"Seventh day as a second century warlord and my loser liege lord finally joins me in the city. It turns out he's actually a pretty cool guy, and he isn't even that mad at me for letting the wizard steal his wife. I decide to shoot my shot but I'm really nervous and keep on stalling because what if I mess up our relationship and by extension jeopardize the security of my men? And eventually he just says goodnight and goes back to his room, where an assassin is in the process of setting up to kill him."

- Eminem

"I'm a vampire!"

- Nicolas Cage in Vampire's Kiss

"I'm a vampire!"

- Nicolas Cage in Renfield

"Bring me the priest."

- Gary Oldman in The Fifth Element

"Did you know Tom Cruise had no idea he was in that vampire movie till two years later?"

- Steve Martin in Bowfinger

"Toe pick."

- Moira Kelly from The Cutting Edge

"My job here is done."

"But you didn't do anything."

- A meme image I saw a while ago featuring Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Moon

Garderobe had been conquered within an hour on a moonless night. Unnatural forces never spoken about for years, never even heard of for eons, suddenly emerged from Windbloom's buried foundations one October dusk and swarmed over the capital like the reanimated husks of dead locusts. The invasion was led by a single being who defied all logic and sensibility. That wretched, damned, atrocious nightmare of a monster. A thing so vile his name should never even be spoken.

Kazukula.

Akane straightened her ribbon verniers and made a desperate one-woman charge toward the Headmistress's office. She was the first Otome out of an alliance of hundreds who was swift and cunning enough to slip through the hordes of undead ghouls infesting the campus, while all the rest of her Sisters were stuck fighting the mob at the front gates. A 200-pound sack of garlic was tucked in her left elbow (a small load for even the most nimble Otomes when they were Robed). In her right arm, she wound up her heated blade-tonfa for the swift blow that would separate the Dark Prince's rotting brain from his putrid body.

The devout Meister was certain she was following the path to salvation for her noble order. Her naivete blinded her from realizing she was soaring on a one-way course toward her own cruel destiny.

The inside of the Academy was barren even by the standards of a ghost town. The only things she encountered on her solemn flight up the stairs were a lot of fog, some bats, a couple wolves (but not the robotic kind armed with cannons), and three creepy pale-skinned girls in tattered wedding dresses who held a suspicious resemblance to Chie, Shiho, and Nao.

All the horrors and inhumanities were behind her when she reached the sealed wooden double doors on the Academy's highest floor. She focused all of her velocity into her flight rings to turn herself into a glimmering white bullet and broke into the office with a small explosion. She quickly landed on her feet and glared in determination toward the leader's chair on the other end of the expansive boardroom.

The heartbeat in her lightly armored bosom stopped for a second when her gaze met his.

Kazukula was sitting crossed-legged in the spot where only Lady Natsuki had the right to sit. He was completely alone. He'd shut all the electricity off, and the only sources of light in the office were eerie bluish-green candles arranged like pillars around his executive throne. His shoulders and back were engulfed in a stark black cape lined on the inside with lush red silk. Underneath the cape, he was wearing an extravagant tuxedo with a high ruffled collar that made him look suitable for figure skating at both weddings and funerals.

The pointed decorative ears on Akane's communications hairband stood up with surprise.

The Dark Prince's right fist was propped against his jaw in boredom as his red eyes glimpsed at the starless black void outside the clear glass windows. The loud boom and subsequent thud at the entrance to the office caught only a small portion of his attention… until he saw which Otome was causing all the ruckus.

Akane stared unblinking at the captivating features of the immortal demon who was just now starting to stare back at her. It was a youthful face, a handful of messy swept over charcoal-brown hair, and a roguish fanged smile she'd never seen in-person before, but he seemed so eerily familiar to her.

The thoughts at the front of her mind honed on completing the mission and saving her Otome Sisterhood. But somewhere far deeper in her shy subconscious, she couldn't deny it: She was pining for this lost and forsaken soul. The intimacy and connectedness she instantly felt for this strange being was like nothing she'd ever felt for any other person, not even her own sworn Master.

Love at first sight was a silly notion only told in children's stories. This was love at last apocalypse.

Both of her weapons plopped to the office carpet at the same time. She was defenseless against any attack he might try against her, but she'd be in even greater danger of a torn heart if she tried to attack first.

"And by what sacred stone might you call yourself, my majestic white tigress?" the vampire calmly asked her from his seat twenty paces away. He cautiously narrowed his beaming red eyes.

"Pure Heart Malachite." The words were drawn from Akane's mouth like she was in a gentle trance, but she didn't try to fight it. She didn't even notice it.

The Meister blinked, and her enemy was instantly out of his chair and standing face to face three inches away from her. The look in his ancient gaze said he was greatly enticed with her.

He could have grabbed her by the neck, strangled the life out of her in seconds, ripped her limb from limb so the office bookshelves were repainted red, or assumed a metaphysical form her frail mortal mind couldn't even perceive and devour her whole. But he did none of those things to this far weaker opponent standing well within his reach. Instead, he was being patient and waiting to see if she would accept him.

"Akane…" the name escaped Kazukula's fangs in a relaxing breeze of cold air.

He knew her real name. But that didn't frighten her. If anything, she felt a little more thrilled this handsome centuries-old creature was giving her his undivided attention.

"The scent of jasmine in your hair. The exotic dance Robes you wear for your spells. And that marvelous jewelry you're named after…" the Dark Prince said with adoration echoing in his macabre voice. "Like a priceless Egyptian mummy who's been restored to beauty so she can take back her rightful throne."

"The place I'm from used to be called 'France,' actually. We're kinda notorious for retreating," Meister Soir murmured stoically in response. It killed the mood a little.

"Then I must spread my cape wider to make sure you can safely retreat into it," Kazukula said with an inviting smile, expertly steering the conversation back on course. His vibrant silk mantle spread out behind his back like an enormous waving spider's web in a sudden gust of wind.

It seemed his main ability was to manipulate the surrounding air, just like Akane wielded. Her left pearl heel fumbled on the carpet before she quickly regained her balance. She was swooning on her feet ever so slightly.

"Perhaps your fortunes would change if I took a small dowry from you. I could have you join my kind so you'll share all of my powers," Kazukula spoke as if he were merely considering the idea, but the seductive gleam in his eyes made it clear he'd already decided on it.

"You're gonna drink my… my bl-… ?" Akane shivered with fright. Her most primal instincts to protect her life fought a bitter emotional battle with the other half of her that just wanted to surrender into his arms.

The vampire's slender icy nose was already tenderly brushing against her neck.

"Mm. Your pulse races with terror," Kazukula whispered gothic poetry to the object of his affections. "Your nectar is so much more delicious when it's warm from excitement. I yearn to dine with that witch power you possess, but I do not wish to place undue strain on you. The heart that beats in your chest is such a delicate thing that's already seen too much pain. If it's your heart I drink from, I'll honor it as the most sacred of goblets."

Akane nervously swallowed… and felt strangely comforted at the same time.

"My blood will make you immortal, dearest Akane." The affront against nature lured his prey with his promise, but she began to show the first signs of resistance.

"And mine will make you mortal." The Otome sounded ashamed to say it. "If my nanomachines get in your body, it doesn't matter what powers you absorb from me. Your life will be linked to mine. You might be invincible by yourself, but anything that can kill me… will also kill you. And if I die, the nanomachines incinerating you will be the worst death anyone from your kind can endure."

"Is that truly so?" Kazukula lightly tilted his head, genuinely curious. "I've heard stories about you witches with your blood-pacts, but I've never been able to observe it for myself."

Akane responded with only a small regretful nod. The ageless vampire prince smiled down on her even more brightly than before.

"How somberly romantic. I find your style to be all the more appealing. And you fear your weaknesses will make me weaker?"

Akane gave another silent nod.

"It's nothing to worry yourself over, my sweetest princess." The ancient royal chuckled confidently. The petite white Meister was looking up at him with all her resistance fading and the slightest hint of hope twinkling in her eyes. "It will simply be another tiny sacrifice I must make so I can be inseparable from you. I've already made a thousand searching for you."

Akane had no idea what any of that meant, but it sounded awfully endearing. A blush settled across the bridge of her nose as she sighed with a loving smile.

"Je suis désolé de devoir vous quitter, mon roi," the mademoiselle whispered softly with remorse under her breath.

Kazukula slowly drew her into the sturdy support of his arms and surrounded her with the privacy of his cape. Her microphone ears tilted at an angle toward the starless windows as she stretched her neck toward her right, exposing a generous feeding spot on her left jugular without needing any prompts from him. She wanted him to have the vein closest to her heart.

Her captor whispered relaxingly into her real ear as she closed her eyes.

"And now my soulmate, we shall share the same eternal life."

She took a deep breath and yelped softly as the Dark Prince penetrated her in ways that would only make her more powerful.

Author's note: Why the hell did I rewrite my Misa Amane: The Vampire Slayer fanfic as a Mai Otome story? This don't make no sense.

Author's note 2: Yeah, I turned a Trias combo into Dracula's three brides (really more like bridesmaids in this setting). Yeah, you got a problem with that?

Author's note 3: We know where you bought that shirt, and it damn sure wasn't the Men's Department!

Author's note 4: Yeah, King Charles Guinel just got NTR'd again. I was debating if I should make Akane some sort of Column in this timeline (possibly replacing Nao or Mahya), or set her up with Florince's king. But he was always a little creepy for her and they were never going to work together imo. Another version of her French apology I almost used was "Je suis désolé de ne pas pouvoir rester avec toi, mon roi." I decided to go with the version that literally has the word "quitter" in the middle of the sentence, lol.

Author's note 5: Oh and happy 53rd birthday to Junko Iwao. May you find many unholy sources of eternal youth.

Author's note 6: He must be a South Pole elf.