This came to me last night, when I was watching the moon. It was a beautiful, cloudless night, and the moon was so big and bright . . . Sirius would have loved it.
In Loving Memory of Padfoot. May you not really be dead.
I don't own them, but I wish I did. Especially Moony. He may not seem too bright, but he's a wolf. His life's a lot simpler than Remus'.
Italics are either there for emphasis or are thoughts. Remus and Moony go back and forth a lot.
Bill finished the wards with a wave of his wand and smiled sadly at Remus. "It's all ready," he said. "Just like always."
Not just like always, Remus thought, knowing the reason Bill's smile was saddened. Padfoot won't be waiting for Moony. "Thank you," he managed to whisper. Bill nodded and went back into the Burrow.
Ever since the Order of the Phoenix had been headquartered at Number 12, Grimmauld Place, Remus had spent the full moons at the Burrow, running with Padfoot. Sirius had always looked forward to this time of the month, the one chance he was allowed some freedom, even if only for a few hours in an enclosed area. Arthur and Bill would place heavy wards around the land, fencing off an area for the canines to play. No Wolfsbane potion was needed. Moony was content to merely be near Padfoot after such a long time apart.
Molly glanced out the window as the moon rose, not hearing a sound from the shed Remus transformed in. "He's such a strong man," she murmured. "He never even cries out from the pain."
"He's suffered through so much, maybe the transformation pain is minimal in comparison to the other he must feel," Bill joined his mother at the window, watching the silver wolf emerge from the shed and shake himself off.
Padfoot! Moony barked, looking around for his mate. Deep within his mind, something human stirred, trying to tell him something, but Moony pushed it back. Remus was for the not-full moon. He didn't have any right coming out when the moon was full and bright. Padfoot, I here! Come to me! Moony sat down and swished his tail through the long grass. His amber eyes searched the large yard, but no giant black dog came bounding up to him. Padfoot? Moony lay down, resting his head on his front paws. Come, Padfoot, I waiting. You waste good night. The amber eyes glanced up at the bright moon in the cloudless sky before searching the yard again. Remus stirred once more in Moony's mind, but the wolf would have none of it. Quashing the human back, he got back to his feet and whimpered. Where you?
Moony sighed and shook himself before tossing back his head and howling to the moon. Here me! he cried. Where you?
Padfoot! Moony cried again, now seriously worried. Padfoot, come! You promise I never wait again! Where you? There was a hint of desperation in the wolf's voice that even Bill and Molly, mere humans, could pick up. Please, Padfoot, I scared! Moony lowered his muzzle and scanned the grounds again. I scared you hurt, he whimpered.
Molly wiped tears from her face, watching as the wolf howled for his mate and whimpered when he got no response. She watched the beautiful creature take a step back in confusion, watched his tail sink between his legs and his amber eyes flash across her backyard, full of fear. "He doesn't understand," she whispered, petting the window as if she could somehow reach him. "He doesn't know that Sirius is, that he's-"
"Snape needs to get over his prejudices and make some Wolfsbane potion for the next moon," Bill muttered angrily. "Otherwise Moony's going to shred himself when Padfoot is missing for a second time and Remus would be killed. Remus needs a chance to talk with the wolf, to explain things, but he can't without the potion."
Moony suddenly took off running. Not in his usual graceful lope, but in a panicked, desperate fashion that allowed him to cover the grounds as quickly as possible. Bill and Molly watched the silver flashing through the trees and around the open yard before returning to the shed, chest heaving and eyes wide.
Not there, Moony whispered, completely shocked. Not anywhere. He not here. Remus struggled to surface again, and Moony finally let him. Where Padfoot!? he demanded.
He's gone, was Remus' soft answer. He's dead.
Dead? Moony's legs gave out underneath him and he collapsed into the grass. Gone? Forever? Never come back? Mate Padfoot is gone?
Gone forever. Remus' mental voice was choked with emotion.
Moony shook his head. No! No, you wrong! Padfoos not gone! Padfoot never go forever!
Remus didn't respond with words. Instead, he let Moony see Sirius' final moments, fighting with Bellatrix and falling through the veil.
Moony was quiet for a long moment, letting this sink in. He knew Sirius was mate, just like Padfoot, knew Sirius and Padfoot were the same, even if they looked different. As everything finally clicked into place, Moony got up and reared onto his hind legs, letting out a terrible howling scream. NOOOOOO!!!
Bill and Molly both jumped, watching Moony's agony. Molly buried her face in her hands and started sobbing freely. Bill hugged her. "He knows. Remus told Moony, somehow. Moony knows now."
Moony fell back onto the grass, trembling and moaning. Padfoot gone. Sirius gone. Reason for living gone.
No! Remus cried, mentally hugging the wolf. No, you can't give up on me! Not now! We're still needed!
No need, Moony sighed. No life without mate.
Yes, yes need! Yes life without mate! Remus was trying not to panic. If Moony gave up now, Remus would die. He had acknowledged that fact many years ago, when he was first bitten. Without Moony, Remus would cease to exist. On the flip side, should Remus die, Moony would go as well. They could never be separated.
Truth be told, Remus was secretly wishing that Moony would die like this, curled up tightly against the cruel world, just close his eyes and be gone, a relatively painful death. He didn't want to continue without Sirius either.
At the same time, Remus knew that giving up like this was the coward's way out. Sirius would not be happy with him. He would have wanted Remus to stay alive to watch after Harry.
Maybe the Boy-Who-Lived could be the savior for yet another.
Moony, do you remember Harry? Remember Prongs' little puppy?
Harry. Moony's tail swished through the grass once, a mental picture of chubby baby Harry reached Remus. Puppy. Need watcher.
Harry's still a puppy, Remus said softly. But Prongs is dead.
New mate for mother, look after pup.
Mother died too.
Moony reacted with a shocked silence. Finally, an indignant Who kill mother with pup? surfaced in their shared mind.
Remus showed Moony a vision of Voldemort, back in power and more evil then ever. He killed a mother with a pup. He killed Prongs too, and Padfoot and Wormtail. Okay, maybe that last bit was a stretch, but Voldemort was at least indirectly responsible for Sirius' death, and he killed the friend they knew as Peter Pettigrew, reducing him to Voldemort's minion.
Who care for pup? Moony asked worriedly.
Only us, Remus answered. Pup Harry has no one else. He needs us.
Yes. He needs us. Remus felt slightly guilty feeding Moony these half-truths, knowing full well that Harry didn't need need them, but probably appreciated their company occasionally. Pup Harry has no one.
Moony was torn. Part of him wanted to lay down and die, to join his mate as any good werewolf should, but the other part wanted to watch over Pup Harry until he was a full adult himself. It was sacrilege to leave a pup defenseless and alone. With a resigned sigh, Moony rested his head on his paws again and closed his eyes. For Pup Harry, I live. We live. We guard Pup Harry until he old, then we join Padfoot.
Yes. We guard Pup Harry. Remus was calm again, retreating into the back of Moony's mind like always. Moony had a purpose in life again. I love you, Sirius. This last thought was not meant for Moony to sense, but somehow he did.
Yes, Padfoot, I love you.