If you like SasuNaru, or any kind of Naruto yaoi, join LiveJournal communities for Naruto yaoi and sasuxnaru! We needy more members! And since LJ doesn't require LJ invite codes anymore, you can just join! In case you were wondering, my LJ is evilmuffin

Other cool Naruto yaoi writers are there too! Join! XDDD.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I own Neji. grabs him and runs away from evil Japanese-muttering lawyers

Thank you people for the confidence-raising reviews. I was pleased on how people didn't point bad fingers at me for making 12-year-old Sasuke a pervert. :D And sorry for not updating for like, what, half a year! xDXDDDD (if anyone CARES). Anyway, I did remove the condescending side comments (well, at least I tried…) from this chappie.

Naruto: I love Sasuke. I want to screw him so hard that he'll feel me inside him for a week.

Sasuke: Baka. That's my line. rapes him

Sighs I vainly wish that it would happen…

Oh yeah, moving the story to past tense. Present is kind of bleh (no, she just can't write present tense coherently enough) XD


Chapter Two: Pains and Even More Pains

Sasuke yawned and painfully rubbed his bloodshot eyes. All that clinging and face-rubbing performed by Naruto kept him awake last night. Sasuke wasn't sure what his instinctive Uchiha hormonal senses would do to Naruto while his conscious was asleep, so he basically spent the whole night trying to keep himself awake, biting on his fingers so he wouldn't fall asleep. By the time it was morning, there was blood and bruises all over his hands. But he wasn't sure if he was successful in keeping himself awake…….

Sasuke glanced over at Naruto. The boy seemed fine--at least HE got a few hours of sleep. Sasuke continued to absentmindedly stare (and drool) at the cuteness of Naruto until their teacher came in the timeliest manner.

"Yo!" With a poof of non-toxic smoke, Kakashi had appeared. He seemed to be in an ebullient mood, and even apologized for his tardiness. "Where's Sakura?" Kakashi asked, looking around with the Icha Icha Paradisu glued to his hand.

"Sakura told me she was sick today….very sick. Right Sasuke? She said she won't be able to go to missions for a week," Naruto told Kakashi, a look of small confusion on his face.

"Or maybe two," Sasuke added, and smirked.

What Naruto didn't know couldn't hurt him. A day before his stay at Naruto's house, Sasuke had told Sakura that if she went to China for a week that he would go on a date with her the following week without a doubt. The girl had bluntly agreed, and went on the ship without protest or thought. Sadly, she had not looked at the ticket he gave to her, giddy and bouncy with the thoughts of her future date with Sasuke--the ship was actually headed for Antarctica.

Of course, that was just the beginning of Sasuke's malicious and costly plans to get rid of all obstacles in claiming Naruto as his own. It was quite shocking what the little boy would do just to have solitary entitlement over Naruto. But again, he didn't like Sakura all over him, giving him "gifts" of practically inedible and indigestible rice balls. He would have rather swallowed a bucketful of stones.

"Kakashi-sensei, what's our mission today?" Naruto asked, the subject of Sakura immediately forgotten. "Can we have a B-rank mission today? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

He pleaded, giving his teacher the evil-look-of-utter-kawaiiness-that-spelled-DOOM, but Kakashi shook his head. Sasuke looked in amazement, as to how Kakashi would be able to flippantly resist such a cute face that entranced Ice-Bitch Sasuke each time without fail. He supposed there was a reason Kakashi was a Jounin.

"We will be collecting trash around this park today. We'll need at least 50 pounds of trash or we won't be able to go home today." Kakashi stated, his eyes scouring over the contents of his just-bought Icha Icha Paradisu vol. 10. It was terribly fun!

"And since Sakura's not here today, you'll have to do her work as well; 75 pounds for both of you." Naruto and Sasuke looked on, eyes glazed and dulled with the burden of massive numbers.

"I'm just kidding! It's only 50 pounds to collect overall, but it certainly would've been easier and pretty much faster to collect if Sakura was here…" Kakashi trailed off, his fingers busy flipping over volume 10.

Sasuke felt a bit peeved for some reason, almost as if Kakashi knew of his plans. His further developing thoughts were interrupted by Naruto's outburst.

"50 pounds! And of trash! That weighs as much as me!" Naruto exclaimed.

But he was wrong. Sasuke knew Naruto weighed exactly 40.1 kilos, 89.1 in pounds. So that statement would be incorrect, for 50 pounds was only 56.1167227 of his actual weight.

Sasuke also knew Naruto was 145.3 cm tall and right-handed. And if that wasn't scary enough, he knew every difference and percentages of the difference between his and Naruto's measurements—sharingan DID have its uses sometimes. He also knew Naruto's shirt size, his shoe size, his pant size--ok, not to that detail. Sasuke burned to learn of Naruto's pants' size! And to learn of his chest, waist, and hip measurements as well!

Sasuke had absolutely no idea that this amount and detail of information he knew would be classified as a stalker-degree of obsession to detail to most people. As if he would have cared.

"Well, you guys better get started or else you'll never get home by the end of the day."

At hearing this, Naruto scampered to get a trash bag and to start collecting trash.

Kakashi turned to Sasuke. "I want to speak with you for a moment, Sasuke."

Sasuke wondered if Kakashi knew of his plans to send Sakura to a death-land. Of course, he reminded her she might need some heavy-duty warm clothes so she certainly wouldn't have died from the cold…hmm….Even if Kakashi knew, all they could do was to send a search party after Sakura. But who would consent to going to an ice-cold island?

Either way, Sasuke already planned it out: since Sakura's hair was blindingly pink, the natives would soon find her because of the color contrast to the white of the snow, and once they found her, they would sell her as a slave at a decent price. But then again, Sasuke wasn't sure if there were natives on Antarctica….

Sasuke nodded, and Kakashi came closer to speak in a whisper so the busy-working Naruto wouldn't overhear. But Kakashi was quite direct in his speech.

"I know what you did last night Sasuke."

Sasuke flinched noticeably, but said nothing. But in his mind he was going crazy. DAMN MY PLANS WERE RUINED. It was probably very wrong for a 12-year-old boy to desire another 12-year-old boy, and Kakashi might prohibit that forever.

"I don't know what you're up to, but you were definitely doing something to Naruto yesterday."

Sasuke still said nothing, only biting his lips to keep himself from bawling, confessing everything of his heart's desire. The pain on his lower lip was the only thing keeping him from bursting out everything.

"I could hear Naruto, MOANING all the way from my apartment. And I want you to know Sasuke, my apartment is about 5 miles away from his."

Sasuke vaguely remembered Naruto declaring that his house was exactly 5 miles away from the Ichiraku Ramen stand. But then it was actually 5 minutes. Maybe Kakashi-sensei lived near the Ichiraku Ramen stand. Maybe 5 miles really was 5 minutes. Maybe all his math studies were wrong. Maybe he needed to go back to the academy again. And Sasuke wondered why he was thinking such stupid thoughts at this crucial moment when he had to prepare himself for the final blow.

"Sasuke, you're not replying. Is what I'm saying true, or have I been hearing things?"

"I-I-I was massaging him Kakashi-sensei!" Sasuke blurted out. Oh boy. Smart. Sasuke wanted much to stab himself for the stupid thought. Maybe he should have told Kakashi that he LOVED to caress Naruto's shoulders and groped him there and other inappropriate places for fun.

Much to Sasuke's amazement, Kakashi looked quite convinced.

"Oh, was that it? I see…." Kakashi rubbed his chin. "Well, I guess there's only one way to know." Kakashi turned to his left. "Naruto! Come over here!"

Naruto twitched at the sound of his name, afraid of being caught eavesdropping on their conversation.

He had purposely been kicking and picking up trash near Kakashi and Sasuke just so he could listen to their conversation. He smiled meekly as he came tip-toeing over to Kakashi.


"Naruto, I'd just like to know what you and Sasuke did last night." Kakashi smiled.

Naruto wrapped his arms around the back of his head and grinned.

"Haha, that's easy. We just slept together, Kakashi-sensei!"


One would know better than to say this, but this was Naruto we're talking about here. There was no limit to his logic, more of maybe that he had none of it.

Sasuke just let his mouth hang open as Kakashi took on an expression he'd never seen before. The worst he could expect was that Kakashi would resign to teach Team 7 due to "personal difficulties" with the students. The 12-year-old IMPURE students, save for the absent Sakura.

"Ah-ahh. I see…" Kakashi muttered, his head bent lower to his orange book. "You're excused Naruto."

Naruto went back to his trash collecting work, scratching his head in utter confusion. Sasuke was still too stunned to move, but managed to lift one heavy foot after the other to avoid his teacher.

"Sasuke, the next time with Naruto, call me, alright?" Kakashi mumbled and he bent even lower into his dirty book, and Sasuke looked back in utter shock. So the rumors were true…..Kakashi-sensei really was a pervert!

At least, he was relieved Kakashi was tolerant, if not scarily encouraging of Naruto's horrible wording. They had not REALLY slept together….well, yes they did, but they didn't DO anything….at least he hoped they didn't. Sasuke sighed, frustrated at his lack of memory and fuzziness of last night.

"Hey, Sasuke, are you going to make me do all the work!" Naruto bitterly complained.

Already, the blonde had collected 30 pounds of trash. Sasuke was a bit amazed at his prowess. Actually, he was amazed one park could contain so much trash.

"Sasuke! Are you listening! Help me out here!" Naruto called over helplessly, struggling with the weight of the bag, which Sasuke estimated was about 33.6700336 of his weight and rushed to help him.

They held at one end of the trash bag, trying to drag it over to the huge dumpster a few feet away. As they tugged on the openings of the bag, Sasuke realized how intimately close their hands were, and if Sasuke just moved over an inch, his hands would be on top of Naruto's soft little hands. He wanted to rub his bruised and bloody fingers over Naruto's hands and say "Oh, Naruto, did you know you coo and mewl to yourself about ramen at night?" and put butterfly kisses up and down his neck and Naruto would be seduced by his touches and then…

While thinking, Sasuke had forgotten all about the trash bag and had accidentally let go. Naruto, who was trying his hardest to pull the heavy load over fell over on his back, and the place he let go had a huge rip and already trash started pouring out from the opening.

Sasuke opened his mouth to remark before he realized Naruto had tears in his eyes and was trying to wipe them away with his sleeves.

"Naruto, I'm sorry…" Sasuke managed to say, but the sight of Naruto with innocent, albeit fake, tears in his eyes moved him so much, he wanted to hug him tight and never let go.

Of course, Naruto wouldn't like that, in his current state.

"Sasuke, you never help me when I need you! You..you…" Naruto sniffed. "I hate you!" Naruto turned and ran, sobbing as he went.

Sasuke knew from experience that this was many a method of Naruto's just to get Sasuke to buy him ramen again. He would have gladly bought him ten bowls, but the apparition of Itachi warning him to use his money wisely sent shivers down his spine. He did not want another encounter with Itachi again. Ever.

"Hmmph. You're stupider than you look, Uchiha."

Sasuke turned to face Neji, sitting contently on a nearby bench with his legs crossed in a quite effeminate way. His blank white eyes and stupid girly-ways annoyed Sasuke.

"Are you going to give me another dissertation on how you and Naruto belong together by destiny and fate? Because you do realize, lectures get redundant when based upon fantasies." Sasuke retorted coolly.

Neji only raised an eyebrow, and cocked his head in amusement. (Catfight!)

"Rude as ever, aren't you? Well, I was going to give you a suggestion on how to bring Naruto to your side….but I guess it was destiny you guys weren't meant to be." Getting up quite slowly, he passed by Sasuke muttering softly in his ear, "You've got to play along with them."

Sasuke turned his head. "Play along? What do you mean?"

Neji looked back, frustrated, flipping his long, silky hair over his shoulder as he rolled his white eyes.

"I hope they don't call you genius for nothing, Uchiha, because you should know what I mean," Neji remarked, and a smirk appeared on his lips. "Or perhaps I should just take Naruto from you. It's destiny, after all, that we belong together."

And with that, Neji let out a hearty evil laugh, very much out of character, and added a few more tidbits about Destiny preferring the Hyuuga to the Uchiha in terms of intelligence.

"I don't know Neji, I think Naruto prefers men," scoffed the raven-haired boy.

Neji glared defiantly at him. Sasuke knew he hit him at a weak spot….or so he presumed.

"Was it destiny that I was meant to be as beautiful as the female race! Did destiny grant me such silky hair, such a perfect oval face, such slender and toned limbs? Ohh, the cruelties of fate…." Neji preached to the skies, before realizing Sasuke was looking at him like he swallowed a cockroach or something.

Lowering his hands, Neji cleared his throat.

"In any case, know that you have competition for the affections of Naruto-kun, Uchiha," Neji purred. "Me….and destiny!"

Neji gracefully turned to leave, chuckling evil chuckles as he sauntered past other genin who eyed him strangely. Sasuke had never heard the word "destiny" mentioned so much in one conversation. Needless to say, the reason Sasuke hated Neji was because he mentioned "Destiny" in every other sentence. Couldn't he use a thesaurus?

But now Sasuke was worried, because he had to claim Naruto as his own right away with the stupid she-man doggedly determined to steal his love!

"O-Oy! Sasuke! You still need to collect 20 more pounds of trash!" Kakashi called out.

Sasuke swore under his breath and finished collecting trash at about midnight. And through all this, Neji laughed at his position, ranting about how it was his destiny to collect trash until Sasuke came over and punched Neji square in his pretty face.


Bleghhh. XD. Don't get me wrong, I love Neji, but I always thought of him as this very feminine and destiny-obsessed character. And I'm sure he's obsessed with Naruto as well…..the 190's chapters was enough shonen-ai for me. XDD. And…does anyone want to be my beta? XDDD. Just wondering.

Oh yeah, Itachi is coming soon, because I lurves him ;; R&R please!

09/14/05 Edit: Fixed the biggest mathematical errorof my whole entire life. Did anybody notice the original said something like "25 pounds was 56 of 89.1"? That was supposed to be 50 pounds, not 25. OO. Also fixed a few minor story problems and formatting. Yay.