Chapter Seven

"So, wait, are you telling me he's going to be leaving!" Elliot asks incredulously.

"Well, yeah," I say as I pick up my tray and make my way towards the trashcan. "He's better and he kinda has the whole 'saving the world with the CIA while banging his trusty agent all the while' thing to do also."

"Did somebody say 'bang'?" How does Todd magically appear whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned? It's a frighteningly good skill, and I can't help but wonder how he's perfected it over the years.


"I'd so go play in her sandbox! High fives!"

End Daydream

"JD, why are you such a pig?" Elliot quips as we all make our way out of the cafeteria.

"What? I speak the truth, that's all." There's no denying the fact that he's going to 'sow her seeds' all. Night. Long.

"Why does everything always come down to sex with you?" Why does Elliot ask such questions? First of all, I'm JD. I'm a 14 year old boy stuck in a 28 year old man's body. Second of all, it's sex. Clearly everything comes down to sex because it's sex. You'd think someone who has gone through four years of college, four years of med school, and 2 years plus of residency would know such facts.

"Turk," I say, motioning to him to answer this question.

"It's sex." He says simply as we turn the corner.

"So what! The world doesn't revolve around sex." Carla exclaims with Elliot in unison. Oh how it really does.

"That's not what you were saying last night! HO!" Snap! I give Turk a high five then turn to my right where Todd has suddenly appeared.

"Mad props, Turk-man, mad props." Todd gives Turk those little hand gesture guns, the shooters, as I call them. Suddenly he sees a woman and he races toward her, like a dog chasing a car.


How frightening, a dog with Todd's head! This image will haunt my dreams for years...

"How you doin', Ms. Poodle?"


"I'd so hump her if I wasn't neutered! High fives!"

End Daydream

By the time I turn around, Carla and Turk are walking in the other direction, arguing about God knows what, and Elliot has gravitated towards Mike's bed, where he's sitting up and buttoning his shirt. I walk up behind her quietly, as to not interrupt the glorious day dream she must be playing out in her mind. I've so been there...Except they're not about Mike. And therefore in no way homoerotic...

"I'm never gonna see him again, JD." Elliot sighs, tilting her head to the side.

"Oh sure you will." I say reassuringly, knowing all the while that if I have anything to do with it, Mike -- the Greek God of a man -- won't ever grace Elliot's dreams again, for I shall the the object of her affections.

Sure I've been lusting overy Syd for awhile, but that's all in good fun. Elliot's where it's at. Minus the whole psychopath, neat freak, daddy's girl, obsessive compulsive thing.

They really are endearing when you see them in the proper light. In any light at that matter...

And I don't mean her little quirks.


"Oh, hey JD," Mike says, nodding his head in my direction.

Elliot freezes up (wow, this is certainly a first), cowers, then scurries away. I walk toward Mike in a comfused stupor, my mind blown by Elliot's uncharacteristic behavior. I glance back to her as she walks away, and Mike peers in that direction also.

"Dude, what happened to her?" He asks, motioning to Elliot as she tries to jump up onto the front counter to talk to Carla, but falls flat on her face. "Ouch."

"I don't know, man...She's been acting strange recently--" I turn back towards him. "But who cares about Elliot, what about you! You're getting out today! It's the big day! Sydney doesn't know what she's in for." I nudge him and he looks down, shaking his head sheepishly as he puts his tie on.

"JD, it's not as easy as you make it sound..." He trails off, nervously.

"Ah, sure it is!"


"I think you're hot and I want to have sex with you." Mike says, scratching his head.

"Wow, that's really funny because I think you're really hot and I wanted to have sex with you!"

"What a coincidence!"

"I know! Seriously!"


"You know I've wanted to do you ever since you first walked into my office, right?" Mike asks as he looks around nervously.

"Oh my God! I've wanted to do you ever since I first walked into your office also!" Syd exclaims excitedly.

"How perfect!"

"I know! Seriously!"

cue "Let's Get It On" as Syd and Mike practically attack each other and start tearing each other's clothes off

End Daydream

"No, it's not, man." Mike says as he puts his suit jacket and takes a seat on his bed.

"How hard can it be? I mean you both love each other, clearly, and now all you gotta do is say it. Put it out there then fornicate like little chipmunks."

"Chipmunks?" He questions, looking up at me curiously. "JD, how do you manage to make everything be really really really creepy?"

"It's a gift, I know. But don't change the subject here--"

"You don't understand how much my world is going to change after I see her. It won't be hard to get it out and get it on, it's just going to be hard to face my life as it will stand afterwards. It's complicated."

I look at Mike who is obviously eager to start this new chapter of his life, but at the same time is accepting how carefully he must tread on this uncharted territory. I'm not gonna lie, there's no way I can or ever will understand what the two of them are going through, but I do have a faint idea of what the consequences are, and...

I don't know. I figure if this is their one chance at true love, screw the consequences, right?

"I understand, Mike," I say sympathetically as I cross my arms and walk to the end of the bed.

"No you don't," he says, chuckling as he stands up from the bed, once again. "And I'm glad. JD, it's so refreshing to talk to someone as cool about this as you are. And someone that I know I can trust."

"Oh, you're far too kind--" I may be shy and modest JD on the outside, but on the inside, I'm giddy like a little school girl!

He called me cool! Oh joy! Oh rapture! The epitome of coolness just called me cool! This is tremendous!

Suddenly the sliding doors open and I see Sydney walk through them and look up, smiling as she heads in our direction. I give her a slight wave then turn to Mike, who now is sporting a very serious "me so horny" look that covers up most of the horniness, and leaves primarily the angst.

I stand up and begin to walk away. "That's my cue," I say under my breath as I take my perch at the front desk with Carla, Turk, and Elliot.

"Oh, how fun. Now they're gonna have their little sentimental moment and live happily ever after." Elliot quips sarcastically as she rolls her eyes and waves her hand in front of her face.

"Come on, Elliot, you know you're happy for them," I say dreamily.

"Yo, Barbie, snap out of it," Turk says, snapping his fingers in my face.

"Oh, man, sorry--" I say, recovering quickly as I shake my head. "Pimps and hoes, pimps and hoes!"

Everyone turns their head towards me and give me a "What the Hell!" look together. Damn, triple whammy.

Hahahaha, I just said whammy.

Or thought whammy. Whatever, either way, whammy is priceless.

"Pimps and hoes...Guy talk...Reaffirming my masculinity, do you guys know nothing!" I ask then turn my attention back to the scene playing out before us.

I may be a dawg on the surface, but deep down inside, I'm just a little smitten kitten.

And thank God I didn't just say that out loud.

Mike walks up to Sydney and just stands in front of her.

"Hi," he says after a prolonged silence filled with unresolved (but soon to be resolved) sexual tension and angst.

"Hi," she responds, having broken a smile, and her eyes welling up. A sad smile slowly spreads across Mike's face as she reaches up and pulls him into a big hug. He buries his head into her shoulder and rubs her back soothingly.

"Thank you," he says, barely above a whisper. But of course, I hear because I have incredible hearing. Seriously.


"Your cell phone's ringing," I tell Turk.

"What? No it's not."

"Yes, it is. Trust me. Check in your bag in your room." He gets up and comes back with his cell phone in his hand.

"One missed call...How did you hear that!"

"I have really really good hearing."


End Flashback

I never said all my flashbacks have to be witty or funny or self deprecating, did I?

They pull apart, and just stare at each other for a moment, before Mike breaks their gaze and looks at the ground nervously.

"I...uh...Heard about Sark."

"Who's Sark?" Elliot asks immediately, turning to me.

"How am I supposed to know!" I ask incredulously.

"You're like...In on their little...Thing. You should know!"

"Well I don't!"

"Shut up, you two!" Carla whispers to us as she leans forward to hear better.

"Sloane actually brought Sark to the Alliance and presented him as their new ally." Sydney says quietly, looking down then back up at Mike.

"How did that go over?" He asks, clearly denying his natural urges to grab her and ravish her like there's no tomorrow.

Like. There's. No. Tomorrow.

"Apparently, Sark was a big hit. And thanks to me, Sloane's standing has never been higher." Mike shakes his head in recognition, then bows it once more.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly.

"Don't be. If that's what I had to do to get you back, I was willing to."

Ooh, you can cut through the attraction with a knife here. The smoldering "I so want to do you right this second!" exuding off the both of them is almost unbearable.

Mike pulls his eyes away from Sydney's breaking the moment, then looks back up at her.

"I understand you met Alice--"

A sad look crosses Sydney's face, but she covers it up, and is barely able to contain her excitement.

"You don't need to explain. JD told me everything." He nods in my direction, and Mike turns and gives me his signature head nod. I can't help but laugh as I give it back to him. "And it looks like we have an audience..." We all wave giddily to the soon to be happy couple, and they give a laugh before turning back to face each other.

"So..." Sydney trails off as Mike looks back at her and lifts his hand up to her face, drawing a strand of hair behind her ear.

She takes a deep breath, and closes her eyes as Mike lets his thumb graze over her cheek, his other hand rises to the other side of her face, and he takes a step closer to her. She opens her eyes slowly, then places her hands over his and slowly pulls them off her face, entwining his fingers in her own.

"I thought I was going to lose--" She says quietly, looking down at their hands. Mike's chest rises as he takes a deep breath and cuts her off.

"But you didn't. I'm still here, and only because of you. Because of you and for you. Always for you."

Dammit, why can't I come up with lines like that on the whim!


Uhh, I think you're really pretty, and uh...I'm sorry for all the sweat and...Uhh...You're really really pretty, but you already know--I really am sorry for all this sweat. I sweat uncontrollably when I'm around women as pretty as y--

End Flashback

I swear I see a tear fall from Syd's eye, and I'm right, for Mike reaches up -- his hand still entwined in hers -- and wipes it from her face, before leaning in and kissing her.

It starts slowly and softly, but it quickly heats up as they let go of each other's hands and Mike's hands wander to her hips, and his wrap around his neck.

"I would give anything to be in her position." Elliot says dreamily before sadly sliding off the counter and walking towards the locker room.

"Me too," Carla replies, following her in a lovestruck daze.

"Yeah, me--" Turk starts, then shakes his head and quickly looks at Carla, then me, then back at Carla. "Baby, are you saying I'm not good enough for you? That I don't satisfy your--" His voice trails away quickly as he chases Carla down the hall, and I'm left to just gaze upon the wonderful result of my matchmaking.

JD, the matchmaker.


JD dressed as a fairly-like creature -- tights, glitter, wings, and all -- prancing about happily

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match. Find me a find, catch me a catch...

End Daydream

Mission accomplished, my friends, mission accomplished.

And I get to just sit back and watch some good old fashioned spy!porn right in the middle of the hospital. Sweet.