Disclaimer – I do not X-Men Evolution, not even X-Men. If I did then I would men in very shiny – or very furry – thongs on their knees licking my shoes clean.

Title – So, How Fast Are You?

Author – The Dark Vixen


As Pietro whizzed through the kitchen, from the refrigerator to the counter and back again, Tabitha watched him admirably. She was leaned lazily against the doorframe and tried to follow his movement and, giving up on that, threw a small time bomb onto the floor. It exploded close enough to him because, when he finally solidified into a solid body rather than a blur, he was slumped on the floor against the counter.

She grinned innocently at him, but he was already up and in her face.

"What did you do that for?" he demanded.

Tabitha made a face and backed away, waving a hand in front of her nose.

"Woah, speedy, when was the last time you brushed your teeth?" she asked.

Pietro gritted his teeth. "This morning. Did you try to blow my feet off just to ask me that?"

"Huh? Oh no," she said insouciantly, looking over his shoulder to see what he had been racing around to do. Her eyes widened in delight. "Oh, a sandwich! Looks delicious."

She moved around the speed demon to grab the food, blinked, and found it gone. A breeze swept around and she turned, finding Pietro with a plate in his hand and an already eaten sandwich.

"You already ate it? But – you could have shared. It looked yummy," she pouted.

"It was," he grinned.

"Yeesh, how fast is your metabolism anyway?"

Pietro gave her an incredulous sneer. "What kind of stupid question is that? Actually, I've got a better one: why did you try to blow my feet into little tiny pieces? If you were so hungry you could have made your own sandwich. See, you get two slices of bread -"

"Oh, I'm not really hungry. I couldn't even see what you were doing anyway," she said, shrugging.

"Well you didn't have to put another hole in the floor! All you had to do was ask. I know it's a difficult concept for your pretty blonde head to understand, but -"

"You think I'm pretty?" Tabitha traced his jaw flirtatiously and winked. "That's so sweet, speedy."

A faint pink coloring was starting to engulf his cheeks. He swatted her hand away in annoyance.

"You," he pointed, "are impossible," and stalked out of the kitchen.

"Hey, hey, wait a sec!" she said, catching him by the elbow and turning him back around.

Lance and Fred, who had been playing a game of cards in the living room, stopped to listen. Lance gave Fred a knowing look, though the other boy's blank stare blatantly said that he didn't understand.

"Argh! What do you want, blondie!" Pietro shouted, looking for all the world like he wanted to rip out his hair – or strangle Tabitha, at the least.

"I just wanted to know… how fast are you?" she smiled, her eyes glinting mischievously.

The speed demon didn't pick up on the playful twinkle. Instead, his eyes opened in disbelief, but soon his smug smirk was in place. "Faster than you."

Tabitha's eyebrows rose marginally. "Really?"

"Yeah," he began, then stopped when he finally noticed something odd about the way she was looking at him. Not even she was brain dead enough to think she was faster than him. "Did I miss something?"

"So," she purred, nestling up against his chest, "how fast is that?"

His eyes narrowed as he stepped away from her. "Fast."

"Come on, how fast? Five minutes? Four? Thirty seconds?"

For some reason she was enjoying this and Pietro just could not understand why. Again, he took a step back from her and eyed her, puzzled. "What are you talking about?"

"You said you were fast, so how long can you last for?" she asked.

His eyebrows were drawn down in confusion. "What? In a race?"

At this, Tabitha outright laughed. Lance was also chuckling, but had turned his head away and muffled the sound behind his hand.

"No, silly!" she said, whapping him lightly on the chest. "In bed! Are you really a one minute man?"

Pietro's eyes widened in horror. In the other room, Lance had fallen onto the floor and could no longer conceal his amusement. Even Freddy was laughing now.

"I – you – what – " He fumbled over his words, unable to string them together into a coherent sentence. Tabitha chuckled.

He glanced at his compatriots in the other room and leered at them, laughing at his expense. He looked back at Tabitha… and grinned. His arrogant visage slipped back into place and he waggled his eyebrows.

"Wanna find out?"

Her laughter abruptly dissipated and she choked, "What?"

"Since you're so curious… you want to find out how fast I really am?"

Now she was the one that was tongue-tied. He smiled cockily as her voice tried its damnedest to articulate her jumbled thoughts. "I – well – I – I – "

Pietro shrugged nonchalantly. "Then I guess you'll never know."

This seemed to bring sense back to Tabitha and her eyes narrowed impishly. "Is that a challenge, speedy?"

Again, he shrugged. "It's whatever you want it to be."

"So…" she said as she curled up on his arm, "how fast are you?"


CHALLENGE – I have taken a liking to this pairing, which I've dubbed "Tabitro", but haven't seen a single story featuring them. So I am issuing a challenge to any and all authors to write a Pietro/Tabitha story. You have my permission to use this one-shot as a chapter in the story (if you give me credit, of course) or to base your fic around it – or to simply not include it at all. There are only two rules:

1. No Tabitha Bashing

2. No Pietro Bashing

Do let me know if you're going to take up this challenge – I would love to see it.

Author's Note – I'm still wondering myself if they actually did anything. ;) Now for some shameless plugging. If you're a sucker for Kitty/Pyro fics like I am then take a look at Reversed, my ongoing, semi-serious fic.