Disclaimer: The characters belong to Chuck Lorre (I think) and not me, sadly.
Author's Notes: Hearts to Danny for the impromptu beta. Hearts to Chuck Lorre for making the show so slashy in the first place.
Warnings: Femslash. Which means female/female stuff, so…I don't know. Read at your own discretion.
"Oh, for heaven's sake!" Kitty Montgomery's hands flew up to cover her face.
Then she peered out from between her fingers.
Then she let her hands fall from her face, and they fluttered around her helplessly as she continued to stare at the television screen in shock.
Dharma was on the screen, enthusiastically kissing – oh, what was Dharma's friend's name? The redhead, the crazy one.
Oh, yes. Jane.
But why was her son's wife wrapped around crazy, redheaded Jane on public television? Kitty gave one final, disturbed stare at the tv and then headed off to find some answers.
There was probably a perfectly good reason to all of this, Kitty told herself as she drove, her hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel. Like, perhaps Dharma was crazy? Or maybe she had seen wrong, and they were really doing CPR…for charity, because Dharma did everything for charity.
Yes, that must have been it…CPR. They were performing CPR. Standing up. With crowds of cheering people around them.
And using their tongues.
Well, so much for that idea, then. Which left Kitty with the 'Dharma was crazy' theory, which was sounding better and better by the second.
Or…maybe, just maybe, it was Kitty who was crazy. Yes, maybe she was delusional, and she had simply hallucinated the scene on the television.
"Well, that's fine, then," Kitty told herself, relaxing her death grip on the steering wheel, as she turned onto Greg and Dharma's street. "I'm simply crazy."
She could just clear things up with her son, and go home.
Nobody answered at Greg and Dharma's house, and Kitty felt a flash of annoyance for driving all the way over and having to use that dirty elevator all by herself for nothing. She banged on the metal door once more for good measure and got a flurry of barking from the dogs inside as an answer.
Then she sighed and considered her options. She could go home and try and forget the whole thing (a couple of martinis would probably help with that), or she could try and find someone else who would know what was going on. Jane lived in the same apartment building, but she was…occupied. Obviously. Abby and Larry, then, perhaps? Dharma was their daughter, and they did seem unusually close, so they probably knew.
With that thought, Kitty stepped gingerly back into the elevator.
"Abby? I need…oh, for heaven's sake!"
Dharma and Jane were kissing on Abby and Larry's tv too.
Which meant that she wasn't hallucinating, and her television wasn't broken, and Kitty couldn't just go home and take a couple of pills and have a drink.
Well, she could. But that wouldn't make this little incident go away.
"What? Kitty, what's wrong?" Abby rushed into the living room, full of concern and if she was shocked to see Kitty suddenly in her house, she was hiding it well.
Kitty was at a loss for words. "Why?" was all she managed, waving a hand at the tv. She knew her tone of voice was the one she used whenever she had to deal with an uncomfortable situation. It was used quite often around Dharma and her family, so Abby should've recognized it.
However, Abby just beamed at the scene on the tv. "Isn't it great?"
Kitty placed her hands on her hips and frowned. "Great isn't quite the word I would use, no."
"Well, I think it's great that they're out there showing their support."
Kitty glanced at the tv. Thankfully, the camera was no longer focused on Dharma and Jane, but was panning over crowds of people. "Support of what?"
"Why, Kitty, it's Pride week. Today's the parade, and Dharma and Jane go down there every year. I usually go, but now that Dharma's married, I figured she'd want to share today with Greg, instead."
Kitty was aghast. "Greg's down there?"
She sunk down onto the couch in front of the tv, and Abby sat next to her, nodding. "Mmhm. With Pete."
"Oh, for heaven's sake!" Kitty exclaimed, not for the first time that day. Abby shot her a strange look. "I mean…ah. Is Greg there for – I mean." Kitty stuttered over the question that she didn't really want to know the answer to. "Is he being…proud?"
Abby smiled at her and shrugged indulgently. "I don't know. You'll have to ask Greg."
Kitty shook her head and smoothed a hand over her face. Abby seemed to sense her feelings, and patted her gently on the shoulder, saying, "Oh, come now, Kitty. It's not that bad. They're just having a good time."
Kitty's head snapped up. "But it is that bad," she protested. "It's…" but here she faltered. She didn't want to say wrong, because it wasn't. That particular lifestyle choice was fine for some people, just not for her son. And not for her son's wife.
With Abby looking at her expectantly, Kitty let the sentence trail off.
Abby sighed, probably making assumptions about what Kitty meant. "Kitty, you don't know what it's like."
"I most certainly do!" Kitty shot back before realizing that no, she most certainly did not. "Well, I mean. I don't, literally. But…I could imagine." Abby was still looking at her expectantly, and Kitty rolled her eyes, waving her hands in dismissal.
"So you've kissed another woman?" Abby asked.
"I most certainly have not!"
Abby persisted. "You've thought about it, then?"
"No." Kitty flushed slightly, feeling like she was on trial. Only with the Finklesteins would she be asked these kinds of questions. But then, talking to Dharma or her family always made her feel in need of extra time with her therapist.
"Well, what about Edward?" Abby seemed to switch topics very quickly, losing Kitty.
"Well, Kitty, you know how exciting it can be to watch your partner experiment with another man…"
The therapist bill went through the roof.
"Oh, good heavens." That was the last straw. "If we kiss, will you shut up?"
"Kitty! Oh, I'm honored. You'd choose me as your first venture into-"
Kitty leaned forward and pressed her lips firmly against Abby's. Thankfully, Abby stopped talking.
It was awkward, the way a first kiss with someone always is. It'd been a long time since Kitty had had a first kiss with anybody.
Although…Kitty couldn't remember first kisses ever being this soft. There were other details that were different too; the smell of flowers and herbs, a tight curl of Abby's hair brushing against her cheek. The gentle pressure of Abby's hand on her knee.
When they pulled away from each other, Abby's cheeks were pinker than they had been before, and Kitty let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. They both turned back to the television, which was now showing a blonde reporter talking to a couple of very clingy men.
"Oh!" Slightly flustered sounding, Abby reached for the tv remote, saying "Well, different people have different opinions, and I should be supportive of yours…"
Feeling quite different, indeed, Kitty put out a hand to stop Abby, who looked up questioningly.
"Well, maybe we should leave it on. Support the…" Kitty fluttered her hand vaguely "thing. You know."
Abby smiled and set the remote back on the coffee table, and Kitty turned her attention back to the television, a faint smile on her lips.