Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket, but I do own a fruit basket! ^^;










Deep As You Go



By Jia Z.




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Deep as you go I'll follow
Deep as the water goes
All the world is hollow and dry
But you and I go down
You and I go down


I've known him since I was a child. A blisteringly innocent child that didn't know anything about the world, not the pain or the cruelty, or the heartache or the lies. Many would have thought me a fool if they had knew me back then. I was an extremely happy child who's hopes and dreams were as far as the sky and beyond, a child who would dream of dancing with the stars and singing along side of the moon, a child who would love to befriend the sun and play games with the constellations. That was me; such a happy child. And ever since I was young, I have adored him, loved him, and stood by his side through the storms of the ports.


People have always told me that I was different from him, and that he wasn't someone one should consider a friend. I had heard the things they said about him. All those things they would never say to his face, for they feared him too much. But I just couldn't believe they were true. At the time, I still thought of him as an Angel from the Heavens. Perhaps I didn't realize it then, but I was deeply in love with him. His gentle composure, his subtle kindness, and his eyes. All of those things, and more, mesmerized me from the moment I met him, and ever since that day, I know that I had fallen in love with Akito...


I met him that fateful day so many years ago when my mother and father took me to the main house, long before he became the head of the family. With my parents talking to the head of the family at that time, I was absolutely bored. But what could one expect from such a young child. So, while my parents were busying having lunch with the head, I snuck away. They didn't even notice me sneak way. That was expected of them. My parents never really did pay much attention to me. Too busy would be their excuse. But I never minded. I had no emotion attachment to my parents.


That day, as I snuck away from their emphatically boring conversation, I began to explore the grounds, being the curious little girl I was. I wandered aimlessly through the halls, sometimes opening doors and stumbling inside to find either objects that would not interest a four year old, or nothing at all but a bedroom. I had continued to wander, bored, as I found myself opening another door. As I slide the screen away, I saw a boy, my age, sitting on a futon, his back to me, looking outside at lush green grass, a Chinese goldfish pond, and a forest that seemed to go on before my eyes and continue beyond.


Far as you want to take me
Far as your eyes can see
Leave the world alone in the sky
You and I go free
You and I are free


I gently snuck in, crawling on the floor, and as I entered the room, I silently slide the screen shut. I knelt on the floor, sitting on my feet. The boy, whose hair was the colour of midnight, wore a dark navy colored kimono. I inched towards him since he hadn't yet acknowledge me. I didn't want to disturb him, not knowing who he was and all, but I was still curious why a boy could just sit there and do nothing. I had always thought boys to be rude, wild, and mean, for I had been bullied and teased by many during school. I just couldn't understand why he could just sit there so calmly. I sighed as I sat there, my feet becoming numb, gazing at him monotonously.


"It's such a beautiful day, don't you think so?"


I was not prepared for the sudden voice, and in my shock, I lost the feeling in my feet and my balance, and fell back on my butt and my head smack on to the floor. "Kuso!" I muttered painfully, my eyes shut tightly. Then, I felt someone grab my hand. I opened my eyes as I was pulled from the floor by the boy with midnight colored hair. He then sat down in front of me. He held a slightly worrisome expression on his ivory face.


"Are you alright?" he had asked me gently. "Did you hit your head?"


I nodded stupidly in answer, then shook it, as I began to blush. One reason was I had never been this close to a boy, or touched by them so kindly. Another reason was I had just noticed the shade of his eyes. A gorgeous indigo that shined and sparkled, and I felt myself lost in those indigo eyes. He had smiled at me kindly, causing me to blush even more. Though, through my embarrassment of being not even able to sit properly for even five minutes, I softly mumbled out, "A-arigatou."


He simply smiled at me. A calm and forlorn smile. "What are you doing here?" he had asked me softly. I began to blush an incredible colour of red as I mumbled out an answer.


"My oka-san and otou-san...they were talking, and I was bored, so I snuck away," I answered shyly, a blush on my cheeks, as I looked down to the floor. "I didn't mean to come in to here. Gomennasai." Then, I began to get up from the floor. "I'm sorry I came here. Sorry to have bothered you. I'll go now." As I turned to leave, I felt him grab my hand, holding me back.


He gazed at me in a longing sort of stare. I was once again entranced by his eyes, his beautiful eyes that seemed to have pulled me back to him and caused me not to be able to move as I simply found myself lost in them. "Don't leave," he spoke. "It's kind of lonely here all by myself. It would be nice if I had some company. I'm pretty much as bored as you are." He gave a soft smile. "It's nice to meet you. My name's Akito...."


Don't save me
Don't lose me
Don't wake me now
You let me
You release me
Let me drown
Take me down


We had spent that serene afternoon talking and enjoying our time outside in the garden. And ever since that day we had been very close friends. Perhaps he had never really understood my feelings towards him, but I didn't mind. He may not have though of me the same way I thought about him, but as long as I could stand beside him, to be with him, I was happy. I was content with just being with him.


Many have called him a monster. Some members of the family have referred to him as a cruel sadistic bastard as we grew up. I knew of his beatings to Yuki and Kisa. I knew that he had broken up Hatori's relationship, and all those other things. But that is just how he is. Do you think there is not justification for these actions? No, of course there is. A cruel person only knows cruelty. That is how Akito is. I know him better than anyone, and so, I had also come to know his secrets. He is simply the person he is, and I love him for it.


He was beaten, just like Yuki was, when he was very young by his stepfather. His real father had died when he was only one year old. His mother had continued on as the head of the family, but she died a little after I had met Akito. From what I know, his step-father had wanted to take over the family, but that was not possible, and he was jealous of Akito, and had beaten him mercilessly, to the point where he would bleed, possibly to death even. He had beaten him so bad that his bones would break. I had seen these marks, and I had wept for him.


Promise to take me with you
Promise to let me go
All the world is waiting to see
As you and I go down
You and are free


There was that once, when we were still children, Akito had angered his stepfather greatly. It was just the two of us at the time. He had argued with that horrible man, and he began to beat him, right before my eyes. His stepfather had said many cruel things to him. He told him no one loved him, he lied that his mother died to get away from him, and he told him he was alone and he will forever be alone. He told him that no one ever could care for him. He said he would kill him.


I had tried to stop him from beating Akito, however small and petite I was. I had grab onto his stepfather's arm and tried to pull him back, telling him to leave Akito alone. Akito had already been badly beaten, and was bleeding from a cut on his head. His father had tried to wave me off, and when he pushed me away with such great force that I fell and hit my head on the floor. I didn't know exactly what happened afterwards. I heard Akito call my name. I saw his stepfather coming towards him as I shouted to warn him before I blacked out.


When I awoke from my coma, I simply found out that Akito's stepfather died. No one told me how, or who killed him. But in my heart, I knew who. I think Akito had believed that man's words since that day. And he had begun to change. His eyes no longer sparkled, and his smile became different. I had stayed with him and tried my best to convince him not of those words that man had said. However, I don't think even I could have broken through the shield he had already put up.


Don't save me
Don't lose me
Don't wake me now
You let me
You release me
Let me drown
Take me down


Akito was never much loved, or cared, by anyone since he was a child. And since he became the head of the family, he was feared by all. I don't think that did any good on him emotionally. His heart had been carved into a block of ice. Immobile and hard like stone. And nothing could warm it or get through to him. He was heartless to all the twelve and anyone who stood in his way. I knew that he was secretly frightened to be alone, and knew if he had this power, if he had this control, he can rule the lives of the twelve and he would never be alone. He could hurt them and rule them, and keep them with him.


Many have said to me that out of anyone in the world, I am the only one Akito is not willingly to hurt, in anyway. I feel blessed to think that I, this simple girl, could possibly have such a power over such a man as Akito. And sometimes, I knew they were right. Akito cared for me enough to agree to send Yuki away. He cared for me enough to leave Kisa alone. He cared for me enough to give Hatori at least a life to live. He had done all those things, and more, for me. Many older members of the family all have said that if I had not asked him to, Akito would never have let Yuki go. He let him go, just because of me....


I want to be completed
I want to disappear
I want to be uncovered
Take me down
Take me down
Let me drown


I had lived at the main house ever since I had met Akito. I never really found out what had happened to my parents. I know my mother and father had divorced. My mother had run off with some American man, and left my father. My father was said to have been the Sohma family's financial backbone. He died when I was fifteen, and because I was his only successor, I became the head of his company. It was because of that I had left Akito.


I was worried to leave, for I knew the head would soon grow sick. It was the way with all the heads of the family. I loved him so much, and I didn't want to leave him alone again. It always seemed like Akito was alone. But he had told me to go. He had said that the family needed me, and that he would still be here when I came back. I knew that since I had left Akito remained who he was to the twelve, and had basically left them alone. I knew he would, for I had asked him to.


My friends have told me I had changed since I came to know Akito. They said I became less social and colder. But this was the way I was now, and I didn't care if it was caused by him. I had loved him anyways. I think, because of my authority and my relation to Akito, the twelve even feared me. I made sure to keep all the twelve on the family property so that Akito could call on them if he wished. I made sure that the main house would never be empty, so he would never have to live alone.


Somehow I need to love you
More than I need to breathe
I can feel you leaving the ground
I will follow down
You and I will drown


All these years that I have known him, I have never thought of him as a cruel or heartless person. On the contrary, I saw him as no one else did. He was simply alone and frightened, and unloved. I had followed him through all his pains, I had saved him when I could, I had protected him when I could, and I made sure he was never alone. They may call him a monster, they may say such terrible things about him, and perhaps all of them might be true, perhaps he was who they say he is. But to me, he will remain that boy I met on that beautiful day so long ago. That boy who captured my heart with one glance. The boy I have loved for as long as I could remember....I would follow him to the depth of Hell. To the distant points of the stars. I would follow him as deep as he fell into the darkness.


"However deep....Deep as you go, my Akito, I promise I will follow."


Don't save me
Don't lose me
Don't wake me now
You let me
You release me
Let me drown
Take me down




[Fin]



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A/N: The inspiration for this fic came from an Angel Sanctuary skin called "Fallen Angel". Why the idea even remotely popped into my head is beyond me. But anyways, this is another character introspective fic that I've decided to do. Another one I did was on Ryuichi Sakuma of Gravitation. Don't try to guess who the POV is written from. Trust me, you won't be able to guess who. I really like this form of writing and not revealing who the POV is told from. This style I got from reading the novel "Rebecca". Very good book.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this fic. It did not turn out as well as I hoped. But it's not bad either. The lyrics of "Deep As You Go" comes from a song by October Project. My fic also has the same title as a Digimon fic by Klitch. ^^ Though it is two completely different fics, though both using the same lyrics. Please R+R! And if you liked this fic, please tell me if I should do an continuation or side-fic. ^^


© 2003 by Jia Z.