Standard Disclaimer: I own nothing in regards to Harry Potter or Wednesday. All properties therein are those of their creators. I am only a writer working on my skills with worlds and characters that I love.

Note: I started watching Wednesday the day it premiered and I instantly loved every second of it. Jenna Ortega absolutely killed it in that role. Ever since I've wanted to do something with it, and thanks to a prompt provided by one of my readers (who gave me permission to run with it) I have a new story to share with all of you. I hope that you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

-The only thing is, the roles of Gomez and Morticia are going to be played by their actors in the live action films. What can I say, they achieved perfection with those two, and no shade is meant for Catherine Zeta Jones or Luiz Guzman, but their predecessors were just better.

Chapter One - Boy Meets Girl Meets Wolf

The starry lights of Hogwarts Castle illuminated the night beneath them as Harry, Hermione, and Sirius soared through the sky on Buckbeak's back. It had been a long struggle to get to this point; one filled with betrayal, werewolves, dementors, and time travel of all things, but finally an innocent man had been freed from the cell that would have delivered him to death's cold embrace on the morrow. And without even the semblance of a trial no less. But for one single moment they could enjoy the scenery below and take a moment of peaceful respite.

It was enough to really make one reconsider their place in a wizarding world that allowed such travesties. One more in a long list of reasons that had placed the idea of leaving in Harry's head. Especially with the method of his escape currently sitting in front of him. All he had to do was convince the man, which shouldn't be too hard considering the fact that he'd already offered to let him stay with him earlier that very same night.

All the same, they could not soar needlessly over the castle all night, so they searched for a place to land that was unoccupied and unanimously decided on a dark section of the grounds on the side of the main courtyard. At this time of night it shouldn't really have surprised them that it would be unoccupied.

"I'll be forever grateful to the two of you for this." Sirius chuckled when the trio landed and removed themselves from the hippogriff's back.

Not waiting for any second thoughts to take root in his mind, Harry said, "I want to go with you."

The look Sirius gave him was one of supreme sadness. "One day, perhaps. For a time my life is going to be very unpredictable and unstable." He placed a hand on his godson's shoulder, "You belong here."

"But that's just it!" He slapped that hand away. "I'll only be here during the school year. The rest of the time I'll be with the Dursleys! And you know what'll happen then? I'll go back to being worked like a slave, stuck in a closet sized room with eight locks holding me in, daily beatings, and cold watery soup through a catflap while sending my waist out the same way in a bucket cause they won't let me use their 'normal' bathroom. Compared to all of that I'd take unpredictable and unstable anyday!" His tirade finished, Harry's shoulders shook as he forced himself to take a few deep breaths and calm down. Damned puberty, ever since it'd started he'd noticed an issue with his anger management.

For his part, Sirius was looking at him with a gaze full of pure shock and horror. "T-The Dursleys? You were sent to live with the Dursleys?"

"Yes?" Harry phrased the answer as a question because the convict's reaction to that seemed wildly outlandish to him.

"What about Remus? McGonagall? Flitwick? Or Amelia Bones? You didn't stay with any of them?"

"Sirius I didn't know who Remus was until this year, and even then he didn't let me know that he knew my parents until I practically dragged the truth out of him. McGonagall and Flitwick were unknown until my first year at Hogwarts. I still don't know that last one. Why would I stay with any of them?"

The adult groaned and scrubbed his face with dirty hands. "Because they were all listed in your parents will as their choice of guardians for you if I was not able. Dumbledore signed as a witness to the document's authenticity. How could this happen?"

A hard light was beginning to grow in Harry's eyes as he commented, "According to Aunt Petunia, Professor Dumbledore dropped me on their doorstep as a baby himself. He chose where to put me." An instant later Harry found himself wrapped in his godfather's arms, and so shocked was he by the sudden movement that Harry wasn't able to push him away. (his usual reaction to physical touch).

"By the gods I am so, so, sorry for what happened to you, Harry. Had I known how you were being treated I would have done everything I could to get to you the moment I escaped instead of hunting for Peter. I thought you were safe and loved."

"Well I wasn't." He muttered darkly. "I was hated, reviled, and treated as less than a house elf. Please, don't send me back to them. Anything is better than that hell."

"I-I can't promise you safety, or stability, Harry but I will give you all the love and support that I can. I wasn't able to be there for you up until now, but you're right, you're better off with me than with your relatives. It won't be easy though."

"I don't care."

"Alright then." He slowly released the boy and looked meaningfully to the now teary eyed bookworm watching them both. "We'll need to go quickly, but I think there's time enough for a final goodbye. Don't you?"

"Yeah." tears were beginning to build in Harry's eyes too at the thought that he would be leaving his best friend behind tonight. Sirius went to tend to Buckbeak to offer some privacy and he went over to Hermione, taking her hands in his own. "I have to go, Mione."

"W-Was it really so bad with your relatives?" She asked. He offered no verbal reply, simply nodding. "Why didn't you say anything? I would have told my parents and gotten you help."

"I was ashamed." He admitted, hardly daring to meet her eyes. "They kept telling me my treatment was my own fault, and that I deserved it, and after so long without being told anything different I guess I started to actually believe it. The person they made me…. I never wanted you to see that. As for help, well, I tried to get that myself a bunch of times. I talked to policemen, my teachers, and even adults on the street. No one ever did anything for me. 'The Dursley's are outstanding folk' they'd say. 'You're just trying to get attention' was what I got from the faculty at my old school. Eventually, I just came to terms with the fact that help wasn't coming."

"But help is here now." Hermione's tears started to slow and a weak smile adorned her lips. "Sirius will take you far from here. To someplace you can be happy and safe. You deserve all the happiness you can find. I'm just… I'm just really going to miss you, Harry."

"And I'll miss you too." Though tears were now falling from his own eyes Harry ignored them in favor of wiping Hermione's from her face. "You're my best friend. You saw a small boy with a scar on his head, and you made him something more. Everything I am now, is because of you, and I'm not going to forget it." He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers, basking in the warmth of the only person he'd ever felt truly close to in his life. "Be safe, Hermione, and be happy. And someday, if fate allows, we'll see each other again."

"I'll be waiting for that day." Hermione's weak smile had turned watery from her tears and she pressed a soft kiss to Harry's cheek before lightly pushing him back. "Now go, Sirius is waiting, and I don't want you to see me all emotional. I'll keep the teachers and Fudge as busy as I can to give you a headstart."

"I appreciate it, but please don't put yourself at risk." Harry ran back to Sirius and mounted Buckbeak behind him. He had just enough time to mouth to his friend 'goodbye' and then the wings were flapping and they were off once more into the sky.

With the rush of the wind it was hard for any measure of conversation, but after a couple of hours their flight turned into a descent, until the winged creature dropped to the cobbled streets of Diagon Alley and cantered to a stop in front of Gringotts of all places.

"Ah… Sirius, why are we here?"

"Simple, Harry. I'm on the run now, so we'll be staying in Black Family homes around the world. My ancestors were realllllyyyyy into property acquisition so we have hundreds of homes scattered about. The best part is they're all unplottable and unlocatable to anyone that is not a Black. That makes things difficult as far as you are concerned, so we're here to rectify that."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm going to adopt you, Harry. If only a Black can go where I'm going then I'll just make you one."

"W-What? How?!"

Sirius gave the teenager a commiserating look. "I often forget how little you know about our world. I guess we've both been deprived because of our respective captivities. Come, I'll explain once the goblins get us ready."

"The goblins? What do they have to do with this? Won't they just turn you in?"

Together they dismounted and began making their way up the stairs and through the main doors. "The goblins are the only ones that can do what we need. It's a magic inherent to their species, and they charge an outrageous premium for it. As for turning me in… they wouldn't dare. First, they hate the ministry of magic with a passion and would never deign to do anything that would aid them. Second, my family has been known to leave curses behind for implied slights that ruin entire bloodlines. They'd not want to actually cause me offense and earn one. Not when family lines mean so much to their warrior culture. Third, and the most important reason they'll want to aid and not hinder me, is that the amount of money my family has in the Gringotts vaults, not just here but around the world, is exorbitant. It makes up over a full fifth of all the gold in our economy and in their possession. As the head of the Black family I could pull it all out at any time and send Wizarding Britain into a financial crisis that would tank the country within days. That of course means the goblin bank would also fail. Once you're adopted as my heir, you'll have that same power."

"That's amazing Sirius."

"You think that's great? Between what you'll inherit from me and your Potter line, you'll have majority ownership in the stock of pretty much every store in Diagon Alley and a bunch of major muggle corporations. After tonight, oh sweet godson of mine, you'll be one of the richest young men in the world."

Harry's mouth suddenly went dry. "I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything. Consider this the first of many steps I'll be taking to make up for all that time I was away and unable to help you."

By then they had reached the front desk. At this time of night there weren't any other customers to block their forward momentum.

"Can I help you, Lord Black?" The teller asked, showing a great deal more respect than Harry had ever heard from the normally short and angry creatures.

"Yes, I require materials and documentation for a blood adoption immediately."

"Of course, sir, but the standard price applies-"

"Take it from Bellatrix's vault. In fact, empty the rest of it into a new vault for my heir here after you've taken her cut. By the end of this night she will be officially expelled from the family and I would not give her a nugget of Black family gold."

The goblin gave a truly feral grin at his words. "It will be done, my lord." He waved to a nearby clerk to carry out the order and then rose from his chair. Please follow me to the Blood Chamber and I will see to the adoption."

"Much obliged. Lead on." And the goblin did without a backwards word, snort, or really any indication that he was unhappy to be taking an order from a wizard. Most unnatural that was. If there was one takeaway from the clear study hall that was Professor Binns' History of Magic class it was that Goblins absolutely despised wizards.

They were taken to what appeared to be a large meeting room with a massive wooden table. Upon which sat an unrolled parchment scroll, two vials of ink, quills, and an ornately jeweled dagger.

"You understand the process, Lord Black?" The goblin inquired.

"I have been taught its ways in detail. You may leave us." The creature did as directed and Sirius led his young charge around the table and handed him a quill after dipping it in the inkwell and retrieving his own. "Alright, Harry. This scroll is the Black family tree, do you see it?"

And Harry did indeed. A long branching line of names and relations going back over a thousand years. "What do I do?"

"Alright, first I'm going to do this…." Sirius scratched in a BA under his own name and created a new line going down directly from it. "Now, sign your name under the end of this line. It will show that you accept your place as my son in the eyes of our world, the law, and magic itself."

Harry moved his quill to do as directed, but hesitated at the last moment. "Are you sure about this, Sirius? You… you really want me to be your son?"

"Hey," The man reached out and ran his left hand through Harry's messy hair. "I was the first one to hold you after your mother. Your dad was still jittery and spastic with excitement over finally meeting you, and Lily wanted him to cool down a bit in case he accidentally dropped you in that state, so she passed you over to me first. "From the moment you were placed in my arms and I looked into your eyes for the first time I have loved you. This isn't how I planned this ever going, but I'm proud and happy beyond measure to call you mine if that is also what you desire."

"No one has ever wanted me before." Harry whispered, a true smile crossing his face as his quill gracefully etched his name into the scroll. The document flashed green once the last swish of the instrument was completed, and Sirius quickly grabbed the knife.

"Okay this next part might sting a little. Give me your hand." Harry did so, and the convict slid the blade along his own palm before doing the same to his godson's and clasping their bleeding appendages together. "Now we move this way." He pulled their bloodied hands over the scroll to hover over their names and together they watched as crimson droplets sprinkled onto both of their signatures. This time, the scroll flashed red, and at once Harry's head exploded with pain.

"Harry!" Sirius' worried voice broke through the haze of agony, as the older man wrapped him in another hug. "Just ride it out, son. Accept the pain as part of you and let it ride. Trust me, it will all be over soon."

Taking those words to heart, and trusting that his godfather would never lie to him, he did just that. Though he'd only lived a short time, thanks to the Dursleys he was an old hand at dealing with pain. It came as a steady stream of torment for only a couple of minutes, then reduced itself to waves of hexing discomfort for a few more. Finally it turned into a constant ache that eventually petered off into nothingness, leaving the boy who lived gasping for breath and wondering why he suddenly felt heavier, and what that wet feeling on his forehead was.

He slowly reached up to wipe it away, and found a black smear covering his palm. Sirius too was looking at it, and with a growing look of horror no less. "Goblin!" He roared, stepping away and slamming his fist on the table.

The doors opened at once, and the same teller from earlier entered. "Yes, Lord Black."

"My son had a foreign entity in his scar that has just been removed. I demand an immediate audit and scan of the Black vaults for any other such items. If this is a horcrux as I suspect then it is possible another is hidden on these grounds."

The goblin gasped at the implication, "Such a thing would be the highest affront to the goblin nation imaginable. We will of course search and destroy at your leave, sir. And not just your vaults, such a possibility would require a search of our entire facility."

"Go." The goblin nodded and moved out with purpose. Turning back to Harry he said, Well, that is that."

"Sirius, what the actual fuck?"

He cringed, and Harry marveled at the new, deeper, quality to his voice. "What happened to me?"

"It might be easier if I just showed you." Sirius drew his wand and conjured a full body mirror and when Harry looked into it he gasped with shock and wonder. He now stood at least three inches taller and his body had filled out with lean muscle. His hair, once unmanageable and disorderly, had smoothed into a fine cascade of silky waves. And his scar, once so easily identifiable as a lightning bolt, had straightened and elongated to reach from his forehead to his right eyebrow.

"I look…."

"Dashing, regal, sexy beyond the ken of mortal men?" Sirius supplied.

"Amazing!" Harry did a full body turn in the mirror and grinned triumphantly at everything he was seeing. "How did this happen?"

"The blood adoption, son." Sirius seemed immaculately pleased to be using that turn of phrase. "It's not just a fancy name. I literally adopted you by blood to become my heir, and magic made it so. If a blood test were to be performed on us at this moment there would be no doctor in the world that would be able to argue that you are my direct descendant. Welcome to the family, Harry Black."

"Harry Black? I rather like the sound of that."

"I thought you might." The older man chuckled, already knowing quite well how much Harry hated the use of his given name in the magical world. He waved his wand again and a pair of chairs pulled out from the massive desk for them to sit on as a silver box appeared floating between them. "Here, put this on." He opened the box and handed his new son a silver ring with a raised emerald in the center."

"Okay," Harry donned the clearly expensive item on his right hand. "Why am I doing that, aside from looking devilishly stylish?" He was really getting into the way Sirius talked. It made him feel more free.

"Because after such a massive physical, spiritual, and magical change your own wand won't be able to recognize you. It won't work. This ring however is a magical focus from the old country in Italy, and it is tied directly to the Black family line, so it should work just as well for you as any of our other brood."

"Perfect. What else should I know about being a Black?"

"There's a lot, old boy, honestly more than I could explain in one sitting. But we'll have all the time in the world as we go on the lamb. But I can tell you one thing for sure, I'll be teaching you Italian starting tonight."

"Italian? Why?"

"Have you ever heard of family magics?"

Harry thought about it and nodded. He'd heard Hermione once raving about how unfair it was that pureblood families had access to magic that no one else even knew about. Something about yet another blockage to blood equality in the magical society. "Aren't they like magical spells and rituals that only select families know about?"

"Exactly. But here's the rub, every family magic is unique to their families because they are in a different language. No one else can learn them because no one else knows what language any particular pureblood family is using. In my case, the Blacks originated in Italy, way, way, way, back before the formation of the Wizengamont. They emigrated to England just in time to set up shop as one of the original magical noble families. As a Black you have the right and expectation to learn our family magics, and I'll be damned if you aren't equipped to use them to their fullest. That means learning the language. Also… chicks dig a man that can whisper sweet nothings in their ear in Italian. Trust me. The first time you call a woman, 'Cara Mia' she'll absolutely melt."

"Oh, I cannot wait." Harry crowed and fist pumped the air. What? He was a growing boy and had a very healthy appreciation for the female form. "Look out ladies, cause Harry Black is on the scene."

Sirius wiped a fake tear from his eyes and smiled. "Just a chip off the old block. James would be so proud, Lily not so much. She never did fall for my charms. Hahahahahahaha."

"So what happens now?"

"Now? We'll head to a secluded beach on an island I own in the middle of nowhere for a while, and I'll send a few applications for asylum and sanctuary around the world and see what sticks. While we wait for a response we'll keep moving, traveling from property to property to keep whoever hunts me from getting a solid lock on our position. Even if they can't find me in our homes they can start searching the general areas and I don't want to get stuck hiding in one place. Oh son, the adventures we're about to have."

And oh how right he was.

Three Years Later

"Hey, kid!" Sirius called, winding up the stairs of the Tibetan monastery he and his son were currently shacking up in. (The Blacks had given an initial investment long ago to help refurbish it.) "I got news!"

"Kinda busy right now, pops!" A crash sounded above and the adult ran the rest of the way to the room at the very top of the temple and beheld his son sparring with the grandmaster, and actually holding his own. Of course the old man was holding back, anyone could see that, but the level of skill Harry had picked up in hand to hand combat in just three months was remarkable. He supposed it made sense considering one of their family spells was one that enhanced the functions of the brain and allowed for faster absorption of knowledge. How else could his marauders have learned to be animagi on their own or created the marauders map? He did most of that legwork, thank you very much. Even if Mooney got most of the credit.

The apparent training session went on for a good five minutes before the grandmaster slipped into Harry's guard with no visible effort and elbowed him in the gut before sweeping his legs out from under him, laying the sixteen year old out flat.

Folding his arms into his sleeves, the monk declared, "You have learned well, son of Black, but you are many decades away from offering me a true challenge. Use this defeat as inspiration to progress further in your training."

"I-I will." Harry gasped, and bowed from a kneeling position before regaining his feet and looking to Sirius, "What was so important that you had to come running up here?"

"Can't I just be excited to see you after running all the way down the mountain to the post office and back?"

"Be Serious, you just apparated down."

"I am Sirius."

"That's it!" Harry moved over to the wall and drew out his fourteenth birthday present, a longsword of black steel. "I'm sick and tired of that worn out joke and if you use it again I'm cutting off your favorite toy!" He leveled the tip of the weapon at the space between the older man's legs, and while he yelped in fear, the grandmaster broke into fresh laughter.

"Not since the days of our lost prisoner, Fester Addams, have I had such fun conversation. Tell us, Sirius, what is your news?"

"Oh, right!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a thick envelope with an American postage stamp. "Finally, someone has seen the truth of my case and granted me sanctuary and asylum." Contrary to his expectations, Harry only stared. "Are we sure this isn't another Tahiti? Those assholes only wanted to sell you back to the Brits."

"I'm sure it's not. Besides, those witches were hot enough that being sold could have been quite pleasurable."

"What if it's another Russia? The KGB still has an open arrest warrant on you."

"How was I supposed to know that chick was the ambassador's daughter? And you were getting it on with her sister so that warrant is just as much your fault."

"Need I bring up Denmark?"

"No. No. Hell no. Never under any circumstances bring up Denmark."

"Fine, so what makes America seem like they genuinely want to offer you freedom and safety?"

"They called Fudge a pompous, corrupt, asshat, with so much gold shoved up his keister that he might as well have swallowed King Midas' hand. According to the representative that mailed me, his government has examined the order for my arrest on sight and found no evidence to back up any claim or crime. Plus, I sent them a memory of myself under the influence of veritaserum proclaiming my innocence and that was apparently enough to get my foot all the way through the door. They still want me to give another statement before their auror cadres, but once that's done we're home free."

"Hm." Harry retrieved his sheath and slid the blade home. "I'm not sure about this Sirius." He was brought up short by a head chop from the grandmaster. "Ow!"

"Oh suck it up, son of Black." The old man chuckled. "This is a good opportunity and you should take it. America has much to offer. Like Fester! Should you find him, deliver a kick to the face for me, please."

"Will do, grandmaster." Harry muttered, still rubbing his head.

"Just think, Harry. We can set up in a small town somewhere, build a swanky-ass mansion, and live like kings! I even did some research and found a great school for you to attend."

"School, Sirius? Really? Haven't I been doing just fine without it? Those placement tests I took in Japan placed me at college level already."

"This place has Werewolf girls, vampire girls, siren girls, and all manner of chicks of a variety you've not even met yet. I'll even throw in a motorcycle for you."

"I'm sold. What are you waiting for, let's get packing!" Harry declared, running across the room to start gathering his things as the adults both laughed at his eagerness.

As he did, the older man turned to Sirius and asked, "The temple's debt to the Black Family is now paid, yes?"

"In spades, my friend." Sirius clapped him on the shoulder. "However, Harry and I have grown quite fond of the peace here, and the people. Can we still visit?"

"Of course. Our doors are open to all who seek peace. Or an asskicking for eavesdroppers!" The last was directed to Harry who immediately stopped listening and continued packing, shoving his electric guitar into his expansion charmed backpack. He'd asked Sirius to teach him while they were staying in Prague as a way to impress girls. To be fair, that plan had worked perfectly. He often found himself wondering if the singular focus on women he'd seemed to gain over the last few years was a Black Family trait, as Sirius was even more obsessed with the fairer sex than he was.

But those thoughts could wait. It was time for a new adventure, and this time they wouldn't be forced to leave after only a few months, or chased away by an angry mob with torches like when they were living in Brazil. Hopefully….

Jericho Vermont

Two Months Later

Harry stared out at the town below and grinned widely at the view. Two months ago Sirius had taken his suggestion to heart and embraced his inner Barlow (Salem's Lot book villain), building a large mansion on a hill overlooking the town. They'd received a lot of attention and attempted visitors, but so far the wards had proved effective, keeping the riff raff and annoying townies away from them.

The two bachelors may have been enjoying their newfound freedom by living openly ostentatious lifestyles, but that didn't mean they wanted the entire town as their visitors. Through means of magic and hundreds of contractors their home had been built in record time, just soon enough to begin the school year, and since they lived so close to Nevermore Academy, he was allowed to live at home and commute instead of boarding. This was important because after Hogwarts Harry had vowed to never attend a boarding school as a resident again.

Beside him, Sirius stepped up to share in the view, offering a cigar as he did. "What's with this?" Harry asked as he took it and lit up with a flash of his ring and a mental ignition charm.

"Black family tradition. We give our kids cigars when sending them off to school."

"So you-"

"Had my first cigar at eleven? Yup. Now listen, you don't inhale a cigar, you puff it. Got it?"

"Yeah, pop, I got it." Harry smiled gently as he puffed and shared the thoughtful silence with his old man. This was just the latest in a long line of things Sirius had done for him to show that he both loved and cared for him as his kid. It meant a lot to have a parent that cared that much.

Expelling some smoke he asked, "What brand is this?"

"Romeo Y Julieta. A personal favorite of mine. How are you feeling about school, kid?"

"Well, let's see, it's not a magic school, no one knows me as the boy who lived, and I get to show up on a badass motorcycle. I'd say I'm feeling pretty good. I finally have the chance to be normal, and dare I hope, popular."

"Not to mention you'll have a pretty wide dating pool."

"That too. Who knows, my mom met my dad at school. Maybe I'll find the one too."

Sirius exhaled some smoke of his own. "You could find more than one."

"Huh?"

"Multiple partner marriages do exist in the magical world you know. They are actually pretty common in our family too as well as the Potters. Indeed, your great grandfather's on both sides had two wives each."

"Fascinating." Harry grinned over the width of the cigar, delighting in the aromatic smoke. "Tell me, is being a perv genetic?"

"In my experience… yes. Both me and your old dad certainly got around in our youth. He liked the bubbly positive girls, while I was more into goths. It's why I dated Slytherins exclusively. Those girls were delightfully dark."

The two men stayed there for the next hour, just puffing away and sharing random bits of conversation, just enjoying being in the moment with each other. Then, when the cigars had burned out completely, they moved away. "Wanna race to the school?"

Harry laughed out loud as they entered the massive garage that held Sirius' collection of sports vehicles. "You wanna pit your Rolls Royce against my Harley-Davidson Dyna-Glide Super Sport? (Jax Teller's motorcycle from Sons of Anarchy. I couldn't resist. Might do a story in that universe sometime. Open to story ideas in that regard.) Good luck."

"Let's see who raises the most eyebrows at that stuffy place. Mwahahahaha."

The moment their cigars were dropped in an oversized ashtray they were off. Each man running to their vehicle of choice and revving up the engine before shooting out of the garage and barreling down the hill to the highway. In the end it was only a ten minute drive and Harry just beat out his adopted father through the main gates to the open grounds of the school. As he rolled to a stop and took off his helmet, the former boy who lived couldn't resist letting out a devilish grin. "Nevermore Academy, let's see what you've got."