uptight yenta you've been acting."

"I beg your pardon!" Hetty snapped.

"You have been a bit full of yourself lately," Sasappis spoke up. "Trying to use fear to get your way. That's not the actions of a good person."

"Neither is spreading dissent!" Hetty turned on Sasappis. "You think nobody here doesn't know what you do? Telling Alberta that I don't like her hat in order to stir up trouble! For your information I happen to like Alberta's hat!"

"Thank you Hetty," Alberta nodded.

"It's her dress I'm not that crazy about," Hetty admitted.

"What?" Alberta snapped.

"It just shows too much ankle," Hetty told her.

"At least my legs are covered!" Alberta shot back.

"If that's a crack about how I died…" Trevor began.

"Guys chill out!" Flower spoke up. "We don't need meetings or pointing out each other's flaws for self-improvement! Maybe we should focus on being less selfish and self-centered and try to be nicer and compromise? Learn to love and share with each other. Learn to live in harmony with ourselves and the livings."

Everyone looked at Flower for a moment. "Yeah right!" Trevor snorted.

"That's not gonna happen," Alberta said at the same time.

"No way," Sasappis said at the same time.

"No meetings?" Pete was incredulous.

"Not going to happen," Thorfinn said at the same time. "Thor does not compromise!"

"God no," Hetty sniffed at the same time.

"Compromise? I think not!" Isaac agreed.

"Let's all try this again," Pete decided to try and take control of the meeting. "We need to work on ways on making ourselves better people. I think if we really try we might get somewhere. Hopefully up!"

"Pete are you sure you can handle this?" Alberta asked.

"It'll be fine Alberta," Pete told her. "I mean if a total quack like Dr. Shubert can be a therapist, then I'm pretty sure I have a shot."

"And here we go again," Trevor groaned as he sat back down.

"A hundred dollars a session!" Pete snapped. "And for what? WHAT? Why did I agree with Carol to see that quack once a week?"

Sasappis couldn't resist. "Maybe she was sleeping with him too?"

"Sass!" Alberta gasped.

"It's just a possibility," Sasappis casually shrugged.

"Oh my God…" Pete's face turned paler than usual.

"Bro…" Trevor was horrified. "Even I think that's rude!"

"Agreed!" Hetty nodded. "I'm sure she wasn't doing that Pete."

"I wouldn't put it past her…" Pete was horrified. "A woman who eats a man's donut holes is capable of anything!"

"I'm sure your wife wasn't sleeping with your therapist Pete," Flower spoke up. "That would be a horrible breach of trust."

"Yes, not like sleeping with my best friend!" Pete shouted as he stormed out of the room. "AAAAAGGHHH!"

"I'd better calm him down," Trevor groaned as he got up to follow Pete.

"Well this is going well," Isaac said sarcastically.

"This was actually a fun meeting," Sasappis smirked. "I can't wait for the next one."