a/n please, anything is well accepted… comments, suggestions, death threats and stuffs…
Keeping an aimless distance. Sitting in a chair dreaming of something far-fetched of getting but you feel it in your grasp… getting too deprived for your own good. Aimed but in the end maimed of the chance…. Shattered dreams… broken into pieces… cannot be put together… even so… no longer need too… take the chance… and fulfill another…
Here I am lying lazily in my room, having the delusion of putting my head between the blades of my ceiling fan and let it kill me. But of course, the realization that my other half is immortal and can't agree that we should die... I shook my head lightly and close my eyes… I need to get some sleep…
"Sheesh, Kurama you're so unbelievable!!" Yusuke yelled at me the morning after the ball.
Considering that I bailed out of the dance, with some sort of tummy ache… and ditched Maya that I'm so pleased of doing that night…
Though trying to shake the guilt that Geko, had the nerve of ditching Botan in place of escorting Maya back to her hotel. Yes. I admit it. I am unbelievable. Because instead of screaming for joy because of this new profound information… locking myself in my room, I stood aimlessly in our front porch, thinking that I should've made the move that night.
"I heard the news from Keiko… Botan getting married?! O please Kurama!!" and again Yusuke added rolling his eyes at me.
I nodded silently and watched Yusuke's son playing in the sand. When will I have one of that?!
"Keichi please no, don't eat that. So, Kurama what's your plan now huh?" Yusuke conversed. What is my plan?
"I actually don't know… actually I don't really have a plan… and why should I have a plan anyways? I mean… C'mon my vacation's over in a week… I really don't have to do anything." I replied passively… as if I don't care…
"Well I think that's a great idea! Really, and then the irony will be Botan and Koenma getting married!" Yusuke replies, making a huge sigh.
"Kurama, you know that I loved Keiko since we were in high school, and you know how I felt about her… in a way that it shows… ?!" Yusuke tries to explain, scratching his head.
"Let's put it this way, even if I don't show it, you guys have always notice how much Keiko means to me… and for the record I have shown that a million times right?" he continued as I nodded of agreement.
"Well, seriously Kurama its kinda showing in you… well in other words, the things… Kurama, in any case, your in love with her… don't deny it Kurama, all of us knows… and all of us are just waiting…" Yusuke ended, waiting for my answer.
"Like I said, Yusuke… I have no plan. No plan at all." I replied indifferently.
"Then, okay. I can't change that can I?" Yusuke replied releasing a heavy sigh stood up and approaches his child.
"Like I said I have no plan of insisting myself to her…" I pushed that early fiasco out of my head over and over again but can't. I just can't…
I'n here without you baby…
But you're still on my lonely mind…
I think about you baby…
And I dream about you all the time…
I'm here without you baby…
But you're still with me in my dreams…
And tonight, it's only you and me…
I can't explain it but my feelings just changed… I just can't get to the thought that she's free… and I don't have to steal her from anyone. I've lived my life stealing… there's still this Yoko-image that I can't change.
"You don't have to change. Do you think she cares?!"
"No I don't." I replied telepathically.
"No one can change you, no one can wash your past and nobody cares…"
"All they have to do is accept who you are now and what we are before."
"And that is what exactly your friends have exactly done. If they didn't, do you think we will let them live and kick right now?"
I nodded in agreement to myself, I know I can't agree more… the Kitsune… for the first time is right.
"We both felt what we haven't felt before… SHE gave us the idea of acquiring happiness and satisfaction in a simple conversation; SHE made us realize that there is more to getting laid with a woman can be just a morsel of happiness to what a real woman is meant to do."
"Since when did you become so gratifying to anyone?" I tried to mock.
"Since she lighted our life."
"C'mon, we both know how we feel right now. The excitement of stealing her suddenly slowed down. Accept it Kitsune, the feeling is mutual. We don't love her anymore. "
"Are you trying to be funny?! Hn. You are such a loser coward."
"I can get used to being an alter-ego for your shameful simple life, I can get used to only appearing when you get pissed off. I can get used to being out of your life completely… but I will never get used of you crying your ass out back to that strange country begging that time would just turn back and give you a chance. We both felt sheer anger when she was kidnapped, got hurt, almost being killed… and getting married."
"We both agreed that this stupid vacation is just a simple façade to see her. Hoping that she still feels the same way for you, as you have for her for years you were aware. The one-night-stands we fail to be part of, the chances to get laid… we have passed that all up just for her…"
"We both know what we REALLY feel. The only stupid problem is we are so into the past, that our claws are too afraid to accept that we have acquired something for free. No sweat. No breaking the rules."
"Very true. Is that why you distracted me, by pep-talking me, while you control me to come here to Reikai?" I smiled to myself.
"I'm leaving this to you… you have the chance. I can't talk to her, because I will never control myself… and end this thing with her hating us for all eternity." I can just see him grinning with his lustful look right now.
The kitsune has been the other half that has all the guts, and didn't leave anything for me…. I can't admit it to him though but it's true.
I have to take the chance.
a/n how was it? Just finished my finals… now to hysterical and nervous since I have failed grades… and can't tell it to my parents… (gulp) here without you by three doors down is included in this chapter…. Disclaimer!