Title: Love you!

Part: 1/3

Author: Usagi-chan [usagilikesduochan@hotmail.com]

Warnings: death, sad, little bit of romance

Pairings: 1x2

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, I don't own money with it and write only for fun and to get better in English writing. ^__^

Describtion: I... I really don't know what's going on with me. My first english fic on this ML and a deathfic. I hate deathfics! And now this. But I had to write it. Do you know 'Walker-Texas Ranger'? On Saturday the 24th August they showed the second part of an double episode in German TV and it was about a little boy, who had the HIV virus. He died in the end. It was so damn sad. But it was also great to see how he tried to do his best and learn as much as he could, till his death. He wanted to live a nice live, until he died. I think that's why this film inspirited me so much. *sobs*

So, it takes place after EW. The boys live together for a while and during that Duo seems to get a little cold. He went to the doctor to make a little check and get the shock of his life. He is infected with a hereditary disease, which would cost his life in the end. Duo becomes depressed. How should he go on with his life, with the knowledge, that he could die every day?

And not to forget, much thanks to Psyche for controlling my translation from German to English.

"..." = Speaking

*...* = Thinking

~...~ = Review


"Come on guys, you're acting like I am dying! It's only a cold."

Duo Maxwell was struggling against three pairs of energetically hands, which trying to drag him to a large, white building. Then suddenly, he stopped for a seconds and sneezed. That was when he lost the fight against his friends.

"Listen Duo," Quatre began, patiently, "we know it seems to be a simple cold, but you should go for a checkup and get medication anyway, so we don't become ill as well. You know colds are catching."

The Ex-Deathscythepilot sighed and nodded.

"OK, OK, you win. But I won't take an inoculation. I've had enough of this little, mean, cold beast called syringe since I was imprisoned by this OZ guys. They gave me too much for my liking."

He made a little face and started to trot bravely between his four companions, who had had to use all their strength to get him into town there the doctor had his practice. Quatre smiled slightly and prodded his friend in the side.

"By the way, Duo," he whispered, "Heero is as worried about your condition, as much as we others are. If you hadn't wasted so much strength fighting against us and study his face instead, you would have seen the worry in his face."

"Really?" Duo whispered happily back, and taking a glance at Heero. He was the only one who hadn't tried to get his friend to the doctor by force. But he was there to accompany Duo. When the Wingpilot caught sight of Quatre and Duo watching him, he mildly glared at them sceptically for a moment, before turning his back.

"Quatre, you were kidding, right?" Duo asked the blond one sarcastically.

"No, no, Duo I would never do something like that to you," his friend answered serious. "I know how you feel about him and Wufei and Trowa know it as well. So everything we want to see, is you to be happy with him. But you can't go on like that and keep quiet. You have to tell him."

Duo's eyes went big and he started to shake is head a little hysterically.

"No, I can't do that. I would die thousand deaths if I tell him."

"Why? Do you think he hate gay people? If he do so, why is he still a friend of Trowa and me? Everyone of you know about our relationship. You shouldn't be so worried. I think he really feels for you, too. But you know him, he isn't the type of speaking. He is unsure. Someone has to do the first step. And I think you have the ability to do it. Common just have a little bit courage! You can do it!"

They reached the house and while Duo faced the door of one of his greatest little fears, he sighed and met Quatre's gaze. The other three boys were at the beginning of the little stair, which leaded to the door. It was obvious, that they wanted to wait outside. Only the blond arabian boy escorted his friend to the door.

"You can do it by you own, can't you, Maxwell?" Wufei asked and sit down on a bank. Duo smiled to his friends.

"Sure I can," he answered much more cheerful as he was. When he lowed his voice as he said some last words to Quatre before entering the house.

"OK, I am thinking about this all, till the waiting time at the doctor. When I come out, I tell you my decision, I think."

Quatre nodded and went to his friends to wait for the return of the Deathscythepilot.


Duo passed the door and went straight to the young women, sitting behind a big table, typing on a computer. When she noticed the boy, she stopped typing and smiled at him. He smiled back.

"Hi I am Duo Maxwell. I think I catched a little cold and my friends want me to get sure, that I don't pass it to one of them."

"So you want only a little check, huh?" the women asked still smiling at him. "That wouldn't be a problem. Please sit down in the waiting room. I am sure you haven't to wait more than five minutes."

Duo followed her order and sat down in a nice little room. During the waiting, he tried to calm down a little bit. He didn't lie, then he told Quatre about the syringes. He was really afraid of them. And unfortunately the five minutes turned out to be ten. Many time to think too much.

At the end, when the nurse called his name, he didn't know why he was so damn nervous. Was it because of the syringes, or because of the still unanswered question, if he should tell Heero his feelings for him.

The nurse leaded the boy into the checking room and again told him to wait. He sat nervous down on a chair, only to leap up when the doctor came in. He smiled at the restlessly boy.

"Calm down, young man, I won't bite you," he said, smiling and gave him the right hand. "My name is Dr. Hikaru. Nice to meet you, Mr. Maxwell."

"That's not fair, you are addressing me with my name although I didn't introduce myself to you," Duo pouted lightly, accepting the offered hand. "Besides just 'Duo' would be fine. I am not that old, you know?"

He tried a little grine to get rid of his nervousness.

"Fine, Duo. Well would you please sit down so we can start with the check?"

Duo breathed hard and then sat himself down on the examination couch.

*At last this whole check itself won't take longer than five minutes* he thought sarcastically to comfort himself and grimaced a little. But he was wrong. The check took more time than everyone expected. The doctor also took some of Duo's blood for analyses. The praxis was a very modern one and it had the things the nurses needed to got a result of the blood test immediately.

At the beginning of the check the doctor was very cheerful with Duo, but the more he tested and looked the more he went serious nearly worried. Duo got an uneasy feeling about this thing he first thought of as a little cold.

After the blood test arrived and the doctor had taken a look, his face changed from worried to really shocked. He swallowed hard and his gaze meet with Duo's. The boy swallowed as well.

"What is it, doc?" he whispered, starting to shake. "I am old enough to know the truth. So please, tell me nothing but the truth."

The doctor lowered his gaze.

"I am sorry, Mr. Maxwell," he whispered back. "So sorry!"


When Duo opened the front door of the praxis again and stepped outside, his four friends left their sitting place on the bank to greet him.

"Hey Duo, everything OK?" Quatre asked. But when he reached the gaze of the longhaired boy, he freeze, just like the other three did. Duo was unnatural pale and the arabian boy could also feel pain in the heart of his friend. He climbed down the stair without a word and went straight to face Heero, who was obvious shocked of the impression his friend made.

"Duo, what's wrong?" he whispered, fear of an intuition feeling hearing in his voice. The asked one took the right to speak in a strong voice.

"I love you, Heero!"

After this words his whole self confidence got lost and he fell in the arms of the Wingpilot, bursting out in tears and uncontrolled sobs.


One day had gone since Duo's visit at the doctor. After he had acted so strange, the pilots wanted to see the doctor first, to ask him what had happened to their friend. But Duo had resisted. He had asked them to take him home. Because he had begged so much, they had decided to fulfil his wish at last. Home again, Duo had run straight in his room, closed the door and fell on his bed. He had stayed there the whole day and night.

The next day he refused to leave his room and also to tell his friends about what the doctor had said. Wufei already made the decision to phone the doctor but surprisingly Quatre strict refused this idea. He explained that they had to respect Duo's will. If he don't want to tell them, they had to wait, until he was willing to do so.

The day passed and at the evening then the outside started to darken, Duo still hadn't show up to his friends. This was too much to stand for Heero Yuy. He had admitted to himself that he had gone sick of worried for the braided friend. The three words Duo had said to him, after leaving the praxis still echoed in his ears.

~I love you!~

Unnoticed from the other three pilots, who sat in the living room, worrying about Duo, he made his way upstairs to the room Duo had spend in twenty- four hours. He knocked on the door. Only for one time, soft and short.

"Duo, can I come in?" he asked in a low voice. There was no repeat from the other side.

"Duo, please. If you don't answer I will come in without a doubt."

Again there was no response. So Heero took that as permission and opened the door silently. After he closed the door as quiet as he opened it, he turned to observe his friend.

Duo was sitting on his bed, staring emotionless at the white wall in front of him. To say that Duo looked bad was downplay. His previously nature red round cheeks were pale and haggard. His eyes were without his normally emotions. There were no signs of life not the glitter of the will to live and find happiness.

Heero was really shocked now. He slowly crossed the room and sat down on the bed, beside Duo.

"Hey," he started quietly, unsure how to start the conversation. He knew he was not good in conversations, he never was. Normally Duo was the one to start a long talk or debate. But the braided boy was silent. So silent it hurt in the ears of the young japanese teen. He had to get him talking again. But how?

Heero thought a little while. At last there was only one thing which came in his mind again and again. He sighed deep. He wasn't sure if it was the right thing to start a conversation, when he still didn't knew why his friend was acting so strange. But it seemed he had no other choice.

"Duo," he started again with a low voice. "Why did you say this? Why did you say 'I love you'? Why just there?"

"Because it was true!" Duo answered slowly, his voice hoarse and sad. "If you like it or not, it doesn't matter. It's the truth."

"Quatre and I had a little talk, yesterday. He said you fell for me a while ago, during the war. But till now you were afraid to tell me cause you didn't know how I would react. I don't mind you telling me now, but it was a little bit too brusk. There is something behind your confession. You also act strange since you left the doctor. Please tell me, what happened? You are important to me, Duo. I am worried to sick about you. I don't want to stand beside and watch how you ruin your life. I want to help you, in any way I can."

Duo was quiet for a minute. Then he spoke abruptly, his voice trembling now.

"I had to tell you. It was the only thing I was able to think off. If I hadn't told you there, eventually I would never have the chance again. I don't know how much time is left for me... don't know. They said it could happen every day."

He started to sob and then he realised he tried to fight against the tears. Heero reacted without thinking. He wrapped his arms tightly around Duo and pressed the boy against his chest. But he couldn't resist his own fear. Duo could feel how the body of the japanese boy started to tremble lightly, having a bad imagination, of what Duo was going to say next. And Duo was willing to tell. He was already broken, then he received the message himself. He couldn't stand to hide it anymore. I couldn't stand the feeling of loneliness, to be the only one who knows.

"I will die, Heero," he whispered. "It can happen every day. They didn't give me long time left. It can happen today, tomorrow, in a week or with much luck in a month. But I will die for sure before this year has ended."

"No!" Heero whispered shocked and tightened his grip around Duo. "That can't be true. They had made a mistake. You can't die! We will do everything to heal you. We won't let you die."

Duo shook his head in sadness, but a little smile crossed his lips. Somewhere deep within he was happy to know, that Heero cared so much for him. It was more, than he dreamed to expect.

"If there is a way to save my life, I wouldn't be so down now, Heero," the Deathscythepilot explained. "It's kind of ironic, you know? I never know my parents. They died, then I was a baby, so much for sure. But now I know either my father or my mother didn't die because of the war. One of them died because of an hereditary disease. And I inherited it."

Heero looked up in Duo's sad eyes and stroke the long chestnut hair of his friend. He tried to calm down himself during that process before speaking again.

"But Duo, if you had this hereditary disease, why didn't Dr. G tell you? I am sure you had many medicine checks during your training to a Gundam Pilot. They had to see it."

Duo shook his head again, burying his face in the chest of the other pilot.

"There is no way, Heero. No way! The disease can't discerned. Not until it breaks out. Until the break out you live your life like every healthy person. It can take days, months or years after your birth, before the disease gives a sign of itself. But when it breaks out, you will not live long after that. I can be happy if I survive a half year."

He started to cry. No more fighting back the tears. He didn't care anymore. Since he had arrived at home, he had fought against the tears. He was tired now. After he told the Wingpilot the truth he had lost his last strength.

"Do you know," he went on during his sobs, "how ironic... this all is? I mean,... during the war, I... had could die for thousand times. And I wasn't really afraid. But now, after the war... now when we have peace and we have not to fight anymore... now I have to die and I am afraid. I don't want to. I want to live. I wanted to built a happy life. Why I am not allowed, Heero? Why? Is this the punishment for killing all the people during the war? Why punish me now? Why not during the war? If I had died, other people wouldn't. Now it's too late. I already killed all the people."

Duo stopped talking and concentrate on crying. He pressed himself hard against the other body and wrapped his arms around Heero's waist. Since a while he wasn't aware of anything else than his own pain. But after sobbing for some more minutes, he started to calm down.

And that was when he recognised, that he wasn't the only one crying. Hot tears had wet his shirt on his shoulder there the Wingpilot had buried his head. His arms still wrapped around the braided pilots body he had lost control of himself. The knowing that there was no way to save Duo's life had broken the heart of the japanese boy.

Duo was stunned. He never saw Heero cry. And he never thought he would ever see, especially not because of him. But here he was, sitting on the bed, holding the other pilot in his arms, be hold by him back and both had tears in their eyes. The only difference was, that Heero didn't made any noises while crying. There were only tears silently falling down Duo's shirt.

"Heero, you are crying!" the braided boy croaked, still not really believing what he saw.

"Am I?" the Wingpilot asked absently, not really caring what he did. Suddenly he looked up in Duo's eyes.

"I don't want to lose you, Duo! You are everything to me. I... I love you too!"


Duo buried the other pilot back against his body and again tears started to fall down his own face. He took a deep breath. And when he breathed, he suddenly felt an unknown strength building up deep within. His tears stopped flowing and he started to gently rub Heero's back.

"Please don't cry, Heero," he whispered. Then the japanese boy looked up, the Deathscythepilot sent him a smile.

"Duo, how...?"

"It's okay now," he assured. "I was a baka, really. I had the whole day to think about my situation and the only thing I did was staring at the wall, muttering I will die. I needed you to realise one important thing."

Heero looked at Duo questioning.

"I am NOT death, till now. I am still living."

He grabbed Heero's right hand and took it into his own. Then the Wingpilot met the gaze of the braided boy, he was surprised to see the glittering back on his place. And also Duo's gaze was soft and calm now.

"I want to live, Heero," he explained to the japanese teen. "I want to live my life as long as I can with all happiness I can get. I want to live these life with you. Would you allow me the pleasure to stay at you side till I die?"

Heero nodded with tears in his eyes. Tears of joy and also of pain.

"Sure, Duo," he whispered. "I want nothing more than you to stay with me."

"I am happy you agreed, my love," Duo replied quietly. "But you have to grant me one wish. Will you?"

"Anything which is in my power to fulfil!"

"Well, then promise not to cry again, as long as I am still alive. As long as I live there is nothing to cry about, you know? So I don't want to see you crying for nothing. Promise."

The Wingpilot swallowed hard and immediately started to fight against his tears.

"I will do anything I can, to fulfil you this wish, Duo."

"Thanks very much, Hee-chan."

Duo smiled a little bit more now, before asking:

"Will you join me in sleeping? I am really tired from staying awake 24 hours."

"What's with Quatre, Trowa and Wufei?" Heero asked seriously. "Shouldn't they know? They are your best friends."

Duo thought a little while and at the end he sighed.

"I think you are right. But not at the moment. We will see tomorrow, OK? Today I don't wish to see them. I think I feel much better now, but I still need a little bit time before facing them. Eventually I tell them everything after breakfast tomorrow."

"Can I go downstairs to tell them you are feeling a little bit better now?" Heero asked, accepting Duo's answer without questioning. "I think it's not good to let them worrying that much. And it won't take much time. I will be back in five minutes, I think."

Duo couldn't resist but smile.

"Five minutes, huh? The doctor and the nurse were telling the same for the time they needed to check me. And the five minutes went on to be half an hour."

Heero gave Duo a sad smile.

"I will come back as soon as I can. Is that okay?"

Duo nodded and laid down on the bed. Heero left the room of his braided now lover and went downstairs. He told Quatre, Trowa and Wufei in quick sentences that Duo was feeling better now and they would see him at breakfast. And then he left before anyone had the chance to asked questions.

The Wingpilot went back to Duo's room and opened and closed the door silently. When he looked at the Deathscythepilot, he saw that this one was fallen asleep. His hair was open now, making him look more beautiful as he was anyway in Heero's eyes. Another sad smile crossed the face of the japanese boy. He went to the bed and laid down on the other side of the bed, slipping under the cover and taking Duo in his arms. He whispered "Good night!" to the sleeping form and tried to sleep as well.


*UsagiLOVESDuo-chan /'^^'\