When Forever Ends
Author's Note:This takes place AFTER the Order of the Phoenix; do not read this unless you have COMPLETED book five.
Summary:Harry's world was shaken forever after the death of his godfather. But he's beginning to learn things about Sirius that he wished he never had. Could it be that the Sirius Black in which Harry thought he knew was a lie?
Chapter One: Moving Forward
"Harry, take the prophecy, grab Neville, and run!"
Harry Potter jumped into a sitting position, cold swear dripping down his face. This same dream woke him every single night. But you could hardly call it a dream, as it was reality. The reality that Harry had come to face everyday since his godfather's death.
But to make things worse, there was nobody there when Harry woke up in tears. There was no one there telling him everything would be alright. And for the first time ever, he couldn't blame Dumbledore for keeping him locked up at the Dursley's house.
He had his moments. Moments where darkness seemed to surround him, and all he wanted to do was give up. But he knew he couldn't. If it was the last thing he ever did he would kill Voldemort. He would get revenge for his godfather's death. And most of the time, these angry thoughts were all the possessed his mind.
Harry reached toward a small nightstand beside his bed. There was a picture sitting there, a picture that made Harry hurt inside all over every time he looked at it. It was of course a picture of his parents, Remus Lupin, and Sirius. He felt a tear roll down his face, as he tried to stop himself from shaking.
The loss of his godfather was far worse then his parents deaths. After all, he'd barely known his parents. And now just when he'd started getting close to Sirius his life had tragically ended. A death that Harry would call his own fault forever.
It'd been nearly two months now since Harry's world changed forever. The letters had been pouring in through his window all summer, but there were very few he found himself actually responding too. Anyone from the order, but the reason for this was obvious.
"BOY!", Vernon Dursley shouted from the floor below, "GET DOWN HERE!"
Harry took a deep breath rubbing his eyes clear from the tears. The last person he wanted to see him upset was his uncle. He set the picture frame down with a deep sigh as he made his way downstairs. But the first smile in months appeared on his face as he heard a familiar voice.
"You do realize you could've easily walked up the stairs rather than screaming at him.", Remus Lupin stared across the room at Harry's uncle.
"Just take the boy", Vernon kept his loud tone, "he's been moping around here all summer anyway. Don't know what you people did to the boy but it's wonderful. Barely said a word all summer!"
"Lupin?", Harry questioned as he entered the room, "what are you doing here….I mean…is something wrong?"
Remus turned to face Harry, "nothing new…just thought you'd like to get out of here a few days earlier. But you can stay if you'd like."
Harry nodded without a second thought, "I…I mean if you want me to come."
"Pack your things", Vernon grunted looking up from the television set, "you're leaving!"
Harry nodded rushing back upstairs to his room. He began carelessly throwing his possessions into his school trunk. The mere thought of being able to leave the Dursley's was a wonderful feeling. But Harry froze when he noticed a letter lying in one of his drawers. His heart stopped as he noticed the handwriting on the letter.
"Thought I'd help you….I truly do think Moody scared your uncle half to death! I've never seen someone so afraid of a wizard before", Remus stood in the doorway, "Harry…are you okay?"
Harry nodded slowly as he leaned against his bed, "I just…I just found a letter he wrote me. Sorry…I'm fine."
Remus immediately knew the "he" in which Harry had been referring to. He held a hand out to help Harry to his feet.
"It's okay to be hurt Harry", Remus pulled Harry into a hug, "you know that don't you?"
Harry refusing to pull away spoke, "Please don't leave me…I don't want to lose you too."
Remus gently pushed Harry away grabbing him by the shoulders, "Sirius did not want to leave you Harry. He loves you…he wants to be here more then anything in the world."
Harry bit his lip, it was obvious he was holding back his emotions. He watched from afar as Remus packed the rest of his things. Minutes later Remus put a hand on his shoulder, and the two made their way out of the Dursley home.
"Do we…do we have to fly?", Harry asked suddenly, "where are we going?"
"We have to get so far away from the Dursley's house because of the protection wards…but were going to use portkey as close as we can get to the err….order headquarters. I wasn't sure you'd be up to flying.", Remus added.
Harry stopped suddenly staring at Remus, "I'm not going to Sirius' house….I'm not!"
Remus sighed slightly, "I know Harry but you've got to. It's only a few days and there's really nobody there right now. Ahh…here we go, ready?"
Harry nodded, as he felt the familiar dizzy sensation come over him. Upon landing, he felt Remus steady him as they made their way toward the Order Headquarters. For the first time he realized life was starting again, and he wasn't sure he was ready to go with it.
"Potter, it's no wonder you're so small, you've barely touched your supper", Moody stated at supper later that evening, "they did feed you didn't they?"
Harry nodded silently as he continued to pick at his supper. Truth was he wasn't very much up to eating that evening. Being in Sirius' house made his mind play tricks on him. Every time he turned around the corner he expected too see his godfather coming toward him. He was almost starting to think he'd have been better at the Dursley's for the last few days of summer.
Harry noticed Remus had shaken his head at Moody obviously telling him not to press the issue. Of all people Remus had to understand the most how Harry was feeling. He knew Remus was suffering every bit as much as he was plus more. Besides Harry himself, Sirius was all he'd had left. He'd been just a baby when his parents died, but he expected it hadn't been any easier for Remus then. Sirius had been accused of murder, and James and Lily Potter killed.
"Maybe you should just head up to bed Harry", Remus caught Harry's eye, "you look exhausted."
Again Harry gave a simple nod, halfway grateful to escape the unbearable silence of the dinner table. But as he began walking away, the other half of him wasn't ready to walk the halls on his own. Halfway up the staircase he collapsed to a sitting position. His head lay in his hands as he felt pain in his stomach. He'd suffered physical pain for years, but Harry had no idea how to deal with something such as the loss of a loved one.
The fact that Sirius died to save Harry was a thought that burned though his mind majority of the time he was awake. There's only one way to escape this pain he'd often thought to himself. Everyone had told him Sirius was with his parents watching over him, but he couldn't help but wonder what it'd be like to have his parents and Sirius back. He heard footsteps walking toward him, but he didn't bother looking up.
"Harry", Remus sat down on the steps, "Harry I…I don't know what to say to you. I want to make things better but…I know I can't."
Harry turned away, "It's fine…I'm fine. Everything's fine."
Remus shut his own eyes for a moment, "This is exactly what Sirius wouldn't have wanted. He wouldn't want either of us to let our lives stop because of him. But speaking from someone who's been in this same position before…it is possible to start your life again."
Harry shook his head furiously, "Why do you even bother with me? I'll probably get you killed too. They should just lock me up somewhere until I starve to death. That way I wouldn't be the cause of anymore deaths. How many have a racked up now anyway? At least four…"
"This is not your fault Harry", Remus spoke softly, "of all people…I should've known Sirius couldn't handle being kept here for so long. Being so far from the one thing he'd been fighting for. Look, we can all sit here and place blame on ourselves but the harsh reality is that it isn't going to do any of us any good. Good old Sirius is probably laughing about how not heroic he thinks his death was…"
Harry's eyes grew cold, "So you think this is funny do you?"
Harry stood up from the stair he'd been seated upon. He rushed up the stairs leaping them two at a time. At that moment he wanted to be anywhere but where he was, and he was determined to make that happen. He could hear Remus following slowly behind him, but he quickly shut the door to the room he was staying in before he could enter.
"Open the door Harry", Remus shouted twisting the handle harshly, "right now!"
From the inside of the room, Harry stared at the door. He pulled the sheets from off the bed and tossed them across the room. Anything in his reach met the same situation before he'd finally exhausted himself. He sat down on the far corner of the mattress, and pulled his legs in toward his body. As his breath began to slow down he brushed away fresh tears from his face. But when the door finally opened up, it wasn't Remus that stepped through.
"Wow…you sure know how to damage a room pretty fast don't you Harry?", Ron Weasley's voice came from the doorway, "think you're about done? Or should I duck?"
Harry stared across the room at his best friend, whom at the moment he was anything but happy to see. His eyes turned to face the ground as Ron slowly and nervously approached him.
"They….they thought maybe you'd rather talk to me then Lupin", Ron sat down beside Harry tossing a small ball and forth between his hands, "I did tell them to just leave you . So I guess…I guess I can just sit here a while so they think we talked. Or we could talk…but then again you could continue refusing to look at me for a while longer just as well. Eye contact doesn't seem to be your strength these days."
Harry glared at his friend, "The first one please, as long as it gets you to shut up."
Ron jumped up pulling Harry with him, "You're not going to do this Harry. We all know what you're doing. I don't care how many times you glare at me, or how many horrible comments you make. You can't push me away…not after all we've been through."
"How could I ever expect you to understand?", Harry squinted from behind his glasses, "where do you go every summer Ron? Well…better yet what's the comparison compared to me? I don't have my parents Ron. Sirius was all I had left…but you could never understand that could you? You've never suffered an ounce of pain in your life."
Ron took a deep breath obviously trying his hardest not to slug his friend, "I told you that your comments wouldn't push me away. But do continue, it's quite entertaining. Do you not remember how close to death my own father came Harry?"
"And look how that worked out! Some of us are born with luck while others will suffer for the rest of their lives. You might as well pull out of this friendship now before I get you killed too. It seems one a year is my rate at the moment but it's sure to triple at least this year", Harry added sarcastically, "funny though…I'm really starting to hope I can just get myself killed one of these times. I'm sure good at getting others killed."
Ron rubbed his temples for a moment before speaking in a much softer tone, "I know you feel like the worlds going to end, but without you you're right. Look, you have to figure everyone's put on this earth for a reason. Maybe Sirius' reason was just to push you along, and help you out all he could. Yes its tragic, and yes you many never fully heal but the world needs you Potter. It's not your time to die Harry, it's your time to live."
"And what if I don't want to be the hero anymore?", Harry looked directly at Ron for the first time, "what if I just want to wake up and be normal?"
"Because you're better than that. You're one of those people they're going to talk about decades from now. Harry Potter, the boy who saved the world. And me? I'm thinking best friend of the boy who saved the world is sounding pretty good.", Ron smiled.
Harry couldn't resist the small smile that appeared on his face, "You're really messed up you know that don't you?"
Ron rolled his eyes, "Now thanks to your temper, and by the way that's getting very scary, we now have this whole room to clean up before my mum sees what you've done. Aww…come on Harry I always liked this picture!"
Harry looked around the room at the mess he'd made, "Hey Ron?"
Ron who'd already begun piecing the room back together spun around to face Harry, "I'm listening."
"Thanks.", Harry spoke softly.
"That means a lot Harry", Ron laughed, "seeing how hard I know that was."
"I'm trying to be serious here!", Harry threw a pillow at Ron's head.
"Hey we're trying to clean up here!", Ron slammed it back at Harry, "and Harry…you're welcome. That's what I'm here for. Someday when I'm acting like a crazy you can let me know too."
Harry laughed loudly, "Can't wait!"
Later that evening when Harry and Ron had both gone to bed, Harry lay awake for a few minutes. He knew Remus and Ron were right. The time would come when he'd be with Sirius again, but now wasn't that time. Right now, it was time to rid the world of Voldemort for good. It was time after all, that someone got revenge for all the families he'd torn apart. A new fire burned inside of him and it was telling him that he was exactly the person for the job.
As his short stay before retuning to Hogwarts came to an end, Harry was starting to feel that life really could go on even without his godfather. It was easily noticeable that Lupin had avoided him as much as possible since that night, and Harry knew he needed to apologize before he left. He was just finishing packing his new books Mrs. Weasley had brought when Lupin came to speak to him.
"Almost ready?", Remus asked from the doorway.
Harry nodded as his eyes met Lupin's, "If I haven't told you yet…I'm really sorry about snapping at you like that. It was just being here and all, it kind of got to me I guess."
Remus stepped toward Harry shutting the door behind him before he spoke, "It's alright Harry. People just handle things in all different ways."
"You mean like you just don't say anything at all?", Harry questioned shutting his trunk, "That kind of thing?"
Clearly trying to bypass the conversation Remus looked at the clock, "We should probably get to school then don't you think?"
Harry raised an eyebrow as he thought about what Remus had just said, "We? Did you say we?"
"Yeah I meant to mention that", Remus began, "Professor Dumbledore couldn't seem to find anyone to take the defense post, so he's talked me into coming back until he can fill it."
"Well I'm glad", Harry smiled, "it'll be great to have a real teacher again"
But before Remus could respond, Harry and him both jumped up at hearing a loud noise coming from downstairs.
"Stay here", Remus commanded of Harry, "I'll just go see what that was."
"Professor Lupin!", Harry half shouted following him down the hall, "what's going on?"
"Harry", Lupin snapped furiously, "I need you to stay in your room…it's probably nothing"
Another loud bang came from downstairs. Harry watched as Lupin disappeared down the hall, leaving him alone.
"Nobody knows were here", Harry reminded himself, "nothing to get excited about. Unless…."
"If you could kindly remove yourself from our house", Draco Malfoy stepped around the corner his usual sly smile upon his face, "because I do need to be getting ready for school"
"Malfoy?", Harry's face turned white, "What the…your house?"
"Yes Potter. Turns out your stupid godfather has no will. This means that this house here belongs to the family of the Blacks", Malfoy laughed, "and no Potter that is and never will be you"
Harry shook his head, "You're hardly even related to him! Surly there's someone who comes before your pitiful family. And your father…"
"Cleared of all charges", Draco continued, "It helps to know the right people Potter. According to the ministry unless a will turns up clearly stating what should become of the Black's residence it is the families decision to sell or live in this house. But it really is a dump if you ask me…I'd really rather not have a house you've been living in."
"Get out of my way", Harry glared at Draco, "this is after all the way out."
"We should really have you charged for breaking an entry you know", Draco continued to block Harry's path, "we really owe that house elf a lot for all he's done for us don't we Potter?"
Harry's eyes widened and for a moment, all he could do was stare at Draco. When he finally blinked he noticed how pale looking Draco was suddenly looking. Harry shoved him against the wall rushing past him and down the stairs. When he reached the first floor, Remus, Moody, and Mr. Weasley were all having a heated discussion with the absolute last person Harry wanted to see, Lucius Malfoy. Lupin was the first to notice Harry standing at the bottom of the stairs. He tried to motion for Harry to go back upstairs, but Lucius seemed to notice this.
"What a surprise", Lucius fixed his eyes on Harry, "I do have to say you were the last person I expected to find here. You do usually hideout elsewhere don't you Potter?"
"How did you find this place?", Harry immediately demanded rushing forward, "Why are you here?"
"You always were a boy of little knowledge weren't you Potter", Lucius turned back to the adults, "now as we were discussing…"
"NO!", Harry suddenly yelled at the top of his lungs, "You are not talking the last thing I have left of him!"
"Harry upstairs!", Remus shouted back, "just like I told you in the first place!"
"Go on Harry Potter", Lucius waved his hand, "be a good boy and listen to the grownups"
Harry felt his hand forming a fist as he saw Ron pulling along his trunk out of the corner of his eye. Ron dropped the trunk upon seeing Lucius Malfoy standing in front of him. Harry's mind was racing back and forth about whether or not he should grab his wand. He couldn't believe Lupin and the rest were standing still without hardly a word said.
"The only way you're living in this house", Moody's magical eye surveyed the room, "is if the minister himself kills us all"
"That could be arranged", Lucius gave a fake laugh before looking over his shoulder back at Harry, "you might as well put the wand away Harry. It's been demonstrated to you perfectly well what happens when idiots get to bigheaded."
Harry felt Ron put a firm hand on his shoulder trying to pull him away, "Come on Harry…it's only until we find some sort of will. Sirius knew something like this could happen. He had to have written one"
Harry let Ron drag him away from the four men who'd again begun arguing much more with Harry out of earshot. "Come On", Ron muttered softly, "forget about that. Harry, you have that look on your face that you're going to do something stupid."
Harry glanced over Ron's shoulder down the hallway, "I have to find it before we leave. Ron, I'm going to need you to buy me some time. I need another night here."
Ron rolled his eyes, "Stop this! It's just a house, and I really don't think it's worth all this."
Harry began pacing back and forth, "I just need to get sick or hurt or something. Some reason I can't go to Hogwarts today. Any ideas?"
"Harry I'm not hexing you just so you don't have to go back to school", Ron's voice echoed, "now we really really need to leave like now."
"Well now that the whole worlds heard you!", Harry swore under his breath, "I hate this! I hate him for leaving me!"
Ron bit his lip unsure of what to say, "You know I sure wish Hermione was here. I'm no good with this Harry!"
"Take out your wand", Harry shouted at Ron, "just do it Ron!"
Ron's face turned white as he pulled his wand from his back pocket, "Why?"
Harry threw his wand across the room. Ron watched in horror as the once perfectly useable wand split in two. He bent down to pick up the two pieces near his feet feeling Harry's eyes on the back of his head.
Ron stepped back a few feet unsure of what to think, "Now why did you go and do that? Harry you're scaring me!"
"Your armed and I'm not", Harry moved toward Ron, "Now just get it over with…"
Ron's eyes widened in shock, "Have we not discussed you controlling your temper? I know you're ticked off Harry! We all do! But tell me one thing. How is putting on a little temper tantrum going to solve anything? You've been doing great all week and now…don't let one little thing change all that."
Harry's voice shook with fear, "Fine then….give me my wand back"
"Not in a million years", Ron turned to walk away, "I'm going to go get Lupin okay?"
But for Harry, that wasn't okay. He knew Lupin would stop him. And right now, he had the worst feeling coming over him. His head was pounding faster then his heart, and his stomach was all knots. Which of these things it was exactly, or whether it was a combination, Harry would never know. But moments later he found himself tackling Ron to the ground.
"HARRY!", Ron yelled giving Harry a harsh shove, "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING?"
By this time Remus and Arthur Weasley had come running obviously wondering why Ron was screaming. Both took no time to take in the situation, Remus quickly grabbed Harry from off of Ron holding his arms behind him. Arthur helped a quite frightened Ron to his feet, all eyes now staring at Harry.
Arthur having a great more amount of parental experience looked from Ron to Harry simply asking, "So which one of you wants to explain this?"
Harry, who was struggling to get away from Lupin refused to respond in anyway. He himself wasn't sure where the sudden suicidal thoughts had come from.
"I don't know Dad", Ron's eyes were fixed on Harry, "he just went kinda nuts…one minute we were talking and--"
"Just leave me alone!", Harry felt Remus tighten his grip.
Arthur and Remus exchanged a glace with each other. He motioned for Ron to follow, and soon Harry was left alone with Remus.
"Just sit down", Remus gently pushed Harry toward the ground, "It'll pass Harry…you're fine"
Harry leaned his head against the wall briefly shutting his eyes. Soon enough, his head seemed to pound less., and his breathing slowed down. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Remus sit down next to him.
"Ron's fine in case you're wondering", Remus tried to get Harry to look over at him, "he's on his way to school now."
Harry covered his eyes with his hands, wanting more then anything else to disappear, "I don't know what happened…what came over me."
"I think", Remus began, "for the first time, you've realized Sirius isn't just on vacation or something like that. You had a panic attack of some sort which is exactly why we need to get you out of here. You aren't ready to be here and I'm sorry we pushed it on you to soon."
"But what if--"
"Relax Harry! If I know Sirius, a will is going to turn up. Leave things like that for me to worry about. You're only sixteen, and I think sometimes even you forget that", Remus looked down at his watch, "I better tell Dumbledore that you aren't on the train"
"Well---", Harry frowned, "I kind of have a small problem. I sort of snapped my wand in half…and Ron kinda took off with it"
"We'll deal with that when we get to school. I'm sure Dumbledore can arrange something with Olivander", Remus stood up before proceeding to extend an arm to Harry, "now let's go grab our stuff and head to school"
I told you I'd be back didn't I? Very much late, I realize, but I hope you like this new story just as much as the rest. Thank you ever so much for your patience with me! And drop a review when you're done because I put a lot of work into this chapter, and I'd like to hear what you thought of it. Mainly because I'm hoping that my writing has improved in the last half a year or so since I last posted. So anyway without any further ado…GO REVIEW!