The latest prank on the Slytherin population has the whole school in an uproar, writes Sirius Black, Gryffindor Oracle correspondent. To the surprise of (cough) the entire school, the Slytherins woke up this morning to find their hair in an appalling shade of...green.
"I am absolutely outraged about this," Lucius Malfoy, fifth year, spat at your worried reporter. "If this is another bloody prank of yours, Black, you better change back right NOW!" (for further accounts of Malfoy's school records and number of Dark Arts books found in his possession, turn to page 17)
"Personally, I think it's an improvement," said James Potter, Gryffindor starting Seeker. "And no none can doubt that Snape's hair now looks much better than the grease it was before."
Many students seem to agree with Potter's sentiment. "I thought it was funny," Frank Longbottom said frankly (no pun intended). "A little harmless pranking never hurt anyone."
Some tried to put on a semblance of stenness. "This was against Hogwarts rules," a disapproving Lily Evans told yoru reporter, while trying to hide a smile, but being unsuccessful.
But who is behind this prank?
"There's no doubt about it, Black," Snivellus...Severus Snape drawled. "You, Black, You and the rest of those idiotic Marauders..." But Snape's warning was met with much skepticisim.
"I can't believe the Marauders would do something like this," simpered Kerry Ferdana, Hufflepuff. "They're so sweet and cute and hot..." she said while smiling seductively at your reporter. "Would you like to come see my dorm room?"
Your Oracle reporter hastily escaped the attentions of Ferdana to gather one final word from Professor McGonagall. "If I find who is responsible for this atrocious rule-breaking," she said clearly, "then that person or persons will be punished severely. Anyone with any information should report it to me."
Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...
I have a crush on a really popular guy, but he doesn't even seem to notice me. Can you help me?
Dear Gryffindor Lovesick,
It wouldn't happen to be...a Marauder, would it?
Erm...you should...um...maybe...er...seek professional help or something. Ask your girl friends. Do I look like a woman here?
What's the answer to number ten on that potions homework?
-Puzzled in Potions
Dear Puzzled in Potions ,
Do I look like a textbook? The answers are in the back of the book, hello!
Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!
Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...
This is your gossip columnists, Alice Remerta, here with the love stories of the week. Well, everyone's favorite foursome of Gryffindors--the Marauders--are on another fling this week. Sirius Black and Fiona Landon are together this week, and have been seen snogging all over the common room at all hours of the night. Could the trickster have found true love at last?
And the Gryffindor Seeker, James Potter, has found a girl he can't get! Reports have it that he is eagerly pursuing prefect Lily Evans, who flatly ignores him. "James Potter is an egotistical, big-headed, idiot," she told your columnist flatly. "I would rather date the giant squid than him."
Love hate relationships...the best kind. And yet another love/hate relationship is going on in the mouth of the lion today--the relationship of Remus Lupin and his Ravenclaw girlfriend, Aladdin Niadra. Aladdin is a popular Quidditch chaser, and despite Remus's prefect status, some wonder if Aladdin isn't going below her class. Last Hogsmeade weekend, Remus and Aladdin, after snogging in the Three Broomsticks, got into a fight because Remus reportedly spilled his butterbeer all over the Ravenclaw chaser. A minor fight ensued with screaming on both parts for thirty minutes, reportedly hurting at least fifteen ear drums and ten are in the Hospital wing for ruptured ear drums. Aaah....young love.
Another point of interest is your columnists continuing relationship with Frank Longbottom, the sweetheart of Gryffindor. Last Sunday, we went to Hogsmeade and enjoyed a long walk along the lake and a picnic afterward, accompianied by a most delicious snogging...ahem.
This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar!
The Lioness has picked a poem this week from the fifteen sent to her room and would like to say thank you to all the participants! The winning poem follows.
i stare out the window
thinking of you again
and inside my heart breaks slowly
and outside tears fall silently
because i love you
and you're gone again tonight...
All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 13, 1st edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole and Natalie, who she is made after, as well as any minor characters.