The Urban Dictionary defines a "soft launch" as "a photo preview of a talking stage before it becomes an official relationship on social media, i.e., taking photos of their dinner plate and their hands, half their face or their shoes as to allude there's someone special in your life."

all mistakes are my own.

chapter 12

Bella

Sasha is beautiful. Her face free of any makeup except for the thick liner that makes her baby blues pop. She's got her long light hair in various intricate Viking braids, and a smile that makes her eyes crinkle. It's very obvious she passed the beauty on to her daughters.

The three of the giggle and dance, two of them engaging in light conversation with my favorite, grumpy bartender. But now he seems like a different person, all smiles, his hair more golden than auburn in the light that hangs over the table. I feel myself smile.

"He's so good with them," Sasha smiles. It warms my heart the way she gazes at her cubs.

"Yeah, he is. I noticed it straight away." I try to keep my jealousy at bay. Sasha is nice. She doesn't deserve the wrath of my overactive hormones right now. "Did you two used to date, or something?" I wonder.

Sasha grins, then chuckles.

"Oh no, never. No," she shakes her head, taking a sip of her Shirley Temple. "Ed was best friends with my Ivan." Sadness coats her beautiful face. "He passed away when Tan was only seven years old."

My jealousy gets back into her box, feeling ashamed of herself.

"Wow, that's rough… I'm so sorry."

"Ed stepped in," she goes on, her voice trembling. "He was there for us, for the girls when I wasn't doing so well. I expected to be with Ivan for the rest of my days. I had been with him since the two of us were fifteen. We met in kindergarten, with our parents being friends and all. I feel as though I never really lived without him since he'd been in my life ever since I can remember. And suddenly he wasn't anymore. I didn't know how to deal with that." I had no idea her story would be such a sad one.

"I can imagine…"

"Ed helped me out, moving in with us until I found myself again. Ivan wouldn't have wanted me to abandon ship. He'd shake me up and tell me my girl needed me. And that's exactly what Ed told me, too."

"What happened? He must've been so young, though."

Sasha nods, her fingers tracing the tattooed script along her wrist.

"We were twenty-five, enjoying that all three our girls were a bit older, getting back into a more active role at the Club." Her eyes make it seem like she's miles away, years. They're full of nostalgia. "One night he was helping out a buddy who got a new trike. On the way home on his bike, he was hit by a semi. The driver had been drinking beer at a sports bar while watching a dumb basketball game. I had to bury my husband before we even got to the happily ever after."

I don't know what to say. I genuinely don't have words for this.

"This is…" I take a deep breath, feeling both enraged and deeply sorry and everything in between. "I can't even begin to understand how you all must have been feeling." I put my palm over Sasha's hand, her wedding band accompanied by a beautiful onyx engagement ring. It's cold to the touch when I squeeze her hand. "I'm so sorry," I press.

"It's been fourteen years but the pain is still so fucking present, you know." Her eyes scrunch a little. "And Tan has always felt like she didn't know Ivan. She was too young to remember him fully. We had difficulty with her, therapy sessions and family counseling… turns out she's jealous her sisters got to know their dad a little longer than she did."

"I get that, honestly… but wow, Sasha, you're so strong. I can tell."

"Thank you, angel." Her blue eyes gleam. "You remind me of Tanya, a little. You're every bit the firecracker she is. And just as young, I think."

"Ah I'm twenty-three, but close enough I guess. How old are your other two girls?" They look every bit as gorgeous as Tanya, their outfits alternative and atrociously beautiful.

"I had Irina at sixteen, our little surprise, she's one year younger than you. And Kate came after we got married, at seventeen. We liked being young parents. Ivan was working at his father's mechanic shop anyway. Then came Tan, when we were eighteen. We always wanted three do we figured we'd get the diaper days over with while we were still young. Figured we'd have the rest of our lives to enjoy our girls."

Silence drifts into our conversation.

"The Wicked Widow, haven't even looked at another guy since Ivan." She rolls her eyes. "Even Kay tried to fix me up on a date. Said I'm too young to be by myself."

"But it's too painful?" I wonder. Sasha nods.

"Ivan was my first… you just don't get over that. I might never get over him."

"And you don't have to. You guys were rock solid from what I can tell."

"That they were." Kate joins us by the bar, big blonde hair and her mother's eyes. "But Mommy needs to get out more… since her and uncle Ed aren't ever gonna happen she needs to step out of this bar and into the world." Her eyes are sympathetic.

"One day, baby."

"One day," Kate echoes, kissing her mother's temple.

My jealousy is back. But it doesn't have anything to do with Ed.