A/N: Grimmslayer and I Want it All should be next.

...someone gave me a copy of Breath of the Wild while I was on vacation. Didn't think much of it at first.

I remember the first Zelda games waaaaay back in '86. Makes me feel even older, yeesh...

Then I reached the Divine Beasts. And the Champions Ballad.

Now I dearly, dearly, DEARLY wish they hadn't given me that copy, because it -and the memories!-sucked me right in. What's that? Whaddya mean there's a sequel out? Lalalala! Can't hear you!

If by some miracle this makes it over 100 reviews -unlikely, but possible- I'll update it early with the rest. The more the merrier~! Fan feedback really helps me update faster!

My health has been...better. Between back and breathing problems I'm feeling the pains of being old. I still refuse to take those bloody muscle relaxers. Not a chance.

With my fifteen year anniversary on this site finally here, I find myself reflecting on the little things in life. What was once a lazy pastime meant for me and a few friends really grew and evolved over time. There are days when I look back on the last fifteen years here and I wonder if anyone will remember me; if I made an impact, despite never making a single cent on any of these stories. Some days were happier than others, and some stories I enjoyed writing WAY too much; to the point where I'd stay up all night working on them.

And of course, there are times when I look to the future and wonder what will become of things when I'm gone.

Of course, I try not to dwell on the latter overmuch; I'm still alive and still writing. In an ideal world, I'd like to keep doing so for as long as I can. But old age is catching up to me and these days, the world is filled with so much madness and death. Feels like everyone's lost their minds sometimes. Even before that, so many friends and fellow writers I once knew are gone, now. Will I still be here in twenty years? Ten? Five? Its a chilling thought. But for now, I'm still here, still writing.

So here we go. The fate of this story depends on you, the reader. Your feedback determines the fate of this tale, and many others.

I'm just a humble author trying to make his way in this wild world, one word at a time.

Time and feedback will determine if this remains a story. Simple as that.

Title is a pun and I'm not sorry.

To be perfectly clear, Link will have his own pairing in this story. Can't bear to do him dirty.

If I may humbly recommend a soundtrack for this chapter, I'd suggest the Vah Naboris battle theme. Fitting, given where this chapter takes place.

"Ha? What kind of rule is that?!

"It is the law, boy."

.

...

...really?"

"Yes, really. Now begone, whelp."

"No, not that. You called me a boy. Like a kid, ya know? Are you trying to pick a fight...?"

~?

Breath of Fresh Air

A voe -a man!- had come to Gerudo town.

Urbosa didn't give much though to the matter when she first heard of it the commotion below; many a voe had sought to sneak in before, and many were cast out just as often. Such was the law, the decision since the disaster that was Calamity Ganon first reared its ugly head centuries before. No men were allowed here. Simple as.

She should have known it wouldn't be that simple.

"What do you mean he's still here?

"I beg your forgiveness, chieftain." the guard captain bowed low, dark forehead practically scrapping the floor. "He's holed up in the inn. Several guards tried to drag him out of the inn, but were soundly rebuffed. When we couldn't throw him out, one of us had the idea of getting him drunk. We thought it would make him more pliable."

Urbosa tilted her head. "And did it?

A sudden quake rattled the earth underfoot.

The guard wailed and tore at her hair. "It made him worse!"

Evidently so. Some took to alcohol better than others. Some were happy drunks. Others, sad. Or angry. And then there were a select few who lost all semblance of inhibition and became absolute fiends when they took to the bottle. Urbosa wondered if this was the latter. She could hear the wind howling in the distance, growing louder with each passing moment.

...what manner of voe was this?

"Very well." she rose from her throne with a ponderous sigh and retrieved her weapons. "I shall see to him. Tell the townsfolk to stay back."

Besides, she found herself curious. It wasn't everyday a man was able to beat back the guards. In fact she couldn't remember such happening in well...ever. That suggested decent combat prowess at the very least. This might be just the cure she needed to alleviate her boredom.

No one barred her path to the inn; no one was foolish enough to do so.

She found the voe there, sprawled on a bed, bottle in hand, legs hanging over the edge, bare feet resting on a defeated guard's back. He looked like he'd fallen out of the sky then been set on fire for good measure. He was...singed, for lack of a better word. His clothes in tatters, his lean chest exposed, his skin burnt by the harsh afternoon sun. All in all, he seemed a mess. Even that strange metal headband he wore looked terribly battered and beaten, as though it were on the verge of breaking.

He was also very, very drunk judging by his flushed face and the dark blue bottles strewn about the room.

Trying to count them soon proved an exercise in futility. There had to be a dozen at least, if not more.

Urbosa's respect for him climbed another notch. How much could this man drink...?

"Oh, hey!" Bright blue eyes squinted her way, framed by tawny blond hair and whiskered cheeks. "Are you here to fight me, too?"

He raised his legs and let the defeated guard under his feet scamper away with the scraps of their dignity.

Urbosa almost smiled. Almost. "Not as such, but I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave."

Surely he understood that he couldn't stay here...?

"Nope!" He smacked his lips with an audible pop, flopped onto his back, and granted the ceiling a bleary grin. "M'comfy here." He snatched up another bottle and pressed it to his lips, guzzling a good bit before wiping his mouth. This is some nice water ya got. I'm really thirsty...

Urbosa hid a laugh behind her hand. "Its not water."

The blond boy blinked. He blinked hard. "Ha...?"

Was he truly so pure?

It had been some time since she'd met a voe or val like this. Not even little Zelda, dear daughter of her departed friend -and much too young to even contemplate drinking!- had amused her this much. Such a shame he was a voe; and a strong one at that. In another life they might've been friends...or perhaps...

No, no, no. Don't think that.

She shook the flight of fancy aside. Now was no time for such things.

"That's desert wine." she elaborated for his confusion. "A rather potent brew at that. I'm amazed you're still conscious."

"I am? I mean, it is?" The blond regarded the dark blue bottle in his hand as though it had betrayed him. "Waitaminute!" Abruptly, he recoiled, looking like he'd been bit by the bloody thing. "I'm drunk!

"You are." Urbosa nodded.

His eyes grew wide, then he stabbed a finger her way. "You got me drunk!"

.

..

...this was going to be a day, wasn't it?

"That would be of your down doing." she couldn't hide her smile this time. "We hardly forced the bottle to your lips."

"That's...!" he seemed to struggle with the words for a moment before he found them. "Tomfoolery! Trickery! Treachery! I've been...tre...trea...treacherized!"

"I don't think that's a word...

He hiccuped. "I know what I said!"

The time for talk had ended, it seemed. A pity. He was rather amusing. "If I best you in battle will you submit and depart our town?

Hmm...alright!" he hiccuped loudly. But if I win, I get to stay!" the bottle sloshed merrily in his hand. "And have more of this sweet-smelling water."

He had to be hamming it up. He couldn't possibly be that drnk. "Its not water. Its wine."

"Suuuure."

Preposterous. She wasn't arrogant but a lush like this couldn't possibly beat her.

"Let's take this outside."

"Fiiine," the wayward warrior hiccuped. "We'll do it your way. But I'm sleeping after!

She sashayed into the center square, hips swaying, leaving him to follow. The eyes of the town followed, watching their every move. She had told the guards to keep them back, but not within their homes. If they wanted a show then so be it. Who was she to deny them? She'd give them a show.

She pivoted to face him. "We shall fight to first blood or unconsciousness. Which do you prefer?

"Me?" The whiskered warrior swayed on his feet, took another drink from the bottle in his hand, draining it to the last drop; only then did they deign to speak. "Well, I don't like makin' people bleed, sooo...the second one? How's about that?"

A hushed murmur arose from the crowd.

"As you wish," Urbosa drew her sword with a flourish and brandished shield with the other. She thought to ask his name, then thought better of it. "Prepare yourself."

He didn't budge.

...do you not have a weapon?"

"Got one right here." he hefted the empty bottle.

Mockery. The voe thought to get under her skin. He would not succeed. "So be it."

Urbosa stepped in, feinted to draw the voe aside, then danced around his flank and swung for the back of his head using the flat of her blade. It was a good strike. Quick and effective. She had no desire to kill him, even after all the troubled he'd caused. A quick strike and he would sleep. They'd see him turned out of town with enough supplies to make it to the oasis-

The voe caught her weapon.

Actually caught her sword with his bare palm, stopping her short. He didn't even look at her when the grabbed the damn thing; she could tell it was an act of instinct, his drunken body responding on purest training alone to stop the knockout blow. Though the blade bit into his fingers and drew blood, he showed no fear. On the contrary, he reared back to gaze over his shoulder and grin up at her. A sly, sleepy smile stretched his whiskered cheeks.

"Do I win, now?"

Such audacity. How very Gerudo of him.

"No," the ghost of a smile touched her own lips you do not. "Not yet."

I'm not going to hold back this time. Prepare yourself.

"M'kay! My turn!"

Clenched knuckles filled Urboa's vision. Behind it she glimpsed an almighty afterimage in its wake, that of a giant fox roaring at her. Suddenly that fist seemed terribly large. Impossibly so! In a poignant pang of panic she yelped and kicked backwards. A few stray strands of scarlet hair fluttered to the floor in her wake. She skidded back, gasping for air.

'What was that thing?!'

All around her, the town fell silent.

"What's a matter?" the voe slurred. "Yer lookin' pale...

Her temper bridled at the remark before she wrestled it under control. "Its nothing."

"Alrighty, then~!" the blond voe dropped down on his haunches and began stretching before her eyes. "If you won't come to me, I'll come to you~!"

A flash of tattered orange-and-black in the sweltering sun was her only warning.

Then he brained her with the bottle.

Stars flashed before her vision. The bottle did more than that; it shattered, spraying shards of blue glass everywhere.

"Awww," the voe whined, regarding his now broken trophy. "I thought that woudl knock you out...

Urbosa's blade swept up. Fist met steel and the latter rang like a bell. She felt something give in her sword, then there was no time to think, only fight. And the voe was frightfully good at that. One had but to look at him to know; it was there in the surety of his stance, the light in his eyes, the power in his punches, the speed of his counters. He parried her parries, punched her sword without fear and fought like a demon of the sands. He kept a frantic pace with her as they raged back and forth, yet not once did he panic. By the sands. If this was how he fought when drunk, then he must be a monster when he had his wits about him.

What would it be like to fight him in his absolute prime?

She wanted to know. She wanted to see-

"Incomiiiiing~!"

He swayed under her blade, bending his spine at an almost unnatural angle to drive a punch into her torso. Urboda grunted and smashed her shield down into his grinning face. He didn't budge. A hand grabbed her shield and wrested it away, then he was on her in a storm of fists and feet, battering her backward at blistering speed. Anyone else would've fallen on the spot. Not her. Pride kept her upright even as her body howled in protest. Braving her blade with both hands, she swiped out at him, warding him away.

"What are you?

"I am me!" Rather than retrea, the drunken voe dropped flat on his back and scythed out his legs, kicking her feet out from under her. "As you can see~!"

Oh gods, now he was rhyming. How drunk was he?

She hit the ground. His shadow fell over her. She tumbled away, mere moments before he could stomp down on her. His fist found her chin a second later. Her teeth clicked together then she was away, skidding across the square. Her back hit a building, arresting her momentum at last. Pain snarled down her spine and she slumped, unable to move for a moment.

The voe catcalled at her. "You out cold yet?

"Not...yet!"

She kicked upright and snapped her fingers.

The heavens answered in a bolt of lighting. One bolt wouldn't kill him surely-

The voe looked up, clicked his tongue, and leaped up to meet it in midair. He pulled something from his belt pouch -a dagger?- and swatted heaven's wrath aside with the back of his hand, sending the brilliant gold bolt caroming over the town walls. It streaked across the horizon, never to be see again. Urbosa winced despite herself. That lightning bolt was going to ruin someone's day, somewhere, she just knew it. No, nevermind that! How did you deflect lightning?!

"Owwwww!" evidently this voe could, because he alighted on the ground waving his now-smoking arm about. "Damnit, that broke my kunai! I'm all out of those now...

Urbosa snapped her fingers again. Another bolt boomed forth, only for the inebriated blond to artfully dodge aside. Someone whistled in the crowd. She never knew who. The voe heard them, pivoted on a bare heel and bowed, nearly falling over as he did. In doing so, he accidentally evaded a third bolt that would've left him quivering on the ground. A fourth hurtled in, only for him to sway aside, letting it scorch the ground in his wake. A cheeky grin bloomed on whiskered cheeks. On and on it went, each evaded by the merest of margins. It was maddening. How was he doing this...?!

"Hey, careful!"

You look like you've seen that trick before.

"Naaaaw, he slurred, just something similar." He caught her shield, broke it with a punch, swayed side with another lurch, and did the same to her sword, leaving her reeling. "Well, m'getting sleepy, so lets wrap this up. Don't like the idea of getting fried ya know?"

"Then fight me." she cast her broken weapons aside and raised her fists. "Prove your worth."

"Sure thing, hot stuff."

Urbosa quirked a brow, planted one fist on her hip, and cocked her body to the right. "Are we flirting or fighting?

"What?" came the answering drunken growl. "Yer pretty and ya fight good. Can't I say so?

"Few do, and live to tell the tale."

"Really?" The drunken fighter paused to consider that for a moment. "Then they're stupid. If ya like someone, you should say and be done with it. Ha?" he tilted his head suddenly, listening a voice only he could hear. "Be quiet, Kurama. M'not drunk! You're drunk! So there!"

Laughter burst from Urbosa in sheer disbelief; it was a low, throaty sound, one she hadn't made in years. Bold boy, this one. He was mad. Utterly stark raving mad. Was he truly trying to court her in the middle of combat, soused though he was? How amusing. How very amusing indeed. Perhaps knowing his name wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Tell me your name, voe."

"Naruto~!" He waved happily, still hammered.

"I am Urbosa, chieftain of Gerudo Town." A challenging smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "You have won my respect this day. Now finish what you started."

Few dared to face her in unarmed combat these days. She'd accidentally maimed the last one who to try.

She wondered if he would flee; if he would simply take this chance to tuck tail and flee.

.

..

...Naruto did no such thing.

His tipsy grin really was too pure for his own good. Adorable boy. Did he have any idea how dangerous that smile was?

Devoid of weapons though they were, they were not unarmed. They still had their fists and feet. When Naruto stalked forward Urbosa moved to meet him with a wild grin. They collided in a storm of blows, sand swirling, wind whirling, limbs churning. Her knuckles found Naruto's face, his knee her stomach. Blood flew through the air. Neither gave an inch. For every blow she delivered he hammered two more home, which pushed her to do the same, which in turn drove Naruto further still.

Someone was laughing.

It took Urbosa a moment to realize it wasn't simply her. It was Naruto as well. They were both cackling as they hammered at one another, probably looking like absolute lunatics to the crowd. She kneed him in the spine, he crashed down, then spun up to kick her in the shoulder with enough force to crack her collarbone. She staggered in return and smashed her fist into his gut. He folded in half with a laugh, then punched her right back, forcing her to lean into him as he did her. She giggled breathlessly as they clutched at one another gasping for air.

"You just don't give up...do you...?"

"Neither do you!"

When was the last time she'd enjoyed herself this much?

All her worries thrown away, the burden of leadership set aside?

Here in this moment, she didn't care about the end of the world, the impending return of Calamity Ganon, any of it.

THIS WAS FUN!

Every blow should have been a blight upon her, shame on her legacy.

Yet it wasn't! Naruto gave as good as he got and so did she.

There was no shame in this. Only freedom.

Sweet, glorious freedom.

Urbosa tried to grab Naruto and headbutt him, only for him to seize her hands and grapple her in return. Startled by the sudden reversal, she had no choice but to shove herself against him, hands clenched, squeezing his own as they pitted their weight against one another. They struggled and strove, pushing and straining as the town looked on aghast. She strove against him with all her might, all her strength, everything. Their feet bit into the stones underfoot, tearing deep furrows into the earth beneath. She was taller than him. It should've been simple to beat him down, to push him against a wall and have her way with him. And yet. And yet! And yet...

.

..

...he overpowered her.

One step.

Two steps, now.

Followed by three.

Four. Five. Six. Sweat beaded on her brow as he marched forward, forcing her back, back, back again. Seven. Eight. Nine. Every single step should've been an insult -the crowed certainly hollered as though it were- yet she couldn't help but feel proud; proud that she'd found someone so strong to fight. Although he was a voe he was mighty, more powerful than anyone or anything she'd dared to face. It was all she could do to slow him now; he'd nearly bent her backward despite the difference in their height.

She couldn't beat him. Only a year ago, the realization would have shamed her. Now...?

Fighting him was like a breath of fresh air. He pushed her to her brink and beyond.

Was this what it felt like to surpass one's limits? To exceed their strength?

Urbosa wanted to experience this feeling every day of her life.

More than that, if someone like this sided with Hyrule, if he fought with them when Calamity Ganon inevitably rose again years from now...

.

..

...they just might stand a chance.

No, more than a chance! Their would be hope, an opportunity to be rid of that wretched creature forever!

Her concentration faltered. A sudden shove sent her surging back. Urbosa tensed, bracing for the knockout punch. It never came.

Across the square Naruto raised his right hand, conjuring a massive sphere of light to his palm.

"Nice fight~!" he shouted over the rising vortex in his hand. "Lets do it again sometime!"

Bare feet stomped down. He rocketed forward.

"Rasengan."

It was the last word Urbosa heard before he knocked her silly.

She felt a blazing haze of pain.

Then her world went black.

A/N: Lets face it, a drunk Naruto would be terrifying to fight.

Think the antics of Lee with Kurama's power to back him up. Nope! Not fighting that.

As ever, the Embers rule persists. If folks don't like this? Well, I won't continue it. So by all means, speak up! Raise your voice! Make yourself heard! Your reviews matter! Really, they do! That's no joke. I don't have days off anymore -two jobs will do that to you- and I'm working myself to the bone.

So by all means, speak up! Raise your voice! Make yourself heard! Your reviews matter!

That's no joke! I can't write without feedback. Guess that makes me weak...T_T

So in the Immortal Words of Atlas... ...Review Would You Kindly?

And enjoy the previews! Potential ones at that. Mind you, they're all rough and condensed to save space!

(Previews)

"Hello~!

He woke to find a white-haired woman with lively red eyes leaned over him, squinting through her glasses. No, not squinting. Glaring. She didn't look best pleased with him.

"Where am I...?"

You tell me. You crashed through my roof, and broke my furnace!

I did...?

You don't even remember?!

There was an empty bottle clutched in his off hand. He didn't remember picking that up. Granted he remembered...most things. His name, his chakra, Kurama grumbling something about a headache, falling from a great height.

What do you have to say for yourself, mister?!

Had he been drinking? Or maybe he'd hit his head. Everything felt heavy. Couldn't think straight." I'm...sorry?"

"Oh, sorry, he says! Sorry doesn't fix what you broke! My! Guidance! Stone!

Heh. You're cute when your angry.

Thanks...? Wait, no! Flattery won't save you! Explain yourself!

I really wish I could, but I don't remember...

She glared at him for a long moment. Of course you don't. You fell out the sky, crashed through MY roof, wrecked my laboratory, stumbled down into the village, had a running brawl with half the castle, and wrecked my laboratory!

What do you have to say for yourself?!

I'm sorry again, miss...

Purah! Don't you dare forget it! You owe me!"

Embrace the fear, princess. Quiet it. Find the stillness...and let go.

EDIT: Someone pointed out a mistake with Mipha's age here, went back and fixed it!

And who's this?"

This one wasn't like the other Zora, she was very, very small. Petite, even.

Her father tutted softly, bemused by her behavior. "Mipha, don't be shy. Say hello."

She ducked behind her father, clutching her trident. "...hello."

Pure, precious child. Must protect.

Imagine his surprise when her father said otherwise. "Wait, she's not a kid? But she's so small!" He was easily a head taller than her.

"Well, we of the Zora do not age as you Hylians do-

"Hylian? he frowned, taken aback." I'm not a Hylian. I'm an Uzumaki."

A blink. "Is there a difference?"

"Definitely." his head bobbed, recalling something his own mother once said. "We're human, but we tend to live pretty long lives. One of my ancestors lived well past a hundred, or so I was told."

The king tilted his head. "You were told?"

"Pretty sure I'm the last one of me around." He looked back to Mipha, still watching him warily. It hurt a little. He mustered his best grin for her. "I know I look a little scary. Sorry about that...

"You're pretty strong for a little guy!"

"Hey, hey! Easy with the back slaps! You'll knock me into the lava!"

Naw, that wouldn't kill you! You're built of sterner stuff than that! I can tell!

"I'd rather not find out!

Mipha perked up, eyes shining. "You're a healer as well?"

"Of a sort. You're no slouch yourself!"

...will you visit again?"

"Sure! Whenever you like!"

King Dorephan chortled soflty. "We would be honored to hose you, champion."

"Me?" he scratched the back of his head. "I'm no one special...

He caught a bemused gleam of something in the king's eye just then, there and gone before he could figure out what it was. Pehraps had he realized it, he might've savedhimself some chaos down the line. Then again, he thrived on chaos.

In that way, he was much like the Calamity.

"Listen, Link. Zelda cares about ya. Stay close to her, ya hear? You're the only one who can deal with Ganon."

"...!"

Hey, hey! Don't gimme that look. You're the hero here, not me. Of course I'll help if things get bad. He remembered what Mipha had said and thumbed his chin, considering. "I think I've got a way to help that princess of yours unlock her powers...

The master swordsman perked up.

...only problem is, it involves putting you and her in an awful lot of danger. You still up for it?"

Link seized his wrist.

"I'll take that as a yes, then!"

So you can fly? Huh. Neat. As expceted of a birdman!"

...you're mocking me, aren't you?"

"No, no, not at all.

Rivali preened. Yes, that is one of the many skills I possess-ha?!

He turned back to find the blond hovering in the air as if he'd been born there, bathed in golden fire.

"What manner of skill is that?! You're not even flapping your arms!

"Don't need to~!"

EDIT: Thanks for reading! Hope you all have a great day~!