Author: Jade Hunter
Disclaimer: None of the characters and properties of Yu-Gi-Oh belong to me.
A.N: Okay, for the record, I am an Aznu fan. I love her devotion to her friends, and her unquestioning support of them. What I hate is the way they show only one side of her: the part that has to do with her friends, and only her friends. Where is her life? She's one of the few female characters, and her persona is clearly one-sided, 2D. I doubt that her entire being revolves around Yugi and his duels; no one, no matter how good of a person they are, can be that self-sacrificing.
She knows they love her; of course they do. They may fight sometimes, and hate each other in a hot flashing moment of anger, but through it all, they still love each other.
There are times, however, when she wonders. Do they love her because they're her friends? Or are they her friends because they love her?
She would prefer the latter, because that is better, by far, than the thought that they love her simply because they have to. Because they think that that's what's expected of them, being her friends, and they feel obligated to love her.
And she loves them, too, of course. They may fight sometimes, and hate each other in a hot flashing moment of anger, but through it all, she still loves them.
There are times, however, when she wonders. Does she love them because they're her friends? Or are they her friends because she loves them?
She would again prefer the latter, because that is better, by far, than the thought that she loves them simply because she has to. Because she thinks that that is what's expected of her, being their friends, and she feels obligated to love them.
She thinks about these things when she's alone, because she doesn't have time for her thoughts when she's busy with other people.
The thoughts aren't products of stress, however, because her life has been good until now. She has a good family, gets good grades in school, and her reputation is nothing to be ashamed of. She's a bit proud of it, in fact, being known for the fact that she is devoted to her friends.
Yet she wonders…how can she have such a reputation, deserve it, if she has so much doubts?
There are times when she wonders if the others feel this way, too, but she shies away from that thought, because she can't bear the thought that they doubt her friendship with them.
She freely admits to being hypocritical in that aspect, but she can't be selfless all the time. No one can, since perfection and humanity have always been antonyms, and no one expects her to be so giving all the time.
As every day passes, and strange things keep on happening, she sometimes thinks that maybe she should stop being around Yugi, because everything seems focused on him.
Then she feels guilty, because real friends don't abandon their friends in times of need. But she doesn't know how long she can stand the craziness; she's been mind-controlled, kidnapped, threatened, and came close to dying, closer than she was comfortable with.
And through it all, she's always been Anzu, the supportive friend. She's thought of others first, considered their feelings, worried constantly about Yugi and Jounouchi, stopped Shizuka from seeing Jou being mind-controlled.
How much more can she take?
She doesn't want to find out her limits. All she wants to do is dance. Is that so much to ask? When will she be able to stop for a moment, push everything else out of her mind, and think about her feelings? Worry about her future?
She closes her eyes and sighs.
When this is all over, she is determined to go on a long vacation. She will go and visit family out of the country, and never pick up the phone to call the others. They will have to call her, they will have to reach out, to worry about her health and her feelings; a change, for once.
And if they didn't…
…she would return the favor.
As painful as it was to think about, she knew she could do it, because it had to be done. If she was the only one who cared about their friendship, then she would stop caring, because it wouldn't be worth it, and it would be unfair to all of them.
There was a quote that went something like: "Lovers come and go, but friends are forever."
That isn't true. She can think of lots of people at her school that she had been friends with, but now didn't even take time to greet when they pass in the hallways.
People are fickle, and they are imperfect. They pass in and out of other people's lives, leaving their mark, or floating harmlessly through.
She hopes she won't be one of those ghost people, floating through the lives of Yugi, Jou, and Honda without affecting them in some way, without leaving her mark.
She would rather be hated by them than suffer indifference, but she would rather be loved by them for making a mark in their lives. For making a difference.
One day, she wants to get angry for herself, for once, and not on behalf of her friends. She wants to be selfish and do something and make her friends come and support her and cheer her.
Most of all, she doesn't want them to pass through her life like phantoms, leaving no trace of their involvement.
She wants them to leave their mark, as she hopes she will.