COUPLING- With the Characters of Harry Potter

Author's NoTe!

This is my new fan fiction, a cross of the British shows Coupling and Absolutely Fabulous: Two of my

favorite shows and they don't even play in America hehe.

There are six characters like in Coupling, Harry, Oliver, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Katie. They will go

through regular "adventures" every week... usually sexual. They are wizards still, don't worry.

This is just a story to kind of get away from the hype of The War of Dumbledore's Army, my other

story... which is getting great reviews... so maybe you should read!

Each chapter is a story with a beginning and end to it.

Beware, these chapters are strictly R. Strong sexuality and lots of language. Over thirteen please.

In this first chapter, Katie convinces Harry to be her date to an art exhibit to make Ron jealous.

Unfortunately, Hermione has used Ron as a date and has done the same thing. I was aiming for

something really funny in a sexual way. Please review! :)


Chapter One- Vulnerable Women

"Hermione, tell me something," Ginny Weasley said, as they walked down the streets of

London at night time. "How was Harry? When you dated him... was he nice and sweet? Was he good?

Stuff like that?"

Hermione laughed and pushed he hair behind her ears. "He was more than good."

Ginny giggled. "So, where are we going anyways?"

"A new bar has opened up called The Icing here in Muggle London. Were meeting everyone


They stopped at a square building with neon lights around the edges. A sign flashed the word,

'Open' on the front. A staircase led down to the entrance, right next to them. They walked down it,

and opened the door at the end. It was a brilliant place. Lots of people talking... lots of drinks... no

biker men.

Harry, Oliver, and Ron were sitting around a small coffee table, talking. Hermione and Ginny

made their way over to them and took off their coats to put them on the edge of a lounge chair.

"Talking about lesbians?" Ginny asked. "I still don't see how men get a kick out of crap like


"It's not the fact that's two women, Ginny," Oliver spoke. "It's the fact that's it's

entertainment... when you are lonely."

"Well you obviously two brains in your body. One in your head and one down below,"

Hermione pointed and sat down next to Harry.

"Isn't Katie coming?" Harry asked, keeping an eye on the doorway.

"She was supposedly bringing some date..." Hermione trailed off.

"Who?" Ron asked at once, taking a sip of his beer.

"That man... erm– Keith."

"Keith! Ohh! He's is a hunk," Ginny said and licked her lips as she took a sip of Oliver's coffee.

"Thanks for asking," Oliver replied to her action.

At that moment, Katie walked through the door with a man following behind her.

"Hello kids!" Katie said and kissed Hermione and Ginny on the cheeks. "This is Keith... my

boyfriend," she eyed Ron and then bent down to whisper into Hermione's ear. "It's too bad that he's

better in bed than Ron."

These six people, who were all talking to each other, were friends, not including Keith. They

have all participated in an interesting love triangle... well not exactly triangle.

You see, Katie went out with Ron who dumped her, who then went out with Hermione.

Hermione, thinking that Ginny was getting angry at both of them dating, dumped Ron and went to

Harry. They are no longer with each other.

Oliver dated Katie for a short time and dumped her. Easy to understand?

Ron Weasley is a man who constantly tells Oliver that sex is the new light of the world. He

owns a shop in Diagon Alley.

Harry Potter is a man who is still hung over about Hermione, and cannot get enough of her.

He works at the Ministry of Magic.

Oliver Wood plays on a Quidditch team and would like to have sex with Ginny one more time

before he dies.

Hermione Granger is a smart woman who works as second to the Minister of Magic. She is

NOT hung over about Harry anymore.

Ginny Weasley works at Gringotts Bank as a teller and funds adviser. She uses Oliver for his

money until she actually falls in love, which is when she dumps him.

Katie Bell is a Quidditch shop owner in Diagon Alley who thinks she is bisexual when she goes

out with men that are gay.

They are all wizards and work closely together. They are also all in their thirties.

Back to the story–

Katie sat Keith down in a different chair opposite the couch.

"Keith works at a news station! Isn't that fabulous?" Katie said and kissed Keith on the cheek.

"Who are you?" Keith asked.

Katie's grin dropped. Ron started to snicker.

"I'm your girlfriend remember?"

"You just grabbed me on the street! You told me you were going to fuck me."

"Damn you! Get out!" she yelled and pushed Keith. He jumped up and grabbed his coat and

hurried out of the building. Katie plopped down in the chair and took out a cigarette.

"Not over Ron? Need someone to make him jealous?" Oliver asked Katie with a laugh as she

took a puff of the cigarette.

"Oh screw off Oliver," Ginny snapped.

"It's fine, it's fine," Katie said. "I've gotten use to his petty remarks by now," Katie snapped

and grabbed his coffee and took a sip. Oliver looked offended when she put out her cigarette in his


"Oops," she said innocently and baby-like.

"Anyhow, we weren't talking about lesbians," Ron said. "We were talking about going to an art


"An art exhibit? Oh please," Hermione said. "It's just an attempt for you idiots to meet


"Vulnerable women, might I add," Oliver contributed.

"Let me guess, Harry, your going to this?" Hermione ruptured. Harry nodded his head.

"Were not going out anymore. Who cares?" he replied. Hermione shook her head vigorously in


"Let boys be boys!" Katie said loudly. "That has always been my motto! If they want to watch

porn during sex, let them! They will regret it eventually, because intercourse is not the same when

watching sluts on the telly."

"Right," Ginny said, completely ignoring Katie's absurd comment. "If you guys go to this art

exhibit, then I am coming. We can't let little Oliver get out of hand, can we?"

"Don't worry, mum. I can take care of myself," Oliver shot back.

"I am coming then. There's nothing better to do at night," Katie said. "When is it?"

"Tomorrow night," Ron said. "We meet at Harry's loft."

The next night, Harry tidied up his large apartment before everyone arrived at six thirty. The

doorbell rang early though... around six o'clock, and Harry answered it, to find Katie.

"Hello!" she said. "Sorry I'm late!"

Harry checked his watch. "It's five minutes until six."

"Thanks! I would be delighted to come in," Katie said, pushing Harry out of the way and

entering his kitchen.

"Did you come early on purpose?" Harry questioned her as he took her cigarette out of her

mouth and threw it away. Katie, looking thunderstruck, took off her jacket.

"Ah, yes– you see, I have a bit of a favor to ask of you..." Katie trailed off.

"What do you need?" Harry asked.

"I was wondering... would you be my boyfriend to this exhibit– just to make Ron jealous?"

Katie crossed her legs and ran a finger down towards her breast seductively.

"Oh for God's sakes! No!" Harry said disgustingly. "And stop seducing me!"

"Dammit!" Katie yelled. "You owe me a favor!"

"From when?" Harry inquired.

"Remember that time... when you were lonely?"


"I think you feel lonely," Katie said as she cornered Harry.

"I am... I mean, Hermione is gone. I have no one," Harry cried and he reached for a tissue

box. Katie slapped his hand away.

"I like a man who cries," she said.

Harry looked at her.

"Do you want a present, Harry?" Katie posed.

Harry shook his head eagerly.

"You will owe me one," Katie told him and she unbuttoned his shirt sensually.

"Do whatever you want to me!" Harry yelled and pushed Katie onto his bed. Next thing he

knew, they were naked... devouring themselves into a sex romp.

—Present Day—

"Ohhh!!!" Harry began. "THAT favor... well, fine. Your putting me in a hard position..."

"Hard?" Katie asked. "Interesting–"

"Not like that! God, do you know you're a huge whore?"

"Yes," Katie said simply. "Yes I do."

Thirty minutes later, Ron arrived (which was good, since there was an awkward silence

between Katie and Harry), carrying a bottle of cherry bubbly.

"Why do you have that?" Harry asked him curiously.

"Haven't you heard mate? Recent studies shows if you get a woman drunk, she is more likely

to give into you."

Katie was listening and got up from her seat.

"My God Ron... I haven't ever been so insulted. Woman don't give in because of a bottle of

champagne! They give in because they want you!"

Hermione appeared by Ron, who was still standing outside Harry's apartment.

"Okay, in the apartment, out of the hallway," Harry said and beckoned them all inside.

Katie suddenly started touching Harry's chest in front of Ron.

"Ron... Harry is my new boyfriend," Katie said out of nowhere.

"Is she paying you, Harry?" Ron asked curiously as he got a coca cola out of Harry's


"We are SERIOUS," Katie said and began to kiss Harry's neck. Harry was beginning to get

aroused, and quickly grabbed Ron's wine bottle and placed it below his waist.

"Time for bubbly?" Harry asked nervously, with a slight shake to his whole body.

"Nonsense!" Ginny said as she entered the room through the open door. "We must get going!

The exhibit starts in ten minutes!"

Oliver entered right after her, wearing a tight tee that said 'Love me, Love me' on it.

Ron gaped at this and the bubbly uncorked, making white fizz fly into the air as Harry tried to

cap it with his hand.

"Yes, yes– must be going now," Katie said. "Grab my coat, slave," she snapped at Harry.

"We'll fuck later."

Harry looked at her with a look of sexual wanting/desire and a look of Oh-My-Lord-I-Wish-

You-Were-Dead, which resulted in a deformed expression on his face.

They all loaded Harry's Mercedes and drove off about ten blocks, into the heart of London,

where an art exhibit was gathering swarming crowds outside a museum

"VULNERABLE WOMAN!!" Oliver yelled excitedly.

"First rule, men– Do not shout obscene words! The woman will get all offended and tell you to

shag a man... and then you get horny. Erg." Ron advised.

Hermione slapped him in the head. "There ARE woman in this car!"

"What kind of words are you going to yell?" Katie asked strangely. "The ones you yell when

you have sex?"

Ron stared at her with loathing and Oliver turned to him.

"What kind of words does he say?" Oliver asked.

"Oh believe me, I would never give out that kind of information. Only for money!"

Oliver dug for his wallet. "How much!?"

"One hundred pounds. Take it or leave it," Katie said and took out a cigarette. Harry snatched

it from her again.

"Honey! Do you want a screwing tonight or not? Give me my fag back!" Katie said and began

to touch his thigh, which escalated to a much more private area.

Harry gave her back her "fag." Hermione looked at her hand and let out a noise of frustration.

"Figures! A guy gets a good shag for giving a cigarette! At least I'm not a tart like this bitch!"

she said and pointed furiously at Katie.

"Hermione!" Ginny shrieked.

"What!? I have a right to be pissed! Besides... I-I- have...a boyfriend, right now!" She

grabbed Ron's arm, who looked taken aback. "Sexy, steaming Ron here!"

"Me?" he said stupidly.

"Yes, YOU..." Hermione said and nudged him. "Silly... Ron– always playing that game where

he pretends he doesn't know me... and then he tackles me and acts like he's helpless and we confess

our love for each other. After all, it is in a day's work isn't it? You should know, Katie!"

Katie threw her cigarette out the window and opened the car door. "Let's just go inside, shall


"Yes, very well," Harry said hurriedly and exited the car.

They entered the art museum, and much to Ron's dismay, he remembered the bubbly had

uncorked at Harry's apartment.

"Lot's of pressure on it," Harry made up when Ron asked him how it happened.

"You weren't even squeezing it!" Ron replied and then turned to Oliver. "Why the bloody hell

are you wearing that shirt!?"

Oliver looked down. "Girls love that song from No Doubt... that rocking American band, you


"I've heard of No Pout," Katie said absent-mindedly.

"No Doubt, Katie. Did you like their music?"

"Not very much," Katie began. "If you ask me, I think the lead singer is a bit of a–" She made

a siren noise, "–lesbo if you know what I mean."

An old lady looked shockingly at Katie when she said this.

"Oh for Christ's sakes you old bag, don't pretend you don't know what a freaking lesbian is!"

The old lady shrugged at a man's sleeve and he turned around. Katie stared at him in awe. It

was a tall, handsome man...

"Yes, mother?" he asked her. Katie tripped on the stairs up to the door and fell down. The

man helped her up.

"Go on Harry!" Katie called. "Tonight!! Remember!"

Ron glared at her and then whispered to Hermione. "Are we supposed to be going out?"

"Yes, yes– hold my hand!" They clasped their hands together. Harry looked at them both. He

was not mad at Ron, but merely at Hermione, who had lured his best friend into commitment.

"Run as fast as you can," Harry thought about saying, but his thoughts were disturbed when

they reached the ticket counter of the museum.

"How many?" the man asked.

"Six," Harry replied and got six blue tickets, and entered a museum of beautiful women.

* * * * * *

SORRY to end it there! I had to go on a walk with my dad. I'll be back at around 11:30 to upload it to

the web. The rest will be continued when I upload it tomorrow or so, after I finish chapter 22 of The

War of Dumbledore's Army!

Thanks for reading and HOPEFULLY reviewing.