Hello. It's been a long time. I'm slowly transferring all of my stories to this account. For the LIFE OF ME, I cannot recover my assilem33 account, which is devastating to me. I hope you ALL still read.

No copyright infringement intended.

The invitation was in the mail yesterday. I haven't opened the motherfucker, because I'm still bitter as fuck even after all these years.

I didn't love her - not really - but I'm still pissed. Have they no morals?

She didn't owe me shit, but Emmett, my goddamn brother? What about him?

It's fucked up to send me that shit and expect me to take a front row seat to that fuckery. Being subjected to a second round of humiliation - no fucking thank you, sir.

After shoving that disgrace of an invitation in my junk drawer - for fucking shame - I pour two cups of coffee, making sure to add a shit load of creamer to one of them. To think, I never even bought creamer until Bella.

Grabbing both mugs, I move to the balcony door, sliding it open. She's not out here yet, so I set hers on the edge that separates our apartments. This has kind of become our thing - bullshitting and morning coffee before we go about our days.

I look forward to these mornings. Don't get me wrong, some days, she annoys the hell out of me, but other days? Yeah, I want to hop the stucco divider and fuck her into next week. We've never taken our relationship in that direction, so it'd be a shock to all her systems if I did that - fun I'm sure, but a real shocker no doubt.

The scenery isn't shit out here. More apartment buildings. The courtyard. There's a gym to my right, a kickass pool even, and a jacuzzi just below us, but that's no man's land after seeing old man Henry plowing Josephine one night. My retinas are still scarred. I'll never fucking recover.

Overall, not a bad place to live at all.

My phone rings, but I ignore it. There's nothing Esme - that's my lovely mother - can say right now that would make me even consider that shit. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to hear about it. I don't want anything to fucking do with it.

I didn't always call her Esme, you know, because that's weird as fuck, but after finding out she knew my brother was fucking my girl behind my back, I felt mom was a little too personal. My own mother - who would have thought. So, yeah, she doesn't deserve that title.

Sure, it was six years ago. Yeah, I should just get over it and move on, but if there was ever a king of holding grudges, that's me. I don't need that type of negativity in my life.

I need a damn cigarette.

Bella's going to be pissed, but fuck it. If there was ever a time to ruin my lungs, it's now. She can suck it. Literally if she pleases.

It's funny that we're neighbors - morning coffee buddies, evening drinking buddies - and we've never seen the inside of each other's apartments. Never hung out outside these balcony walls. She made me quit smoking for fuck's sake, and I don't even know what color her sheets are - what she hides beneath those little shirts and those short shorts.

I guess I'm okay with that - I guess. She's a good friend, funny as hell and she's no eyesore that's for sure. Wild sex would just ruin what we have.

"What the hell, Edward!"

Damn, I didn't hear her door slide open. Oops.

Shrugging, I finish the last of it off before tossing the butt in an old cup. "It was a one off. I'm sorry, okay."

She accepts the cup of coffee with a glare, her eyes rolling when she tastes my concoction. I'm a coffee God alright.

"Smoking kills you," she finally says. "But more importantly, it kills those around you. Don't be a selfish dickhead."

"Gee, way to kick me when I'm down," I say, leaning my elbows on the divider, checking her tits out - fucking sue me.

"What's with the woe is me bullshit?"

I flick her in the forehead for trying to be cute, laughing when she chokes on her coffee. "My ex sent me an invitation to her wedding."

"You're kidding," she says. "Why would you go to your ex's wedding?"

"Because she's marrying my brother."

"You're lying," she says, obviously thinking it sounds a bit outlandish and all, but I shake my head and take a sip of lukewarm coffee. "Wait, seriously? You're not lying?"

"No. My ex is, in fact, marrying my brother."

"Please tell me you aren't the best man. Are you going?"

"Only if you go with me." What the fuck? Why would I say that? I can't take her to my brother's wedding. What if he tries to steal her from me, too. Not that she's mine or anything. God, just shut the fuck up, brain. "Forget I said that. I'm not all about witnessing their happy ever after. I'm not going."

"Oh my God, do you still want her? She's with your brother now. Fucking her would be like fucking him. Do you want to fuck your brother, Edward?" She looks so disgusted and sounds absolutely fucking insane, it makes me laugh.

"If we're going for semantics here, he wants to fuck me. Obviously."

She opens her mouth, closes it before opening it again but she's speechless. I kind of feel bad for the little dork, so I tell her all about my family betrayal and humiliation.

I was 18, and Rosalie had been my girl since we were 14. We were having a good time - that high school sweetheart bullshit. She was giving to me on a regular basis, and I was all for that shit. I was a teenage boy. My dick was always hard. I don't know if I was in love with her, but we were tight and all about each other.

Turns out, while she was giving it up to me, she was falling madly in love with my older brother and vice versa I guess.

After senior prom - we were king and queen, America's fucking sweethearts - I walked in on them and what I saw, that wasn't first time drunk shit, that was I've done this before I love you shit. I didn't cry because what am I, a bitch, but I tore that fucking room apart. It's just too bad it was my own goddamn room.

They were going behind my back for months. Fucking months, and I was a clueless idiot. She bewitched me with that mediocre pussy.

Mom knew Emmett had a thing for her. She even went as far as encouraging him to follow his black, soulless heart. I guess it didn't matter that his heart wanted what was already mine.

I could have loved her. Maybe not. This shit isn't even about her anymore. Brothers don't fuck brothers over like that, and what Emmett did without an inkling of remorse - well, he's the biggest douchebag I've known in my 24 years.

Fuck him and his wedding.

"Wow," Bella says, finishing off her coffee. "I think you should go."

"Come again?"

"Yeah, just go." She shrugs. "Show them you've moved on - that you're better than those scumbag bitches. When is it?"

"Who fucking cares?" This girl is fucking nuts if she thinks I'm going.

She rolls her eyes and leans her elbows on the divider, giving me a whiff of something delish. It's taking a lot out of me not to fuck her tits right now.

"Do you want them to think you've just been wallowing in self-pity for the past six years? Come on, you've got bigger balls than that. Show them."

"You want me to show them my big balls?"

Damn, she set herself up for that one.

"Fine." She shrugs, her lips lifting into a smirk I want to fuck right off her face. "Let them believe you're still crying.."

"I never cried."

"...that you're still pining over a girl that didn't want you…"

"Oh, she fucking wanted me."

"...that you weren't man enough to move on."

This bitch, I swear.

"Fine, I'll go. But, you better believe you're coming with me."

"What?" She scoffs. "I'm not going with you."

"Yeah, you have to. You can be my little lovebird," I say, chuckling, the plan forming so beautifully in my head.

"No, but thanks for asking. You have fun, though." She reaches out and pats my cheek like a condescending little fucker.

"Hey, this was your idea," I say, grabbing her hand before she pulls away. "I need a date, and who better than my little coffee buddy?"

"You can't be serious."

Nodding, I release her and cross my arms. "Do I look like I'm joking?"

"What do I get out of this?"

"A date with this pretty face, duh."

"Go get the…"

Her door slides open and the bronzed gym rat from Building B walks out. Is she for real? She spent the night with him.

"Hey," she says. "I thought you left."


"Yeah, so last night was fun," he says. He glances my way and gives me a chin lift, and like a douche, I do it back. "We should do it again sometime."

This shit is so fucking awkward. I start to slowly back up, not wanting to witness the poor guy's ego deflating, but Bella speaks before I can get away.

"I'll call you."

Shit, she's not going to call him. Take the loss, dude. Take the fucking loss.

I can't peel my eyes away from this trainwreck. He tries to kiss her, but she gives him her cheek, and then he smiles like an awkward duck before letting himself back into the apartment and hopefully out the front door.

"Really, Bella," I say. "That was harsh."

"Screw you, coward."

"You want a piece of me, is that it? I'm flattered, but I'm not looking for a relationship right now…"

"You're not my type."

Huh? I don't waste my time calling her out on her lies.

"So, you gonna go with me or what?"


"You can't do this shit, though," I say, gesturing between the both of us. "None of this antagonistic shit. No busting my balls."

"I know what I'm doing," she says, pushing the mug into my hands. "I'm going to make the bitch regret fucking such a pretty face over."

"You think I'm pretty?" I flutter my lashes, making her snort.

"Pretty ugly."

"You are ice cold."

"Let me know the details."

"Go away."

She laughs and takes her ass inside, and even though she's annoying me with her sass, I want to climb the wall and follow her through those doors and show her who's boss.

I go to work instead.