A/N: Hey everyone, Chad here, and look what we have here a Gendo story. It's funny that I wrote this now instead of before, considering Gendo is my favorite character, but at least I did it. This story is actually based on events from "The 2nd Try" and "Aki-chan Life" by JimmyWolk (who actually helped me with this fic, so thanks a lot. Also go read his fics) and I need to say I have not finished reading both of his fics so yeah, I indirectly made this, as it was not my final goal but here we are. Anyways, I wanna thank Asushipper, Norsehound, JimmyWolk, resuom, and Erik2002 for beta reading and giving me ideas. Without further ado let's dive in.


I slowly open my eyes; the tiredness stays within me as I try and lift myself out of bed.

I sit upright, looking around my darkroom, I am unfazed by the darkness. I look over to my side, stretching a bit to reach it. My clock reads 7:31 A.M.

I finally get out of my bed; some bones and muscles make sounds as I finally stand on my feet.

I walk slowly towards my window. Upon opening it I see the brightness pierce my eyes and room. Outside was an unamusing city, an uninteresting one.

I yawn and walk toward my bathroom. My bones ached, almost as if they were going to give way.

I am not young anymore, and that time in a coma did numbers on me. I was still recovering from it, yet I didn't need any assistance of such.

I turn on my faucet. Water hits my eyes and wets my beard. In the mirror, I see what I think is me, what used to be there.

I stroke my beard a bit and grunt. I grab a pair of scissors, trying to make it look shorter.

I don't want to give him the wrong image. It wouldn't matter either way.

My son was on his way, for what reason, I didn't know. It's a miracle to be honest, after what I made him go through, he'd be better off leaving me for dead. He isn't that child I made suffer, he is now a young adult, a better version of an Ikari.

I grab my glasses and look at myself. I was once at the top of the world, held the power of God, and had the potential to reunite with the person I most cared for.

Yet the past doesn't matter anymore, isn't that what I had told Shinji all those years ago? The past is but a relic, a painful one, one which I can't amend nor can recover.

I sigh and begin to brush my teeth.


I place the bread in the toaster, all the while I try my best to make some scrambled eggs. I am not like my son or what my wife was. I can barely cook well for myself, I never cared for it. Yui on the other hand…had a way of cooking that could make anyone entranced with its taste.

A trait passed on to him, it certainly helped convince his wife. I would have never imagined the Second Child as a match for him, yet I never understood him nor her, I can't say why or even care as to why.

I look down to see my scrambled eggs, or what looks like eggs, burning up. I set aside the pan, pouring it into my plate. I pick up the toast and sit down. I eat slowly, the taste of burnt egg and boring bread fills my mouth.

It's as if the world itself is telling me there isn't hope or any chance of a better future.

Not that I cared for that matter, nothing mattered in the end. This was my life as of now, just waking up, eating, reading a paper, watching tv, or using my phone. I had nothing else to do.

A bell ringed in the distance. I slowly got up. I didn't walk fast nor with any motive or emotion, I just march towards it, like a slave who is about to receive a punishment from his master. I had a sense of uneasiness.

I slowly open the door and in front of me was a boy with a serious face, the eyes of his mother radiated in mine, his chin well defined and his hair, always ruffled but looked so smooth.

He looks at me intensely, not conveying any sign of happiness or excitement, just apathy. I look at his outfit, a red buttoned shirt with white jeans.

"Father."

His voice sounds mature and devoid of fear. It reminds me of the time I visited Rei at the hospital. How I looked down upon him, waiting for his pathetic response, unable to muster a single word towards me. I felt weakness in him, I felt I had made the right decision, when those doors closed, I knew who I was. I had looked into a mirror; he was me and I was him.

Now, all those years have passed and here I found myself with a different reflection. For once I felt a bit of fear, one which I had not experienced since losing Yui.

A silence lingered on, the only sound that could be heard was the sound of thunder from outside. It feels eerie as if a malignant force was gripping me.

"Yes, Shinji?"

"I need a favor from you."

"I see."

Another silence lingered on. Shinji looked deeply into my eyes.

"She remembers you, though you might not remember her."

"Her?"

"I'll go get her."

With that Shinji left, without saying another word to me. I was struck with confusion. His behavior seemed off. Then again, he had grown up, maybe his behavior resembled my younger self.

I began to try and think of any memory of the 'she' he mentioned but to no avail. A good memory would have been good for now. I trembled a bit, more than I did in my trial.

He returned with a rain jacket on. He took off his hoodie.

My gaze followed his as he looked down, to a smaller rain yellow jacket. It was removed to reveal a little girl. An emotion I had not felt before came upon me.

"Father, this is Aki, your granddaughter."

My heart sank, I couldn't feel my breathing, it was as if I was knocked unconscious. I wanted to run away, the tension within me rose, I didn't know what to do. The girl looked like him.

I placed my hand on my chest. Trying to control myself from looking despaired in front of him.

The little one looked at me strangely, almost as if I was an alien. All she could see was an old and decrepit man, living in an apartment complex, made to look like a prison for me. She rose her gaze, pierced my soul. I was scared.

"Grandpa Gendo!" Aki said playfully and ran to me, hugging my leg.

I was taken aback by the gesture, one which I had only experienced with Yui. That night when the two of us were in each other's warmth and felt as if my world had been complete, where nothing could break us off. I felt at peace. Now, all these years later, I feel a similar feeling of compassion from this child.

I kneel to her level and wrap my arms around her.

Granddaughter…

As I stop hugging her, she goes on and explores the apartment. Meanwhile, Shinji looks at me, probably surprised by my action.

"Well, I will be going." He said.

I grunted. "Is that all?"

"Yes," he began to walk away, before turning his back, "take care of her."


I had been sitting for a while, thinking of the whole ordeal. I wasn't well when it happened and now less even so. My son came to me for something, he hadn't run away as I did to him. He created something I was scared of.

How could Shinji do this? Had he gained trust in me? I hadn't talked to him in over three years. Even so, this child is also of the Second. How could he have gotten her permission? None of it makes sen- wait. I see how it is.

I look above me and spot one of the many cameras set in this room. From hidden to visible ones. It made sense as to why he came alone and why the Second abided by this.

"Grandpa…"

I turn my head to see the little girl, holding a toy monkey in her hand. "I am hungry."

I grunt and got up, as I walk to the kitchen, I turn back to see the little girl. "What shall you intake?"

The girl looks at me confused. Ah right, the little one doesn't understand my way of speaking.

"What snack would you like?"

"Apple slices!"

I recoil from her way of speaking, it reminded me of Shinji when he was just a little boy.

I walk towards the fridge and get an apple. I place it on the counter and with a knife slice every part of it. I pick them up carefully and place them in a bowl, handing them to her.

"Thank Grandpa." She ran towards the sofa and sat down to eat. I was perplexed by how a child, his child, treats me. Was it an elaborate scheme of revenge or did she perceive me as innocent? I wanted to know.

I sat down next to Aki, who devoured her apple slices in no less than two minutes. "Aki, what are you doing here?"

"Mama and papa went out, they said to behave with grandpa Gendo. They said I would get a reward." She said joyfully.

Interesting.

She looks around and pointed at his ankle. "What's that?"

I look down and saw my bracelet, a little souvenir from the Hague. After I woke up, I was put on trial yet I was not to be executed however I was condemned to life in my own house. Never being able to leave or have any interaction with society. I highly doubt this child understands what I did or if she even knows. "It's a bracelet."

"Like a friendship one?"

"No, one for bad people."

"Are you a bad person Grandpa?"

I remain silent.

"I sometimes hear Mama and Papa say your name. When they see me, they tell me that bad things happened before and that you were responsible."

In front of me was the first person who truly asked, if I was a bad person. Did Shinji tell her anything or had he shielded her from the past I had brought upon. Why would she come to me, when she was shielded from it? Perhaps they forgot, nevertheless, this is an opportunity I can't let pass.

"Have your parents told you about the past?"

She shook her head.

I grumble and push my glasses. After a brief sigh, I begin.

"When your father was your age, I abandoned him."

"Aband'n? He was in a band?"

"No, what I meant was that I left him. Made him cry a lot."

She looks confused as to why I would leave him. A spark appears in her eyes.

"Did you say sorry?"

I look at her confused. Did this little one not understand or know what her father went through. "Sorry?"

"No dum dum, to him. Mommy and daddy say that you should say 'I am very sorry, and I won't do it again!' Then you hug and get to play all day long."

"I see. I…will have to see about that on-"

"Where did you leave daddy? In a Kindergarten? My papa and mama always leave at a daycare almost every day and sometimes with Aunt Rei."

"I left him with his teacher."

"So, he was scared because it was his first day? I remembered that I cried my first day, but mommy said I should be strong. Plus, she was going to pick me up. When did you pick him up? Mama and Papa always pick me up when the fun is just starting."

"I…didn't…"

"Huh?"

I froze a bit being asked by a child why I abandoned my son. Nevertheless, I had confronted oligarchs with the power to rule the Earth, a mere child wasn't going to stop me.

"Because I wasn't ready." I wasn't the one who wanted a child, yet I did it for her, because her happiness became mine, and a world where she didn't exist meant none at all.

She looks at me confused, but I continue.

"I…feared raising a child." I loved someone, and that someone passed. I felt broken, sad that she passed. I responsibility fall on me; one I didn't want to assume. I was a coward; I was scared of him. So, I left him, making sure he was ready for what I would have in store for him.

Aki blinks, probably understanding the idea of what I wanted- before she burst into giggles.

"Pfft, you were scared of Papa?" She laughed.

Indeed.

"Papa isn't scary, but sometimes he can act scary."

She quickly looks over her shoulder, before leaning closer to my ear. She said in a whisper.

"Mama is the one who can be scary sometimes."

Internally, I chuckle at that comment. Yui was also the scary one, she was always strict but caring, unlike me who only acted strictly to hide my insecurities.

I look at her. How I too would love to live in blissful ignorance. I nod at her, and she grabs my hand. I didn't move mine to hold hers, hers just laid on mine.

When your father came back, I subjected him to the worst of the worst. Made him endure horrors beyond one's imagination. He stopped me before I could cause more damage. That and because I neglected love to him and for that reason, he and your mother do not care for me

"Your father doesn't love me because I left him for some time."

"That's why you are a bad guy?"

When you are older, you will know more of it, and you will hate me, but for now, yes, he hates me because I truly never was his father. A father would have consoled his child when he cried, and one wouldn't abandon him.

I nod, followed by a grunt.

I sigh, pushing my glasses up. Suddenly, I felt something grab me. I want to push it away but when I saw it, I felt the warmth again.

Aki held me.

"You speak a lot, grandpa, but you aren't a bad person. You love me, right?"

I hesitate at first but then nod.

"See, you aren't bad. A bad person can change too, that's what Aunty Rei says."

Aunt Rei…

"Is there anything you don't like of me?" I asked her.

"Yeah…your beard. It's scary." She said laughing. Another surprise for me.

"I see. Anything else."

"That's it. I like you, grandpa…" She said while yawning.

I place my hands around her. This feeling I got, was foreign, yet nostalgic. She reminded me of Yui, of her simple answers to Shinji's number of questions. For a while, I felt I had regained something I had lost. That fear of taking care of something, of assuming the responsibility of life had been lone gone. Aki made me feel human, when I am not, and never will be. I deserve my punishment and my son has no need to do this, yet he gave her to me and trusted me.

Aki fell asleep in my arms. I thought if this could have been me if, I had not chosen EVA if I had not chosen to follow Yui's dreams if I had not chosen to follow SEELE. I grip my hand. Let go of the past, Gendo Ikari, it's already long gone.

I looked down once again, that girl cared. I smile a bit. When you are older, you will hate me, but now, I'll enjoy this.


Someone knocks at the door.

I rose from my chair and open it; it was my son. He had returned after a full day. His expression towards me was indifferent yet when he saw Aki, he changed.

He smiled and picked her up, saying things to her only a parent would know. He looks at me, some of the residual happiness landing on me, then returning to his usual mood. "Thanks, father."

He didn't say anything else and began to walk away. It was now or never.

"I would like to take care of her, another time. If that's alright with you, Shinji."

He turns around, taken aback by the request. "Well…if Asuka lets me, then I'll call you." He gave me a weak smile.

As he began to walk away, Aki began saying something to Shinji's ear, something which left him stunned.

She was placed on the ground and approached me. I kneeled before her. "Here you go, grandpa. I had lots of fun. I love you." She smiled and ran back to Shinji, waving at me while walking away with him.

I look around into my now empty apartment. I sigh, some bit of emotion formed in me, remembering the little one's embrace. It made me a bit sad, that I had failed in such a way to Shinji. I see it now.

I look down at a piece of paper. Drawn in it was a very generic-looking stickman, two of them. One had glasses and one had a ponytail and a monkey plushie. Written under it were Grandpa Gendo and Me. We were holding hands and smiling.

I smirk at her simple drawing and decide to look for a magnet, placing it on the fridge. I see it now; with her, I can find that of which I didn't have with Shinji. Even if my son hates me, even if his wife hates me, even if Rei hates me, and the world, I can at least prove to one soul on this planet, that even bad people can change.

I sat down and look at the drawing from afar. I smile as a tear drops from my eye.