The Bonds of Time: Extended Blooper Reel!

... Because "Light of Evil" is taking longer than expected.


Naru in the Sauna, Take 1

Kebinu: (on the other side of the door) Empress! I have important news for you!

Naru: (getting out of the tub) Just a-(slips and falls onto the tiled floor) SHIT!

Kebinu: (rushes in, blushes at the sight) Er, Empress? You okay-?

Naru: PERVERT! (punches Kebinu through the wall)

Director: CUT!

Naru in the Sauna, Take 2

Kebinu: (on the other side of the door) Empress! I have important news for you!

Naru: (getting out of the tub) I-(slips on a rubber ducky and crashes into the wall) DAMNIT!

Talon: Oh! So that's where my ducky went...

Naru: (runs after Talon, furious and NAKED) YOU BASTARD! PREPARE TO DIE!

Talon: (running and covering his eyes) I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO!

Director: (severe nosebleed) CUT!

Talon meets Kebinu, Take 1

Talon: I am Andrew Joshua Talon, military commander of the Otohime Union. Welcome to Maryland, Ambassador.

Kebinu: (humming "The Imperial March" from Star Wars) Huh?

Talon: (vein bursting on his head) PAY ATTENTION!

Kebinu: (points) Why are your guards dressed like Stormtroopers?

Talon: (turns, and sees that, indeed, they are) What the f-?

Stormtrooper 1: (raises his cheap plastic blaster) Episode Three is coming!

Rest of the Stormtroopers: HUZZAH!

Lucia: (groan) Did we have to sign up extras from that Sci Fi convention?

Director: Cut, already! I don't want to be associated with George Lucas any more than I have to!

Talon meets Kebinu, Take 2

Talon: I am Andrew Joshua Talon, military commander of the Otohime Union. Welcome to Maryland, Ambassador.

Kebinu: (nods) And I am-Huh? What is it this time?!

Talon: Huh? (turns. The guards and Lucia are dressed as various anime characters)

Lucia: (dressed as Rouroni Kenshin, grins) Otakucon, baby!

Guards: YEAH!

Kebinu: (groan) First Star Wars geeks, now otakus?!

Director: Remind me to fire our casting head. CUT!

Kana and Shinobu, Take 1

Kana: You disapprove of my methods?

Shinobu: (blasts him with Light Energy) You bet I do, bitch! Now, from now on, I'm in charge! Is that clear, bitch?

Kana: (wide-eyed) What? I-

Shinobu: (slaps him) Did I say you could talk, bitch? No, I did not! Grovel, bitch!

Talon and Kebinu: (watching) Dude... Sucks to be you! (laugh themselves silly)

Shinobu: This book on "Dominatrix for Dummies" really helped my self esteem...

Kana: (groan) I noticed...

Shinobu: (slap) SHUT IT, BITCH!

Director: (rubs his cheeks) It's them, right? It's not me... CUT!

Kana, Jack, and Shinobu, Take 1

Kana: The Goddess must retire. Now. It is too dangerous.

Jack: That's for her to decide, not you.

Kana: I serve fate. It is fate's wish that the Lightbringer not come to harm.

Shinobu: ...

Kana: (clears throat) I said, I serve fate. It is fate's wish that the Lightbringer not come to harm...

(Both guys turn. Standing in Shinobu's place is a doll in her form, with the sign OUT TO LUNCH hanging on it. Both guys sweatdrop)

Jack: Well, that's just dandy...

Shinobu: (from off-stage) Sorry! I was getting hungry!

Director: Nevermind, CUT!

Behind the Scenes 1

(Talon is busy typing at his computer. He then angrily deletes what he wrote, then write more, then deletes it, then writes it again, and so on.)

Talon: Arghhhh! Curse you, writer's block! Foul demon of my mind!

Motoko: (comes in, brandishing her sword) A demon?! Let me at him! Now stand still, Talon...

Talon: (jumps up and backs away) Heck no, you crazy woman! I was being, er, metaphorical!

Motoko: This long of a writer's block can't be natural! (raises her sword) I shall cleanse thee of evil!

Talon: (running away) The hell you will!

Motoko: (runs after him) GET BACK HERE, TAINTED ONE!

Naru: (walking with Kebinu, watching) Wow... He really is fast...

Kebinu: (smirk) Wait and see how fast he gets when she tells him exactly how she'll "cleanse" him...

Behind the Scenes 2

Jack: (looking through his computer files) Man, we are just not getting the kinds of reviews that Kanako did with LHFBW...

Lance: (looks up from his own files) Well, what should we do?

Jack: (runs his chin thoughtfully) Hm... Well, Kanako was going through her pregnancy at the time...



Jack: (pleading) C'mon Naru! We need more reviews! This is the best way we could think of!

Naru: (punches him through the roof) STUPID PERVERT!

Keitaro: (watching, shakes his head) Poor fool...

Talon's Introduction, Take 1

Talon: And with this, President Bush finally succeeded in ridding the world of Saddam Hussein's terror once and for all...

Random Student 1: But not Osama bin Laden's, huh?

Talon: Er...

Talon and Arney, Take 2

Talon: Yes, Miss Arney? What can I do for you?

Arney: Can you get on top of the table and perform a strip tease?

Talon: ... Buh?

Arney: See, my mom saw you in the showers at your base one day, and has always wanted a keepsake, so...

Talon: OO (keels over)

Talon and Arney, Take 3

Arney: Well... Um... No. I was wondering, about... Well... I'll be blunt, sir.

Talon: Yes?

Arney: ... Er... Um... Damnit! Line!

Director: Again?!

Talon: Arney, child, do you need more time to cover the script?

Arney: Sorry sir, director. It's very distracting when Motoko and Shinobu are over there, making out in a corner.

All the males: (turn and look)

Arney: Ha! Made ya' look!

Everyone: (turn and glare)

Arney: Eh heh... sorry?

Talon and Arney, Take 4

Talon: Well... What do you think I should be doing, Miss Arney? Instead?

Arney: How about directing?

Talon: -- Miss Arney, if you're not going to take this seriously...

The Catalcysm, Take 1

Talon: AAAAHHHHH! I'm trapped underneath my collapsed house! Someone help me! AAAAAHHHHH!

Director: Er... Talon, you're supposed to push out of the tub.

Talon: I'm stuck! Get me out of here! Help! HELP! I'M SUFFOCATING!

Director: sweatdrop Oh boy...

Benjamin's Departure, Take 2

Ben: I'm bound for my destiny! (drives away, before the car's motor sputters and dies)

Ben: Huh?

Director: (groan) Don't tell me we forgot to fill her up!

Ben: Odd, I didn't see this coming...

Kebinu's Introduction, Take 5

Kebinu: Cool! I can manipulate fire!

Kebinu accidentally sets his house on fire.

Director: Oh, so not cool. Cut.

Kebinu: (cringe) If my parents were alive, they'd freak...

Jack's Introduction, Take 2

Jack: People ought to have to take a test before they're allowed to use a computer... I've had to fix every damn machine in this school twice this semester...

Roy: Oh, quit your bitching, the world's about to end...

Jack: Huh? Roy: (tucks script behind his back) Oh, nothing...

Director: (sigh) Cut.

Behind the Scenes 3

Talon: (fooling around in the prop room) Yes! I am... THE ONE! Feel the fury of GREYSPAR! MWAHAHAHA!

Director: Talon? ... That's a mop.

Talon: ... Oh. I though it was a little long...

Shinobu in Colorado Springs, Take 3

Shinobu: No, really, I'm not God!

Healed Guy: Joy to the world, Shinobu's come!

Shinobu: No, no! That's not-

Healed Guy: The Earth receives her queen! Her beauty sends us alllll, running to the hilllls,

Shinobu: Wait, stop! Let's-

Healed Guy: To repeat the sounding joy, to repeat the sounding joy! To reeeepeat, repeeaaat, the sound in-

Shinobu: (sighs, covers her ears, crying)

Director: Let's not add this to the soundtrack, okay? Cut.

Behind the Scenes 4

Arney: (Running around with Kebinu's axe) WAHAHAHAHA!

Talon and Kebinu: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

Naru: (sigh) Baka, leaving his weapon where anyone could just pick it up...

Ben and Kanako, Take 1

Ben: And they shall be called the Four Sovereigns of Narnia, two Sons of Adam, and Two Daughters of Eve, and they shall reign until-

Kanako: Ben, that's not a prophecy. That's barely even C.S. Lewis.

Ben: Oh! Oh, right, eh heh, let me just find the script...

Director: Don't bother, just cut.

Behind the Scenes 5

Talon: (knocking on a trailer door) Mutsumi! Mutsumi! It's time for the next take! We heave to go!

Mutsumi: (opens the door) Ara, I'm sorry Talon-kun, I was in the shower. I'm... Ara, are you all right?

Talon: (gawking at Mutsumi's, er... Less-than-toweled self) Buh... Gah... Wah...

Kebinu Meets Naru, Take 1


Kebinu: Whoops! tries to move his hand

Naru: Ohhhhhh YES! Again! HARDER!

Kebinu: ...good god... realizes where his hand is, and nosebleeds

Director: CUT! And someone get a mop!

Kebinu Gets his Axe, Take 1

Kebinu: Hey Naru, check this out! spinning axe around I slice! I dice! I make French fries ten different ways!

Naru: Dammit, stop fooling around with that thing before someone gets—

Kebinu: accidentally slashes his foot open

Naru: —hurt.

Kebinu: OO YEOWWWWW!!!

Naru: rolls her eyes Idiot.

Kebinu: writhing on the ground This isn't supposed to happen to me! I'm a Mary Sue!

Director: ...this is why I said no horseplay on the set... MEDIC!

Motoko Encounters Kana, Take 1

Motoko: warily Who are you?

Kana: narrows his eyes

Motoko: narrows her eyes

Kana: scowls

Motoko: scowls

Kana: ...

Motoko: ...well?

Kana: ...

Motoko: ...

Kana: ...I'm Batman.

Motoko: falls over

Director: CUT! I can't even trust you, can I Kana?

Ben and Kanako, Take 2

Kanako: Well, Benjamin the telepath... I assume you know why I am here?

Ben: Not yet. However, if you would indulge me for just a second... extends his hand

Kanako: nods and takes his hand


Kanako: clutching her hand OW! You little #$$&#—

Ben: holds up hand buzzer Mwa ha! Gotcha!

Director: sigh CUT...

Naru and Kebinu's Car Scene, Take 1

Naru: So I'll be the empress Naru, and you'll be my faithful retainer, Kebinu, wielder of the mighty axe... what do you call that thing, anyway?

Kebinu: frowns Huh?

Naru: Doesn't it have a name?

Kebinu: Not as far as I know.

Naru: You should give it one, then.

Kebinu: Very well. I shall call it... camera zooms in on his face dramatically Mini-Me!

Naru: ...

Director: sigh CUT...

Naru and Kebinu's Car Scene, Take 2

Kebinu: Or at least... at least you didn't have to make me wear your skirt!

Naru: Ha! You think that's all you have to do?

Kebinu: Eh?

Naru: Stop the car!

Kebinu: stomps on the brakes

Naru: Remove your seatbelt!

Kebinu: Uh... unbuckles

Naru: conjures fireball Now... you will DANCE!

Kebinu: YIPE! jumps up on the seat and starts flailing around

Naru: hits the stereo and Haddaway's "What Is Love?" starts playing


Talon, Lance, Jack, Baka-Alaskan, Keitaro, Ben, and pretty much every other male character: pointing and laughing hysterically


Naru: holds up a dollar

Shinobu and Motoko: blushing

Kebinu: I hate you all!

Kana: Idiots. turns and walks off down the hall doing the Hustle

Director: Are we still rolling? Turn the damn thing off already—

Kanako: frantically No! No! Keep rolling! This is comedy gold!

Director: sweatdrop

Talon versus Greg, Take 1

Death's-Head/Greg: Not bad... even though you have no technique.

Talon: WHAT?!

Greg: You've probably relied on your speed and your sword your whole life, right?

Talon: Well, what's so special about YOU?

Greg: poses I know... kung fu!

Talon: YOU BASTARD! I'm supposed to be the one who does the Matrix jokes! jumps at him and they fight

Lucia: watching Looks like a... what's the male equivalent of a catfight?

Mutsumi:, aren't you knocked out?

Lucia: And on that note! flees

Director: Cut... Lucia, get back here and get in position again...

Talon versus Greg, Take 2

Death's-Head/Greg: Not bad... even though you have no technique.

Talon: WHAT?!

Greg: You've probably relied on your speed and your sword your whole life, right?

Talon: Well, what's so special about YOU?

Greg: Nothing, Missssster Talon... Except that I'm the one to kill you!

Talon: HEY! What did I say about the Matrix jokes?!

Greg: (scoff) Oh please... You're not even wearing sunglasses!

Talon: I have the speed, the angst, and the black wardrobe! (poses) I am so qualified to do Matrix jokes!

Greg: Are not!

Talon: Are too!

Greg: Are not!

Talon: Are too!

Director: CUT! You're acting like a pair of two-years olds!

Greg and Talon: (point at eachother) HE STARTED IT!

Mutsumi: (sweatdrop) Ara ara...

Behind the Scenes 6

Naru: (throwing fire at screaming pedestrians outside the studio) BWAHAHAHAHAHA! FEEL THE BURN, FOOLISH MORTALS!


Naru: (snarl) I HAD THE RIGHT OF WAY! (fries him)

Talon: (twitching, burnt) Ouch...

Kanako and Haruka, Take 1

Haruka: Did you get all that?

Kanako: (doesn't reply)

Haruka... Kanako?

Kanako: Bw4h4h4h4h4! ph34r 7h3 wr47h 0 M4$73r (h31 !

Lance: (wide eyed) Holy shit! She's talking l33t and kicking ass in Halo on X-box?!

Kebinu: She is pure evil...

Director: (µ7!