Author's note: Well, here we are again. Twilight Abridged Part 3: Eclipse. Don't blame me, this is what you guys voted for. If you didn't want this, you'd have voted for something else on the poll on my profile page. In fact, you can still vote for what my next fic will be once I finish Half-Blood Prince Abridged (plenty of choices there). Anyway, let's get into this, shall we?

Edward: Okay Bella, we need to work on your whole "making the preface longer than the original story's" thing.

Bella: I suppose we could.

Edward: No, we really do. This is supposed to be an abridged series. What you're doing is the exact opposite of that.

Bella: Yeah, you're right.

Edward: Excellent. Oh, also we've had complaints about the amount of swearing in these fics, so could we…

Bella: What the fuck are you talking about? We haven't had complaints, we've had complaint. Singular. And I'm pretty sure they had no idea what they're talking about.

Edward: Nevertheless, we should try to cut down on it.

Bella: Not going to fucking happen. Can we get to the part where I lament about how we're about to die now?

Edward: In a minute. First we just have to…

Bella: Uh, Edward?

Edward: Yeah?

Bella: We went over the word count again.

Edward: …dang it.