*Disclaimer: ER belong to Michael Crichton, Star Wars belongs to George Lucas. Ok, glad I got that over with. On with the show.


We open in Chicago, Cook County General Hospital, the Emergency Room entrance. An ambulance wheels in and the paramedics jump out, opening the doors and unloading the patient. The patient is a man of 25, with shaggy brown hair. He speaks in a Scottish accent.

PATIENT: I don't want to die in a hospital!

PARAMEDIC: Relax, will you, you're not going to die! You were only shot in the leg.

PATIENT: The leg? How can that be? That cop had a clear shot at my chest!

PARAMEDIC: He used to be a stormtrooper.

PATIENT: Oh. Well that makes sense.

Dr. Greene and Nurse Carol Hathaway approach the patient and begin to wheel him inside.

CAROL: This is the one, Mark. The guy who held up the drugstore.

GREENE: What do we got?

Before the paramedic can speak, the patient cuts her off with a scream.

PATIENT: I've been shot in the bloody leg, mate! What does it look like?!

GREENE: Ok, sir, I'd like you to calm down. What's your name?

PATIENT: Obi-bleeding-Wan Kenobi!

CAROL: You told me your name was Duncan!

OBI-WAN: Like I'm going to give you my real name when I'm trying to rob a drugstore!

CAROL: Point.

GREENE: Why tell the truth now?

OBI-WAN: Are you mad? Have you ever seen a hospital bill? I'm chalking this one up to my insurance company, mate.

GREENE: Good idea.

Carol and Mark wheel Obi-Wan into curtain 3 and stop the gurney. They start to get out the proper instruments to tend to Obi-Wan's gunshot wound, but notice that it's been healed.

GREENE: How'd that happen?

OBI-WAN: (trying to think of a good excuse) Um, well, must have just bounced off. Fancy that.

Greene and Carol exchange a suspicious look.

GREENE: Well, you appear to be ok, but you'll have to stay here while we run some tests.

Carol draws some of Obi-Wan's blood.

OBI-WAN: (muttering) Force that hurts! Why couldn't they use one of those little testing jobs like Qui-Gon had?

CAROL: What?

OBI-WAN: I said. You're sure you're not jesting me like my mom did?

Obi-Wan cringes at the stupidity of his comment. Carol gives him a strange look, but just shakes her head.

CAROL: Um. no really, we just need to run these tests I promise. There, now I'll take this down to the lab.

As she and Dr. Greene leave, another nurse comes in with a young boy. She motions him to the open gurney next to Obi-Wan and then leaves. The boy looks curiously at Obi-Wan, who tries to ignore him and becomes transfixed by the shiny metallic gurney railings.

BOY: Hi! I'm Anakin Skywalker! Are you an angel?

OBI-WAN: What the bleeding heck did you just say?

ANAKIN: (smiling widely) I asked if you were an angel.

OBI-WAN: No I'm not a bloody angel. And if I were you, I'd think twice before I said something like that to a perfect stranger. That's a horrible line.

ANAKIN: (unfased) But are you sure you're not an angel, because I thought people in the hospital were supposed to be hurt, and you aren't hurt, so you must have done something to make yourself better.

OBI-WAN: (nervously) What, heal myself? That's ludicrous.

ANAKIN: You did heal yourself! I know it! That's so cool! You're an angel! Yippee!

Obi-Wan leaps from his bed and covers Anakin's mouth with his hand.

OBI-WAN: (whispering) Sith, don't ever say 'yippee' again. You could get the snot beat out of you for something like that! Understand?

Anakin nods slowly. Obi-Wan releases him and stands back.

ANAKIN: So if you're not an angel. what are you?

OBI-WAN: I'm a, uh, a robber.

ANAKIN: A robber? (disappointed) Oh, I thought maybe you were a Jedi.

OBI-WAN: (laughing nervously) Ha! A Jedi! Wouldn't that be something. No I'm just here for a, um, the flu. (coughs)

There's a pause while Obi-Wan tries to think of something to distract Anakin from discovering his true identity.

OBI-WAN: So, what are you here for? You look pretty healthy.

Obi-Wan sits down on his gurney and begins to eat the food of the unconscious patient to his left.

ANAKIN: Oh, well I'm just hear because my mom's here.

OBI-WAN: (between bites) Your mom. Why's she here?

ANAKIN: She has something called an STD.

Obi-Wan's eyebrows arch.

OBI-WAN: Oh, um, well that's interesting.

He tries to go back to eating.

ANAKIN: What's an STD?

Obi-Wan chokes on a piece of turkey.

OBI-WAN: Well. you see.. Um..

ANAKIN: Because my mom has them all the time!

Obi-Wan shakes his head.

OBI-WAN: Uh, well really, I think that's something you should ask your mom about. When you're older, of course.

The door to curtain 3 opens just then, and Shmi Skywalker walks in. When Obi-Wan sees her, his jaw drops.

OBI-WAN: SHE'S your mom?


SHMI: Oh my! Ani, what's this?

ANAKIN: This is my friend, um.

OBI-WAN: Obi-Wan Kenobi. We've met.

Anakin looks from Obi-Wan to Shmi. Both look stunned to see one another and a little embarrassed.

OBI-WAN: (uncomfortable) Wow, Shmi. What's it been, 10 years? Fancy meeting you here. now.

SHMI: I'll never get used to Anakin's surprises.

OBI-WAN: Yes, well. Why didn't you ever get a job with the Republic? I hear they've got some fabulous programs these days.

SHMI: The Republic doesn't exist out here. We must survive on our own.

OBI-WAN: Right. right. um, Shmi, can I ask you something? How old is Anakin?

She stares at him blankly for a moment, then spits out-

SHMI: Gambling. Everything around here revolves around betting on those awful races.

Obi-Wan looks at her quizzically.

ANAKIN: Oh, mom never learned to speak Basic. She only knows the lines she was taught by George Lucas.

OBI-WAN: Oh. Right. so, um, Anakin. how old are you?


Obi-Wan gulps slowly, having a bad feeling about this. He pauses a considerable amount of time before asking the next question.

OBI-WAN: Who's Anakin's father?

SHMI: There was no father. I carried him, I gave birth to him. I can't explain what happened.

OBI-WAN: (laughing) Oh, that's a good story! Tell that to everyone, do you?

ANAKIN: It's true! I was created by the Force. That's why I have special powers, like a Jedi!

OBI-WAN: Special powers?

ANAKIN: Yeah! I can predict the future sometimes.

Obi-Wan sits down slowly on the edge of his gurney.

OBI-WAN: I think I'm going to really be sick now.

ANAKIN: What? What's wrong?

SHMI: What does your heart tell you?

Anakin looks confused.

ANAKIN: I don't know what's wrong. I was just telling him that the Force is my dad and-

OBI-WAN: No, I am your father.

SHMI: Now you can make your dreams come true, Ani. You're free!

Obi-Wan tries to ignore Shmi's compulsive line reciting.

ANAKIN: I don't get it. how could you be my dad? I don't even know you!

OBI-WAN: I was only 15, for Force sake! It was a stupid, stupid mistake. (groaning) Qui-Gon is gonna kill me.

SHMI: Oh my goodness, that's wonderful!

OBI-WAN: Would you shut up you stupid *****!

Shmi falls silent. Anakin looks up hopefully at Obi-Wan.

ANAKIN: Well. dad, will you come back to Tatooine with me?

OBI-WAN: Ooooh no. No, no, no. I'm going back to Courscant and forgetting I was ever at this bloody hospital. And you're going to forget you ever met me.

ANAKIN: But why-

Obi-Wan waves a hand in front of Anakin's face.

OBI-WAN: (slowly) You're going to forget you ever met me.

ANAKIN: I'm going to forget you ever met me.

OBI-WAN: No, no, you Anakin are going to forget you ever met me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

ANAKIN: I'm going to forget I ever met Obi-Wan Kenobi.

OBI-WAN: (with a smile) Good. Good. That should work. Though maybe I should cut my hair just in case. And adopt a different accent. Just to be on the safe side.. Uh, cheerio, then!

Obi-Wan scurries out the door without looking back.

ANAKIN: What just happened?

SHMI: He was meant to help you.

ANAKIN: Mom, would you give it a rest!

Back in the ER hallway, we see Obi-Wan hurrying to escape from the hospital.

OBI-WAN: (murmuring to himself) Oh, not good. This is definitely not a good thing at all.

A bum on a gurney points and laughs hysterically at him. His chart reads 'Rick'. Obi-Wan stops and glares at him. In a fit of rage, he causes a light above to explode in a shower of sparks. He then turns and storms off.

RICK: This is ****ing awesome!