Darkness…

That was all I could see in my foreseeable future. I couldn't get the thought of her out of my mind. Never before had I been tested in a way before. My resolve, my strength, and my sanity had never been in such mortal peril, or should I say immortal peril? It had taken all of my strength just to muster the will to leave her there in that classroom and then again in that little office. Her blood seemed to tease me, wavering my resolve to not become the monster that I knew that I was.

Isabella Swan

Her name made me clench my teeth. How was it possible that a silly little girl could affect me so much? Everything about her made the monster within to slam against its cage, urging me to go back. Back to Forks, back to her.

Think of Carlisle, Think of Carlisle…

I didn't want to disappoint my adopted father. I had already done that once. I couldn't bear to see the pity and disappointment in his face. I already knew that he would welcome me with open and forgiving arms if I were to fail. Yet I wanted to do better by him, I want to rise to the image of me that he had in his mind; the kind and adoring son with a perfect self-control over himself, that's who I wanted to be.

This is why I sat here now, over top of a fallen evergreen in the Alaskan wilderness. I would not fail and certainly not to that silly hateful little girl.