Disclaimers: If only...

Notes: This fic is written by Datenshi Blue and Jiro (here Jiro's ff.net page should go, but it keeps getting deleted and messing with the fanfic... :( ). It's our first time working together so go easy on us. We're doing our best!!

Warnings: Shounen-ai, yaoi, cuteness!!

Chapter 1: Boy's Day.

It's so empty. No matter where I look, there's nothing left. Assuming that I won't be coming back here is a little bit harder than what I thought. I was so excited about moving out. But now... I can't help but think that I'll be somehow betraying Sai's memory. I know it doesn't make sense. But it's here where we lived, learnt and grew up together. Well, maybe he didn't literally grew up, since he was already an adult when we met (let alone the ghost stuff), but I felt him like a part of me, and so I took him for granted, blindly believing we would be together forever and a day. That he would be protecting and leading me, that I would be able to thank him, helping him to achieve the Hand of God he so looked up to.

The goban is there, on the ground. I'll take care of it myself. I don't want it to go in the truck with the rest of my stuff. My manga, my CD's, all my magazines (there are like hundreds of "Weekly Go" packed inside a huge box...).

I look out my now bare window. The wind is blowing through the flags again. It's the Boy's Day too. It's almost like if that was a magic date. Maybe my life is about changing again. I would like to go to Shuusaku's grave later, and sort of pray for this change to be good. Not that I'm a believer, or something like that, but I would like for Sai to look over me even if he is already in Heaven. Even if I don't deserve it. I would like for Sai to watch me grow stronger, if only to prove him that I'm worth the time he spent on me.


'I'm coming!', I say, looking at my empty old room for the last time. I shake my head and take the goban in my arms.

'Hikaru... do you really think you'll be alright?', mom asks me when I get downstairs, 'You should wait another year. Normally people move on their own when they are 18!'

''Kaasan... I told you I'll be alright. And that apartment is close to the Nihon Kiin too. It will be fine. I have a job. I get paid, I can pay the rent and...'

'I'm not talking about the money! You are too young and irresponsible to be living alone!'

I pout. She's acting like a mother hen. I guess it's only natural that she's worried and even a bit upset. But I'm only moving a few km's away. It's not like I'm leaving the country, or even the city.

I set the goban on the truck of the car and look around. Damn Waya. He's late. When I told him I was moving out, he offered to give me a hand.

'And your friend?', mama asks as if reading my thoughts.

'That I would like to know', I mutter slightly annoyed.

But the anger fades away as I see him running towards me waving his hand.

'You're late', I manage to look at least a bit annoyed.

Waya draws his hand to the back of his head and ruffles his own hair, looking ashamed.

'Gomen, I was just... ', he makes a movement as if to get his backpack off his shoulders and then sort of blushes and looks away. He's acting weird.


He looks at me, blushing harder and then smiles, waving his hand to mean it's nothing.

'Weirdo.', I say, turning towards the car.

'Wait, Hikaru. Your grandfather is also coming.'

Now I am annoyed.

'Gramps is? Why?'

Waya is looking at the sky. He sighs.

'It's going to rain, too, and I forgot my umbrella', he says.

'What the...?'

I shake my head. Why am I surrounded by this weird people? Is it some sort of divine punishment?

Oh, here he is. What is that thing he is carrying with himself? It can't be... It can't... Shuusaku's goban? Why? He told me he would give it to me and I refused to take it. Why is he bringing it now?

Hell, once again my eyes drift all along the smooth surface of the board looking for blood stains. Kinda creepy, aren't we? There's not a single stain. Nothing left. I'm always amazed at how it disappeared, taking Sai along.

'Shindou?', Waya voice is concerned. I think I was spacing out. Maybe I was making a sad face and all.


'What's wrong? You suddenly looked sad...', see? It was obvious. Damn, why is Waya looking at me so intently? I'm going to blush if he doesn't stop looking at me like that. I run to my grandad to help him with the goban and keep Waya from seeing my embarrassed face. Feels weird to see him concerned about me.

'Why?', I ask grandpa. He knows what I mean.

'Because I felt it was the right thing to do. And the right time for you to have it. After all you are a pro worth of this treasure and the so-called tall ghost with the hat never came out...', he's laughing, but I feel something stinging my heart. I manage to keep the smile on my face though. I'm way too good at that. After all, am I not the easy-going type? I sort of hug the goban.

'Arigatou', I say.

A raindrop falls over it. Waya was right, it seems. We hurry to the car. I'm still hugging the goban when the car leaves towards my new home.

'You're holding that like if you were afraid it will disappear if you take your eyes off it', Waya says, breaking the silence. I loosen the grip. 'What is it?', he adds.

'A goban.'

'Baka.', he pouts looking through the window on his side. I can't help but laugh.

'It's as precious to me as if it was Honinbou Shuusaku's goban.'

It actually is. The one he died over. Creepy stuff.

'You're obssessed over that guy. No doubt he was a genius, but your admiration is kinda...'

Yeah, I know. Creepy. Like the goban. Like the blood stains. Like the fact of living with a ghost for two years. I laugh.

'You are obssessed with Ochi. That's even worse.'

Waya hits my arm.

'Am not. You're silly...', he sulks. I go on laughing.

When we get to our destination, the truck with my stuff is already there. It's raining heavily and the sky has turned almost black. We can hear some far thunders and the wind is a little cold. I protect the goban with my body as I run into the building. Waya follows me carrying the other goban. Mama and gramps are helping to get everything else inside my apartment.

After placing the goban over a table, I go outside, followed by Waya. We both get some stuff from the truck and go back inside. He is in a good mood, and that makes my mood good too. If you are feeling down, leave it to Waya to fix your day. When we make the last trip to the truck, we are both drenched and loudly laughing.

We get into the apartment, pushing each other like kids. Both his hair and mine are soaked and dripping.

'God. It's pouring...', Waya says, running his fingers through his hair.

Mama walks up to us and gives us some big disapproving look.

'I knew you are still a kid. You shouldn't be moving here on your own...'

She's messing around, opening boxes and looking inside them. What is she looking for? Ah, a couple of towels. She gives them to us and leaves to give grandpa a ride to his home. I look again at Shuusaku's goban. No blood there. Like if it never was. I sigh. I dry my face with the towel, then I feel another towel on my hair, and gentle hands sort of massaging my head. I blush when I realize it's Waya. He's saying something about being careful to not catch a cold. His hands on my hair are warm and gentle, even with the towel between his fingers and my hair. Eh... why the hell am I blushing? Isn't this situation a little bit too intimate?

'There. We have now assured our favourite Go prodigy a long healthy life', he says mockingly at my back. I blush deeper. What's with all the blushing stuff today?

'Cut it out!', I say, turning around, my wet hair falling heavily over my eyes. Waya stops talking in the middle of a sentence and looks at me with his lips slightly apart.

Something is wrong. The awkward silence goes on for some more seconds. I should say something to make us go back to reality. Waya looks away and smiles slightly. He looks... pained?

'Waya...', I say. He has stepped back. His hands still holding the towel. And the morose smile on his lips.

He then looks up, being his usual self again. But I can still sense something wrong. And I can't put my finger on it. I'm not as dense as everybody thinks... I know I shouldn't mess in his business. But Waya is one of my best friends and I definitely don't like seeing him like this. So I take a step towards him... and then my feet get tangled in something. I look down to see a towel lying on the floor. What the hell is that towel doing there? How did it get there in the first place? I look at my hands as I trip, with enough time to realize two facts:

That I was the one who dropped the towel.

That I'm falling.

'Damn!', I say while closing my eyes.

'Oi, Shindou! Watch out!'

I never hit the floor. Waya has reached out his hands to grab me, and I have pushed him, and now, I'm lying on top of him, with his hands clutching my wet t-shirt.

I look at him. My hands are set on the floor, on both sides of his face. He is violently blushing. I think I am too. I can feel the warmth of his body through the cold wet fabric of our clothes. I blush even deeper. This is wrong. Why is he still holding me? Why doesn't he let go?

He is moving his hand up my back, and I feel a chill. He is now running his fingers through my hair... and the sensation is... good.

Then I hear someone clearing their throats... in the doorway?

We freeze. One of Waya's hands is around my waist. The other is framing my face. And I'm sorta straddling him.

This is definitely not good.

Actually I would say it is bad.

I jump away from him to find out that Touya Akira and Isumi-san are looking at us with an expression between shocked, ashamed and something more that I can't place, on their features.

It is not bad. It is even worse.

I'm going to die of embarrassment.

I want the ground to swallow me.


'This is not...', I start. Way to go, me. How have I ended up in this stupid and awkward situation? Waya is looking away, his face sad. Is he mad at me?, 'I mean, it was an accident! I... ', this is just great. I'm making a fool out of myself. And Touya and Isumi-san are looking at me. And I am looking at all of them in silence, like if I was retarded.

Then Touya looks away with a scorned smile on his lips and I feel something breaking inside me.

'Now I see why you didn't tell me you were moving out', he says, slowly turning around and leaving.

'Touya...', my voice trails off. His face was kind of shocked. He looked scared, angry, sad... his usually contempt face was filled with different feelings now. I don't know what that means, or why he is so mad at me (us?).

Isumi-san mutters an apology and walks out too. Waya and I are left alone. Both of us shocked and looking at the now empty doorway.

'What was that, now?', I ask with a trembling voice.

Waya looks at me and his lips twitch, showing an ironic smile. I walk to the outside of the building, but there's nobody there. The rain keeps falling heavily, and I like the feeling of getting soaked by it. I look at the flags that are decorating the streets. Boy's Day... something big always happens during that day. I can't get a hold of what is it this time. But I feel like something has begun.

I wish this rain could wash away the nasty feeling I have right now. Something is wrong with me too. I don't know why I am so bothered by Touya's reaction. I don't know what has happened with Waya back there.

Well, there goes the big change in my life. Now I really feel like going to Shuusaku's grave, to talk to Sai. I walk inside to look at gramps' goban once more.

No blood.

Why am I not surprised?



'Kaasan: short for okaasan that means mother.

Gomen: I'm sorry.

Nani: What.

Arigatou: Thank you.

Baka: Idiot.

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