I am Iron Man

01

"So, you think you can do it better?"

"I know I can."

"Then show me."

When reading a story, playing a game, watching a show, or what have you, there's always that little niggling in the back of your mind. The feeling of dissatisfaction, because the characters didn't do things the right way or the way you envisioned. That if you were in so-and-so's shoes, you'd do it right.

No.

You would do it better.

Because you're special. You have meta-knowledge. You're smarter, cleverer, nicer, meaner, more determined, and all around better than the person on screen or in text.

That right there? That feeling is hubris.

The sad truth is that no, you really aren't special. You may be smarter and so on, or you may not, but you probably lack some intrinsic characteristic that the protagonist has. Or worse, the sad reality that most people just aren't made for difficult situations. It's the difference between someone who plays Call of Duty and thinks they'd be great at this stuff, but can't actually pick up and use a firearm, let alone actually seriously consider enlisting.

And your meta-knowledge means fuck all if you're not in a position to leverage it, or it's conditional, situational, you forgot to account for your own presence, or just the fact that human memory decays over time and only a very tiny percentage of the population actually have something close to photographic recall.

Fanfiction writers, especially authors of self-inserts, are extreme examples of this. We believe we could tell the story better and that we, personally, could do better than your protagonist of choice. Usually, that's while secretly fudging the numbers and using a spreadsheet and wiki to keep track of everything. The juggling required to make it work…

I digress.

It was one of those absurd moments of hubris.

I was dreaming, and in this dream, I heard the ring of hammer on steel. And then Robert Downey Jr. was in front of me, wearing a suit, tee-shirt, sneakers, and pulling his sunglasses off looking like he just walked off the set from some Marvel movie.

"So, I heard you like making stories…"

And that was how, after a bit of back and forth, I got a 'job offer.' Cut back to that first section there too see how that ended.

The offer was simple. Take over the life of Anthony 'Tony' Stark. Or at least a version of Tony Stark.

"So I'm not just body-jacking some poor fucker? And is this comic or movie universe? Because if it's comics, you can count me right the fuck out."

"Nah," Downey waved me off. "You've watched the Marvel movies, right?"

"Most of them. Not interested in Captain America. They chose the worst actress…"

Downey nodded. "The cast didn't really like her," he muttered, before shaking his head. "Anyway! You know that whole 'multiverse' thing? Yeah, that. It's a world like the one you know of, but for want of a nail, Thanos wins."

"So the nail in this instance…" I lead.

"Is me. Well, a version of me," he shrugged. "A twenty-one year old Tony Stark, who lost his parents to an assassination, which was covered up as a car crash. That Tony is going to swallow a whole bottle of pills and wash it down with a vodka chaser. That's where you come in."

"Won't that body be too, you know, dead for me to work with?"

Downey waved me off again. "It'll be fine."

"If you say so," I shrugged. "So, details. What am I working with here? Gonna give me a cell phone with the Marvel wiki or something on it for a 'cheat skill?'" I rolled my eyes, making air quotes.

The actor scoffed. "Nope. You said you could do it better. If you think you're hot shit…"

"I can. Because I'm awesome."

"Love the attitude," he grinned. "What you get is that Tony Stark's body and his mind, and I'll throw in everything I learned up to my death. Even if you're hot shit, I'd rather tilt the scales a little in your favor."

"When you say what you learned, do you mean…?"

"Only the technical and scientific knowledge and experience. None of the details—the who, when, where, why, and how of what's coming. That's all on you."

"Fair enough. Sounds like a fun writing challenge for when I wake up."

Acclaimed actor Robert Downey Jr. grinned that rakish, Tony Stark grin. "Who said anything about writing?"

That was when he held up his hand and a cluster of six stones burned into existence. "Do your best, kid."

He snapped his fingers and my world went white.

I woke up heaving my guts out over a toilet.

Eventually, the heaving stopped and I nauseously eyed the contents of the commode. Absolute filth that reeked of alcohol so strongly it made my eyes water, with a double handful of pills floating in it.

Getting up on shaky legs, I rinsed my face off and my mouth out as I studied myself in the mirror and considered making a trip to the hospital. The face staring back at me both was and was not my own. Twenty-one years of memories of living as Anthony Stark plus almost forty years of living as someone else entirely. I was clearly myself, but… when I looked in the mirror I recognized it both as my face and not.

Fuck. Shit. Fucking shit. God damn—

I trailed off into a mental litany of swearing as I processed the fact that this was real. That I was in the MCU, or something close to it. Years before canon. Thanos and other shit coming. One snap, half the population of the universe gone. Oh yeah, and all the other little pissants between now and then. I felt sick all over again, but this time I didn't throw up.

I decided against going to the hospital. If I was going to die, Downey wouldn't have bothered sending me. Instead, I rinsed my mouth out again, brushed my teeth, and flushed the evidence. Then, I tiredly made my way to… my bed. Slipping into bed, I closed my eyes and tried to process the sheer improbability of what had happened. Somewhere along the way, I passed out into not so blissful sleep.

When I woke up again, it was to familiar and unfamiliar surroundings. I immediately realized that I hadn't been dreaming. It was all real. And I was turbo-fucked if I didn't get my ass in gear.

It's 1991. I have about… eighteen years before things start kicking off, around 2009. No, wait. Banner becomes the Hulk a few years before that. Around 2004. Still, a lot of time to prepare. Not sure on the details after, just the general order. Marvel was never specific on a lot of that stuff and there were a few retcons and/or goofs… Not like it matters. So, what can I do before then?

The answer, I quickly found, was a lot.

A lot of Tony's problems were of his own making, after all. Things like AIM and Killian were squarely on original Stark's shoulders just for being an asshole. Or Ultron, for being a moron. Vanko was actually a 'sins of the father' problem and could probably be bought off with some money and acknowledgment.

Then there was the stuff that was just laying around waiting for someone to find it. The Badassium formula (which I actually knew, now that I thought about it). Lots of stolen vibranium. A few Infinity Stones on Earth. Heart-shaped herbs if I wanted to try getting my hands on one of those. Lots of alien tech sitting just out of reach. Actual magic.

Of course, there were also a few things that could or would be made by others. Extremis (which I actually knew the details to create the stable version for). Erskine's formula (I had some of the details there, namely how to make nitramene and the vita radiation necessary, but not the chemical composition of the formula, but I knew where to find some). The spider formula that turned Peter Parker into Spider-man. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with gamma radiation and Banner's formula, but I was aware it existed.

Getting out of bed, I hit the shower and put together a mental list of priorities.

Make the tools to make the tools. Create an A.I.. Build a house and a prototyping lab. Make a miniaturized palladium Arc Reactor. Make Badassium. Make a perfected Arc Reactor. Build better tools to build better chips and tech—I'm talking something like a thirty year leap forward in computing and related fields, rushed out the door as fast as possible. I know or can figure out a lot of shortcuts to cut that timeframe down, but it's still going to be in development a few years. Make nanites and a Mark LXXXV but rob features off the XLIX—no reason not to have those. Improve on that.

But that was just things I could build and do myself, without outside help.

See if I can get ahold of or make Erskine's formula or the spider formula. Make and refine Extremis into the fucking ground, because that ability to regenerate is ridiculous and I want the extended lifespan and obvious physical upgrades. Maybe I can head up to Kamar-Taj and do some studying. Mesh magic and technology for that sweet, sweet techno-wizardry—I mean, the Asgardians do it already. Plus, you know, portals.

When I finished my shower, I got out and dressed down—jeans, sneakers, and a band tee. Heading downstairs, I found breakfast prepared and Jarvis waiting. Jarvis, the aging butler, who died at some point in the near future.

Fuck me, I winced internally.

"Good morning, Master Stark."

"Morning, Jarvis," I replied, taking my seat and digging in. Studying the man waiting silently as was his routine, I washed down my current bite with some orange juice and set my fork down.

"Hey Jarvis."

"Sir?"

"If you could go on vacation, anywhere at all, where would you go?"

The man hummed, a small smile coming to his face as he did. "I think I would visit England. Why do you ask?"

"I thought about some things last night and came to some realizations. Jarvis, you've been more like a father to me than my own in some ways. I don't want you to waste the last years of your life picking up after my messes. I've got a couple of projects I want to get started, and then I think I'm going to go do some soul searching. Travel around a bit and figure out where to go from here. While I'm out, why don't you take a vacation? Maybe consider retiring to some beach somewhere where you can sip fruity drinks and have scantily clad beauties wait on you, for once."

The old butler chuckled, shaking his head. "Mr. Stark… Anthony. If I were to retire, there is only one place I would consider home. Here, with you."

I sighed. "Damnit J., you're gonna make me cry. Alright. Fine. If that's what makes you happy."

"It would, sir."

"Then do me a favor. Look into training up a replacement. Preferably something young, cute, and tasty. Seriously, no dudes. Cute girls only," I sent him a stern look that had his lips twitching.

"Very well, Mr. Stark. I'll endeavor to find a young lady of substantial taste."

"Yeah, just make sure she's as dryly sassy as you," I rolled my eyes. "In the meantime, I'm looking to have a new home built. As nice as this place is, it'll always be my parents' home. I think I'll keep it in the family to give to any kids I have, but I can't stay here. Unless you'd rather?"

"My home is wherever you are, sir."

I nodded. "Alright, then. I'll draw up the plans. We can buy some land and hopefully have this thing done soon. While that's going, I'm going to take that walkabout and you go visit England. Sound good?"

"How long do you intend to be gone 'walkabout,' Mr. Stark?"

I considered that for a few moments before shrugging. Realistically, I knew generally where Kamar-Taj (Kathmandu, Nepal) was and what to look for, but I had no idea if I could actually find the place. I'd have to look for a monk. Then, assuming I found the place, I was going to study and put this new genius brain to use learning everything I could. "Could be a while."

"Very well. I'll make sure everything is taken care of for your return."

With that, I finished breakfast and went go to design a home.

The following month was busy.

I spent the first few days designing the home I wanted, taking the best parts from the Malibu mansion and Stark/Avengers tower, then taking the lessons learned from the movies and making sure the area was secure and remote. Jarvis bought the property through a purchasing company so it wouldn't be easily tied to my name. It wound up being about ten square miles of land in north western Montana—I owned a couple of mountains and a lake now. Once I knew the exact terrain, I planned around it. The house would be built on one of the mountains I owned, with the production facilities and a hardened bunker built into the mountain itself. The house was basically a cabin, with basement access to the production facility/prototyping lab. I made sure to give it roof access for later Iron Man armor landing/deployment and a garage entrance for vehicles.

The immediate property would be surrounded by a sturdy wall and the whole interior of the compound inside that wall would be covered in cameras and sensors. If a squirrel farted, I wanted to know about it. Later, once it was built, I would add some… active defenses. Repulsors, lasers, maybe some missiles. Deployable autonomous Iron Man armors. Basic stuff to keep out unwanted guests.

After sending the plans for the new house off, and express ordering some palladium, I hit the small lab in the mansion. If OG Tony could build an Arc Reactor in a cave out of spare parts with nothing more complex than a couple of shit computers from the 90s and a soldering iron, I could surely do it in a furnished lab with some cutting edge equipment (for the time).

I built a small palladium reactor, then used that and the equipment I had on hand to fabricate badassium, which I used to build a pair of small reactors. One of those, I locked in a secure briefcase, which I put in a safe deposit box in case of an emergency. The other, I integrated into a low profile bullet/stab resistant vest.

We actually had one of those laying around, so I didn't need to get Jarvis to go buy one.

Why did Tony Stark have one of those? Because his private security insisted, for certain events or going specific places. This Tony hadn't actually worn his like he should have, and I suspected OG Tony didn't either. Me? I liked my inside on the inside and things that should be outside, like knives and bullets, to stay outside.

Some wiring and gloves got me detachable, concealed personal defense weapons. That is once I made a couple of small repulsors to go into it.

Jarvis took one look at the whole contraption after I demonstrated it, sighed, and absconded with it. The next day, he delivered a black long sleeved under shirt. The reactor and all the wiring had been sewn in and the housing covered so that it didn't visibly glow. The work gloves had been replaced with some very fashionable leather driving gloves and the repulsors were now barely noticeable. All the function I had wanted, but with stylish form.

Then, he handed me several more shirts and showed me how to remove the wiring and move it to a new shirt quickly, so I wouldn't be wearing the same dirty shirt every day. Jarvis was truly the Alfred to my Batman.

I spent some time after that coding one of the A.I. OG Tony had relied on—Friday, not JARVIS, because I liked that Irish voice and sass and it would be weird having two of Jarvis around. I didn't actually finish Friday, however. I left her code on my ruggedized laptop to work on later. I had the beginnings of an idea in mind and I was going to wait until I could pull it off. I did, however, go ahead and make a V.I., to do some of the same grunt work, and installed it on the company server so I could connect to it from anywhere I could get internet access. Which, with a satellite uplink, was almost anywhere.

Of course, I didn't spend all my time in he lab. Tony was fairly good about keeping his body up, subscribing to the 'healthy body, healthy mind' mentality…

Who am I fucking kidding. Tony had worked out to make getting laid easier.

I kept up his routine and adjusted it a bit, then did a bit of research on my dietary needs and making preserved nutrient bars. It was some pretty interesting stuff, because neither OG Tony nor local Tony had bothered getting into that field. I did some experiments and came up with some emergency rations, but while they were great for weight to energy ratio, they weren't that tasty. I made a batch to keep on hand and made a note to do more research later when I had more free time.

I considered starting work on Extremis, but tossed that idea. I wanted better equipment before I started messing with that stuff. That, and preferably some other stuff…

The month wasn't all fun and preparation for my trip.

Obadiah contacted me and transferred the CEO position for the company to me… which I immediately foisted back onto him, telling him I would take it up when I got back, but that I was going on sabbatical first.

Obi was annoyed, but when I told him that I was going to clear my head after my parents' deaths and already had new ideas for where the company should go, it mollified him a bit. I had I give him something solid though, so I told him that I was planning to get into big energy.

At the end of the month, I packed a single duffel bag with some clothes, cash, and my laptop and things. Jarvis saw me off to our private jet and I was on my way.

It was actually surprisingly easy to find Kamar-Taj. They had someone waiting for me at the airport.

I stepped off the plane, gathered my luggage, and made my way towards the terminal to get my passport stamped. Except, once I was through with that, a man who looked suspiciously like a younger Wong met me before I could make it two steps.

"Mr. Stark?"

"You're taking to him," I confirmed, turning around and pulling off my (stylish and ridiculously overpriced) sun glasses. I found a Chinese man standing behind me dressed in an orange robe. "Can I help you…?"

"Wong," he confirmed my suspicion. "The Ancient One wishes to meet with you. This way, please."

"Alright." I was tired from the long flight, but I wasn't going to turn this down. Sleep was for the weak anyway.

I followed him through the crowd, until he ducked into a side room. The door closed behind me and he waved his hand in a circle. A portal bordered in orange appeared and I whistled quietly. "I had hoped, but seeing it in person… Amazing."

Wong actually cracked a smile. "Yes. Magic has many wonders." His smile fell off. "Many dangers as well. Come."

I stepped through the portal into the courtyard of Kamar-Taj. It was already night here, fairly late or very early from the look of things, so the place was dead. Still, very pretty to look at under the nearly full moon, with the stars as bright as they were.

We walked into the compound and Wong lead me to an office, where a pretty but somewhat older lady sat behind a desk. Asian, with that look that could be anywhere between thirty and fifty, and she had all her hair. Neither the man I was expecting from the comics nor Tilda Swinson. But then, I shouldn't be surprised. I, or rather local Tony, only had a strong resemblance to Downey while clearly still being someone else. Even Wong, while recognizable, looked a bit different from my expectations.

"Not who you were expecting?"

I hummed. "I've learned to temper expectation recently."

The woman smiled and gestured for me to sit. I placed my bag down beside me and took a seat. Wong bowed and saw himself out, closing the door behind himself. The Ancient One poured us both a cup of tea once he was gone.

"You're supposed to be dead."

"Things change," I shrugged.

"Not this. The fate of this world was set in stone. Hurtling down a path of destruction I couldn't find a way to avert. You were never in any of those possible futures, Mr. Stark."

"Please, just Tony. And what can I say, other than that I was given a second chance? I saw a glimpse of what was to come, one possible future, and now… here I am."

"Here you are," she murmured. "And what do you expect to gain here?"

"Knowledge of the mystic arts. An edge against the enemies rushing at the gates."

She considered that for a moment before asking, "What do you intend to do with that knowledge?"

"A couple of things, really. Combine sorcery and technology into something like what the Asgardians have. Defend the Earth from extraterrestrial threats. Make flying cars. Really, that last one should come before the second. Basically, once I figure out how to integrate tech and magic, I'm going to return, and I'm going to share everything I know. I'm going to arm Kamar-Taj against all future threats."

The Ancient One hummed. "Such a thing would earn you the position of Sorcerer Supreme."

"Don't want it," I waved her off. "Let someone else have that headache. I mean honor. I'll take all the fun parts of magic and none of the responsibilities, thanks."

The woman laughed. "At least you're honest." She sipped her tea before asking, "No responsibilities?"

"As few as I can reasonably manage. I don't care about position or status, I just want to learn magic and make awesome stuff. But if you tell me the world is going to be eaten or something if I don't act, well… I live here. Obviously, I can't let that happen."

"Good. Good." She nodded. "Much easier to work with than Steven."

"Strange is a good guy, just a bit egotistical. Most experts in their field are. I'm an expert in everything I try, so I'm well aware that I'm the most egotistical of them all."

"Quite." She drained the last of her tea and nodded. "Very well. The halls of Kamar-Taj are open to you. Wong will show you to a room."

With that, the door behind me opened and I sent the woman a smile. "Thank you. You won't regret this."

"I already do," she sent me an amused look.

Following behind Wong, I asked, "So, where do I start?"

He reached into his robe and pulled out what I recognized as a sling ring. "I've left some introductory books in your room. Group training starts at dawn."

"Thank you," I took the ring and slipped it in my pocket.

Wong dropped me off at a small room with a single bed, a table and chair, and a book shelf. I dropped my bag on the bed and examined the books. Finding them to be in a language I didn't recognize, I decided to skip the tedious route of translation by hand.

I pulled out my laptop. Setting it up on the desk, I plugged in the satellite link and used a compass to get an accurate direction. Thankfully, the window was situated where the device would just rest on the sill and point upwards.

The laptop finished booting to the custom Stark OS and I connected to one of the Stark satellites, then VPN'd into the office. From there, I connected to my little V.I..

"Good morning, Mr. Stark. How can I help you?"

"Well Vi, I've got a little work for you. I need a translation. I'll send you the scans."

With that, I took out my phone and began photographing the books, page by page, and sending them to Vi. Before I was halfway finished with the second book, she had already sent back a document with the translated first book.

Damn I love technology.

I finished and got the last book from Vi, then sat down with my laptop and began studying. As I did, I slipped the sling ring onto my right hand and began making lazy circles, focusing on my lab in the soon to be defunct mansion. Orange sparks formed and I grinned, continuing to split my focus.

"Did you even sleep?"

I looked up to see the Ancient One standing in my doorway. Glancing at the time on my laptop, I saw it was just after 5:30 local time. "Nope. This is too interesting."

"Mm. And what is that?" She asked, nodding towards the Arc Reactor sitting on my desk… being used to charge my laptop and phone.

I really should just go ahead and invent wireless charging. Do away with USB charging cables. … And power lines, when I start putting these puppies in cities.

"That, Ms. Ancient One, is the future. The power of the sun in the palm of your hand. Soon, these will be powering every home, every city, every device in the world. A completely clean, renewable energy source that uses a synthesized element that can be made cheaply, easily, and in bulk. I made this little sample with leftover scrap in my lab. Now, what, I wonder, would happen if I used one of these… to fuel a spell?"

"…I see." She went silent for several moments. While she stood there, my phone pinged with an incoming text.

"How do you like pizza?"

The woman blinked. "I enjoy a slice or two every now and then."

I reached out and made a circle over the table. Orange energy traced the perimeter of a portal and a box of fresh pizza fell through, from Tony's favorite pizza place in New York. The portal winked out of existence a moment later.

"Breakfast?"

"…I believe I will. Thank you. Though you do realize that we should be keeping the secrets of magic secret?"

I waved her off. "No point. The whole world is going to know inside of twenty years. For now I can pass it off as 'Brilliant Tony Stark inventing and testing portal technology, scares New York pizza parlor workers after ordering surprise delivery.' Or at least that's what the headline will read. But eventually? Secret's gonna come out. Might as well get people used to the idea.

"Hell, why not make it an integral part of their daily lives. Make magic so common that everyone just sort of waves it off as a tool they use every day. Like computers, or cell phones. Twenty years ago, this," I held up my phone, "would've gotten someone disappeared for all the secrets inside of it. Today? They're so cheap you can buy them at a dollar store. So common that you're weird if you don't have one. So, why not make magic free, easily accessible, and something anyone can learn? Put the simple stuff out there for everyone to look at and keep the really dangerous stuff safely tucked away."

"All magic is dangerous if used improperly."

"So are pointy sticks. And those are just lying around all over the place for anyone to find. We don't ban pointy sticks because people might misuse them. At some point, you have to accept that people have autonomy and need to be responsible for their own actions. You can't wrap the world in cotton and make it safe for everyone. Let people win a few Darwin awards and they start figuring out what to and not to do. Yes, someone will use it for awful things. A lot of someones. But you don't, for instance, run an entire propaganda campaign to ban steak knives just because some idiot got stab-happy. It'd be like banning trucks because a few people ran them through crowds. Fill the world with enough pointy sticks, knives, trucks, and so on and eventually it just becomes another facet of daily life. People are going to find something to bitch about regardless of what you do. You don't give up useful things because of emotional arguments, or the possibility that someone could get hurt."

"Is that your intent? To make it so common that everyone has access?"

"It's my desire. A world where scarcity is a thing of the past. No more fighting over limited resources. The ability to spread to the stars. Wonders on tap for anyone smart enough to figure it out. Humans are still going to fight. I have no delusions about that. They're still going to be shitty to each other. There are still going to be differences of race, sex, religion, values, politics, and more dividing us and likely always will. That's the human condition. But if I can render some of the stuff we fight over moot, then that will at least help stop some of it. And it'll give us a means of standing up for ourselves, when the time comes."

I sat back and chewed on my slice of supreme pizza. The Ancient One took up a slice of her own and we ate in silence for a few minutes. Finally, she asked, "You intend to make magical weapons?"

"You're damn right I do. I'm not giving them to the government. That's a recipe for disaster. But I'll hold onto a few, just in case we need them. Having a weapon that can magically bypass enemy ship shields via portals would be handy. And that's just the least of the things I could come up with."

Quietly, she asked, "Do you think you can beat him?"

"The big purple nutsack?"

"Mm."

"Eventually." I considered her for a moment before asking, "Not going to ask about saving yourself?"

"It is tempting."

I sent her a grin. "I'll see what I can do."

"Very well. In the meantime, I have granted you permission to view the entire library."

"Awesome. I'll start copying books, then." I considered for a moment, then shook my head. "Actually… I could use an assistant for that, if you don't mind. Someone who can sit down and push a button over and over. And hey, this way, no one will be able to destroy or steal the books because there will be digital copies. And I can have Vi translate them into most known languages, so that barrier goes away."

"…I'll have it assigned as a rotating duty until the task is complete. I would like access to whatever you manage to create of it, to ensure its accuracy, however."

"Sure, absolutely. Don't want something getting lost in translation."

And like that, my plans were in motion.