Mine Eyes Behold
Part II (Final)
Rating: PG-13 (Language - suggestive situations, but nothing you can't handle and nothing that will get me in trouble for picking the PG-13 rating. ^_~ )
Summary: Sidelined. Alone. Made to suffer. He stared at them in anger. He stared at them in envy. He stared at her... in love.
Author's Notes: Here's part two, it picks up directly where one left off.
Kagome shifted slightly only to find herself bound in a tight grip. She was held firm against the bare frame of her captor, his silver hair seemed to be everywhere. She'd been upset with him for walking away. That was why she'd come after him, but he hadn't been here when she arrived so she decided to wait. After the servant was difficult however she'd decided to improvise and ended up in his room.
She snuggled impossibly closer to him.
Then of course he finally did come home. She certainly hadn't expected something like this. She hadn't planned on staying the night with him, she'd merely wanted to talk to him. Not that she was at present complaining. He shifted and she peered up at bright gold eyes. So much like Inuyasha...
"I'm not Inuyasha," he snapped suddenly, eyes narrowing at her, mouth twisting into a scowl.
"I didn't say anything."
"Do not take me for a fool, woman. You were thinking it."
She didn't dare admit he was right, so she remained silent.
He released her, drawing him and all his hair very carefully away from her.
"What do you want?"
She scoffed. "Fine time to ask that!"
He sat up pushing his legs off the bed to rest his feet on the floor, glancing around, presumably for his clothes.
"I found your presence to be quite convenient, I had no interest in your purpose for being here until now."
She fumed. 'Convenient'?
Rather than fight she recoiled. She suddenly felt cold and used and cheap. She fell back against the pillow silently burrowing beneath the sheet. She wouldn't. She wouldn't let him see how much that hurt.
She wondered briefly, and pointlessly, if he knew how easily he hurt people? Maybe this was some kind of revenge against her from a couple years back. For all those emotions he trusted to his journal - all those time she had unwittingly hurt him. Maybe he was still sore about that. Maybe she was just meant to be unhappy. First Inuyasha and now Sesshoumaru.
Maybe she was just using Sesshoumaru because she was still hurting over Inuyasha. She closed her eyes snuggling into the pillow allowing it to absorb her silent tears. Maybe she'd come here the same reason Inuyasha had dated her for so long, because she looked so much like Kikyo. Maybe she was using Sesshoumaru as a replacement for Inuyasha. Her teeth ground together. She wouldn't. She wouldn't do that. Not to Sesshoumaru, not to anyone!
She felt his weight rise off the bed and heard him move around the room. She stayed still a few minutes, combing through her emotions, trying to sort herself out just enough to look untroubled by his presence. When she believed she had done so she sat up, clutching the sheet to her. Fortunately he had vacated the room and her clothes were all in a rather neat pile on the floor by the bed instead of strewn about the room.
She dressed hurriedly, swept in the bathroom to comb through her hair with her fingers although it was a wasted effort. She needed a brush, but it wouldn't matter. She'd just remembered something. She was going to be late for work and she still had to get home and change clothes!
Her sudden remembrance saved her from having a confrontation with Sesshoumaru. She all but ran past him and out the front door, never sparing him a glance. It would be easier this way, she told herself. Easier for her.
There was something painfully tragic watching her flee before me the way she had. She didn't look upset, she looked preoccupied. She looked the same as she had all those years ago rushing past me when she was late for school, but this time there had been something else. Something lurking in the depths of her eyes that I couldn't identify before she had escaped me.
Last night I had her completely to myself. Her hands wound around my neck, holding me to her. Her lips against mine, just us alone. She hadn't said anything, nor had I. We hadn't let words hinder us, or hold us back. But I had sent her off again, cut her back with words designed to hurt. I knew I hurt her, I always did. It disgusted me that all she ever saw was my worthless brother when I cared for her. Perhaps it was just me disgusting myself by refusing to believe she could ever love me because of my similarities in appearance to Inuyasha.
After all, Inuyasha had used Kagome because she looked like Kikyo, what would stop Kagome from doing the same? I sighed reaching for my coffee. What a lousy morning. Damn Kagome for making it the worst and best night of my life. Absently I heard the phone ring and a few moments later a servant appeared in the doorway to tell me it was 'the office'. I waved them off.
Screw 'the office'. I wasn't going anywhere today.
I could always use the time to track down Kagome, but I didn't really want to. No, now that I thought about it there was someone else I wanted to find. Someone I wanted to throttle. I stood, glancing at the clock. It was early, I might still be able to catch her before she made it to school. I grabbed my car keys and headed out. Rin was in for a nice surprise.
I was able to catch the girl. I saw her walking along with some young teen, obviously the object of her affections. I stopped the car, approaching her quickly, calling her to me. She stopped, whirling around and rushed at me, paying no mind to my glare.
"Rin," I called sharply.
She stepped back, looking meek. She already knew why I was here. Her boyfriend walked up, but I ignored him.
"Where is my book, Rin?"
She shifted nervously. "Ah... um... gave it to Kagome." She mumbled.
"I gave it to Kagome, but I was only trying to help." She looked up at me pleadingly.
"You shouldn't have."
"Didn't you talk to her?"
"I've seen her," I growled.
Rin frowned, sighing heavily. "Why can't you let yourself be happy?"
"You shouldn't have gotten involved, it was not your place!"
She had the nerve to glare up at me. "You left the book to me, you gave me a say! Don't you understand? Do you have any idea what happened? With Inuyasha and Kikyo? How much it hurt Kagome? I don't even know her, but I could see it. I've been watching her all these years because I knew you loved her! I watched your brother break her heart, and you probably did the same thing, and you're trying to blame it on me?!"
"I loved you for years. I truly thought I did, but I grew up and realized I only had a crush on you. It's been four years, your love for Kagome hadn't gone away or you wouldn't be so upset with me. Kagome seems like a really nice person, I'm sure you could win her over, why don't you try? You always just assume, forget about Inuyasha!"
She was right. Rin was right, perhaps I had forgotten how well the girl knew me. Little Rin. It always meant a lot to me that she'd cared. She still cared. I leaned down to eye level with her watching as a blush spread over her cheeks and she leaned back a bit in discomfort. Perhaps she wasn't quite over that crush of hers, I thought. I pulled her to me, to the displeasure of her boyfriend and the envy of all the school girls who had stopped to watch. We were only yards or so from the school yard.
I released her, reaching into my pocket. Rin was special to me, I never wanted her not to know it. She had been there for me when I had no one. I pulled out the old chain in my pocket, it was an heirloom from an aunt. I had wanted to give it to Kagome someday, but had deemed the worthless piece of jewelry unworthy of her. It was a beautiful chain, with a small little locket. I didn't know what the jewel on the front was, probably a real stone, but Rin would keep it. She would cherish it as a memory of me, rather than sell it off, of this I was certain. I held out my hand to her and she without hesitation held out hers. I dropped the trinket in her hand watching as her eyes lit in surprise.
"Don't give this gift away."
She smiled brilliantly at me, hugging me again. My precious little Rin...
"Go win over Kagome! Just one thing though-"
"May I come to your wedding?"
I scoffed, waving her off. "You will be late."
She just smiled, grabbed her nameless boyfriend's hand and ran off leaving me to stare after. Well then, all I had to do now was find Kagome.
. . .
Despite keeping an eye on Kagome these last few years I hadn't a clue where she was currently employed or what she was doing with her life. The only way I saw to find out was to ask her mother. I wondered, briefly, if the woman knew who I was as I stared down at her. She looked so thoughtful.
"Masaharu Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha's older brother, of course!"
Her words couldn't have been more unwelcome.
She ushered me inside and I suffered myself to go despite my hostile mood toward her. Is that how Kagome had described me? 'Inuyasha's brother'? This wasn't going to go well.
"I am looking for Kagome, where might I find her?"
I wasn't feeling polite, I wanted to talk to Kagome not have tea with her mother.
She merely smiled at me. "Sit down."
There was something in the tone of her voice that made me cautious. A mother's reprimand, I thought. She wanted to talk to me about something. I obeyed, sitting quietly, curious about what was on her mind knowing it involved Kagome. Within a few minutes she had come back handing me a cup and then pouring me some tea. Quite nice of her, it was fitting Kagome's mother would be a polite woman.
"I'm happy to be able to meet you, although I have a bit of a confession to make."
She found the book in Kagome's room. She found the book! She found the book! Damn!
"I was straightening Kagome's room since she's so busy with work these days and I came across this book-"
Why did I have to be right!?
"I didn't realize it was yours when I peeked inside, I figured it was just another of Kagome's writing books. She has a love for poetry these days, teaching has made her lyrical. Of course I realized quickly it was not hers and put it aside with her things but I couldn't help but notice she was the subject of what I had already read."
I merely nodded, what could I possibly say?
"The person who wrote those words seems to love her very much, and if it's true, I couldn't be happier. Kagome is... since Inuyasha left she's thrown herself into her work. It bothers me a great deal how much time she spends at home, she doesn't want to go out and get involved with people. She keeps telling me she needs 'time', but she never does anything. "
She trailed off looking out the window a few moments before looking back at me.
"She's been brighter lately though. I didn't put much thought into that little book I've seen her carrying around here and her mood until a few days ago when I peeked within it. She comes in and she smiles at me, but it pains me because I know she is unhappy. Nothing hurts more than your child's unhappiness. It's especially painful because it's the kind of hurt a mother can't fix, but I think that you could."
I merely nodded. How was I to say that, I too, had been a cause of pain for her daughter?
She seemed relieved and proceeded to tell me that Kagome was an assistant teacher at a nearby school. A teacher. She would be a beautiful teacher, as she would a mother. I stood taking my leave of the woman some minutes later.
It seemed like a few minutes but by the time I ended up getting to the school it was mid-morning. Not that I was concerned with the time, she was an assistant, the teacher would just have to handle the class on her own today. I grinned smugly. She was going to be furious with me and I was looking forward to it.
I bypassed the administrative offices going instead straight to the room number her mother had given me. I looked through the glass the students were all seated. I could see Kagome off to one side, staring out the window. I knocked, I was probably disturbing the students, I didn't care.
A woman that was not Kagome came to the door. "May I help you?"
"I need to speak with Higurashi Kagome."
She merely nodded and stepped back in, but alerted the young woman at the window. I stepped away so she couldn't see me through the glass and refuse to come out, making a scene. I would wait till she got in the hall and then restrain her as necessary. She wasn't going to make it easy on me. I already expected a battle.
I would have turned away completely if I thought I could have passed for a stranger, but she would know me instantly. She stepped out a minute later looking baffled.
"May I- Sesshoumaru?" She cocked her head to the side, locking her emotions away. "May I help you?"
"You may," I replied, just to tick her off. "Your mother tells me you are making her unhappy."
She had moved a bit away from the doorway and was now standing a mere foot or so in front of me.
"You went to my house?"
She was struggling to contain that temper of hers already.
"Did Inuyasha break you so completely? Is the world too big a place for you now? Afraid you'll get swallowed alive?"
"Haven't you caused enough grief?"
I could've frowned at her choice of words.
"Not half enough." No spite, no anger, no bitterness, the comment was empty. I was not glaring at her or holding a mask of indifference. I was struggling though. Struggling to pour and hold all my affection for her in my eyes and hope she understood what I couldn't say. If the slumping of her shoulders and general deflating of her hostility was any sign I was inclined to think she'd gotten the message. Or... maybe she hadn't.
"Sesshoumaru you're such a difficult person." She sighed heavily leaning back against the lockers. "I'm... I've been thinking about it all morning, worrying. Worrying that I came to you, after you last night because of Inuyasha. For the same reason Inuyasha stayed with me because of Kikyo and I don't know. I don't want to do that." She looked up at me. "I don't want to hurt you but you make it hard to remember that the same guy who penned such beautiful things about me is such a jerk in person sometimes. "
The door opened and the woman peeked out. "Higurashi? Are you coming back today?"
"No," I growled, pulling her away. I wasn't going to have interruptions.
"What are you doing? I need this!" she protested.
"You don't need a job," I snapped dragging her to the door.
"What are you talking about, of course I do."
I stopped to stare down at her. "I have a job for you, woman, but it does not include employment."
I watched her cheeks flush. Let her take the comment anyway she wanted it. All that mattered was getting her away from here. Or at least to the car. This argument with her and words that had been encouraging coming from her mouth were effecting me in ways I hadn't quite anticipated. I pulled her along, paying no attention to her objections. I managed to get her to my vehicle and even to get the door open.
I sat down, tugging her inside with me. The driving wheel provided little space, but the less space the better. She fell in a heap on my lap, struggling to right herself while I used her discomfort to pull her where I wanted her, against me. I spread her legs across my lap, pulling her against me firmly watching a blush flush across her cheeks. As though she hadn't been in this position before, I thought wryly. Now there was but one problem, finding the ends of her outfit and figuring out how to get it off her.
. . .
Stupid idiot! Who did he think he was, dragging her away from work like that? Didn't he know she needed this job? That it was her dream to become a teacher?! Her indignation seemed to vanish however when he pulled her roughly into his lap. Words formed and perished on her tongue as he leaned to her, capturing her lips possessively. His mouth was hard against hers, demanding and needy. His hands were gripped at her hips, clutching tightly the material of her skirt as though he wanted to rip it off. The offending fabric had ridden up around her thighs, almost pooling at her waist as he slid his hands down sliding them underneath it.
She pulled back abruptly from him as his tongue slipped past her lips. But it wasn't his tongue that stopped her, it was where his hands had wandered to beneath her skirt.
"We can't do this in the car, and certainly not in this parking lot!"
"Why?" He looked around as though to see if anyone was watching although she got the distinct impression he really didn't care one way or another who was watching.
"Because! It's wrong and besides I know kids in there, what if they come out here?"
"They will mind their own business," he growled.
"I want you now, why should I wait?"
He didn't sound happy at all.
"Because I'll... make you breakfast?"
"I have servants."
"Okay, um... I'll... uh... whatever! We just can't do this here!" she protested.
He tilted his head back revealing a grin. "Whatever?" He paused. "Very well."
He pushed her into the passenger seat and started the car. Kagome silently wondered what she'd committed herself to.
. . .
Kagome frowned, glaring at the little foil packets spilled on the floor. Sesshoumaru was behind her, languishing over his bed, a simple white sheet pulled over his hips although it was dipping dangerously low. Why did he have to be such a pain?
"I'm not happy with you!" she snapped.
He remained still, eyes closed ignoring her. She knew he wasn't sleeping. She fumed silently a few more minutes.
"What are you trying to do, anyway? Get me pregnant? I-"
His eyes opened suddenly. "I don't like artificial barriers."
"Then why the hell do you have a box of condoms in your bedroom?"
He spared her a bored glance. "Because I'm not a celibate man, I don't want a woman getting pregnant and trying to hang on me."
"What about me? Don't I count?"
"No," he replied absently. "If you get pregnant then you won't be able to escape me."
The comment should have upset her more than it did. Perhaps because she knew how fiercely loyal Sesshoumaru could be. If he said he didn't want her to escape then... She clutched the sheet more tightly over her chest.
At her continued silence he looked up at her once more, sitting up when he noticed the look upon her face. Wide eyed and vulnerable.
"Are you sure about that?" she asked, voice small and uncertain. "I'm a rather moody person, just imagine me on the hormonal rollercoaster that is pregnancy."
There was something deeper to the comment than that. If he didn't want her to escape him that meant he wanted to keep her, right? What if he changed his mind later and it was too late?
His hands came up, fingertips brushing across her cheeks as though to wipe away tears that weren't there. "I'm sure."
He never made decisions lightly and certainly not ones like these.
"But what about-"
"Don't say it-" he quietly urged although he'd intended it to be more of a growl it came out a plea.
"What if I-" She'd intended to mention Inuyasha but he wouldn't allow it.
"I'll risk it."
She allowed his words to soothe her worry and smiled pulling him to her. He was compliant in her arms falling against her like she wanted him to as she ran her fingers through his hair. She could love the wonderful man she saw peeking through the chinks in his armor. If she didn't love him now, although she was no longer certain she saw anything of Inuyasha in him. Sesshoumaru, she realized, was Sesshoumaru, nothing like Inuyasha. Her former love, Inuyasha, had already begun to dim in her eyes, and she knew already, she would never see him in such a grand a light again.
She smiled more brightly. He pulled away from her and she looked up at him eyes shining.
She leaned forward pressing her forehead to his. "Just you and me, Sesshoumaru."
She voiced his name expressly to show she was thinking only of him and hoped he understood. When his arms tightened around her, a weak smile across her lips she realized, he did.
Author's Notes: Unlikely to be continued past this point. It was supposed to be an angst ridden piece about Sesshoumaru's unrequited feelings for Kagome, but then inspiration caught me and it turned into something 'happy'. ^_^
Thank you for reading. If you liked it, I'm glad.