Tenchi Muyo!
Stranger than Usual

By Talon



DISCLAIMER: Tenchi Muyo! Is not mine, so you do NOT have to sue me, got
it? Good. Now, since this is my first Tenchi fic, I ask that you please
be lenient in your comments. That is all. Now, on with the fic!



*****************************



The bright morning sun shown through Tenchi's window. The light
woke him up with a start. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his
hand, and rolled onto his stomach, burying his face in his pillow.

Then he feels smooth, warm, silky skin come in contact with
his face.

"Grrrr, Ryoko! Can't you stop trying to seduce me for on-!"

His eyes go wide as he recognises the long, violet hair and
cream-colored skin of-

"Aeka?"

She stirs, and opens her eyes. She smiles seductively at him, a
strange look in her pink-colored eyes.

"Good morning, Lord Tenchi. How about a full veiw of what I can offer
you?"

"Aeka? MISS Aeka? What-"

"Oh please, Tenchi. If you get a nose bleed, how will you appreciate
my 'gifts'?" She puts her pinkie finger in her mouth. Tenchi gulps, then
forsakes all rules of conduct around women and leaps out of bed. Aeka
stretches cat-like, showing off her bare body. Tenchi covers his eyes, which
have grown to the size of dinner plates.

"Oh come now Tenchi. Don't you think you've kept your innocence
a bit too long?"

"Oh no. Did you take Washu's love formula again?!!"

"Nothing of the sort. I'm just soooooo tired of you resisting all
the time."

Tenchi grabs some sweatpants and sandals, always keeping his eyes
to the door, and heads out, fully ready to give Washu a peice of his-

Mind?

"Good morning, Tenchi! Did you sleep well? I've made breakfast. How
does bagels and fruit sound?" Tenchi turns to see Ryoko, decked out in very
modest clothing (think 'Mother Dearest') and vaccuming the rug. Her tone
has not the barest smidgen of seductiveness on it.

"Uh, Ryoko? Are you....feeling alright?"

"Why of course Tenchi! I've just had a glorious morning of getting
all the chores done in the house. Let's see: I did a week's worth of laundry,
vaccumed the rugs, scrubbed the kitchen, made breakfast...." She rattles
off a loooooonnnnngggg list of chores while still vaccuming. Tenchi turns
around and runs as fast as he can down stairs.

I need someone to talk to-Yes, thats it! Maybe Sasami knows whats
going on with those two. Yeah, maybe-

"YAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Tenchi barrels down the stairs just in time
to see Sasami, dressed in commado fatigues and with tonnes of weapons
strapped to her belt, leap out of the kitchen and snarl.

"SASAMI?!!!" Tenchi's eyes grow even wider as Sasami gives a
determined snort.

"Can't talk now, Tenchi! I've just joined the militant arm of the
Salvation Army, and I promised to blow the oppressive Japanese dictatorship
to smithereens!"

"But-but Japan is a constitutional monarchy!"

"I don't care what kind of butterflies they've got! I've gotta
go!" She bellows a "huuu-rah", and smashes through the door.
Tenchi stares after her as she runs down the road, blowing up a few buses along the way. He struggles to his feet, and walks weakly to the kitchen. Ryoko is sweeping up some gun powder, while tut-tutting to herself. When she sees Tenchi, she breaks down sobbing, and throws her arms around him.

"I don't know where I went wrong! She wouldn't let me make her
a sack lunch, she left gun powder all over the floor-she wouldn't
even let me kiss her goodbye!"

Her body is racked with sobs, and Tenchi can't help but just stare.

"Uh, um, Ryoko, I'm sure it's not your fault. I guess kids just
grow up. One day, they're, uh, building sandcastles, the next, they're
plotting world domination. Boy, THAT was helpful Tenchi! Even Mihoshi
wouldn't buy that!" But Tenchi is suprised when Ryoko pulls away, wipes
her eyes, and smiles.

"Well, I guess you're right Tenchi. Now, how about some breakfast?"

"Uh, sure." This day can't get any weirder, can it?

Ryoko rummages around the kitchen and soon comes up with a huge
plate of bagels, fruits, and nuts. Tenchi digs in, but stops suddenly when
he gets the biggest suprise of all.

"Hello, Tenchi. How about we share a seat?"

Tenchi looks at Aeka, who is dressed in a loooowww orange tank-top,
green tight pants, and pink lipstick. He can feel a nose bleed coming on.
Ryoko looks disapprovingly.

"Aeka, that is not the way a princess should dress."

Aeka smacks some chewing gum obnoxiously.

"Yeah, what is it to you? I'm taking a break from all that royalty
stuff. I only need Tenchi."

Tenchi has to smile. Ryoko and Aeka look like they're about to
engage in combat. At least SOMETHING'S still normal!

"Aeka, you can wear that for today, but tomorrow, dress more
appropriatly, okay?"

"Yeah, that body suit brings out my eyes better anyway."

Tenchi's nose starts to trickle with blood and his eyes go
unbelievably wide as Aeka sits in his lap. He starts to shiver in fear.

"Why Tenchi, you haven't even touched your fruit. Is
something wrong?"

Ryoko looks very concerned.

"What the heck is going ON here?!!!!"

"What Tenchi, not hungry? Or maybe your hunger lies somewhere else.."

Aeka suddenly pulls Tenchi into a kiss. Tenchi's eyes are about to
burst, they're so large. When Aeka pulls away, Tenchi loses all control.
He grabs Aeka, puts her down in a chair away from him, then barrels down
the hallway to Washu's lab.

"(gasp) Must....find.....why...everything....is....crazy!!!"

He throws open the door, tumbles inside, and sees-

That the masses of sophisticated technology have been replaced by dollhouses, frilly dresses, and other little princess stuff. Washu is sitting in a corner, playing with a Barbie and Ken doll. Washu herself is dressed in a pink princess dress with lace everywhere.

"And do you, Queen of the Fairies Barbie, pledge to love Ken, King
of Pretty Men, for all eternity? At least, until the next Barbie model comes
out...Oh look! Now I can get married too! Tenchi, what do you think of
children?"

"AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Tenchi runs
like a crazy man out of the room and down the hall. Who to talk to? Well,
there is Mihoshi....But am I THAT desperate? I'll say I am!!!

Tenchi runs to Mihoshi's room, and throws open the door.

And sees the weirdest thing yet.

Mihoshi's room, where there were once cute stuffed animals and books
and videos of "The Galaxy Bashers Show" are all gone. In it's place is
a garage, filled with pictures of roadhogs, motorcycle jocks, and tools
arranged-get this-neatly! And in the center of it all is a vehicle resembling
a swoop from "Star Wars", only with more fire power than you can shake a
stick at.

"Uh....Mihoshi?"

"WADDA' YA' WANT?"

Tenchi jumps five feet, and whirls around to see Mihoshi dressed as an Inter-Galactic biker babe. She chews on a ciggara and glares, but upon seeing it's Tenchi, she grins.

"Hey Tenchi, wadda' ya' think of my ride? Perfect for destroying
Sunday pilots, eh? Say, ya' wanna' try out my new whip? I'll be gentle.."

"YYYYYAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Tenchi runs past her and
heads for the living room, only to see his grandfather and his father,
decked out in football paraphinelia, watching American Football on ESPN.

"C'mon, Davis! Just one more yard!"

"Face it, DAD, Green Bay's got Denver beat!"

"Yeah?! Ya' wanna' back up that claim?!"

"Yeah, I'd-Hey Tenchi! Wanna' toss the ol' pigskin around?"

"AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Tenchi runs
out the door, and heads for where he hopes that last sane person around
is. He rushes up to the door to Kiyone's apartment, avoiding the chaos
that Sasami's onslaught has caused. He furiously knocks on the door.

"Tenchi, have patience, I'll be there in a moment."

Tenchi waits patiently, then the door opens-And Tenchi gets the
biggest nosebleed of all when he sees Kiyone-Absolutely bare.

"Ki-ki-ki-ki-ki-Kiyone? Do-do-do-do-do you know that you're
nu-nu-nude?!"

"Why yes, actually. I have decided to take up the naturalist life
style. Returning to nature should help me relax from the demands of the
Galaxy Police. But that's enough about me, do come in. How about some
herbal tea? I crushed it this morning-"

"YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!" Tenchi runs as fast
as possible towards home, but is shocked to just see a big hole in the
ground, with all the rest of the family standing nearby.

"Dad?! What the heck is going on?!!"

"Tenchi, I've grown bored with Japan, so now, we're moving to
China, to embrace the Communist way! Oh, and you'll have to be
drafted for the Army, curse those American Dogs...."

"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"


"Lord Tenchi? Are you alright? Lord Tenchi, please wake up?!"

"AUGHHH!!! IT WAS BAD ENOUGH WHEN RYOKO TRIED TO SEDUCE ME, BUT
NOW YOU HAVE TO? PLEASE, NO MORE!! I NEED TO GET TO THE BLOOD BANK!!!!"

"Geez, Princess, look what you did! You've scared out of his mind!"

"At least I don't scare him every time he looks at me!"

Tenchi wakes up out of his slumber to see Aeka and Ryoko, dressed
in their usual attire, arguing above Tenchi's bed. He grin is so wide,
the sunlight reflects off his teeth. He immediatly leaps up, and
embraces them both in a tight hug. For once, THEIR eyes are wide.

"Oh Aeka, I'm so glad you're not a slut! And Ryoko, you're not
being absolutely perfect! Oh man, I love you both!!!"

He kisses them both hard on the lips, and skips merrily out the door.
Aeka and Ryoko just stare after him, then turn to eachother.

"You know, I've never known he was such a good kisser."

"Me neither."

They stare a second more.

"Oh Lord Tenchi? Do you suppose we could not be, uh, some more
things?"

"Yeah, how bout' it?"

They both fly down the hall.




THE END!


*****************************

Aeka: Well, I never!!

Ryoko: (growl) I can't believe that stupid author did that to us!

Talon: What? It's just a story, and it was just a dream!

Tenchi: And me having so many nosebleeds. Grrrr, you're gonna pay, Talon!

Talon: (mockingly) Oh, and what are you gonna do about it, huh?

SHOOM!!

Suddenly, Aeka and Ryoko are in their Megami armor, and Tenchi is in
his Light Hawk Wings armor. They glare menacingly.

Talon: (gulp) Uh, please, guys? We can work this out, right?
Don't hurt me? Please? I YEOOOOWWW! HEY WATC-AUUUUGGGHHHH!!! IECH! OOCH!
OUCH! AUGH, THAT SMARTS! YEOWCH! OO, YOU'LL HEAR FROM MY LAW-AUGH! SO YA'
LIKE IT ROUGH, HUH?! TAKE THIS! BOOOOOMMMM!!!! LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY
ONE WITH SUPER POWERS, HUH? BANZAIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!

**********************

One week later...

**********************

Tenchi: (grumble) Stupid hospital, always cutting corners...

Ryoko: Why Tenchi, I thought you liked my company!

Aeka: Why would Tenchi like the company of a space-faring slut?

She KONKS Ryoko with a crutch. They start throwing and hitting
eachother with various hospital items. Tenchi and Talon watch from their
hospital beds.

Tenchi: Hey Talon, how did you get those Light Hawk Wings anyhow?

Talon: (grin) Well, you're not the only one with connections to Tsunami.

Tenchi: Oh.

Talon: (grin) Yep. (ducks as a wheelchair nearly smacks him in the head)
So, want some Jello?

Tenchi: Sure.




Please R/R! ^_^