AN: Here goes the next chapter! Sorry for the wait!
Thanks to all reviewers and suggestions, keep them coming! Sorry if I miss anyone!
Preety-lady-serenity, limited sanity, chibisuke, Vanyaria Darkshadow, snapes cat, Nistrale, dara, Rocky235, Dell Dragon, Abluebird225, erote, seleya, avivagirl(I've added your socks idea!), Viraten, Sammy Rettop Malfoy Snape, Snow Phoenix, HyperCaz, and Trillium (I made a mistake, lol! I've changed it now, ta!)
Hmm, I forgot who asked, but someone asked if this was like Ask Moony. I can assure that I read that after I did this, so I didn't mean to copy.
This chapter is dedicated to Snow Phoenix, who has reviewed every chapter from my memory, and for kindly not suing me when falling of their chair!
Disclaimer: all characters belong to JKR
I am having trouble choosing which hat to wear with my purple robes for the Christmas dinner. Do you think the orange with the black cats, or the green with white stars? Or perhaps I could go without a hat, but as my hair is thinning out my head will get a little cold, but I am sure a heating charm will do fine. Or even the purple hat with the pom-pom?
I plan to give Dobby the house-elf some socks for Christmas, which ones do you think he'd like better, the rainbow ones that change colour, or the mood socks that have different patterns depending on his mood?
I am still looking for a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. There were hardly any applications for this year, and of those applications, none of them were hardly qualified. I am quite busy, so I may ask Remus to take over the classes for me, what do you think?
(Imagine Snape gritting his teeth as he replies to Dumbledore's letter) I thought this service was only available to the students, and you yourself should have more years of experience in the world than I. You may notice that I do not wear hats and if you comment on my hair, Albus, I will be very angry with you for an undecided period of time, and I do not keep track of the wizarding fashion. Perhaps you should ask someone more experienced in this field such as Potter, who no doubt has to keep up with the fashion for his beloved fans and the general public. However, I do advise you not to wear the orange one with black cats, I feel that Christmas is not the right occasion for that outfit (does Snape even celebrate Christmas???).
The house-elf apparently was overjoyed when Potter gave it some of his old socks, so I can assure you that it would be happy with either pair you give him.
In the past you have hired professors who were, although qualified, were less than suitable for the position (cough Lockhart cough), and you have also tried those who were not so qualified as a professor (cough Moody cough, no really, just because you're good at a subject does not mean that you are qualified to teach it, you need pieces of paper that says that you've done a course that enables you to pass on your knowledge to others… and I doubt that Moody, in all his years as an Auror, had the time to complete such a course). I assume that you ask me this because you have not seen the application I sent in for the position? You know very well that my extensive knowledge of the Dark Arts and ways to counter them is far greater than that of the werewolf's. Also, I am qualified to teach.
Even in your letters you never cease to amuse me. I am sure the students are also enjoying your letters and heeding the advice you have given. And your advice is valuable to staff as well as students.
Seeing as you do not think orange is suitable, I have instead reverted to the purple with fluorescent yellow polka dots, as the purple goes with the robes, and the yellow should compliment it well. I doubt that Harry has much sense of fashion himself, did you not see the oversized clothing he was wearing? Or perhaps I am behind the times.
Ah Harry, such generosity! He obviously knows the kinds of things that Dobby likes, and I must agree that Dobby will be happy to have any kind of socks, so that sorts that out!
I am well aware that you are fully qualified to teach DADA, but if you were to be our Defence professor, then who would be the Potions professor? And to be honest with you, three quarters of the student body would not be too happy if you were to be teaching them two subjects. So Remus Lupin it is then. Could you be kind enough to brew some Wolfsbane for him?
(Imagine him growling) I am glad to see that you can derive amusement from the simplest things. Wear whatever hat you want, everyone thinks you are mad anyway.
Ask Potter if he gave Dobby those socks out of generosity! (humph!)
I think that finding a replacement Potions professor is easier than finding a new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. Think about it Albus, think of all the things the students are missing out on, think of all the things that the students can learn from me but not from the werewolf. Also, the werewolf may accidentally have a nip out of one of the students, you do not want that on your reputation as Hogwart's Headmaster, do you?
I take that as a compliment.
I know Harry very well and can vouch he gave those socks out of generosity, he does not have that many clothes in the first place, and to give away such warm clothing!
I am well aware that it is easier to find a replacement Potions professor, but if I hire you, then our reputation for having a different DADA professor each year will be ruined, and potions, dungeons, and you just go so well together.
Snape runs out of replies for Dumbledore, and walks off-screen in frustration.
Submission from preety-lady-serenity
Dear Professor Snape,
I was merely asking for advice, not to be insulted. The rudeness was uncalled for! I suggest you apologise before I show this letter to my head of house!
Was I insulting you? I apologise, I was merely making observations upon the content of your letter. The fact that you find it insulting means I've hit the nail with my observations about your size.
And what makes you think I will be afraid of Sprout? You may notice that none of the other staff members save Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall dare approach me, so I can assure you that complaining to Professor Sprout would have done you no good, not to mention that she would most likely agree with my observations and advice.
Hufflepuff Girl, obviously not a Gryffindor, is too afraid to reply
Submission from snapes cat
My Dear Beloved,
Heh heh, nervous? No I am not in love with you, just keeping you on your toes.
ANYWAYS! A certain Slytherin boy keeps calling me a mudblood and its getting annoying. Could I kick him in areas I'd rather not talk about and get away with it? I'm a Slytherin by the way.
And... Oh! I'm kinda an animal activist and I don't like dealing with random animal bits and pieces so would you know of any vegan potions we could cover?
Here's something completely random for you to ponder on: I do volunteer work at an old folk's home with my friend who's mum is the manager for. I'm sure you'd get along grand with her. Back to my point! The residents are all elderly women and as much as they love us lovely teenage girls who confuse them, I'm sure they'd like to see a fine piece of man meat such as yourself once in a while, so would you mind it if I dragged you along? It would be fun! Lovely ladies, they are.
Well, those are my questions for now.
Much Love from,
I am not very comfortable with you referring to you as my cat, when I find out who you are, there will be points to be taken.
I do not believe you are a Slytherin, Mudblood Slytherins are very rare, and the fact that you tell a professor what you intend to do to this boy demonstrates a level of cunning that is not of a Slytherin, but perhaps more of a Gryffindor. Ten points from Gryffindor (can't have him going without his favourite line, even though this letter writer might not be a Gryffindor!).
If you were smart enough, you could research some substitutes for the 'animal pieces' that you are uncomfortable working with. I can assure you there are some, but as plants and animals are of a different making altogether, some potions can only work with animal parts. I can see you are definitely not a Slytherin, a Slytherin is not afraid of some dead animals! Perhaps you are not a Gryffindor either, I don't see the bravery in you. Ten points from Hufflepuff!
If there are so many old ladies at this place you wish to 'drag' me along to, I can help administer potions to keep them quiet, then none of us need to do the volunteer work.
Submission from dara
You did not reply my last letter, I am pleased that I can out-argue you still, it makes me feel young and powerful again!
Some other members of the staff and myself would like to suggest you lighten up a little. Always locked up in your dungeons, must get quite boring. How about you find yourself a girlfriend?
The day anyone can out-argue you, Albus, is the day the Dark Lord declares his love for Potter. I am glad that it gives you a higher self-esteem. (note the sarcasm)
I would like to suggest the other members of the staff to keep their noses out of my life, I am sure they have more important things to do than ponder about my social life. There is no need to 'lighten up' in this line of business (being in the constant presence of students, that is), and looking at your marital status, who are you to go telling me to find a girlfriend? At your age, you should be having grandchildren, but no, you're still single! Perhaps I want to stay single until I'm as old as you. (Can't we tell he's annoyed?)
AN: sorry for the wait, see you next time! Remember, even though there's no guarantee this fic will be continued, if you have any comments, criticisms, suggestions, or submissions, leave a review or write to email@example.com, ciao!