You may ask, 'Why the heck is Kit writing about an obscure character instead of… oh… taking over the Empire State Building with a spork?'. Well. I can't say anything about the second part (sounds like fun though), but I LIKE Jamie! He's like the little brother I never had. And since my sisters' seemed to be EVERYWHERE at once, I decided to write this fic. I just want to slug the little guy in the arm and then hug all his copies.

This chapter has now been rewritten.  Why? … because Kit is bored.

Besides… I needed to get an Evolution fic out before my hovering minion army bites me. My minions worry me.

~ Kit

"The Private Life of Jamie Madrox"

By: Pirate_kit (I ARE KIT!!!)

7/12/03  (Now revised!)


                The cover of the book was rather plain, with childish loops that spelled, "The Private Book of Jamie Madrox". In much smaller print, it read, 'keep out!' under the large title. The book, which had been hidden under the mattress and tucked into the sheet's lining, was now resting on the tabletop. The owner of the book was tapping a pen against his fingers, looking up at the ceiling in concentration.

"Hmmm, lessee, I should start with this morning, I guess." Jamie wrinkled his nose, looking down at the book again. Pulling the cover open, he began on a blank page. "July 12th …. At … 5:00 AM." He began to dictate out loud as he wrote. Jamie took another pause to remember, tipping his chair back on two legs.

"KURT! You are so DEAD!" Kitty screamed from down the hall, startling Jamie into tipping further back in the chair and landing on the floor. THUD. Three other Jamies' were now looking about, dazed. The sounds of an impending battle could be heard outside, complete with 'bamf', 'whack', and a very oddly placed 'squish'; after which Jamie heard Kurt yowl in disgust. The fight ended quickly after that, the sounds of a teacher breaking up the two of them, soothing the racket.

Multiple pulled himself back up into the desk and Jamie #1 through #3 began a card game on the bed.  Five-card stud Poker!  Sadly, this was Jamie's worst game, so all the multiples stunk equally.  They seemed to think the point of the game was to ask everyone else for their Kings or Aces (like a very strange version of Go-Fish).  Picking up the pen again, the journal began to grow in length. "I guess I should start at the beginning. You see…."


                "Wake-up, Squirt." Someone was shaking Jamie lightly.

"Jus' fi' more min's..." Jamie slurred, pushing his face into the pillow.  It was so warm, a cocoon of heat and soft blankets wrapped around him.  He could sleep forever, even with that grating voice speaking to him. Suddenly the bed tipped up and he rolled to the floor with a 'thud', dumping a copy of himself out. Wolverine had just thrown him from bed, by holding it vertical.

"No, kid. No more minutes. Danger Room session." Logan rumbled, resting the bed back down onto all four legs and heading for the door. "Suit up and be down there in ten minutes."

Jamie's copy stood up and stretched, yawning dramatically. "Ow. I have a kink in my back." He rubbed his shoulder blade and blinked feebly. Jamie shuffled to his closet and dug out two training uniforms, one for him, and one for his multiple. Shrugging his duckie pajamas off, he dressed while mumbling half-coherent things under his breath. The young mutant was fortunate enough to have his own room, due to the fact that if he were jostled, there would be no room for his multiples. That, and when four sleeping Jamies' start talking in there sleep it sounds like the US Senate in high, squeaky voices…

Logan had wanted to train the new recruits today, but the Danger Room would be used by the older students to teach 'fog techniques' later. They had got stuck with the early session. The early, eye-popping, boot-dragging, torture session. That left Jamie, Rahne, Jubilee, Sam, Amara, Ray, and Roberto to train in the ungodly hours of the morning. Jamie was the youngest of the new-recruits.

"No fair. They don't let me do cool adult stuff, but they made me do the horrible adult things." Jamie rubbed his eyes, leaning against his multiple as they made their way clumsily down to the Danger Room. Hey, having instant clones did have its advantage, and right now he was leaning heavily on one of them. They found Sam waiting in front of the elevator, leaning against the wall attempting to sleep.  Sam had long since perfected the skill of 'sleeping in odd places', and Jamie was envious of his knack for narcolepsy. Without a word, the three of them (two and a clone, really) entered the elevator and then began to lean against the walls in there.

That is, until Bobby came running in at the last second and smashed into Jamie. Seven copies popped out and suddenly the elevator was very squished.

"Jamie! Man, yer elbow is in mah stomach!" Sam winced, pushing a Jamie away.

"Ow! Ow, my foot! Both of them!" Bobby fidgeted, having a Jamie nearly draped over his shoulders and one standing on each foot.

"I can't breath!"

"Quit using all the air!"

"Urg! Don't touch me there!"

"Stop shoving!" The Jamies' began to squabble amongst themselves and the elevator became like a mosh pit. Jamies' were everywhere. There were copies stacked on copies. Copies stacked on Jamie. Copies stacked on copies, who were stacked on Bobby.

Ding! The elevator opened on the lowest level and a sea of multiples poured out. "Jamie, if I knew which was the original, I'd punch you." Sam threatened, looking rather smashed as he pulled himself out of the pile.

"No man! Don't!" Bobby crawled up. "It'd just make more of them!"

Rahne and Roberto were already waiting for the rest to show up. "Hey, lay off the Squirt." Rahne growled.

"This place isn't big enough for the …all of him and us!" Bobby frowned.

Roberto helped the original Jamie to his feet as the copies began to disappear. "He's right… Ok Popsicle, it's been nice knowing you." He smirked at Bobby. Roberto (when he wasn't hanging out with the 'big kids') treated Jamie much like a little brother. Rahne did the same, only on a more helpful sister role. Wolfsbane would help him with schoolwork and was always up for a game of Frisbee.  But Jamie was still the youngest, smallest, and most inexperienced mutant.  He was… different.

The elevator opened again. "Alright, runts." Logan grunted, holding Jubilee and Ray in a headlock. "We're running this one without Amara. She's got royal flu."

"Lucky girl." Ray mumbled, getting free from the headlock with a case of frizzy hair. Jubilee was asleep, eyes closed and leaning against Logan.  Releasing the girl, she tumbled to the floor and awoke with a jolt. The Wolverine glared, and the young X-men quickly ran into the danger room without another word.


                "Don't forget the part about how Bobby turned himself into floor pie!" One of the Jamies' on the bed reminded the original Multiple.  Bobby had unwittingly triggered a motion sensor during the training sessoin, which sent out a large swinging wall of metal.  Iceman was slammed into the floor, where he then proceeded to teach Jamie several new swear words that not even Logan knew.

"I know! I'm writing that!"

"And when Roberto 'sploded when he got hit with a weight." Jamie #1 didn't even look up while he spoke.  Roberto had managed to release almost all of his stored sunlight when he was hit with a beanbag weight from behind.  This resulted in Sam's 'instant tan', and sun blindness for everyone in the room.

"Yeah, I've got that too."

"And remember when Jubilee got her pants stuck in the gears and had to tear the rear out!" Multiple #3 shouted out.

Jamie, who had been tapping his pen, lost his grip on it at his Multiple's statement. "… wait… I don't remember THAT happening!!" The pen flew up and crashed down on Jamie's head, pulling another copy from him.

"Oh yeah… it didn't." Multiple #3 grinned sheepishly on the bed, and then returned to the card game. The copies gave #3 a strange look; some of them sighed and shook their heads. Jamie rubbed his head and finished writing the rather regular DR session down and then began on the next part. The copy (#4) joined the ever-growing poker game.  Some foolish multiple had bet his pants.  Sucker…


                After another spectacle that was commonly referred to as 'breakfast', Jamie was dropped off at Elementary School. It was embarrassing. All the other new recruits went to High-school, but Jamie was only in 5th grade. His mutation had happened much earlier than normal, leaving him a very confused child (with his own softball team made up of clones). Now that he knew what it was, Jamie was wary to be in the crowed hall.

Idly humming the Mission Impossible theme song, Jamie Madrox made his way with the rest of the class to art. One of his closest human friends, a shy blond boy, joined him in the song as they walked. No one at this school knew he was a mutant. So far Jamie had been lucky. Multiple had to stay away from large crowds at lunch, he always had notes from the professor excusing him from gym on dodge-ball day, and he tried to make himself scarce against the walls at recess. But art, it was fun. You didn't have to stay in your seats during class, and there was little to no physical activity to jostle him.

So while they waited for the art teacher to come in, all Jamie had to do was dodge the thrown paper balls. It wasn't as if it could bring out a multiple if he was hit by one, but… com'mon! Paper balls! Before any serious tree-bits could go flying though, the door swung open with a bang.

"Hi!" Their teacher entered the room, but she looked a bit different. And the way she was smiling, it was as if she had just pushed a long-time rival into a vat of boiling lava and was still in the rejoicing period. Wasting no time, she launched directly into her lecture and instructions for the day.

"Today, we are going to do 'splatter art'. This was inspired, believe it or not, by a chronic drunk!" The student teacher informed the class, earning confused --yet interested-- looks from the students. "Get your smocks, and start expressing." Many tiny, evil grins spread over the class's faces.

And Chaos colored the lands.

Ten minutes later, Jamie was colored like an airsick leopard (he had gotten relatively little of the paint actually on his paper) and had moved on to splatter the back of the red-haired girl in front of him. She --of course-- was not thrilled by this, and dipped her paintbrush into the white paint. Swinging her brush like a sword, she sent a wave of paint out that hit Jamie… and a good deal of the rest of the class. A paint war of the worst degree broke out.

Dodging backwards, Jamie attempted to dodge an attack of yellow paint, only to collide with another desk. Jamie's single copy flipped over the desk and into a scrap pile of paper, wood fragments, and canvas.  The class thankfully didn't notice the extra Jamie in their battle, but their teacher was firmly taking control again and was bound to spot the extra.  The battle finally ended, and no child was left unpainted.

"NONE of you are leaving until every drop of paint is off the floor!" The teacher gritted out, sending glares out that would have made Logan shake in his boots.  Yeah, that's right.  Logan's got NOTHING on elementary school teachers. The children dully began cleaning up, but Jamie hovered near the spot where his multiple was hiding. Trying to find the energy to recall his multiple back in, he gently dabbed at a puddle near the scrap pile.

The multiple looked panicked. Jamie edged closer.

'Just a little bit more. I've almost got you back…' Jamie bit his lower lip, concentrating on rejoining when--

"Who is hiding in that pile? I can see you over there!" The teacher made her way over quickly. Jamie gulped in fear. Oh, the professor was going to be disappointed. He'd have to erase her memory of this.

But fate seemed to favor Jamie… Much like a lame horse favors a bum leg… but still…

"I'm Jamie's long-lost twin brother, Jimmy!" The multiple sprang up, thrusting his arms outwards in a dramatic fashion. The class's jaws dropped. The teacher froze and tried to blink through bug eyes. "Jamie!  I've found you!" The multiple cried, launching himself forward and pulling his 'brother' into a hug.

"J-jimmy!?" Jamie choked. The class was still looking at him. He had to think fast. "I… have brother?" The words became garbled. Okay. Jamie wasn't the fastest thinking X-recruit. He was having trouble thinking up something to say.

Fortunately for Jamie, the class had no problem assuming. "Aww! It's like that movie when the identical twins meet again!" Girls suddenly swarmed the two Jamies', asking if they were alike in every way (this causing blushing on their behalf). The boys, while intrigued by an identical twin finding a long lost brother in the middle of class, wanted no part of the forming soap opera and stayed on the outside of the swarm.

Jamie blushed and 'Jimmy' fumbled for words. The teacher quickly pulled Jamie out of the mess, a strange combination of smiling and slaw jawed confusion dancing across her face. Jamie's multiple managed to croak out a half-assed excuse of them needing to go to meet with their parents and bolted down the hall, rounded the corner, and dashed into the bathroom. It took nearly a half hour of hiding before Jamie felt brave enough to show his face (his 'brother' rejoined with him) and told the class Jimmy went home.


                "Ya know, we could have done some really cool stuff with Jimmy." Multiple #2 remarked, folding from the game. "And we could have brought up more brothers! Like Jason, John and Jake!" Multiple #3 and #4 looked up from their card game to grin cheekily.

"The J-squad! YES!" One of them cheered.

"Yeah! Check your pocket, Jamie." Mulitple #1 smirked. Jamie dipped his hand into his pocket and found two crumpled pieces of paper.

#1 winked and returned to the game as Jamie began to read them. "Phone numbers." Jamie's eyes widened and the copy's all smirked. "The Betson twin's numbers?!"

The copies loomed over Jamie's shoulder to look over the notes, smirking identically. "Yep! They slipped it into our pockets after 'Jimmy' introduced himself."

"They think we're hot!"

"Double dates!"

"We've got a Jamie dating service!"

The original stared goggled eyed at the paper, then up at one of his copies, and then back down. It was like an eyeball yoyo. "WE'VE got DATES!" He cheered. The Jamies' began dancing. When five people, all whom look identical, begin dancing and smirking and praising themselves, it's actually a frightening sight.

"Twin city! Twin-licious!"

The door vibrated in the frame from three heavy blows. The group of multiples fell silent. There was only one person who knocked that hard… Logan. The door swung open and the Canadian entered with a frown. "Squirt, I think you have some explainin'. The school got a call from your art teacher, asking how yer brother, 'Jimmy' was doing."

"Oh… uh."

Rahne's head popped into the doorway and she was holding a phone with her palm held over the mouthpiece. "Hey, Squirt. Two girls are on the phone for you and… your twin…. They say their names are Renee and Roxy Betson…"  One of the multiples twitched.

"Really? Umm… see…"

Logan had now managed to piece everything together and shot Jamie a dark look. "And your little song and dance seemed to catch everyone's attention. Kitty has them half-phased through the ceiling to listen. Care to spell it out, for our audience?" Logan pointed up, and Jamie spotted Kitty, Kurt, Rogue, and Evan looking through the ceiling at him.

"Busted!" Even hissed and they all pulled back. Jamie's jaw was hinged open and the multiples were trying to edge out of the room… towards the phones. Logan's attention quickly shifted to the copies, unsure which was the real Jamie anyway. This gave the original enough time to creep towards the journal and write one last line.

                'Well, today I learned that I'm an unstoppable stud machine. I also learned that I'm going to need more identical twin brothers' to bail me out of trouble.

From the private diary of Jamie Madrox'

"Squirt!!!" And this was the cue for the Jamie group to scatter and run for cover.