From: Rachel Goldstein

Title - From the Paws of Rat

Author - Rat and Rachel Goldstein

Date - 10/2/00

Disclaimer - blah blah yeah yeah Frank and Rach are ours, yeah yeah, Rat is
Julia's, the cream and the tomato belong to Bi-Lo and the choclate lives in the
Butlered gutter.

Authors Notes - never fear I have asked permission from Rat's owner to write
this fic, she was most gracious in letting me borrow him. I was dared to write
this strange peice of fiction from some close friends of mine, you guys know who
you are and so you can suffer the consequences! This is I suppose another in the
From The... series...

From the Paws of Rat

"Shit its hot" Rachel said as she sat back again the dishwasher on the floor of
her kitchen. She looked over at her companion, stretched out on the cool tiles
about half a meter away from her. *Gez he looks innocent* she smirked,
remembering last nights events. Her face coloured several shades darker as she
spied the rather noticable hickey on his left shoulder. *We gotta be more
careful* she though wearily as her mind raced back to the looks she had received
at the office on the way in this morning. Every one knew, there was no doubt
about it. Helen was due to charge into her office any minute and tell her that
sleeping with her partner was a bad idea. But then again, that was Helen, and
Helen wasn't the one sleeping with him! The need for sustanance began to stir in
Rachels stomach as she glanced at the clock on the wall. ::10:37pm:: Sighing
softly she leavered herself off the hard floor, rubbed her rather numb bum and
proceeded to raid the refrigerator.
"Shit its HOT!" Rat said as he curled up in the peach bathtub. He was lonely
since It had gone back to live with Frank, and he quite enjoyed their little
escapades together. An evil thought hit him, HARD like a can of unopened
Whiskas. Regaining his footing from the idea he jumped out the catflap Rachel
had installed in her back door and scampered over to Sonias house. Many
scampers later he padded up the front path and hurled himself through an open
window and went off to find the evil device that 'The One' used to control
everything. Seeing the rather small black device Rat looked at the funny
characters written on the front of it. Not understanding a bit of what it said
he opted for the large red button and suddenly found himself in the middle of a
rather large room, surrounded by a bank of television screen and buttons.
Rat looked in awe as the screens came alive, each showing the lives of a
different person. Studying the screens closely Rat started to recognise all the
people who had shared his adventures, his beloved It, and his mummy and daddy!
Looking closer at the screen with mummy and daddy in it he noticed they were
doing that 'cleaning thing' again with their mouths. The more he thought about
it the more rat came to the conclusion that his owners must have incredibly
dirty mouths if the cleaned them that much, and they seemed to like cleaning
each other! Just as his mummy started to clean his daddies chest fur, Rat
noticed a fly buzzing around where all the buttons were. Unable to resist the
temptation he pounced onto the board, his feet hitting buttons as he dashed
after the buzzing insect

Click click click. Several screens became highlighted.

Rachel looked at Frank with astonishment, all of a sudden he and herself had
been transported to her bathroom and into the tub filled with nice cool relaxing
water. She leapt backwards as the dull yellow rubber duck sitting in the water
promptly turned into a bright yellow rubber duck, then again into a can of
whipped cream, which, thinking it was shaving cream, leapt up and tried to
attach itself to Frank's family jewels. Frank shreiked in horror at the can
attacking him, the tiny part of his brain reserved for 'Rachie' actually
reassigning itself to vowing to KILL whoever was at the controls this time. He
managed to dodge the incomming Epilady as it too became alive and launched
itself at him, turning and retreating to the linen closet up the hallway, hoping
that no towels would decide to smother him while he was in there.
Rachel meanwhile had leapt out of the tub after the duck turned into can of
whipped cream, thinking it was in fact shaving cream, had promptly turned itself
back into a rubber duck, this time with a mouse's tail hanging out its bill. She
bolted into the kitchen, diving for the slightly ajar pantry door, and hoping to
outhide whatever the hell it was that had the controls this time.

Rat smugly smacked his lips as he pulled the remaining fly legs from his
whiskers, opting to stretch out for a good bath on the cool control board.

click click click. only one screen remained highlighted. A button glowed
even brighter, shining an evil red against the cool metal of the control panel.

A scream richotted around the kitchen as Rachel promptly fled the pantry,
an evil tomato hot on her heels. She bolted up the stairs, leaping two and three
at a time and headed for the bedroom, hoping that there was nothing incredibly
evil in that room. She dived under the covers, taking shelter from the attacking
tomato, hoping that the slammed door would teach it a lesson. Moments after she
had slammed the door she heard an almighty SPOLSCH. She smiled as she imagined
the overripe tomato in a zillion bits sliding down the door, which indeed was
what it was doing. Although it too decided to morph, doing an Odo (from StarTrek
DS9 for those of you who watch it), and morphing into a bottle of choclate
sauce. It oozed down the door, through the carpet and under the rudely slammed
door, adament that it was going to achieve its goal. It spied the 'to be
chocolated one' hiding under the covers of the large comfy bed. It proceeded on
its mission.
Frank yelped as one of the towels leapt off the shelf and proceeded to
attempt to wrap itself around him, he bolted out of the linen closet and headed
for the bedroom, hoping that somehow Rachel would see that this whole thing
wasn't his fault. He slammed the door in the fabric of the bathtowel and dived
under the covers on the bed, not noticing the half empty bottle of chocolate
body sauce that was oozing up the footboard. Again he screamed as he came in
contact with something warm and sticky. Glancing over he saw Rachel, tangled and
helpless in the sheets, being covered by a bottle of body sauce with a mind of
its own! His mind registered the image for later use in argument or for rilling
up Rachie as he too, took shelter from the incoming objects.

click click ZAP!

Rat jumped as one of the buttons shorted out and a screen became dark.
Frightened he displayed the better part of valor and pressed the same button
that transported him there, being zapped back to Sonia's place, and then back to
his own mummies home. Seeing the back door still open he bounded through his
catflap and up into the bedroom, only to find chocolate everywhere and his daddy
doing that cleaning thing again, licking his mummy all over. Disgusted at the
sight of his mummy so dirty and covered with brown stuff Rat flounced
downstairs, tail in the air, and raided his catbowl, reminding himself to ask It
what 'Mind of their own' stood for, for he had pressed that button in the big
room with all the screens. Oh well, just another day in the life of a cat.
Finishing his dinner he padded over to the cool kitchen tiles, stretched out,
and went to sleep.