A/N: I hate myself for giving into the temptation, but I know that it will merely torture me until I write it and it is too awesome to give to anyone else. Sorry. I'm such a non-sharer. This will be a STAND ALONE. There will NEVER be an update to this story. And with that in mind…here we go:
When Draco had suggested the possibility of a disguise, this wasn't what he had in mind. Sure, his father would never find him and therefore, couldn't overreact again to that silly little 'not becoming a death eater' plan Draco'd concocted.
But still…he didn't want to be a Gryffindor. And for Merlin's sake, did he HAVE to be a girl?
He groaned as he turned to leave Dumbledore's office.
"Ahh…Dracilla?" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled and Draco swore if the old wizard was forty years younger and he wasn't a little afraid of breaking one of these damned extra long nails, he'd punch him out on the spot.
"You'll be rooming with Hermione Granger."
Draco's eyes widened, "You CANNOT be serious. She HATES me!"
"Oh, but she's never met you," Dumbledore chuckled, "Dracilla."
He felt like he was going to gag. This could not be happening. Kids were starting to arrive and some of the older classes were looking at him with curiosity.
"Oh, take a picture," he mumbled, climbing the stairs in a huff.
Granger wasn't there yet, so Draco wasted little time in going straight to the mirror. Even if she walked in, that wouldn't be weird. Girls were constantly primping in front of the mirror.
His features were basically the same, but prettied up to the extreme. Basically…exactly how he would look…if he was a girl. Which he was. Draco shuddered. Long dark eyelashes framed his gray eyes. His hair was longer, falling around his face. He looked…pretty. Repulsively, hideously GORGEOUS.
Nausea rose within him at the valley girl staring back into his eyes.
He'd never looked so girly...so feminine. His eyes dropped to his chest...
"Damn," he muttered, lifting his hands to cup his very own pair of breasts!
The whole concept of masturbation was looking up.
As every other straight male in the wizarding world, Draco had often wondered how women could leave their house at all, when they had perfectly nice tits to play with. There were some glaring exceptions, of course, but for the most part, he was in the dark.
Sadly, becoming a woman didn't answer the question at all, merely increased the mystery, since the desire to go to class was waning in favor of just playing with his new toys. And this was just the first level of exploration.
"Are you Dracilla?" a voice came from behind him and he immediately dropped his hands from his breasts in annoyance.
"That's me," he smiled, mentally grimacing as he turned around, "And you are?"
"Hermione Granger," she stuck her hand out in a friendly manner and Draco concealed a smirk. If only she knew.
"Pleasure to meet you," he shook her hand and an odd spark leapt through him at her touch.
Hermione's eyes widened suddenly and she stepped back in confusion, giving Draco the opportunity to survey his new roommate. She'd grown up over the years, not that he'd ever taken the time to notice. Well…this one time, she'd worn a new shirt and he'd ogled her breasts for an hour, but he was really subtle, so that didn't count.
With an annoyed sigh, he realized that despite his brand new female body, she was still more stacked than him. It was so unfair.
At least he would appreciate what he had.
"So what brings you to Hogwarts?" Hermione asked quickly.
"Needed a new scene," he shrugged.
"Her-mi-o-nee!" a dreaded voice spoke from the door, "Were you going to help us AT ALL with your trunk?"
Potter and Weasley walked into the room, dumping Granger's trunk at the end of her bed and falling onto her bed with exaggerated exhaustion.
If he had to spend much time in their company, it could very possibly overshadow the joy of acquiring boobs.
"Guys, this is my new roommate, Dracilla," Hermione brought their attention to his presence and they both leapt to their feet.
"Ron Weasley," the red one held out his hand, immediately, introducing himself to Draco's boobs.
Boys, Draco thought in disgust, crossing his arms over his chest, unwilling to share his new toys with the Weasley wanker.
"Ron!" Hermione hissed in embarrassment. "Sorry, we can't take him anywhere," she muttered to Draco.
He didn't think she'd ever spoke truer words.
Harry chuckled, stepping passed his red-faced, red-haired…red-in-general friend to gallantly offer his hand to 'Dracilla.'
Draco wanted to puke all over him.
"I'm Harry Potter," Pothead told him, watching expectantly for some kind of reaction.
Draco concealed a smirk, "Nice to meet you."
It was clear The Boy Who Lived was a bit put out not to be recognized.
Hermione smirked at the back of her friend's head and Draco felt validated.
"Guess who isn't back this year, Mione!" Ron charged back into the conversation, to Draco's great irritation.
Granger shrugged, "I give up."
"Harry's best friend," he rolled his eyes.
Her eyes lit up, "Does it happen to be a blonde Slytherin, sometimes answering to Ferret-boy?"
"Ding Ding Ding!" Ron laughed gleefully.
Inwardly, Draco fumed. You get turned into a ferret once and no one can just let it go.
"…who?" he asked, frowning, as though they could be talking about anyone but his god-like self.
"Draco Malfoy," Hermione explained, "Insufferable prat, you're lucky you didn't meet him."
"Oh, I don't know," Draco shrugged, flipping his hair snottily over his shoulder, "He sounds hot."
Potter and Weasley gasped in horror at his statement, but Draco's eyes were on Granger, who blushed and looked away.
Resisting the urge to point, laugh and jump on the bed, he just smirked at her, "You agree?"
"Well, his looks weren't the problem, it was everything else about him," Hermione sniffed snootily, her face crimson as her best friends stared at her in utter shock. "Oh, leave me alone, it's not like a shagged the bastard!"
Not yet. Draco sighed to himself in contentment.
Granger thought he was hot and he had a tremendous rack.
Damn, did he love being a woman.
"BLOODY HELL!" He woke up the next morning screaming, curling into a ball as some sort of evil magic attempted to claw its way through his abdomen.
He moaned helplessly, sweat breaking out all over his body as he wondered if his father could hex him, not knowing where he was.
"Are you okay?" Granger's voice hit him and he wanted to kick her away. Couldn't she see he was in agony? He didn't have the patience to deal with her too.
"Hurts," was all he said, largely ignoring her presence in favor of his sudden preoccupation with death…and the desire for it to come quickly.
He heard Granger fiddling around, but didn't much care. But when she muttered a quick spell, heat settled onto his abdomen and slowly the pain abated.
Draco slipped to his back, eyeing her in pure shock and amazement. Never in his life had he been more grateful to another human being and he grabbed her hand, kissing it.
"I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to you," he muttered.
Hermione chuckled, "We only met yesterday."
"You're a goddess," he mumbled sleepily, finally relaxing back into slumber.
"Professor Dumbledore!" Draco stumbled into the Headmaster's office in a panic.
"Good morning…Dracillla, how can I help you?"
"I was cursed and I'm dying," Draco told him seriously.
Dumbedore blinked, "Pardon?"
"It started this morning," Draco paced the office, "I woke up with this blinding pain. Hermione fixed it, so I thought I was okay, but…" he gulped, "But I think I'm bleeding to death, I can't make it stop!"
Lips twitching, Dumbledore looked away, muttering something about how he knew they shouldn't leave sex ed up to the parents.
Draco didn't know what sex had to do with anything. In fact, sex was about the last thing on his mind and he tapped his foot angrily.
"Ahh…why don't you take a seat, I'm afraid there are some things I assumed you were aware of…"
"I'd rather stand," he crossed his arms.
Dumbledore sighed and nodded, explaining to him carefully why it was quite likely he was not, in fact, dying, though there was no mention of not being cursed. Apparently, all women were.
Draco said the only intelligent thing that came to mind, "Every month for HOW LONG?"
Counting in his head, that was far, far too much for him to handle in the nine months before school got out. There had to be something, a spell, ANYTHING.
He turned wild eyes on Dumbledore, "There MUST be something to be done."
"Don't you think women have looked?" Dumbledore raised an eyebrow.
Draco sighed in defeat at that very good point…but he went to the library anyway.
Five days older and wiser, Draco began speaking to people again.
In the interim, he'd taken to frightening people away with looks. Everyone except Hermione, of course, whom he'd placed on a lovely silk pillow in his mind for what he still considered saving his life. What Dumbledore said didn't matter, it had felt very real at the time.
"How can you be so unaware how beautiful you are?" he asked her in exasperation.
Hermione rolled her eyes, "You are beautiful. I'm just normal."
"With that rack?" he asked in amazement.
She frowned and he realized it probably wasn't the most every day thing to hear from another girl. "Oh, they don't notice," she waved off the compliment.
"Hermione," Draco rolled his eyes, "Do you know ANYTHING about guys? That is ALL they notice!"
Damn…if he'd known the girl was this naïve, he'd have tried getting in her pants ages ago.
"Not Harry and Ron," she sighed.
"Those wankers? Hermione, listen to me. You can do a million times better them. Or just snap and they'll come running."
"What makes you think that?" she frowned, not even bothering to defend her friends. Apparently there was a secret girl code of conduct that allowed that sort of thing, while, if he were male, she would have ripped his balls off. It was sick, but he took advantage.
"They're guys. You have tits," he shrugged. It wasn't that hard to understand, honestly. He thought she was smart.
"But they think of me as a sister!"
Draco made a face, "If that is their version of 'sister'…I'm a little disturbed for Ginny."
Hermione laughed, "I just want everything to be simple, you know?"
"Your average fairy tale?" he asked dryly.
"Of course not!" she grinned, "I would never settle for average!"
He laughed. It was so Granger. Of course she wouldn't.
"So, Prince Charming, then?"
"As long as he doesn't have a thing against muggle-borns," she grinned, "Then sure, why not?"
It was interesting how much Granger made reference to him, even subtly. He was beginning to think that she might be a bit obsessed with him. It was marvelous.
"I go back to tits," he grinned, "He won't have a problem with it."
Hermione scoffed, "Right. So someone who hates muggles would just stop because I have breasts?"
"Long enough to fondle them, definitely," he nodded.
Of all the conversations he never expected to have, convincing Hermione Granger she was a guy-magnet was up there.
Though telling Dumbledore about his period was certainly above it.
There were numerous advantages, Draco discovered, of being an attractive woman.
He achieved many firsts in his life that he could have never done as a man.
In Quidditch, catching the snitch against Potter was now as easy as showing a little leg. It did make him feel a bit dirty to have Scarface leer at him in that most disturbing manner he had, but once a Slytherin always a Slytherin.
As a girl, Draco Malfoy was kicking Harry Potter's ass.
Could life be grander?
In Potions one day, he discovered it could, when Pansy Parkinson made it obnoxiously obvious that she couldn't stand the sight of him.
Life's work complete, Draco enjoyed a relaxed afternoon of bathing, a new favorite past time of his, since not much else involved nakedness.
"Dracilla!" Hermione dashed into the room.
"Hey, Granger, just thinking about you," he grinned, slipping his hand unobtrusively from his pants and sitting up.
"What are you wearing?"
Draco looked down in confusion, "A cute ass mini-tee that shows off my rack and jeans…why?"
Hermione rolled her eyes, "I mean for the dance!"
"Oh, I'm not going to that. Just more guys looking down my shirt, it's nasty."
"You always tell me I should show more cleavage!"
"Well…but it is different for you," he waved off her complaints. So he wanted her to wear tighter shirts, since when was that a crime?
"How it is different?"
Because I'm really a guy. In face, I'm really Draco Malfoy. Surprise! Incidentally, I love you. "Because you want the attention. I want them to bugger off."
"So you didn't say yes to ANY of the people that asked you?"
"Oh, come on, who was I supposed to go with? Crabbe's an idiot. Goyle's a worse idiot. Zambini just wants to finger me in the broom closet because he made a bet last year that he could nail every blonde by graduation and your two wanker friends make me want to puke my guts up. So do share what I should have done."
"How'd you know that about Zambini?" Hermione frowned.
Cause I made the bet, he smirked. "Heard it from Goyle."
"So go with me, then," Hermione smiled.
Draco's eyes widened. It was unexpected enough that he found himself in a situation where he was a lesbian. But he hadn't anticipated coming out of the closet about it.
"Just as friends!" she smacked his arm with a laugh, clearly reading his expression.
Draco smirked, "Can I do your make up?"
Hermione's eyes widened, "THE LAST TIME YOU DID, I LOOKED LIKE A WHORE!"
"And why is that not fun for everyone?"
Just the look of concentration on her face as she did his make up made him want to kiss her. A few times, he would catch her eye and she would jump back.
He knew she could feel it and it was thrilling.
He'd make a lesbian of her yet.
For a few seconds, he enjoyed the theoretical beauty of their love transcending the barriers of gender…but then he realized he would get four breasts to play with and that overwhelmed all his other thoughts.
The dance was somewhat disgusting for him.
Hermione looked absolutely breathtaking, of course, but he never got to dance with her.
The downside of being a woman was dancing with men. Gross, sweaty, disgusting men. Leering constantly.
Draco couldn't be happier to be a lesbian. Men were repulsive, he didn't know how Hermione handled it. And the touching, he shuddered. The next hand anywhere near his ass was going to disappear. He had a wand and he knew how to use it.
He would say the same went for the next person that tried to touch Hermione's ass as well, but he suspected he'd just cut straight to Avada Kedavra for that stupid git.
"Let's get out of here," he heard her voice beside him, pulling him from the punch bowl and out under the stars.
He sighed in pleasure and Hermione laughed.
"I knew you needed rescuing."
"Well, honestly," Draco huffed, "What's so hard understand about 'my ass' and 'my boobs'…if I feel like sharing, I will."
Hermione laughed, "This whole thing would be so much simpler if you were just a man."
Draco raised an eyebrow at that decidedly interesting twist in the conversation. "What do you mean?"
"Everything would be simple and perfect. We get along great and you're not an idiot," she grinned.
"Unlike your other friends," he grinned, "Well, THAT'S true…"
Hermione rolled her eyes, "A lot of women have self-esteem issues, I'm glad you're not one of them."
"Me too," Draco smiled. "I suppose I could turn myself into a man…just for you, of course."
"Of course," Hermione smiled.
"What if you hated me as a guy, though?" Draco watched her intently.
"So not possible…and you'd probably make a hot guy, that'd make up for a lot."
Draco was affronted. "Probably??"
"You know who you sort of remind me of," she chuckled, "Only if he wasn't such a complete wanker?"
Licking his lips, Draco gestured for her to continue.
She stepped closer to him, looking into his eyes and around his face, looking for something that made him nervous. Due to her use 'complete wanker' it was most probable she'd get it right…but the description also opened it up for Potter, and that could just destroy a man's ego.
"Just like Malfoy," she chuckled.
He swallowed, "Well…you said he was hot, right?"
"No…you did," she whispered back, her face mere inches from his.
"Oh," he moved before he gave it thought, bringing their lips together in a kiss that sent a flood of sparks through his system.
Hermione opened her mouth, deepening the kiss as he brought her against him, their breasts meeting in what had to have been the oddest sensation ever.
She sprung back from him quickly, her eyes the size of saucers.
"I'm sorry," he spit out rapidly, not wanting her to freak on him.
Hermione shook her head and spun around, re-entering the ballroom as Draco sighed.
Surprisingly, the four boob phenomenon wasn't all it could have been. He wanted to be a man again. To have her look at him like she wanted him…not like they had just done the craziest thing ever.
But would that even happen for them? Even if he were to change back, she hated Draco Malfoy. And lying to her for months wasn't the ideal way to change that fact.
Besides, he couldn't. He was still in danger. So they should just…what…go on having this weird chemistry and some kind of on again off again lesbian relationship?
Kinky thoughts aside, there was nothing he particularly liked about that situation.
Draco looked up sharply to see Dumbledore.
"What do you want?"
"Please come to my office, Mr. Malfoy."
Draco climbed the Gryffindor stairs for the last time. It was over.
Hermione looked at him nervously when he came in and Draco sighed.
"I'm moving out," he told her quietly.
"Why?" her eyes widened.
"Well, Hermione, I've been lying to you for months. And now, I don't have to anymore."
"Is this about…tonight? About…us?"
Draco laughed, "If only I were just a lesbian." Another one of those things he'd never expected to leave his lips. What an interesting year this was. "My father died tonight."
She tried to apologize, but he cut her off.
"He was an evil bastard, I've been hiding from him for most of the year in disguise," he watched her mind work and knew the second she landed on the right answer. "Draco Malfoy, at your service," he drank the potion Dumbledore gave him, immediately feeling natural in his skin for the first time in more than a month.
"In a hurry to change back?"
"Well, I was getting my period tomorrow," he shrugged, trying to joke but actually dead serious. Any time he could avoid one of those vicious things, he sure as hell was going to.
"Will you miss anything?"
"Just you," he smiled, "And my breasts," he frowned. "Well…I've gotta go."
"Draco?" she stopped him as he opened the door, "How do you feel about muggle-borns?"
"I think you already know that, Hermione," he drawled, leaning back lazily against the door. "Now, what did I teach you about men?"
Hermione rolled her eyes, "That every male loves me due to my breasts. How deeply romantic."
Draco chuckled and walked over to her bed, bringing her fingers to his lips, "Then we're going to have to work out a new story of how we fell in love, because there's no way I'm telling the kids you made my cramps better."