AN: Just a little side project to flex the creative muscles. A Self- Insert into Homelander mostly because I wasn't pleased with the ending of season 3.

It feels like the writers didn't really know what they were doing and forgot how some of the powers work, plus a bunch of in universe inconsistencies that annoyed the heck out of me.

Since when is Maeve able to hurt Homelander? I'm pretty sure Stillwell told us he was able tank everything short of a nuke which they didn't try. She hurts him by punching him and stabbing him…like what? If she could hurt him why did they even need SB?

The logical plot would have been for Noir to fight SB and sacrifice himself. It was built up in the last episode.

Starlight's power scene was useless and took up screen time. It felt like it was done for the show but poorly executed.

Kimiko had another badass scene that was completely unnecessary to the plot.

Maeve survived falling of the skyscraper while being powerless…wtf? If that explosion didn't kill her I don't see how SB's powers would even affect Homlander.

It really felt like things were just thrown together haphazardly. I almost expected to see SB die when he previously survived these explosions.

A-Train was useless in the episodes, the logical choice would have been for him to evacuate people or even Ryan at Homelander's request, that would show his struggle to change…but nope!

If the show writers can fuck around then so can I. This will be a mix of show, comics and made up nonsense to make things fit.

Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 1

The glaring horn of the semi-trailer truck penetrated the curtain of rain blanketing the city pinging my brain to stop and turn into its Optimus Primes sized headlights.

'…guck...ing in…kep…ption bambs' My brain slurred as my eyes closed embracing the enveloping light as the inevitable happened.

.

.

.

My eyes open with a gasp and consciousness flows back as cool air enters my lungs.

'A dream! It was all a dream.'

Immediately a ringing sensation hits my ears and a splitting headache assaults the back of my head. I briefly try to look around not recognizing where I am.

'Whose place did I crash at?'

A cacophony of sounds suddenly attack me and the ringing sensation intensifies muting them as if behind a thick wall.

My whole head is now burning and my face feels flushed with heat.

I stand off the couch and feel the cold floor underneath my feet.

Looking down I realize I'm naked.

My brain now feels like it's going to explode and my whole body feels warm.

I feel parched.

'Water…need cold water'

I move towards the giant sink on the even more enormous island only to find my limbs uncoordinated.

I turn the tap on and don't even bother with finding a cup, instead I use my hands and greedily direct the flow of water into my mouth.

The refreshing feeling cools down my insides and I slowly feel the ringing tone down.

'…fucking inception bombs…always terrible the next day.'

I throw my whole face in the jet and let it cool my head. The headache is slowly receding away.

'Huh…maybe it won't be so bad today.' My stomach feels fine now that I think about it. I didn't even take Pepto before going out last night.

As the last remnants of the headache disappear I turn the jet off and stand wiping the water in my eyes with my hands.

It's as I do the typical shaking the water out of my hands into the sink I notice something off in the spotless polished surface of the tap.

'What the fuck?'

I feel my heart rate rise up again as I take my eyes off the tap and look around again taking in every detail of the spacious living room in front of me.

I see full length mirror on the opposite side of the apartment closer to the giant windows. I practically leap there only to fall unseemingly into the couch.

'What the fuck is going on?' I feel panic surging through my stomach to condense into a knot of anxiety as I rise.

My body is disproportioned and I just jumped from basically standing position across the large spacious living room, an impossible length.

As I face the mirror I freeze.

A sculpted body as if I was a swimmer, blond hair, sharp deep blue eyes, ski-sloped nose, square of jaw with a pointed chin and a face that while not mine I recognize well enough.

'Holy crap I'm Anthony Starr!'

My first thought is then the memories hit me like a bulldozer bringing back the migraine in full force.

I clutch my head as I drop to the floor gasping for breath with teary eyes as the ringing intensifies and I feel as if the back of my head will explode.

Images of men in white coats prodding and poking, being tied up on a tables while they tried to dissect me. Feeling the pressure of the scalpels unable to break my skin, getting angry and feeling pressure in my eyes.

Being shot at with increasingly larger weapons, feeling the pain of the bullets hitting, then explosions, being drowned, lasers trying to burn me, poison burning my insides.

Pain so much pain.

'Push harder! Faster!' I hear the stern voice of the man. An unknown tendril of consciousness pings him as father.

First running then flying.

Tests upon tests, experiments upon experiment, and the memories progressed with images of gentle faced women sprinkled in between, women that cared for me, argued for me, and loved me. Women that I always hurt had accidents that broke them and even killed.

As the memories progressed so did my life, first a boy next a teenager and then a young man. My power grew, sprouting as I did in height through puberty, thickened and shaped as my jaw squared. As my life progressed the one constant were the men in white coats, the experiments continued but the pain had subsided long ago as I grew up.

The pain being replaced by a need to be acknowledged, admired to be loved.

The memories continued, my introduction as a new hero, the crowd their eyes, their hopes their dreams I could see it all. My first rescue, the gratification, the cheers and adulation, basking in the glory. Streams of images of my life as hero, galas, awards, helping people the glory of it all!

Then the streams thickened, darkened, my first kill, intentional. He didn't deserve to live not after what he did to those children. I felt fury, burning fury so I unleashed it. A split second is all it took, and then panic.

Nothing was left of the villain.

Panic! Trouble! I would be in trouble, but Madelyn she made it right. She took care of it, the first, the second and the next. There was always a next in the streams of memories, it was easier and easier, less guilt, less caring, more anger.

How dare they go against me! How dare they! I am faster, stronger, better! The rage I felt burning each time, villains, citizens, crowds they would all learn!

But Madelyn was always there to calm me down, to love me, oh how I loved you and missed you, always there until she betrayed me.

A tornado of rage, loneliness, feelings, memories and emotions as if I was experiencing it for the first time. They continued to pour into my mind and after what felt as if an eon had passed the stream slowed and emotions subdued.

The ringing dimmed and the pressure released.

I shakily stood, body burning with heat and dripping in sweat as if I'd just been baptized in the fiery waters of hell.

I looked in the mirror pausing, catching my breath, absorbing the revelations.

I stood still, quiet one moment then two then, with but a mere thought, I will the mass of my body to gently lift up until I'm supported only by my tippy toes.

I stay there for a split second and then in an act defying the natural laws of the world my perfect toes break contact to the ground while I remain in the air suspended as a human shaped chandelier.

"Fuck me I'm The Homelander!"

Thank you for reading.