May 2, 1998

It will be quick and painless, Harry thought to himself. It won't feel like anything at all.

The ghost of Sirius had told him as much just moments ago. And yet, he'd likely only said it to make Harry feel better. It might not be the truth in reality.

And reality was staring Harry directly in the face. Voldemort stood opposite him in the forest clearing, studying his unarmed opponent, lightly stroking the Elder Wand in his palm. Harry did his best to remain still, to not betray any emotion. But internally, he was quaking with terror. This was it. This was the end…

"Harry Potter," said Voldemort in a soft voice. "The Boy Who Lived...come to die."

Harry willed himself to just close his eyes and let it happen. The urge to run was too strong. He couldn't do this. It had been a mistake to come.

He watched as Voldemort raised his wand…

Saw the lips move to utter the terrible incantation…

Saw the burst of green energy hurtling across the clearing towards him…

And he ducked.

Harry turned and ran as the Killing Curse shot past his left ear. He would find another way. Surely this wasn't the only way...surely he could win this war without needing to die—

"Not so fast, Mr. Potter," Voldemort growled, and a moment later Harry felt himself face-plant to the earth, the Body-Bind Curse holding his arms and legs together. Voldemort levitated Harry back into the center of the clearing as the dozens of nearby Death Eaters roared with laughter. He rotated Harry onto his back so that he was forced to stare up at his tormentor, sneering down at him.

"Not very Gryffindor of you, Harry," Voldemort tutted, sounding like a disappointed father. "Shame you will die like a coward instead of standing on your own two feet."

"Please," Harry begged, fighting to break free of the curse. "I don't want to die…"

"That makes two of us," Voldemort grinned. He pointed his wand at Harry once more. "Goodbye, Harry Potter. Avada Kedavra!"

Unable to move, Harry was consumed by the flash of green light and knew no more.

June 24, 1995 (Death counter = 1)

"Good evening, Harry."

Harry jerked back into consciousness, limbs flailing wildly. It took him a moment to realize he was no longer in the forest clearing, no longer in the clutches of Lord Voldemort. He was in a room, one that he vaguely recognized. Ornate leather books sitting on high shelves. Portraits hung about the space. A gorgeous wooden desk in the center. Harry was in the Headmaster's Office at Hogwarts...and the Headmaster was peering at him from behind the desk. But not the current Headmaster. Harry was face-to-face with Albus Dumbledore.

"What?" Harry said shakily. "…?"

"Please, Harry, take a deep breath," Dumbledore said with a kind smile. "You are perfectly safe here. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, and I will answer all of them for you."

"Is this...the afterlife?" Harry asked, the first question that popped into his head. "I'm dead, aren't I? Just like you?"

"I can assure you that neither of us is dead," Dumbledore corrected. "We both died, certainly, but that is of no consequence to the present moment."

"That doesn't make any sense," Harry groaned. "I died, but I'm not dead?"

"Correct," said Dumbledore. "Harry, we are currently seated in my office at the end of your fourth year. Just moments ago I performed a complex bit of magic that would return the two of us here, to this specific moment in time, in the event of our deaths. And judging by the fact that we're having this conversation, I succeeded."

"So you're saying...I was sent back in time?" Harry asked. "To my fourth year?"

"Why don't you ask the mirror to your left?" Dumbledore smiled. Harry turned. To his utter shock, his younger self stared back at him in the reflection...not quite fifteen, wearing his Triwizard Tournament robes, still grimy from the events of the graveyard. And now that Harry considered it, Dumbledore looked younger than he last remembered as well. The stress lines in his forehead weren't quite as deep, and his right hand looked perfectly healthy and un-cursed.

"I suspect that just moments ago you were killed during your mission to defeat Voldemort," said Dumbledore sagely. "Just as moments ago for me, I was being murdered by Severus Snape atop the Astronomy Tower."

"And this magic you performed...brought us back here?" Harry asked slowly. "To try again?"

"Precisely, my boy!" said Dumbledore with a smile.

"Like a checkpoint?"

"A what?"

"Oh. Right, I forgot you're a pure-blood, Professor," Harry grinned. "A checkpoint, like in a video game. A respawn point."

"I don't know what you are referring to, but yes, a 'respawn point' sounds fairly accurate," said Dumbledore. "As long as the enchantment is active, you and I will return here every time we die, and we can repeat the process as many times as we need to win the war."

"Wicked!" said Harry. "Good thinking, sir."

"I thought so too," Dumbledore smiled. He picked up a small handheld device from his desk and extended it towards Harry. "I also took the liberty of creating this for you. I thought it might be helpful in keeping track of your progress."

Harry took the device, which looked like a miniature television screen that he could hold in one hand. He thumbed a button on the side of the device and it came to life, displaying text in bold letters. It currently read:

QUEST FAILED: THE GREATER GOOD (Sacrifice yourself to Lord Voldemort.)

"Got cold feet there, Harry?" Dumbledore said with a knowing grin. "Tried to run for it?"

"Piss off," Harry muttered, face flush with embarrassment. "I'd like to see you stand there and accept your death quietly."

I already did, Dumbledore thought to himself, but decided it best not to say this aloud and hurt Harry's feelings even more. "Nothing to be ashamed of, Harry," he said instead. "You have all the time in the world to try again and do it the right way."

"So this device tells me all the things I accomplished in my past life?" Harry asked. He saw a tab on the side labeled 'Completed Quests' and pressed it, revealing a long scrolling list of accomplishments, including:

QUEST COMPLETED: LAST WISHES (Learn the truth about Severus Snape.)

QUEST COMPLETED: THE FIFTH MARAUDER (Find a secret passageway into Hogwarts.)

QUEST COMPLETED: HEIST OF THE CENTURY (Escape from Gringotts with the stolen cup.)

Harry also saw several other tabs underneath that one, and pressed the next one, 'Quests in Progress':

QUEST IN PROGRESS: UNTETHERED (Destroy all of Voldemort's Horcruxes.) (6/7 complete)

QUEST IN PROGRESS: MASTER OF DEATH (Possess all three Deathly Hallows at once.) (2/3 complete)

QUEST IN PROGRESS: A NEW ERA (Survive the Battle of Hogwarts.)

"This is awesome!" Harry exclaimed, scrolling through the quest logs and exploring the various tabs. "I've done hundreds of these without even realizing...and there are way more I didn't even know about...thanks, Professor Dumbledore!"

Dumbledore glowed internally with pride. He had spent quite a lot of time over the past year working on the device in his free time, and Harry's appreciation made it feel worth the effort.

"And if I die again," Harry asked, looking up from the device to meet Dumbledore's eyeline, "I'll still come back here? It wasn't just a one-time thing?"

"You and I will keep coming back here upon our deaths until I reverse the enchantment," Dumbledore confirmed. "And we will retain all knowledge and skills that were gained in our previous lives."

"So you're saying," Harry said, looking up with a twinkle in his eye, "that I have infinite lives? That I can replay the next three years over and over until I get the outcome I want?"

"Correct," said Dumbledore, glad his young protegee was on the same page.

"And if I wanted to," Harry continued, his excitement growing by the second, "I can just mess around and not even bother with fighting Voldemort? I can do whatever I want and always come back here if I want to try again?"

Dumbledore felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. "Harry," he groaned, "this was an incredibly complex piece of magic I had to perform to give you a chance to defeat the Dark Lord. It was intended to give you more tools on your journey to destroy your nemesis—"

"Yeah, yeah," Harry said absentmindedly, clearly not thinking about Voldemort at all, "but technically I don't have to, right? I can just do my own thing if I want to? Or...or try to unlock all these side quests?"

Dumbledore watched with growing alarm as Harry scrolled through his device, reading through the hundreds upon hundreds of unlockable achievements. Dumbledore thought Harry might appreciate the added detail, and he'd had fun creating new absurd goals, but he never actually thought the boy would be enticed to try for all the meaningless side-quests he invented! Like, PURE OF HEART: Marry Draco Malfoy? Or ACADEMIA: Obtain all 13 'Outstanding' N.E.W.T.s? Or worse, HIGHWAY TO HELL: Become a Dark Lord?But the gleeful look in Harry's eye told a horrified Dumbledore that this was exactly what was on his mind.

"Wow, some of these are sweet!" Harry exclaimed. "Get recruited by a professional Quidditch team? Hex 100 students? Seduce a professor? I could get those easily!"

"Harry, please," Dumbledore sighed, deciding it best not to ask which professor he intended to pursue, "I urge you not to get distracted by the tiny details. With the information you've gathered on your journey, and my expertise, we can defeat Voldemort in no time—"

"Sorry sir, but this is too much fun to pass up on," Harry laughed, standing from his seat. "Maybe after a few hundred attempts I'll get around to ol' Tommy. But I've had a hellish few years, and I intend to enjoy myself first."

And before Dumbledore could protest, Harry had crossed the room and exited, slamming the door behind him. What have I done? Dumbledore thought to himself, realizing that he was now trapped in an infinite loop with an impulsive teenager who literally cannot die.

Just as he was beginning to contemplate doing some research into whether he could undo the checkpoint ritual, the door opened again. Dumbledore looked up, faintly hopeful that Harry had changed his mind and would now take this seriously. But the mischievous look in the teen's eye told him this was not the case.

"Just gotta ask one quick favor," Harry said, consulting his handheld device. "I'd love to cross off one more achievement at the feast tomorrow…"

June 25, 1995 (Death counter = 1)

Dumbledore stared solemnly out at the Great Hall. Students from Hogwarts, Durmstrang and Beauxbatons looked back up at him, wide-eyed, shocked at the information the Headmaster had just delivered to them.

"I urge you all to keep Cedric Diggory in your hearts and minds moving forward," Dumbledore said in a grave tone. "It will take all of our efforts combined to resist Lord Voldemort's return. So let his death not have been in vain, and use the memory of him as a beacon of hope in the fight to come."

The Headmaster scanned the crowd, seeing the teary eyes of the gathered students before him. All except one: Harry, who sat looking bored at the Gryffindor table. Dumbledore considered the odd request from the night before, and given the atmosphere in the room, it seemed wholly inappropriate. But he knew if he refused now, it would just make future iterations of Harry pester him until he granted it, so he sighed and caved in.

"One final announcement," Dumbledore said. "Due to Mr. Potter's victory in the tournament, I have decided to award the House Cup to Gryffindor. Congratulations."

This announcement was met with general bewilderment as Dumbledore waved his wand to turn all the banners in the hall red. Even the professors looked at the Headmaster with confusion. Wasn't the House Cup canceled this year due to the other schools' presence? Was this really appropriate given the death of a student from another house? Nobody had a clue what was going on. Nobody except for one person.

There was a faint ding of a notification from the Gryffindor table, and Harry jumped to his feet. "WOO HOO!" he exclaimed, staring at the screen of his handheld device. "One down, sixteen hundred to go!"

Dumbledore retook his seat and massaged his temple. It was going to be a long eternity with Harry…

QUEST COMPLETED: QUARTET (Win the Hogwarts House Cup four years in a row.)

June 26, 1995 (Death counter = 1)

"Wicked!" said Ron, holding the device up to his face and reading the achievement logs. They were sitting in an empty carriage of the Hogwarts Express, which was now rumbling back towards London. Harry sat beside Ron, beaming over his shoulder, as a disapproving Hermione sat across from them, arms folded.

"Well I think it's a distraction," she huffed at the two giddy boys, who were now scrolling through the 'Relationships' tab. "Harry should be focusing on how to defeat Voldemort, now that he's returned."

"Oh, I've already mostly got that figured out," Harry said dismissively. "I know where all the Horcruxes are; I just have to figure out how to survive the Killing Curse again. Plenty of time for that."

"Horcruxes?" Hermione asked, suddenly intrigued, but Ron overrode her as neither boy much seemed to care what she had to say.

"Blimey Harry, you can see your status with every bird in the castle!" Ron laughed, scrolling down the list. "Of course you're already at an 8 with Ginny, she worships you...ooh, Cho Chang's a 6, not too bad...say Hermione, you're at a 7! And you swore you didn't have a crush on Harry…"

"I do not!" Hermione said crossly, though her face did flush a faint shade of pink. "I mean...of course I care about Harry...but he's like my brother—"

"Suuuure he is," Ron laughed, handing the device back to Harry, who was also grinning.

"Don't worry Hermione, I won't try to seduce you," Harry reassured her. "Not yet, anyway. There are plenty of other girls to go after first—"

"You can't be serious!" Hermione gasped. "Harry James Potter, you are not going to attempt to seduce every female Hogwarts students!"

"Well not all at once, of course," Harry sighed with a dramatic eye roll. "But there's an achievement for getting every girl's relationship score up to a 10. With enough resets, I bet I can manage that. There's a separate achievement for the blokes, but I'll probably skip that one...unless I get bored, I guess…" Harry snuck a furtive glance over at Ron, who quickly looked away, suddenly looking a bit pink in the face himself.

"Where does that leave us, then?" Hermione demanded. "If you're just going to ignore Voldemort's return and go sniffing after my classmates, what are we supposed to do?"

"Live your best life!" Harry exclaimed, as though the answer was so obvious. "Hermione, nothing matters, don't you see? Once I die we'll all just be right back here again. We can ALL do whatever we want, not just me!"

"Oh, now you tell me!" said Ron, exasperated. "I totally would've asked out Fleur Delacour yesterday if I knew that!"

"It probably would've gone about as well as the Yule Ball invite," Harry smirked at him. "Besides, she's got the hots for your oldest brother, so good luck with that."

"Harry," said Hermione cautiously, "do you retain all your memories whenever you reset?"

"Yeah, I reckon so," Harry shrugged. "Why?"

"Well, if you truly do have infinite time, we could get a lot of studying done," Hermione pointed out. "You can learn all the magic you need to defeat Voldemort. Not right away of course, but it couldn't hurt to take advantage of all that time, right?"

"Oh yeah, that's definitely on my list," Harry said. He switched the device to the 'Academics' tab and handed it to Hermione for inspection. "There are plenty of knowledge-based achievements I can go for. I bet you can help me with those."

Hermione eyed the device, brow raised. She definitely appeared more interested in the achievement list now that they were in her domain. "Honestly, Harry, how have you only unlocked seventy out of 631 potion recipes?" she demanded. "Even as a fourth-year you should be at least halfway there!"

"Blame Snape for being a ruddy useless teacher," Harry muttered bitterly.

"Well, we'll have to work on that," Hermione muttered. "And I'll have to get you caught up on Arithmancy and Ancient Runes...oh, and Muggle Studies, but that ought to come easy for you—"

"It's settled, then!" Ron exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "Mione can help you with school stuff, and I'll help you with girl stuff!"

Both Harry and Hermione suppressed snorts of laughter at this. "You think you'll be a better help at girl stuff than me?" Hermione asked Ron.

"Duh," Ron scoffed. "How many girls have you dated?"

"How many girls have you dated, Ronald?" Hermione shot back. "And Padma doesn't count; Parvati told me all about that wonderful evening you two had—"

"All right you two, enough bickering," Harry laughed, taking the device back from Hermione. "We'll find ways you both can help. And for your information Hermione, Ron got a steady girlfriend in his sixth year."

"I did?" Ron asked, excited. "Who?"

"Can't tell you," Harry smirked. "Might have to pursue her myself first. But I'll try to set you up with as many girls as I can once I know more about all of them."

"Nice!" Ron beamed, looking pleased at this.

"So here's what I'm thinking," said Harry, focusing on his device again and beckoning them both closer. "There are a few quests I want to go after first…"

August 4, 1995 (Death counter = 1)

"Hey, you! Boy!" grunted Uncle Vernon. "Where do you think you're going?"

Harry froze. He'd been just seconds away from slipping out the front door of Number 4, Privet Drive without notice, but by a stroke of bad luck, Uncle Vernon had gotten up from his armchair facing the television to use the restroom and spotted Harry coming down the stairs.

"Going for a walk," Harry shrugged.

"Why are you carrying that thing?"

Harry followed Vernon's eyeline to his pants pocket, where Harry's wand was barely poking out.

"I like to keep it with me," said Harry coolly. "Got a problem with that?"

Uncle Vernon's beady eyes narrowed at this remark. "Think you're clever, do you?" he snarled at Harry. "Think you can just waltz in and out of my house as you please, just because you hang out with those freaks most of the year?"

"My friends are not freaks," Harry growled. "You take that back."

"Or what?"

Harry groaned and whipped out his wand, pointing it at Uncle Vernon. He had planned to spend the evening fighting the two dementors that Umbridge sent for him, since he was still seventy-three dementors short of the quota to unlock "KISS DENIED: Defeat 100 dementors". It would be a bit of a grind, but by his calculations, thirty-seven resets ought to get him there. Now, however, he had a new target, one that he might take more pleasure in defeating.

"You can't," Vernon stammered, taking a defensive step backwards. "You aren't allowed. I saw that letter a few years ago; you'll be expelled."

"Try me," Harry snarled. "I have nothing to lose, but everything to gain from hurting you."

"I will not stand for these empty threats in my household!" Vernon bellowed. "Put that blasted thing away, boy!"

"Think my threats are empty, do you?" Harry scoffed. "Crucio!"

Vernon screamed in pain and fell to the ground, writhing in pain. The kitchen door burst open and Aunt Petunia rushed into the room, eyes wide with horror at the sight of her husband suffering under Harry's cruel thumb.

"Stop it this instant!" she demanded. Harry cocked his head at her and broke off the curse, turning his wand on her.

"Imperio," he muttered. Petunia's eyes went slack and her arms fell to her sides as she succumbed to the curse. Harry directed her to march over to the stairs, where she opened the cupboard door, crammed herself inside the space that could barely fit his eleven-year-old self, and shut herself in.

Harry turned his attention back to his uncle, who was now sputtering and wheezing on the carpet. Harry could hear faint pops of Apparation in the distance and knew he didn't have long until Ministry officials arrived to investigate the use of Unforgivables in Harry's household.

"I've always wanted to try this one, Uncle, and today I get the chance to use it on someone who deserves it," Harry smirked. "Don't worry, it's only temporary after all. Avada Kedavra!" His arm felt quite warm as a current of white-hot electricity coarsed through it, and a brilliant jet of green light shot out of his wand and hit Vernon directly in the chest. He keeled over, dead.

"Huh. So that's what that feels like," Harry mused to himself, just as the front door burst open.

QUEST COMPLETED: UNFORGIVEN (Use all three Unforgivable Curses.) (3/3 complete)

August 13, 1995 (Death counter = 1)

Dumbledore had never broken into Azkaban before. He'd never had reason to, though he always figured he could do it if needed. His hunch proved correct, as all it took was a Patronus to drive away the guards from the southwest entrance and a hasty Stunner to the human patrol on duty. He waltzed into the prison, walking past cell after cell of shivering and despairing prisoners, finally stopping in front of his destination.

"Took you long enough," came a sarcastic voice from inside the cell. Dumbledore lit his wand tip to see more clearly, and Harry's face glowed in the darkness, grinning sheepishly at his Headmaster.

"Honestly, Harry," Dumbledore sighed. "Your first ever reset, and the first thing you do is kill your uncle? What were you thinking?"

"Eh, I had to get the Killing Curse out of the way eventually," Harry shrugged. "And I knew you'd show up to get me out of a bind sooner or later."

"I could have gotten you out earlier, you know," Dumbledore chastised him. "I thought maybe a few days in solitary confinement might scare some sense into you."

"Glad you waited," Harry winked. "Got to knock off another achievement while I waited for you."

QUEST COMPLETED: PRISONER OF AZKABAN (Spend a week in solitary confinement at Azkaban prison.)

"This was a mistake, Harry," Dumbledore sighed. "I never should have turned this into a game for you. I feared you wouldn't take things seriously, and it seems I was correct."

"Yeah, probably not your finest hour, Albus ol' boy," Harry laughed. "So are we gonna sit here bickering about it, or are we gonna move things along? I'm starting to get bored here."

Dumbledore considered walking out and letting Harry stew in Azkaban for a few more days (or weeks, or months), but couldn't see the use. He sighed and pointed his wand at Harry. "Avada Kedavra," he muttered, and once again brilliant green light filled the space…

June 24, 1995 (Death counter = 2)

"Welcome back."

Harry came to once more. He was back in Dumbledore's office, and the Headmaster was once again peering down at him from behind his desk, frowning.

"Was it worth it?" Dumbledore asked tiredly.

"Yep," Harry said brazenly. And before Dumbledore could say another word, Harry leapt to his feet, snatched the handheld device from the desk, and marched out of the office without so much as a backwards glance.

A/N: Welcome to my new fic! I know the premise is crack-y and it will maintain a comedic tone, but the story will be treated seriously as well. I have a lot of random ideas for subplots and side quests but would happily take suggestions! I might even throw in a random crossover or two here or there… ;) Enjoy this totally ridiculous and stupid idea I've randomly decided to devote time and effort into!