The Lights in New York Never Fade

ニュヨックのライトは明るいです

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Murakami Maki ©. The fanfiction belongs to me.

Warning: Angsting boy on the loose… if I said Yaoi is a warning… well, then I'm a retard. Gravitation's a must for Yaoi!

Plot Cockroach: I had a problem with this… Frankly, I needed a break from a few things in life na no da. I… don't want to write humor to make me happier, because I can't. So, here's a little angst, I hope you like it! The English title and Japanese title are somewhat different; in the Japanese title it simply says that New York's lights (lights, literally in katakana) are bright. This is one of my serious angst that I really meant and planned to write… and also my first first-person-POV on any character.

So… many people say I'm a lot like Ryuichi, but I don't believe that. Oh, oh don't be offended please! It's just hard to believe that any Ryuichi person can go through depression like I do. Geez, Windy, shut up already and start the story!! …KumaKuma-chan! Nobody told you to write anything here na no da! Still I hope to catch his personality correctly! Okay, so I do have different attitudes when I write a fic and an email… Damn it, this is getting complicated! Let's not bother about Windy's stupidity now!

…I truly wish I could get out of this slump. *Sigh*

Pairing: K + Tohma + Sakano x Ryuichi

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Winter. Again.

The air's really cold tonight. In the heart of December, I guess that there isn't much to look forward to in weather, than snow, snow and more snow all the way…

I don't even see snow. They've all been cleared up by that large machine-thingy… what do they call it in English? I didn't catch that word… blower. Yes, blower. A blower cleaned it all up na no da. So I don't see any snow now.

All I see are lights.

Warm, glowing lights. These lights only 'come out' around Christmastime. They're really pretty na no da. And that's why we're out here tonight. Kumagorou wanted to see them. We get these lights in Japan too, but in New York, they're brighter.

That's right. Whilst the lights in Japan have dimmed, the lights in New York are brighter than before. The people here are different. They don't bow when they meet you; they don't even notice you. They're all so caught up in their lives, in their love, in their children and in their jobs that they seldom notice anyone else besides themselves, on the streets. In some way, it's alike Tokyo when everyone's just rushing for the shinkansen… um… bullet train… they're like robots.

Don't giggle, Kumagorou-chan.

Okay, so that's a funny thought. I think they're a lot like ants too, sometimes. When I'm on stage and doing my thing, some of my fans look like ants too. They're really funny, na no da! No, I'm not unkind… I just… you don't realize it, do you? Sometimes we just look and act like ants.

We're so caught up in ourselves. We don't even realize that anyone else is trying to break into our world, even if it is to help us. When we do, it's often too late.

Sometimes we do know that they're trying to break in. But we ignore them because we want to shine; we believe that when they come in, we'll stop shining. That's acting like an ant.

I acted like an ant too.

I'm not a very happy ant now.

Gee, that's cliché. I bet all of you expected me to say that, na no da.

But anyway, yeah, I knew that someone was trying to break in, all right. No, in fact, I knew that more than one person was trying to break in. But I… I was afraid.

Afraid that I'd stop shining.

I was… so caught up in my little world. Now that it's fallen to pieces, I've only these lights left to gaze upon. They're to remind me of how brightly I used to shine, like they do now.

There you are. An unhappy ant na no da. People! Angsting singer on the loose!

I can't help but to feel sorry for myself. But I also can't help feeling so angry, and so feeble. I'd seen them come on, Tohma and Sakano-san… but I was afraid. I didn't want to… lose either of them. I kept my distance; I stayed oblivious even when things were the hardest on us. Wasn't I selfish na no ka?

To break two hearts just to save one. Just so I could continue shining.

Tohma had wanted to forget the young Uesugi-kun. I was afraid to have my heart broken. I broke his.

Sakano-san was paternal and loving. I didn't want Tohma to get angry and kick us out. I broke his heart as well.

When Tohma acted against his common sense and took Uesugi-kun to New York for some training, things happened… and here we are. Kumagorou and I are in New York, when it first began, and the reason everything ended and we stopped shining.

The lights here are so bright.

Wow! Look at that! A Christmas tree! It's so huge na no da!

And is that an orchestra playing songs? I can't help smiling, despite my monologue with you guys na no da! Oh, see; see what you made me do?? I'm supposed to be angsting!

But I…

It's snowing. It's cold. It's Christmastime.

I want to be happy.

When I first stepped up here, I knew what I was looking for. I was looking for a stage to shine on. And I still am. The people here don't know me – yet.

…Hmm, you hear this song? I think I know the words.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas; let your heart be light…

From now on our troubles will be out of sight.

Oh no na no da!! I sang that out loud! People are all staring at us! Kumagorou! What shall we do?

"Hey, hey! What are you waiting for? Sing on!"

"Yeah, you ain't gonna start and then stop before you even begin!!"

"C'mon!"

I don't really know English that badly not to know what they mean when they're saying 'sing on'… But well, well! What a surprise na no da!

Have yourself a merry little Christmas; make the yuletide gay

From now on our troubles will be miles away;

Here we are as in olden days, happy golden days of yore;

Faithful friends who are dear to us gather near to us once more;

Through the years we all will be together…

I can hear their claps, their laughter and their praise. Amongst them, I hear… that's the voice of my friend, and new manager, K-san. He's clapping. He's seen me shine once in Japan, and he's seeing me shine now. And I… I see that shine in his eyes. I know that I've finally found my new home.

If the Fates allow –

Hang a shining star upon the highest bow…

And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

…May the lights if New York never fade.

~*~ おわり ~*~

Note: …I know; this isn't angst. When I wanna write a fluffy fic it gets angsty na no da, but when I wanna write an angst fic, it ends up fluffy. Grr! Stupid, stupid Windy! Go eat your stupid head Windy soak it in coffee and eat it na no da!

I hate me. ;_; *Sniff*

Anyway, Ryuichi, I believe, is really based in LA. I'm sorry but I do think that the big apple seems more fitting in this case. I know it's really pretty at night. Dad sometimes stays over Christmastime for business there before coming home. ^__^ Even he thinks it's nice… though I think the streets can be really scary at night there sometimes… 0_o

PS: Oh yeah! If you're archiving this fic in your site, please do not directly link to my page!! I caught a number of bandwidth thieves and seriously, I WILL move my site and everything in it from time to time if this happens. Then it won't be any use bookmarking us. Hey, think of all the trouble you'll cause others na no da! I truly do like this kindness of you to actually *archive* this but... ^^; You know! So please archive it as your own page (save and upload it) or add the link as the link to my homepage.