A selection of electronic correspondence between Esper Myrellis-Verilla and Sienna Asher, July 88 ADD-June 89 ADD.
July 16th, 88 ADD
Subject: Friendly Face
Thank you for the note. I appreciated it. You were right about that last part- "it's lonely to be the last one standing." I keep thinking about it. I keep thinking about a lot of things. There's been a lot to process, if that makes sense.
Sorry to bother you at this time of night- it's been difficult to sleep since leaving the arena.
Sincerely,
Esper Myrellis-Verilla
July 17th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: Friendly Face
Esper,
Don't worry about it. It's good to hear from you. I never sleep well around this time of year either. It was especially tough right after I left the arena. I think I read somewhere once that that's what sleep is for- processing everything that happened during the day- but sometimes there's too much to work through. Especially when everything is fresh.
Based on my experiences with my own Career Mentor, I have a suspicion yours has been less than helpful. I hope you know that if you need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open. If I'm being totally honest, I've been hoping you would reach out. I only won three years ago, and the Victors since then have been Jarvis and Diana. Jarvis is mute and doesn't really interact with anyone, and Diana obviously hates me. And everyone before me is much older. So it's been lonely in more than one way, if you catch my meaning.
I hope you do manage to get some rest, though. You need it. Even if it's not sleeping, try to find ways to relax. It'll be hard, but it'll help.
Sleep well,
Sienna Asher
July 18th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: Friendly Face
Sienna,
Good to know it's not just me with the sleeping thing. The last thing I want to be thinking about is the Games, and every time I try to sleep, suddenly it's all I can think of. I already woke up my sister once, and I don't want it to happen again. I'm supposed to be the older brother, you know? But something has shifted, and I can't fix it. I hope I'm not intruding, but did you ever get your family to go back to treating you the way they did before the Games, if they did treat you differently? If I could, I'd just pretend it didn't happen, but it did. They see the scars the Games left on me every time they look at me, and so do I. I can't escape it, not even for a second. At least the pain is decreasing now. That's something, right?
You're right again about the Career Mentor. Piers was almost entirely useless. I think the ending was a win-win for him- either I won, and he got out of Six, or Lio won, and he could stick Lio in Six and go home. He just didn't really do much. At all. Was yours the same?
I can't emphasize enough how much I appreciate you reaching out. I want you to know that it goes both ways. I'm sorry that it's been lonely for you. Maybe it can be a bit less lonely for both of us moving forward.
Sincerely,
Esper Myrellis-Verilla
July 23rd, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Friendly Face
Esper,
No, I know what you mean with the family thing. It was the last thing I wanted to think about, but it was also all I could think about. And I think we might be a bit different there- I'm the youngest of three. Their initial reaction to me coming home was to treat me like a fragile little kid. They wouldn't leave me alone. It used to be no problem to have me watch the store for a bit, or to let me go out with my friends, but suddenly I couldn't do anything. I would have minded it more if I actually wanted to do anything. But yeah, eventually it got suffocating. It was hard to process things when someone was always with me. And they did treat me differently after that, anyway. They saw the version of my Games that everyone else saw, and it wasn't the kindest view of me. So they sort of alternated between babying me and being distant. It's gotten better with time. I'm sure it will for you, too.
What do you mean by pain, by the way? Did the Capitol not give you medication for that? I hope this isn't rude, but your finale was kind of a lot. I almost died too, but they managed to fix the big hole in my stomach without too much trouble. Are you feeling okay?
I'm sorry to hear that about your Mentor. I don't know if you've met Aurelia, but she's complicated. It's a bit of a long story, and I think(?) things are better between us now, but no, she didn't do much. But I'd still take her over Diana any day.
And thank you! That's really, really nice to hear. I know we're only talking because of our awful shared experiences, but I'm still glad that we're talking. It's already nice to have your emails to look forward to.
Sienna
July 28th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Friendly Face
Sienna,
Yeah, we might be a little different there. I'm the oldest of three, and my parents have never really been in the picture. They're all I've ever had, really, and vice versa. But since I've been back we don't really know how to interact with each other anymore. Ryden avoids me, and I can't blame him for it. He saw the kid who used to read him bedtime stories do… that. And Rhylee is worried about me, and I wish she wouldn't be, because I don't want her to feel like I did growing up. Ever. I don't want to be a burden on her. I wish there was something I could do to fix it. At least Rhylee talks to me, though. Ryden… I don't know. He's not wrong about any of it. But I don't know where to go from here.
They offered me morphling for the pain, yes. I wasn't interested.
I haven't met Aurelia. I don't mind a long story, though. If you ever need to tell it, or even if you just want to, I'll listen (as best as I can these days, anyway). I've been debating watching your Games sometime, honestly, just because I feel like you know way more about me than I do about you. I was always too busy to pay actual attention to the Games, you know? But I think I remember parts of it. I do remember Diana, though- she won last year, right?
Yeah, I agree. It's reassuring to know that there's someone, somewhere, who understands. Not that I'm happy you went through the same things, but it's nice to feel a little less alone.
Sincerely,
Esper
August 4th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Friendly Face
Esper,
Oh, no! I'm so sorry. That's really hard. I'm sure your sister means the best- she must have missed you so much, and to nearly lose you was really scary. Once you've been around longer, she'll settle. It's been hard for her, too, which I'm sure you know, but it was a different kind of difficult. Consistency is key, I think. That could help your brother, too. It's exactly like you said: he saw a different side of you. With my family, they saw their little sister killing people, and they never thought I could do that. I didn't either. Maybe try to show them that you're the person they remember, too. That person isn't gone forever. He just had to protect himself for a little while.
I hope that makes sense. And I don't mean to tell you what to do- you know them best. Just hang in there, okay?
I'm sorry you're still feeling rough. That can't be fun at all. Not that any of this is fun, but I can't imagine it helps. How is your recovery going? I think the media is trying to keep it from being too obvious, if that makes sense. I think they usually prefer us without visible signs of what we went through. I'll admit, though, it was a bit weird to wake up with no scars. It felt wrong. It didn't really feel like me.
Well, the long story made a bit shorter is that during my Games, Aurelia ignored me and put all her effort into my partner, because she thought he could win and that I would die in the first two minutes. Obviously, she was wrong. It was awful, though. I was basically left alone the entire time with no real help with training, my session, my interviews, all of it. It was very isolating. Luckily, my allies had better Mentors, so that helped a little, but it was a shock for her when I, of all people, made it back. She'd been Mentoring in Twelve for a couple years, because we have no living Victors- they were both killed in the Quell- so for it to be me, of all people, who got her out of there… it was a lot.
But things have been better since then, I think. I think she's sort of… started to understand, if that makes sense? Careers are complicated, but I think her Games had issues too, and with some more context it just… how she acted makes a lot of sense now that we've talked about it a little more. I think she might regret how she acted, but not because I proved her wrong…? I don't know. Especially since Diana won, our relationship has changed. I think it's for the better. She was really nice after my interview. I'm not even sure how I ended up in her apartment, but she was surprisingly decent about it. It's almost funny, but she's been more of a Mentor this last year than she was when that was her actual job.
For watching my Games, I won't stop you, but also know it's not the full picture. There's a lot that didn't make it into the final cut. The interview from this year probably helps show that, but it was really awful. You're right- Diana won last year. She hates me, which I don't blame her for, but… it's hard. I understand why she blames me- it's easier than admitting what really happened- but she really let me have it. If you do end up watching it, just keep this stuff in mind. And be careful- it's not your Games, but it's not fun to watch.
But I agree: it's nice to feel less alone. As you might have picked up from this email, there's been a lot of loneliness in the last three years. I'm glad that's finally started to change.
Sienna
August 10th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Friendly Face
Sienna,
I hope you're right. It's easy to lose their perspective in all this. I've been thinking I should actually talk to Rhylee a little- she's fourteen. She's not clueless. I'm just afraid of crossing some unspoken line into her feeling like my therapist or something, which is the last thing I want. And it's so exhausting to try to pull myself back together and reach out to Ryden at the same time when he's giving me absolutely nothing back. It doesn't help that lately it's been harder to keep myself in check. I keep wanting to snap at everyone, and I hate that, because I don't really want to snap at them. So sometimes it's easier to say nothing. But I do want to talk to them… it's a brutal cycle.
Recovery is… going. It's the main reason I leave the house these days, to go to various specialists. It's not enjoyable, but I can appreciate that it's getting better. It's come a long way, which is good, because apparently I have to start making public appearances in Six soon. Did that happen to you, too?
That's actually awful. Piers was useless, yeah, but I don't think he went out of his way to be like that. He just was. I'm glad you proved her wrong- you deserved that moment. The Capitol sucks enough without that other stuff on top of it. And good for you for earning her respect, although I really don't think you should bother. It's her who should be earning your respect, not the other way around. She's the one who failed you.
And I did go watch your Games, as well as that interview you mentioned. You were right- it wasn't fun. I mostly just watched the bits you were in. I can see why Diana wouldn't be your biggest fan. If it helps, I'm sure there are lots of people in Panem right now who wish I was dead. But I give you a lot of credit for surviving, especially at such a young age. I understand why it might have been controversial, since the Two boy was a Career, but I don't think you did anything wrong. Careers play a different game from everyone else, and they usually win because of it. It makes sense Diana would blame you for his death, but what did she expect you to do? If her brother had killed you, she'd have no problem with it. I'm just saying. And I'm sorry about that interview. Like you said, this stuff wasn't fun to watch- in more ways than one- but I feel like I know you a little better now. So that's comforting.
Three years is a long time. Happy to help.
Sincerely,
Esper
August 29th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Friendly Face
Esper,
I think talking to your sister is a great idea! Fourteen is absolutely old enough, and besides, she cares about you. My life completely changed when I was fourteen, and there are so many things I wish I could've told fourteen-year-old Sienna. She was stronger than she knew, and I bet your sister is, too. Look at how far she's already come. And I'm sorry that it's still tough with Ryden. I just hope you're taking care of yourself, too. That might help with the snapping thing? You've been through a lot. Give yourself some compassion.
I'm glad you're starting to feel better (or at least less bad!). I did have to make some appearances, but I'm not the most popular in Twelve, so that didn't last very long. There's also the Victory Tour, although I wouldn't worry about that yet. It's not for a while. But from what I can tell, you have a decent amount of fans, so that's good, right?
I see what you mean about Aurelia. She did fail me, and she knows that. But I think as time goes on, she's less and less okay with that, if that makes sense. It does feel good to earn some sort of attention for her, but I think the change has been more about herself than me. Because this year, she didn't fail me. Not at all. I still don't really know how it happened, but she was there for me after my interview with Diana. It's scary to hope the shift has been real, but maybe that's why I should.
And don't forget- there was a lot left out of my Games. Most of what was left out was actually about Cal. The way they showed him wasn't at all what he was like. Esper- Cal changed his mind. I didn't do anything to convince him that the Games were wrong: he did that by himself. I'm only here because of him. Cal would have won, easily. That final moment, with the knife in my hand- I was nearly dead. I don't even remember it. So who stabbed Cal, if not…?
Sorry. It's hard to think about. But the Careers aren't all bad. Otherwise, we wouldn't be writing each other right now. And the stuff you said about Diana… that does make sense. It's just hard, because we knew two very different versions of Cal, and mine doesn't line up with hers at all. I wish she had known that Cal. I miss that Cal a lot.
Sorry this message took so long- I have to keep taking breaks. It's weird, because we only knew our allies in the arena for a few weeks, maximum, but they really stick with you. Cal's not the only one I think about, either. Do you miss anyone from your arena?
Sienna
August 30th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Friendly Face
Sienna,
That's a fair point. I keep forgetting how young you were during your Games. I'd like to talk to Rhylee, but it's been hard to find a good moment- school's about to start, and we've both been busy. She's starting high school, and I'm starting college, and there's a lot to do, you know? Are you still in school as well?
Physically, I'm a lot better. My hand is much more usable now, which is good, because I was worried about taking notes for class. And I look somewhat less horrifying now, which is always a plus. Thankfully I've only had to make the one public appearance so far- everything else has conflicted with my schedule. The one I did agree to was a mess, but the party was thrown in my name, so I had to go. The Mayor is… off-putting, and his son is a righteous asshole. You should have heard some of the bullshit he was saying to me. I'll never go to a party of theirs again. Hopefully I can avoid them both outside of the Reapings.
I hope you're right about Aurelia. I won't lie, I think we feel a bit differently about Careers. I have no interest in reconnecting with Piers. I hope that goes well for you, but… be careful? We both know how they can be. Maybe you're right that they aren't all bad, but they're certainly not good, and I think the latter outweighs the former. Don't get me wrong, though: I'm really sorry about your friend. He was clearly important to you. He almost reminds me of Vikram a bit, except Vikram never actually had the nerve to do anything like that. But it's stuff like Vikram that makes me doubt the Careers. One of them ripped my ear off with his bare hands, Sienna. He slammed my head against the floor so hard that he burst my eardrum. I watched Mavka shove her heel through someone's eye. Vikram left Portia for dead, and for what reason? How am I supposed to just… look past all that? How is Cal supposed to be more than just an exception?
I… I wouldn't say I miss anyone other than Portia. Most of my allies managed to be pretty unlikable. I remember them all the time, though, even when I don't want to. It's very draining. It's less that I miss them and more that I just can't stop thinking about it sometimes. I don't know.
Sincerely,
Esper
September 3rd, 88 ADD
Subject: Help
Sienna,
You'll never believe it. You know that event I talked about, with the Mayor and his son? His son is in every single one of my classes. The Mayor put his son in all of my classes. I can't emphasize enough how insufferable he is. This is a nightmare. Send help ASAP.
Esper
September 4th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: Help
Esper,
Oh no! Every single class? What are the odds of that?! Is there any way you can avoid him anyway? Like by sitting far away from him? That's crazy!
I'm really glad you're feeling better. I bet school will be good for that too, in terms of distracting you. It's nice to keep busy. And to answer one of your questions- Twelve doesn't really have colleges in the way a lot of other districts do. It's just too small and has other priorities. There is a sort of community college type of place, mostly for the merchant district and some medical professionals, but it's really small. I've been keeping busy, though!
It's okay. I won't take the Career thing too personally, especially given how recent your Games were. We can drop it, at least for now. Someday I'll find that footage, though. And maybe you're right, and Cal was an exception. But he's proof that there are people in those districts who know right from wrong, and maybe… maybe they just don't have the opportunities to follow paths that don't lead to places like the Games and Peacekeeper-ing. It's something I'm still working on.
I'm sorry about Portia, too. Feel free to talk to me about her anytime. Survivor's guilt is a real thing, and it doesn't feel good.
Sienna
September 7th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: Help
Sienna,
Every. Single. Class. My only options are to sit in the back or in the front at this point, and I need to sit in the front, both for my hearing and my own learning. He, of course, refuses to move. Townes is actually the worst. Every group project assignment that's come out so far has forced us to work together, too, which has been a disaster. I think this will be a long semester.
Is Twelve really that small? I know Six is big, just because it's so compact, but I can't imagine living anywhere so small. What do you do to keep busy, then?
I do hope you find that footage. It's interesting that it was edited out, I won't lie. My Games didn't seem nearly as edited, at least with the stuff I was involved in. I wonder if things were edited that I don't know about.
I don't know if that's a conversation I'm ready to have yet, but I appreciate it. Maybe with some more time.
Sincerely,
Esper
September 20th, 88 ADD
Subject: HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Esper,
Happy birthday! I know we've both been crazy busy lately, but my inbox is always open. 19 is huge! Have a great day!
Sienna
October 12th, 88 ADD
Subject: Update?
Sienna,
I think… I've had a breakthrough with Ryden? Townes and I went to his Science Olympiad event yesterday, and there's definitely been a change. He's made eye contact with me a few times, and he's been using full sentences in conversations with me. It made me think of what you said about consistency. I think there was a lot of truth in that. Of course, he loved Townes (apparently he also used to be big in Science Olympiad?) but there's not much I can do to change that. He did win his event as well, which was great. It was a very interesting day.
Anyways. I hope your brother's birthday thing was fun and that you're doing well!
Sincerely,
Esper
October 13th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: Update?
Esper,
Oh, so you're hanging out with Townes now? Outside of class? After you sent me those tabloid articles, I thought you guys hated each other…? Did something change?
It was fun! He was very surprised, which was the goal. I like to think I'm very good at surprises :)
Sienna
October 14th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: Update?
Sienna,
No, nothing changed. I canceled on a study session and he followed me across town. It was ridiculous. The only plus was that he didn't bring any of his dumb photographers with him this time. It was weird to be with him outside of class or, like, a library. But it was a one-time thing.
You being good at surprises makes a weird amount of sense…
Sincerely,
Esper
November 27th, 88 ADD
Subject: Checking In
Esper,
Hi! Just wanted to check in since it's been about two weeks since I heard from you last. Everything okay?
Sienna
November 30th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: Checking In
Sienna,
Hi. Sorry. Everything's fine. Just been a lot going on. Hope you're doing okay.
Sincerely,
Esper
December 1st, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: Checking In
Esper,
I'm doing alright! Let me know if you need anything.
Sienna
December 12th, 88 ADD
Subject: (no subject)
How did you get through your Victory Tour?
December 12th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: (no subject)
Esper,
I won't lie to you- it was a lot. For me, it was one of those things I had to just keep pushing through so I could get back home. A lot of it is travel, so I tried to enjoy the view out the window and what I could see of all the different districts. Writing things out beforehand was also helpful, because then I could try not to think about it too much. Some districts are harder than others. But if you need something to look forward to, remember- you'll see me in Twelve! I'm excited to see you!
How are Rhylee and Ryden? How's Townes? I haven't heard you complain about him in a while.
Sienna
December 15th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: (no subject)
Sienna,
Good to know. I've just been thinking about it a lot. I'm really not looking forward to it. Seeing you will be nice, but the rest will probably be terrible. I did a lot of things during my Games that I don't like looking back on, and even though I know I would do it again… I don't know. I'm just really not excited about it.
Rhylee and Ryden are mostly good. Ryden's busy with his Science Olympiad stuff- they have an event coming up soon, I think- and Rhylee's studying for her finals. Townes is Townes. He's the worst. I probably haven't complained about him as much because he's backed off a bit recently. Fine with me.
Sincerely,
Esper
December 16th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: (no subject)
Esper,
That makes sense. I hope it's not too terrible, but I don't think you'd want me to sugarcoat anything. It won't be fun, but you'll get through it, and then you can forget it ever happened. You've got this.
I'm glad everyone is good! Tell your siblings I'm cheering them on with the event and finals. Why do you think Townes backed off? You've made it sound like his primary goal is to annoy you at all times. Weird that he'd stop now.
Sienna
December 20th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: (no subject)
Sienna,
You're right, and I appreciate the honesty. I'll just try to get it over with. Did you also have issues sleeping with your Victory Tour? I've been having a tough time.
I let them know, and they both told me to thank you for them. Rhylee's finals went well, and Ryden won his event again. I have no idea what goes on in Townes' brain, and I have no interest in finding out. At least now that winter break is here, I also get a break from him. I'm trying to enjoy my break before the tour as much as I can. I think the kids want to get into the board game stash the Capitol left here, so that should be fun.
Sincerely,
Esper
January 1st, 89 ADD
Subject: Happy New Year!
Esper,
Happy New Year! Very happy that you're here to see a new year. Good luck with the start of the Victory Tour, and don't forget that my inbox is still open for you. You've got this. Just keep going.
Really looking forward to seeing you soon!
Sienna
January 9th, 89 ADD
Subject: You're all done with the tour! Yay!
Esper,
It was great to see you the other day. It was almost surreal to see you in person! Hopefully by now, you've made it back home. Don't forget to tell Rhylee and Ryden I said hi. And make sure you get some sleep, okay? I didn't want to mention it during the tour, because it's already hard enough and I didn't want to pile on, but you looked pretty tired. I hope you can find some time to recover before school starts again. Take a nap!
Sienna
January 12th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: You're all done with the tour! Yay!
Sienna,
It was great to see you too! It was the best part of the tour by far. I did tell Rhylee and Ryden you said hi. I also talked to Portia's mom and her stepmom. Apparently Rhylee and Ryden told them about a few things, and her stepmom- who's a doctor- wanted me to pay her a visit. You were right about me being tired, to say the least. But I went to see her, and she recommended me to someone else to avoid a conflict of interest. It was a lot. Definitely overdue, though. They want to have me evaluated for PTSD. I don't want to pry, so feel free to ignore this, but did you ever have to get seen for something like that?
That wasn't even the weirdest part of the day, though. It was the first day of classes- I didn't love missing them, but they wanted me to come in as soon as possible- so Townes barged into my house to give me the syllabi. I got back from my appointments to find him in the kitchen with the kids. They let him inside! And invited him to come back! Traitors… I still can't believe he did that. He wanted to know about the Victory Tour too, which was interesting. It felt like he listened to me a tiny bit more than he usually does, which is not at all. Rhylee made him hot chocolate, too… it's insane. That was the first time I'd seen him since last semester ended. I should've known he'd pull something like that.
Sincerely,
Esper
January 13th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: You're all done with the tour! Yay!
Esper,
I haven't seen anyone for anything like that, no. But it's worth mentioning that there's not a lot of healthcare here, and nothing like they have in the Capitol. There just aren't resources like that. I'm glad Six has that kind of stuff, though. It's one of the better districts for healthcare stuff, right? And I'm proud of you for finding help. It might not feel like it, but that's a brave act all by itself. I hope things continue to get better.
And I hope you don't mind me suggesting this, but… maybe Townes brought you syllabi because you guys are friends? Maybe? I'm just saying!
Sienna
January 14th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: You're all done with the tour! Yay!
Sienna,
What do you mean, Twelve doesn't have any healthcare? At all? It didn't seem that small when I saw it. I wonder if there's digital options you could access with your laptop? And I do appreciate you saying that. I hope you're doing well too.
You should know that if Townes ever sees that email, I'll never hear the end of it. I won't tell him you said that. He already gloats about being friends with Ryden. I was honestly a bit surprised he didn't show up over break, because he did threaten to on the last day of finals. Even if he and I are friends, he can never know that. He's already obnoxious enough.
Sincerely,
Esper
February 3rd, 89 ADD
Subject: I hate Townes Zamoras
Sienna,
I take it back. Townes can be more obnoxious. He can be a complete asshole, and I can't believe I let myself forget that. I hope I never see him again. I will, because his father won't stop putting us in the same classes, but I wish he'd disappear forever. I hate him.
Esper
February 4th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: I hate Townes Zamoras
Esper,
Did something happen? I want details!
Sienna
February 5th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: I hate Townes Zamoras
Sienna,
He set me up. His father had a big political scandal, so he used me as a distraction. Called his photographers and kissed me right in front of them. It was awful. I'm just really fucking tired of my life being used for everyone else's entertainment. I'm also just really fucking tired.
Esper
February 5th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: I hate Townes Zamoras
Esper,
That's awful! I'm so sorry. I can't believe he would do that. I really get that last part, though. The Games and everything that goes on during and after really makes you feel used. And the Capitol has ignored me for the most part. I'll admit there are more eyes on you, and I can empathize with how violating that can feel. I'm sorry that he would take advantage of that.
Also… he kissed you?! For real?
Sienna
February 5th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: I hate Townes Zamoras
Sienna,
Yeah, he did. And the worst part is that I fell for it.
Esper
February 5th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I hate Townes Zamoras
What do you mean, fell for it?
Sienna
February 5th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I hate Townes Zamoras
What do you think I mean?
February 5th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I hate Townes Zamoras
DID YOU KISS BACK?
February 5th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I hate Townes Zamoras
Yeah. Like an idiot.
February 5th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I hate Townes Zamoras
Esper,
You're not an idiot. Pinky promise. Please don't beat yourself up about it too much. If anyone should feel ashamed of himself, it's Townes, not you. There's plenty of other stuff to pay attention to. Like the kids! And recovery! And your friend Sienna! That's three things just off the top of my head. You're doing great, and he doesn't deserve any more of your attention.
Sienna
February 6th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I hate Townes Zamoras
Sienna,
I know you're right, but it's hard to remember that right now. I'm just hoping I can avoid him in class for the rest of this semester. I just hate that it blindsided me like that, you know? I wasn't expecting any part of that.
Sincerely,
Esper
February 7th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I hate Townes Zamoras
Do you think you could talk to your professors? Maybe they'd let you switch partners for those projects you guys have been doing. Worth a shot, right?
Sienna
February 8th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I hate Townes Zamoras
Sienna,
That's not a bad idea. I did make it through my classes today without seeing him, so avoiding him has been a success so far. I can tell he keeps trying to catch me, too, but I've seen him coming. My old Games habit of keeping an eye out for escape routes has come in habit, apparently.
Esper
February 8th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: I hate Townes Zamoras
Esper,
That's good! I actually used to do that a lot, too. Not so much anymore. I hope you can feel safe enough to relax, though. Keeping alert was something that helped us survive once, but it can be more harmful than helpful in other situations, if that makes sense. But I'm glad you've been able to keep your distance for your own sake. Keep putting yourself first!
Sienna
February 11th, 88 ADD
Subject: Maybe I don't hate Townes Zamoras?
Sienna,
I got delayed after class, and Townes managed to catch up with me. He insisted it was all an accident, that he forgot other people were even there. He said he wouldn't have done it if he knew they were there, and he kissed me because he wanted to… am I being an idiot about this?
Esper
February 11th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: Maybe I don't hate Townes Zamoras?
Esper,
I already pinky promised you that you're not an idiot, and I stand by the pinky promise. Do you believe him? Is he being sincere? I trust your judgment, and you should, too. Keep me updated!
Sienna
February 12th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: Maybe I don't hate Townes Zamoras?
Sienna,
Yeah. I believe him. I wouldn't put that kind of mistake past him. He's an idiot sometimes.
Esper
February 13th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Maybe I don't hate Townes Zamoras?
So… does that mean…?
February 13th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Maybe I don't hate Townes Zamoras?
Yeah, it does. We're dating now.
February 13th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Maybe I don't hate Townes Zamoras?
I KNEW IT! I'VE BEEN BETTING ON THIS FOR MONTHS! CONGRATS!
Sienna
February 13th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Maybe I don't hate Townes Zamoras?
Sienna,
Oh my god? What do you mean, months?
Esper
February 14th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Maybe I don't hate Townes Zamoras?
Esper,
Come on. I've read your emails. This has been a long while coming- don't make me lay out all the evidence. I'm happy for you :) tell Townes I say hi!
Sienna
February 15th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Maybe I don't hate Townes Zamoras?
Sienna,
Not totally sure how to respond to that. Also, I told him, and he got way too excited about it. I think he thinks we only talk about him in our emails, which I've told him is not true. He said to agree to disagree. Clearly, he's as obnoxious as ever. But he says hi back.
Esper
February 17th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Maybe I don't hate Townes Zamoras?
Esper,
He should be excited! Don't tell me you're playing down how cool I am. I hope Townes sticks around. It would be fun to meet him sometime.
Sienna
February 25th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: Happy birthday to Ryden!
Sienna,
Passed along your birthday wishes to Ryden. The party went really well! Also, if Townes ever offers to help you make a cake, say no. I'm still finding bits of frosting in the kitchen.
Esper
February 27th, 88 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: Happy birthday to Ryden!
Esper,
Amazing to hear! He's thirteen now, right? Wow. Also, not surprising about Townes. Somehow that matches everything you've told me about him. Baking a cake sounds fun though! I love parties. It's fun to talk to people. There's a solid chance you'll see me before or during my birthday, by the way- it's around the end of June. We'll see!
Sienna
March 29th, 89 ADD
Subject: Happy birthday Townes!
Esper,
Tell Townes I said happy birthday! And that I would still like to meet him at some point. Have fun at the party tonight! Relax- it'll be fun!
Sienna
March 30th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: Happy birthday Townes!
Sienna,
I let him know! He was very appreciative. The party was decent.
The only hitch was that I did get cornered by his dad. I think I've mentioned him once or twice? Mayor of Six, absolute scumbag? You won't believe this- he offered to take Rhylee and Ryden's names out of the Reaping bowl if I worked for him. I'm still processing it. It's maybe the shittiest thing I've ever heard. I didn't take the deal, because Townes interrupted before I could respond, which was probably for the best. But still… it hurts to even think about. I don't know what to do.
Sincerely,
Esper
March 31st, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: Happy birthday Townes!
Esper,
That's… wow. I mean, not surprising, but that's horrible. That's so nasty of him to offer you that. I won't tell you what to do, because that's not my place, but I would think really hard about not taking it. Especially if he's as much of a scumbag as you say. But you have good judgment, and I know you'll use it. My inbox is open as always.
Sienna
April 24th, 89 ADD
Subject: Update
Sienna,
I've talked to Townes about it a lot, and I think I won't. It's killing me, though. There are so many reasons not to, but it's Rhylee and Ryden. You know how the Games go just as well as I do. And especially with the Reapings getting closer… I'm once again not sleeping great. I hope you're doing better than I am.
Sincerely,
Esper
April 26th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: Update
Esper,
I'm sorry you're not sleeping great. I've been better, personally. I've just been trying to focus on June's engagement. Her boyfriend is going to wait to propose until I get back, which is good, because I've been helping with a lot of the planning. Sometimes it helps to keep busy with other things. But I'm sure they'll both be okay. Keep going. You've got this!
Sienna
April 30th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: Update
Sienna,
That sounds really fun! Is it going to be a surprise? This is the first of your siblings to get married, right? I keep forgetting that you're the youngest. The idea of either of the kids getting married is unthinkable to me right now. Keep me updated on that, it sounds like a great distraction.
And I really hope you're right. Townes keeps saying the same thing. You're two of the smartest people I know, so hopefully both of you agreeing means it's true.
Sincerely,
Esper
May 4th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Update
Esper,
Yes, it's a surprise! Like I've said before, I'm good at surprises :) and yeah, I'm the youngest. It's still weird, though. But I'm pretty sure June has no idea, and I'm very excited to have something to look forward to when I get back!
That's a good sign! I'll repeat it as many times as you need me to. And I'm glad you have Townes looking out for you, especially since I'm so far away. Tell him I say hi. Also, I want a normal picture of the two of you. All the ones you've sent me have been those tabloid pictures where at least one of you is annoyed. I want visual proof you actually like each other!
Sienna
May 27th, 89 ADD
Subject: Checking in
Esper,
Just checking in on how you're doing. I hope you're sleeping okay. Deep breaths, okay? Everything will be okay. You're safe. And I'm looking forward to seeing you very soon!
Sienna
May 28th, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: Checking in
Sienna,
Hanging in there. Hoping you're doing okay. Looking forward to seeing you too.
Sincerely,
Esper
June 1st, 89 ADD
Subject: RE: RE: Checking in
Esper,
YOU'VE GOT THIS. See you tomorrow!
Sienna
June 24th, 89 ADD
Subject: Home!
Esper,
Just got back to Twelve. I put the flower Townes gave me in a vase already. It looks very nice in my kitchen!
You did a great job in the Capitol. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you did. I personally really appreciated having you there- having a friend my age around really changed things for me. For the better.
It's been making me think a lot, honestly. One of the big things on my mind has been Cal. He's always on my mind, at least a little bit. I still haven't found that footage, but I know it's out there somewhere. I just need to find someone who can help me get to it. But in the meantime, there has to be a way I can honor his choices, right? And I think I've found a way.
I didn't tell you this at the time, but I left Birch Halloran a letter with my email address, just like I did for you. I know how you feel about Careers, but you also know how I feel about them. I think all the Victors would benefit from having a stronger community, and that can start with me. Think of how much our friendship has just benefitted the two of us- we can spread that support to the others, too.
I don't expect you to agree with me, or to reach out to Birch, or anything like that. But I hope you understand what I'm trying to do.
Anyway. I hope you're doing well at home! I have a proposal to watch :)
Sienna
hi everybody :)
the fic actually exists now! this is crazy! if we haven't met before- hi, i'm rb, and this is my third syot. all my other stuff is on my profile if you want to take a look. if you don't, i can't blame you lol.
we've got one more prologue, and then we hit intros. the cast list is/will be on my profile shortly. i'm very excited about this group and i know we'll have a great time together. it was a lot of tough choices, and i'm really sad about the submissions i had to let go. please know that my decisions have nothing to do with individual submitters or tribute quality: i simply could not take them all.
but yeah! round three let's goooo! this will surely be fun and happy and nothing else! love you all!
rb