A Stay of Execution
This is a work of Fan fiction. All of the original characters, organizations, techniques, and events portrayed in this fictional literature are either products of the author's imagination or are used fictionally. Though the majority of the events and most characters take place in and are a part of Hazbin Hotel.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Hazbin Hotel or Helluva Boss or any other manga or stories. I do have ownership of the techniques, the originality of this plot, the story I created and some others things in this story. But the elements from manga artist, etc I do not own.
Jutsu, Japanese translation: Iaijutsu: Itto no Hissatsu (Iai Technique: Certain Death in a Single Stroke)
Normal speech: I hate paperwork. I bet Sarutobi retired just to escape this.
Demon/Summon or Fusion speech: Finally, I am free!
Human Thinking: Oh, no you're not!
Demon/Summon: Shit! I don't wanna go back! Old man save me!
Summary: It was meant to be just another nothing out of the ordinary Extermination Day. A day where countless sinners met their end. Unfortunately for Adam and his cronies, a very pissed and recently deceased ninja didn't get the memo, and he doesn't take well to meaningless slaughter either.
Author's Note: Please note that this is another pilot. Pilot two. Some things remain the same while others have changed based on the reaction of others.
Pilot Two
"Greetings everyone! And welcome to 666 News! I'm Katie Killjoy!"
"And I'm-"
"No one gives a shit Tim!" a smiling Katie interrupted.
"It's Tom-"
"Who the fuck cares!" The gas-mask-wearing demon didn't get far as his co-star punched him out of the camera's view.
"It's that day again folks: Extermination Day! And I don't need to remind you what that means! If I do, you're a fucking idiot that should just let yourself get killed! Already have the Exterminators made their way from Heaven and descended upon those poor useless saps too helpless to save themselves! But don't worry! Only 23 hours and 47 minutes to go! So, do try and make it entertaining while the rest of us who are safely away watch and bet on who will last the longest! Have a nice death!"
Click!
"Geez, what a cunt."
"Angel!"
"What?! You gonna tell me that bitch ain't?"
"That's not the point!" Vaggie, girlfriend of the Princess of Hell, Charlie Morningstar, couldn't dispute that Killjoy was, as Angel so delicately put it, a cunt. That said, "Charlie and I don't want you using that word. We're trying to redeem you, remember?"
"Ughh! Yous twos suck the fun and joy outta everything ya know? Angel don't swear. Angel don't make sexual innuendos! Angel, stop harassing Husk. Angel, no orgies in your room. Angel don't leave your sex toys lying around. Oh, that reminds me, I put them in the washing machine. So, you're welcome."
"Ugh, Angel that's not the-Wait, washing machine?…We don't have a washing machine," they used to but the damn thing busted and they lacked the funds to replace it.
"You don't? Then what the hell did I-"
Boom!
"GAAAAHHHH!" a winged cat-like demon screamed as he was forced into the air by the sudden explosion, his airborne born form almost reaching the second floor before he fell back onto the hotel lobby ground. When he got up, he was angry, red-faced, and covered in unknown wet substances, that Vaggie didn't want to know about, "Which one of you fucks filled the dishwasher with used-up sex toys and coke!"
"AH, DAMN IT! I knew I was forgetting something," Angel wondered where his last batch had gone, "Note to self: Don't hide crack in used up dil-"
"Stop! For the love of-" the former exterminator didn't know how much longer she could take Angel's bullshit. She honestly didn't know how Charlie did it. Vaggie would have killed him long ago.
"Vaggie! What happened I heard an explosion! Did the Exterminators come here!"
"No, Charlie," Vaggie sighed cruel as her former sisters-in-arms are, the exterminators weren't stupid. They were only allowed to attack sinners, not hellborn, as a result of Lucifer's deal with Heaven. Attacking the Princess of Hell was a big fucking no unless Heaven wanted an all-out war, and Vaggie knew that those above Adam didn't.
"Then what was it?"
"Angel blew up the dishwasher," Vaggie informed her girlfriend. The comment made Charlie blink in confusion, "What?"
"We have a dishwasher?" Charlie asked, "I thought we had a washing machine?"
Vaggie couldn't believe it, "...Seriously, babe?"
"What! I've never used one before," being a princess she had servants do that for her instead. This was all new to her.
"HA! So, I wasn't the only one who mistook it for one!" Angel Dust chortled.
"Sigue hablando putita de mierda (Keep talking you fucking manwhore)," Vaggie cursed at the pornstar.
"Clean! Clean! Clean up! Oh, messy! Clean up! Ahahahahaha!"
"Niff! Get the hell off me!" Husk barked as the small unhinged clean-freak cyclopean sinner crawled all over him, "Oh, fuck this. I'm taking a shower."
"We're outta hot water," Angel revealed. Husk cursed and looked ready to kill the porn star a thousand times over.
"This hotel fucking sucks," the cat demon muttered. It would take hours before the hot water was available. Fuck you, Alastor.
Speak of the devil, "Now, now! There's no need to insult this charmingly decrepit house of false hope."
"Ugh, Alastor," Vaggie groaned, not wanting to deal with the infamous Radio Demon's shit at the moment, "Weren't you working on the commercial?"
"Oh, yes, my dear Vagatha! I was adding the finishing touches when I heard all this commotion and decided to indulge my curiosity," the sinner smiled.
"Yeah, well, now you know. Anything else?" she hoped not.
Sadly, for her, he did, "Just one. Are you absolutely certain you still want this advertisement on-"
Vagatha growled, her frustration was starting to reach its limit, she didn't know why she had to repeat herself to the infamous overlord, "Yes! People watch TV, Alastor. Barely anyone listens to radio broadcasts anymore! A bigger audience means a bigger chance of getting people to come here!"
Alastor merely continued smiling that creepy smile of his. She'd never admit it out loud but it unnerved her to no end, "Well, if you want my opinion, my dear-"
"Uh, guys?"
"No! I don't want your opinion on this!" Vaggie told the overlord.
"Guys?"
"Vaggie, let me handle this. Alastor … um… It's not that we don't appreciate - and we really do, don't get me wrong - your help. But maybe we could move this al-"
"Hello?"
"Hahaha! Trust me, my dear. I want this little project of yours to take off just as much as you do."
"That's a load of bullsh-"
"Will youse fucks shut the hell up!" Angel finally got their attention.
"WHAT!" Vaggie exclaimed.
"Language~" Alastor sang in reprimand.
"Angel, what did we say about-" Charlie tried to remind but was cut off by Angel once more.
"Someone killed an exterminator!" he said, pointing to his phone.
"...I'm sorry, what?!" Vaggie was the first to ask after a quick look at the post, not believing it.
"Check it out!" turning the television back on, everyone watched as the screen showed an announcement from VoxTek, and though his smile remained, Alastor's facial expression had a subtle shift in it to show his displeasure.
(A few minutes earlier)
Carmilla Carmine ran as quickly as she could, her daughters not far behind her, and cursed her luck. Time had unfortunately gotten away from her during her last outing. Or, more specifically, when she went to investigate the rumours that one of her underlings was skimming off the top and had been doing so for quite some time now.
The rumours had proven to be true, and an example had to be made lest she lose face and her reputation take a hit. It had taken longer than expected, apparently, he didn't work alone, and when the three women began making their way back to the safety of their bunker did the clocktower of the Heaven Embassy signal the sound all sinners dread.
The beginning of Extermination Day.
And so now, here she was being chased by a small group of exterminators. Death in Hell for sinners and hellborn wasn't permanent under normal circumstances, as they'd be able to put themselves back together again. An attributing factor for Hell's overpopulation problem. But getting killed by angelic weapons or any weapon made from angelic steel was the absolute end.
No second chances. No putting yourself back together. You were just dead.
Carmilla was no stranger to death, having experienced it when she was once human and several times during her first century in Hell when she had yet to earn the title of overlord. But those days had long since passed, and even if the Vees, the youngest of the overlords, showed her little to no respect, she was now one of the strongest overlords and the unofficial Head of the Table as it were. When she summoned, they listened, most of the time.
But the past was rearing its ugly head once more, and Carmilla never felt closer to death than she did right now. And like a cornered animal, that made her very, very dangerous. Especially when the lives of the two she treasured the most were on the line.
"Mother!"
A quick glance behind Carmilla showed her youngest daughter Blanca pointed ahead of them to two exorcists that blocked their path. With the other three exorcists behind them Carmilla, Blanca, and Ana were effectively surrounded.
Fortunately, Carmilla had long since noticed many things about the exterminators. They were aggressive in their fighting style, if it could even be called that, and left themselves wide open for counterattacks. The fact that they wore virtually little to no armor also played in her favour.
Seeing a gap in their formation, Carmilla ordered her daughters to flee with a commanding, "Go!"
Neither of her daughters questioned their mother as they fled the scene, one exterminator made the mistake of going after them, exposing her back to the weapons-dealing overlord. So, when one of the angel's comrades went to skewer the sinner and missed, Carmilla made short work of the angel by severing her head with her angel steel-tipped shoe, and the second angel that went for her daughters fell soon after.
The act appeared to catch the remaining exterminators off guard. Carmilla knew that no one in history had ever tried, as far as she was aware, to kill an exterminator. She counted it as many not having the courage to do so when their lives were on the lines and the exterminators' infamous reputation when it came to the Cleanse as some called it.
Which worked in her favor, for none of these exterminators would leave here alive, none of them could for fear of them reporting who did this and the repercussions that would surely follow.
"Kyaa!"
Carmilla's head whipped around fast, not caring if she gave herself whiplash, and her heart was just about ready to burst from her chest when she saw the unthinkable. Ana was pinned down by an exterminator and Blanca wasn't fairing any better. The pale-skinned demoness was on her knees, her arms pinned to her back and her gaze forcibly held on her sister. They were making her watch what was to come.
Neither of her daughters were as strong as her. Blanca was the scientific mind and Ana was stronger than her sister but while both knew how to defend themselves against the average everyday sinner, against angels they were effectively dead in the water.
Carmilla raced to her daughters as fast as she could, ignoring the exterminators closest to her. A mistake on her part as her leg was suddenly pierced by holy steel and sent her sprawling to the ground, her hair coming undone in the process.
Carmilla could only cry out as she watched the exterminator raise her spear, ready to end her eldest child, "NO!"
Squelch!
Carmilla's mind froze as the angel's spear entered her daughter's body, her blood gushing out as the weapon was removed and raised up high once more. A typical exterminator tactic. The first stab was meant to inflict horrendous amounts of pain, making the victim suffer, and the subsequent stabs that would follow would only add to it until the victim finally bled out. For injuries caused by angelic steel could not be healed by ordinary means, or any means anyone in Hell possessed as far as she knew.
And even if they did, her daughter would be long dead by then. Non-fatal ones could heal over a long period of time, but they would leave a permanent mark and flare-ups could occur. Not so with fatal ones.
Fatal was fatal. No ifs, ands, or buts.
And Carmilla's years of experience told her the exterminator looked ready to do just that: a fatal blow.
Squelch!
But that plan never came to be, and everyone watched as a deadly ebony gilded chain burst from the exterminator's chest, her ichor splashing the ground, her fellow angels, and a dying Ana. So focused were they that none of the exterminators could react quickly enough before they fell to the same fate as their sister.
Numerous dark-gilded chains ended the lives of Heaven's exterminators. Most died immediately, others managed to avoid an instant death only to fall seconds later as the chains' deadly tip coiled like a snake and came around to deliver a lethal blow.
And once they were all taken care of, the chains retracted themselves from the bodies of their victims, Carmella watched as they made their way back to an unsuspecting source.
A man.
A very tall man with blond hair.
But Carmilla didn't care about that. Despite the pain, Carmilla removed the spear from her leg and hopped to her daughter, ignoring the agony of each step and the agony that filled her heart so mercilessly as she finally reached her eldest child.
"Ma…má," Ana rasped, her breathing uneven.
"Shh, don't talk, Ana," Carmilla told her daughter.
Ana, however, was very much her child as she stubbornly tried to raise her hand towards her mother, the limb shaking and her dark-toned face becoming paler by the second. Blanca was beside her, not bothering to hide the tears that willingly came pouring down.
"Ma…" Ana couldn't even finish her word and already were eyes starting to glaze over.
"I'm here, miha, I'm here," Carmilla bit her lip to try and force back her tears as she held her dying child. She was failing miserably.
"Stay away!" Carmilla heard Blanca shriek.
Carmilla looked up and glared at the whiskered man, his appearance unlike any other demon she ever laid eyes on. He was too human in appearance. Hell, if it weren't for the fox-like ears on his yellow-banged head, the black marks around his eyes, the slits in his red eyes, and the large red tail, he'd be a dead ringer for one. He wasn't the tallest demon she'd ever encountered, but he was clearly taller than Carmilla even with her shoes.
Carmilla watched and then held her daughter closer to her as the man's hand became enveloped in golden flames. It was clear to the overlord that he was dangerous, having killed six exterminators was a testament to that, which wasn't an easy feat even with the proper means and insight knowledge.
And this unknown individual did so without either.
But Carmilla wouldn't go down without a fight. But a quick raise of his hands in a non-threatening manner confused her.
"I'm here to help," he told her, his hand alight once more and going towards Ana.
Carmilla wasn't a fool and wasn't one to trust easily and grabbed the outstretched flamed-covered limb. Her senses exploded; her mouth agape as she felt her entire being surge with energy the likes of which she never felt before in either of her lives. It felt warm, welcoming, and calming. It also took away the pain her leg... Wait, what?!
A quick glance at her leg showed the wound was now gone, healed over, and without leaving even a scar. And that momentary distraction was all the blond needed to place his hand on Ana. Carmilla would have cursed were it not for the fact that her daughter's vicious wound began to knit itself back together, her face's pallor returning once more to its original state, her breathing once uneven had been restored to a steady rhythm, and the glaze in her eyes was gone.
"Mamá?"
Carmilla was never one to show soft emotions so openly to strangers, even to her own daughters except in private. But the fact that her daughter who mere seconds ago was a Death's door was healed and well, even with years of self-control and discipline, Carmilla couldn't stop herself from shedding happy tears.
As the stranger rose, Carmilla said something she rarely said to anyone.
"Thank you," it was a whisper, but the blond demon heard her nonetheless if the smile she spotted was any indication.
"Need help getting outta here?" she heard him ask.
A proud woman, Carmilla would usually deny such assistance. However, given the current circumstances, she opted not to take any chances and took whatever opportunity she could get. The man bent down and proceeded to carry Ana bridal style, earning a blush from her daughter, and watched in fascination as his large tail unfurled and divided into nine other ones that proceeded to wrap themselves around Blanca and Carmilla.
"This is Captain Uzumaki speaking, please keep your arms and legs beside you at all times. Beep, Boop!"
Carmilla and her daughters were starting to rethink their opinion of th-holy shit they were up in the air and moving at breakneck speeds.
"So, where to ladies?" their savior asked.
"Well, first off, can we have your name?" Ana yelled.
"Name's Naruto. Nice to meet ya," he grinned, and Ana giggled.
"Oh, lovely, another crush," much as Carmilla loved her eldest, she unfortunately had the tendency to fall for someone rather quickly. Well, at least this one was one of her better choices. The others ended up tasting her steel-tipped shoes.
"Carmilla."
"Ana."
"Blanc-hurk-a," her youngest looked rather green.
"No vomiting!" Naruto begged. It was a bitch cleaning his tails ever since he got them, and vomit was one of the worst things to clean up, "Where to?"
Ana giggled, "You actually passed it."
SCREECH!
Naruto pumped the brakes, the sudden movement nearly setting Blanca off and flew back towards the building her sister pointed at. Once they landed, Blanca couldn't hold it any longer and emptied the contents of her stomach. Fortunately, despite still being held by Naruto's tail, the digested matter didn't stick to his prehensile appendage.
"Thank you for using Uzumaki Airlines, we know you have your choice of airlines, and you picked the wrong one. No refunds!" he teased Blanca.
"Just put me down!"
"You got it!" Naruto grinned, doing as she ordered.
Oof!
"Wise ass," Blanca muttered, rubbing her tender posterior.
Naruto simply continued to grin as he gently put down Ana and her mother, "Well, ladies it's been fun."
"Come here!" Ana grabbed him and planted a kiss on his cheek, and then gave him a card, "Call me."
Naruto blinked. As far as tips went that was a pretty damn good one. He was a bit torn though. For one, he had no idea how old this girl was, Naruto himself had been almost a hundred and seventy when he passed, despite not looking it, and he was fairly certain this girl was much younger. But with wisdom came age. Naruto knew better than to ask how old she was and wisely put the card away for now. Then again, who knows? The girl could be older than him.
Naruto learned four things when he woke up here.
First, one stopped aging. Second, dying by ordinary means here wasn't permanent, not that he'd like to test that. Third, he was a heck of a lot taller than before, apparently one's former height whilst alive changed alongside their looks. Not that Naruto was complaining. Though he had been an inch shy of six feet before, he did always wonder what it would be like to be even taller. At almost seven feet that wish was granted. And lastly, one automatically learned the dominant language of Hell, which explained why he could speak, read, and understand a language that wasn't his own. But that only applied to English apparently. The last one was the most convenient.
"Here," he watched as Carmilla gave him her own card, "You helped me, and I repay those who do well by me. If you need help call and I will see it done."
"Uh, thanks?" Naruto didn't know what to make of it, but wouldn't refuse help, "Know where I can find a good ramen stand?"
"...Que?"
"Ra-men," Naruto accentuated, "You know, the food of the gods?"
Carmilla merely looked to her daughters, Ana shrugged, but Blanca had the answer, "Noodles. High in sodium."
"YES!"
"Pentagram City doesn't have anything like that at the moment. All we have are instant cups and they were all bought by someone."
"NO!"
This place really was Hell.
Boom!
"I don't know about you, but I'm going inside. Zestial! Open up!"
"You're welcome to join us. More than welcome," Ana flirted.
"Ana-"
"Sorry, kid, but I gotta take care of some assholes. Some other time. Ja!"
"...You don't think he meant why I think he meant, right?" Ana asked, watching him fly off into the distance.
"What do you think. Uncle Zestial," Blanca greeted as the door opened.
"Blanca. Ana. Prithy, dearest Carmilla. Whom was that?" Zestial asked from the doorway.
Carmilla merely looked at her oldest friend and smiled; Zestial blinked thinking his eyes were playing tricks on him. But the smile remained.
Interesting, mused the ancient overlord.
(Present)
"Pew! You're dead! Pew! Ooh, double kill! Pew!"
"Ahh! My balls!"
"Ooh, noice!" Adam cackled, deciding to let the sinner suffer instead of killing it.
"Sir!"
"Woah!" Adam scowled as his shot missed its target, "The fuck! You ruined my streak, bitch!"
"Sir, we have a problem!"
"Uh, what problem? We're down here killing these fuckers! I mean, sure, I'd be interested if they fought back. Oooh! Do you think we can hold gladiator matches?"
"I doubt Lady Sera would grant you permission, sir. But-"
"Ugh, buzz kill. Hmm, oh, what abo-"
"SIR!" Lute exclaimed to get his attention.
"WHAT!?" Adam exclaimed back before his eyes narrowed when Lute whispered something in his ear, "Wait, what! Are you fucking kidding me?!"
"I would never joke about something like this, sir," knowing her as long as he did and how devoted she was, Adam believed Lute without question on this.
It only took Adam and Lute a short amount of time before they arrived at the scene of the crime where, lo and behold, the bodies of multiple exterminators were found sprawled on the ground, their heads severed from their bodies and nowhere to be found, and gaping holes in their chests except for one.
"The fuck!" Adam exclaimed, "How?!"
"We don't know sir!" explained one of the exterminators.
"What the fuck do we know?" he demanded stepping forward and feeling something squishy and white on his boot, "Da hell? What is this? Jizz? Did I step in jizz!" oh these fuckers were gonna get it!
"I'm pretty sure that's just a noodle topping you squished, sir," the exterminator informed their commander.
"Oh, phew! I thought it wa- Wait a minute! Are you telling me they were killed by noodles?!" some of his bad-ass bitches were killed by fucking noodles?!
"Pretty sure they were already on the ground when she fell, sir," Lute deadpanned, pointing at the dumpster that was close by.
"...I knew that! The fuck said otherwise!"
"Lieutenant Lute!"
Putting her fingers to her LED mask, Lute spoke, "Not now. We have a-"
"Seven more bodies were found!"
"WHAT!?"
"WOAH! CHILL BITCH!" Adam's tune changed once more when Lute told him of the other dead angels.
"DA FUCK!" wanting to know what was going on here, Adam switched to the channel Lute was on, "Adam here! What the fucking fuck is going on!?"
"Unknown sir! We heard a noise from the alley and found seven bodies. We have no id-GAAHHHH!"
"Ooww! Indoor voice, bitch! Fuck! My ears are ringing! What's your name!?"
...
"Hello?"
...
"Answer me when I'm talking to you! Hello?"
...
"Is this thing fuckin busted? Hello! I think it's busted," Adam told Lute.
"Aww, wittle baby's ears hurt. Poor baby."
"Woah! Uhhhh, who the hell is this?"
"Someone taking care of trash like you and your possie, dattebayo."
"The fuck? Do you have any idea who I am? Do you know what I can-"
Beep! Beep! Beep! was all Adam heard from the other line.
"Did... did they just hang up on me? ME!? No one hangs up on Adam Dickmaster! Where was that squad located?"
"Sector 7, sir!"
"..."
"...Near the Heaven Embassy, sir," Lute elaborated.
"Call everyone and tell 'em to regroup on that location!" Adam said nothing more before he took off towards the area, the exterminators led by Lute following closely behind him. It didn't take long for Adam and his group to arrive, the spot was easy to find given the alley was littered with corpses of demons and angels alike, mostly angels.
"What the serious fuck is going on!" a frustrated and very pissed Adam shouted. A quick headcount by Lute revealed that more than a dozen angels were dead.
Actually, now that she looked around Lute realized something, "Their heads are missing."
"Uh, no shi-OW! The fu-" Adam's comment was cut short as he and his exterminators were pelted by severed heads of his army from above the alley, "Who's doing that!?"
"hehehehehehe heheheheheheHEHEHAHAHA HAAAHAHAHAHAHAAA HAHAHA!"
"...Okay, props on the scary laugh! But now you die!" a swing of his materialized axe sent a wave of holy energy at the building the laugh came from, destroying it in the process. The exterminators and their leader flew up above the rubble and looked around but found no body.
"Hey, sugar tits one, two, and three," aside from Lute and his former favorite, Adam rarely bothered learning the names of his exterminators, "get down there and start searching!" the three angels did so without question.
"Good," Lute acknowledged the message she received, "Sir, the remaining exterminators will be here any second."
"'Bout damn time," Adam muttered, when not even a minute passed, Adam demanded, "What's keeping you three!"
"It's a lot of rubble, sir!"
"Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch," all Adam heard were excuses, "Ugh, so slow. Hey, the rest of you get down there and help their lazy asses."
"Sir! Incoming!"
"Huh? Oh, finally, bout time they showed up!" Adam exclaimed, seeing the remaining exterminators make their way toward their location, "Remind me to have 'em do toilet duty for being so slow."
"Copy that!" Lute saluted.
Sizz.
"...Did anyone else hear that?" Adam asked.
"Sounded like a snake, sir," an exterminator answered.
"Ew, snakes. Gross little fuckers. Cool as fuck, but gross, Imma right?"
Lute shrugged, not having an opinion.
"Oh, fuck you."
Sizz!
"Uh, is it me, or is that getting louder?" Adam asked.
KABOOM!
Adam and the rest of his group shield themselves as best they could, the ground beneath them blowing up and showering them with shrapnel that dug into them. Almost every exterminator on the ground were killed or heavily injured by the explosion. Adam, however, managed to protect himself and Lute with a barrier of holy energy that shielded them from the blast.
When the dust cleared, Adam was pissed beyond recognition as he spotted the broken and battered bodies of his bitches, and the corpses of many more. It became the least of his worries as the sound of thunder reached his ears, and both he and Lute turned around just in time to see the skies of hell becoming engulfed in a sea of unholy crimson.
The wave-rippled and deadly arcs of red lightning electrocuted, paralyzed, or otherwise vaporized the angels Adam called for. Many of those who were lucky to survive didn't live very long as they fell to the ground. Sturdy as they were, Angels weren't as invincible as they believed they were, and falling hundreds of feet to the ground in a heavily injured state proved that theory. Some did survive but most were heavily injured or dead upon crash landing.
"WHAT. THE. HOLY. FUCK!" Adam watched as more than half his army was wiped out by whatever that was.
"Sir! Look!"
Adam did so and narrowed his eyes as he spotted a floating figure in the sky. He didn't ask. He didn't think. He just acted and flew at the floating person in question, his army following behind, "Alright, you little fucking asshole! I'm gonna rip your nuts out yo-"
Adam was silenced by a simple but powerful backhand that had him crashing into the Heaven Embassy, and out the other side. A crater formed when he finally came to a stop.
"...Owww~" well, that hurt like hell.
"KILL HIM!" Lute ordered, enraged by what just transpired.
Countless angels flew at the individual cloaked in blood red, their spears raised to skewer him, only for the exterminators to be skewered instead as numerous chains emerged from his body. Each chain pierced the body of one angel before seeking out the nearest one and repeating the process over and over again, leaving numerous exterminators in agony or dead. Much like they did once before.
"HOLY SHIT! Are you seeing this!" Vox exclaimed, hard as fuck at the moment, and despite their expense, he was very glad that his drones were durable to withstand the backlash that shook the city and could zoom in with such clarity.
"Seeing, still working on believing," Velvette acknowledged, posting on the social network as fast as she could. This was easily the platinum-grade content of the year! Hells! Of the century!
"I can already see a market for this kind of thing," Valentino knew countless demons had a fetish for violence, even if this wasn't sexual in nature the fact that angels were involved and getting their comeuppance and literally getting drilled by chains was more than enough to get many demons' rocks off, "Do we know who he is?"
"Nothing's come up so far," Velvette informed the moth-like Overlord, "Could be a demon from one of the other rings?"
"Makes me wonder how Lucifer will react if that's the case," Vox could only imagine. While demons who weren't sinners could travel to the other rings, an unspoken rule had since developed in Hell where demons stayed in their own ring unless under certain circumstances.
"Hmm... Eh, not my problem," Lucifer shrugged as he watched the fight from his castle balcony before proceeding back inside to his back-flipping fire-breathing duck prototype. There was nothing in the agreement that said that sinners weren't allowed to fight back. If Adam and his exterminators weren't up to snuff that wasn't his hurdle to solve. Though knowing Heaven as he did they might bitch and moan at him to do something. Not that he'd listen.
"They don't wanna listen to me, then why should I?"
"Ooh, and there goes another white-winged asshole! I haven't seen someone that dumb since I interviewed the princess," Lucifer heard from the television. His eyes narrowed a bit at the comment. Perhaps he should pay Killjoy a little visit, both for the comment and for that stunt she pulled on his daughter.
"Oh, Charlie," much as Lucifer loved his daughter, her naivete was her undoing. A trait she, unfortunately, got from him. But Charlie was an adult, and he couldn't coddle her, much as he'd love to keep her protected, even from herself, she had to learn firsthand how foolish her plan to...uh...what was her plan again?
"Try to make rice? No, that's stupid, Charlie doesn't cook," it was an actual rule he passed when he first tried her cooking. Lucifer swore he saw his father after a single bite.
"What was she doing again?" Lucifer tried remembering the details but came up with nothing. Damn depression… Oh, well! Probably wasn't important. Back to the rubber duckies!
"Hold on! Something's coming from the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! No, wait it's-"
"It's not fucking funny, Tom!" Killjoy told her co-star, bludgeoning him with a coffee mug, and rendering him inert, "But he's right folks! Something has indeed come out from the Heavenly Gate!"
"Ugh, what now," Lucifer put away the prototype and froze when he saw what, or more specifically, who came out of the portal that divided Heaven and Hell, "OH, SHIT!" Lucifer's eyes popped out of his head, becoming glued to the screen.
Watching as the being suddenly unfurled its twelve wings to reveal a very tall being with short blond hair with a side-shave haircut, wearing an open red hoodie that revealed a blue tank top that was easily too small and near busting that it showed off its abs, a pair of green shorts, a baseball cap that said Number One, and sandals on its feet. Of all the inhabitants to descend from heaven it just had to be the King of Hell's biggest pain in the ass, the biggest meathead, and the Right Hand of God himself.
Saint Michael the Archangel, as humans knew them.
In actuality, it was Archangel Michelle.
Aka Lucifer's big sister.
"FUCK!"
"Ugh, well that's a fashion faux pas. Is this bitch color-blind or wat? Hashtag don't," Velvette began to post on her social network.
"DELETE THAT!" Vox and Valentino jumped on their fellow Vee in a panic, the woman screaming as they tried to take the phone away from her before she sent her post.
And ended up killing them in the process.
"Hmm, 'tis quite unfortunate that such an occurrence hath befallen us this day of all days. Forsooth, to see archangel Michelle gracing Hell with her presence is a very rare event, wouldn't thou agree?" Zestial commented to his friend.
"Estupido, he's going to get himself and us killed!" Carmilla Carmine couldn't believe this, but having killed two exterminators herself, it wasn't like she was one to talk. She didn't know the Right Hand of God personally but she knew from Zestial that she was their strongest fighter and made the exterminators look like pushovers.
Which meant she'd likely have to console her daughter's broken heart...again.
"Perhaps. Or t'would be Saint Michelle is being looked for a challenge," Zestial revealed.
"A challenge?"
"Lord Lucifer was quoth to be no match for his eldest sibling whilst in Heaven. And Lady Michelle quoth to only fight those she deemeth worthy, thus why she hath never partook in the Extermination."
"And you believe Naruto to be worthy of such?" sure he was powerful, but this was different.
"We shall soon see," was all Zestial told the arms dealer.
"Well now, there's something you don't see every day," Alastor commented, "Never thought I'd see an archangel."
"Ooh, he looks like a bad b...oh, she has tits," Niff's lusty grin fell. She didn't do taco as she heard Angel put it.
"Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!shit!shit!shit!shit!"
"Charlie! You need to ca-"
"Calm down! Oh, were you about to tell me to calm down? Because, if you were, don't tell me to calm down!" Charlie's hysterical mood had her briefly shift into her demon form before she quickly reverted and began pulling on her hair with worry.
"Uh, wat's with her?"
"ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME RIGHT NOW!?" Husk couldn't believe this idiot.
"Hey, I keep my life simple: sex, drugs, porn shoots, and cash upfront. I don't do politics. So, what's up with Miss Tall, Stacked, and Unfashionable that's got everyone up in a tizzy?" Angel Dust asked.
"That's Archangel Michelle. You think the exterminators are bad? Well, she's supposedly a whole lot worse," Vaggie revealed. Not revealing how she knew it.
"So, she's a pretty big deal, huh?" Angel took a swig of his alcohol.
"She's the Right Hand of God and Heaven's Greatest Warrior. Lucifer's never once won against her, ever. She's also Charlie's aunt," Angel coughed, spat, and gagged on his drink.
"Seriously! Da fuck is someone like that doing here?"
"Have you not been watching!"
"Oh, my, but our effeminate friend does raise a point. Why would someone as illustrious as Heaven's right-hand woman grace Hell's bottom-of-the-barrel wretches with her holier-than-thou presence simply because a demon started killing exterminators?" Alastor pondered.
"Pretty sure it's because she helped Adam train the first generation of exterminators," Vaggie explained.
"Oh, fan-fucking-tastic. Whiskers! Pour me a triple and keep 'em coming tell I tell ya to stop," Angel ordered.
"Make yer own damn drink! I need this," Husk took the strongest stuff they had and began drinking straight from the bottle. Ignoring and dodging Angel's attempts to swipe the bottle.
Alastor was curious, even if he didn't show it. How exactly did Vagatha know something as significant as this that not even he knew of? Curious indeed. Something to ponder on for a later date.
"Shit!"
Crash!
Lute couldn't remember the last time she felt such pain coursing through her body. She could barely move, and after that last blow, she was certain her legs were broken in who knew how many places. She wouldn't doubt that the bones in her legs were nothing but powder at this point.
And she had given her all when fighting this unknown demon. Adam was still given his all and their foe didn't even have so much as a single scratch on him. More than two-thirds of the exterminators were gone, and it would take them years to replenish their ranks with qualified and like-minded individuals once more.
"Bitch! Hold still!" Adam shouted, his LED mask broken to reveal his bruised face, a blackened eye, and a busted lip.
His foe barely moved whenever Adam swung his axe, as though he anticipated where he was going to swing next. No. Not anticipate. It was as though he knew exactly where it was going to be and where to dodge. And as Adam raised his axe for an overhead strike, the demon didn't move and allowed the axe the hit him dead on. Lute grinned, thinking he finally got sloppy, but it quickly fell.
"Not impressed," she heard him say, and watched as he shattered the holy weapon before he landed a kick on Adam's abdomen, the harsh blow had him coughing up blood, broke who knew how many bones, ruptured his organs, and sent him rocketing sky high. Into the waiting chest of someone that made Lute's eyes bulge.
"Ow! The fuck! Whatever! Bitch, I'm gonna-"
"Stand down, Adam," Adam materialized another axe and swung it at the unexpected voice, the weapon blocked by a single digit, denting the blade.
"The fuck are...Oh, shit!" Adam dropped the axe when he looked up and realized who stopped him and what he just did, "Michelle, hey~ Long time no see bi-"
"In the name of my Father, shut the hell up," Michelle ordered.
The remaining piece of Adam's LED mask formed a closed zipper where the mouth was.
"So, care to explain what's kept my former pupil and his ragtag team from their mission?"
...
"...Oh, for fuck sakes, you can speak," Michelle allowed and hoped she didn't regret it.
"Yeah, so, it's like this-"
"Sennen Goroshi (One Thousand Years of Death)!"
"YEEEEEEAAAAAAOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCHHHHHHHH!" Adam had tears in his eyes, mask, and his hands on his violated ass as the First Man soared through the air like a rocket, unable to answer the archangel. Adam enjoyed many forms of sex, but things touching his asshole was not one of them!
All of Hell either laughed or had their jaws drop at how ridiculously effective the absurd move was.
"SIR!" Lute soared after him, ignoring just how agonizing the act was.
"...Hmm, interesting move," Michelle commented before she brought out her sword. It was of simple design, a cross between a Roman gladius and an English longsword if longswords were more than six feet in length. Which, at almost eleven feet in height, in Michelle's hands was more or less a shortsword.
"Enjoyable as that was, and trust me the little prick had it coming, for your transgressions against the Heavenly Host, I hereby sentence you to die. Any last words?"
"Bunshin Daibakuha (Clone Great Explosion)!"
Michelle didn't understand any of those words, not that it would have done her any good anyway, and crashed hard into the ground when her foe finished his sentence. It was a dick move, but it worked nonetheless. And it pissed her off, too.
This was her favorite shirt!
"So, you wanna play it that way, huh? Fine by me!" Michelel flared her power causing hurricane winds to suddenly sweep across the Pride Ring. Demons were sent flying and the lesser ones were driven to madness by the frightening power of it all, the power could be felt all the way to the fourth-most ring.
Swinging her sword in an arc, Michelle unleashed a wave of concentrated holy energy that went on to incinerate everything in its path. Nothing was safe from it. Except for its target who merely stood his ground and flared his own power. And what a flare it was. More of a supernova was a better description.
All throughout the Seven Rings was the energy felt, each of the rings began shaking, the intensity lessening by the fifth ring but still easily felt on the bottom-most ring. Countless buckled and fell to their knees, as though gravity increased exponentially; countless more couldn't breathe, as though very the air refused to enter their lungs; and the vast majority lost consciousness or went mad.
Michelle wasn't faring any better, her energy wave dispersed by the flare, the archangel's legs threatened to buckle and her arms shook as her gaze landed upon the demon cloaked in a gold and otherworldly aura the likes of which the Right Hand had never felt before.
And it excited her to no end.
"I've faced countless beings in my time. Fought hordes of dark eldritch beings from the Void and Beyond that would shatter one's mind just by looking upon them. And nothing compares to him," Michelle simply couldn't understand how this was possible. She was the Right Hand of God, one of the most powerful beings in creation, second only to only a few, and this unknown demon matched, no, exceeded her.
Finally, after millennia of boredom and unworthy challenges she met someone who-wait what was he doing with that red sph-
"Oh, shit," Michelle could tell this was gonna hurt.
"Daimao Rasengan (Great Demon King Spiraling Sphere)!"
Pain. Pain was something Michelle hadn't felt in a very, very long time. But right now, she was getting a refresher course, and it rocked. The dark red sphere struck her in the gut, her tank top was ripped to pieces to reveal the bra she wore underneath, and her insides churned uncomfortably as she was launched high into the sky as the ball of enormously compressed energy made its fury known upon her. Michelle crashed into Adam and Lute, taking them along for the ride and all three didn't stop even as they passed the Heavenly Gate and crashed into several buildings, and then the ball exploded.
Michelle was in love.
But then she realized something important.
"Where's my sword?"
The exterminators that remained in Hell looked back and forth between the being that sent their leaders back to whence they came and the Heavenly Gate itself. It was a no-brainer. They got the fuck out of Hell as fast as their wings allowed them. Fortunately, the demonic entity didn't give chase and they lived to see another day.
As he made to leave, Naruto saw a sword sticking into the ground. The Sword of Michael, Michelle actually, as it was called. Grabbing it, Naruto swung the blade that was almost larger than him with one arm, liking the feel of it.
"Nice sword," he commented, putting the weapon on his back, and walking off, hungry as heck, "Now, who bought all my ramen?"
...
...
...
"HOLY FUCK!" Angel Dust broke the silence and summed up what every individual in the hotel - what everyone in Hell that witnessed this, really - was thinking.
"I'm way too fucking sober for this shit," said Husk knew he witnessed history in the making but damn this was too much to take in.
"Tha-ah-wha-eh...Huh?!" Charlie couldn't wrap her head around what she just witnessed.
"You said it," Vaggie agreed with her girlfriend.
"Aww, that's it? Boo!" Niffty was hoping for more.
Alastor for his part remained silent as the grave. No colorful commentary. Merely a smile and his brain going a hundred miles an hour. This blond-haired nine-tailed individual, whoever he was, was a definite game changer. And an immensely powerful one at that. He knew the overlords would summon one another for a meeting to discuss this.
...
...
"... Now can I post this?" Velvette asked her fellow Vees.
...
...
"Hello?"
...
...
"Vox?"
...
"Valentino?"
...
"...Fuck it. I'm posting this," forget about it being the post of the century, this shit was the post of the fucking millennium. Neither Valentino nor Vox were in the right state to stop her.
But who cares?! Velvette began making plans on how to meet with the powerful demon. The Vees were already feared despite being the youngest of the overlords, but this guy was clearly stronger than any of them. This was Sin-level power, if not more.
That kind of power would easily cement their standing as the strongest of the Pride Ring.
"Hmm, this bodes ill tidings to come, does it not?" Zestial wasn't asking but informing his close friend.
Carmella Carmine could only nod. This changed things immensely. Heaven wouldn't take this lying down.
On the plus side, her daughters were safe, countless angel weapons were up for grabs, and even though Heaven would very likely demand retribution, she highly doubted it would be any time soon.
Those heavenly pricks would be licking their wounds for quite some time.
And even then, if they were smart, they'd be extra cautious.
It wasn't just anyone who could fight an archangel, let alone win. Even the Sins would be hard-pressed.
But this man, this unknown variable did. And he did it like it was nothing.
Carmine made a mental note to find out as much as she could about him.
Besides, it was always good to meet a powerful demon that wasn't full of themselves, or ready to stab you in the back.
Carmilla Carmine couldn't explain it but her brief meeting with him gave her an inkling this man was neither.
And that was someone Carmilla would love to have by her side.
Lucifer's jaw had yet to leave the ground, his mind still trying to wrap itself around what he just bore witness to.
Michelle had always been the jock of the seven of them, essentially the first jock in history, though not in a stereotypical kind of way one would find today.
Either Michelle had let herself go since Lucifer was banished to Hell, or more frighteningly, this individual was a hell of a lot stronger.
Lucifer hoped it was the former than the latter, and hoped this day couldn't get any worse. Sure, the exterminators got their asses handed to 'em on a well-deserved platter, but this would only cause him more of a headache than before.
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Lucifer ignored the phone call and let it go to voicemail. He wished he didn't.
"Luci! Big Bro! It's Gabe! Look I know you're there. We need to talk. Now!"
"Shit!" first Michelle, now Gabriel.
"Hold on, I'm getting another call," Gabriel told him.
"Oh, thank god," it was one of the few times he praised his father.
"Oh, Luci~Michelle's on the other line and she wants to talk to you~" Gabriel sang.
"FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!"
Lucifer's day just got worse.
"Okay, everyone! So, what just happened aside, we still need to get this place up... and none of you are listening," Charlie realized.
"Sorry, toots, but do ya honestly believe we can focus when shit like this happens?!" Angel Dust said.
"Hate to agree with him," and Husk did, but said nothing else as he drank his cheap booze, the hard stuff having long since dried up.
"Guys, come on~" Charlie whined.
"Charlie, sweetie, I get that you want this hotel up and running but, I mean, is there really any point now?"
"What do you mean?"
"I believe Vagatha is referring to the fact that our mysterious crimson avenger gave Heaven's lapdogs and their greatest fighter such a thorough thrashing that it's very doubtful they will be making themselves known any time soon, my dear Charlotte," Alastor elaborated.
"...Yeah, what he said," Vaggie didn't like the interruption but that was pretty much the gist of it.
"Guys, you don't know that. I mean, don't get me wrong, super grateful for what he did, violent though it was, but we still have an overpopulation problem. And, extermination or no extermination, I'm hoping we can still rehabilitate sinners to get them into Heaven," Charlie told them.
"What makes you think those fucks give a damn about going to Heaven anyway?" Husk asked the group, "If you ask me, the way I see it, even if by some goddamn miracle a sinner gets into Heaven, what makes you so sure those pricks will accept them? Hell, after everything those exterminators did, what makes you think any demon would want to go to Heaven?"
"Very astute, Husker. Crude, but astute nonetheless," Alastor completed the winged cat demon with a pat on the head.
"Whatever," batting the hand away.
"Husk, we're-"
Knock. Knock.
"Oh, see! Someone is here to join us~" Charlie sang going to the door and opening it, "Hi, welcome to the Haz-AHHHHHH!"
Slam!
"What?" Vaggie asked.
"Vaggieheshere!"
"You get any o' dat?" Angel asked Husk.
"I understand drunk, not whatever the hell that was," Husk retorted.
"Charlie, honey, take a deep breath," Charlie did just that, "Okay, maybe not that much but-"
"He's here!" Charlie declared once more.
"He? Who's he? Wait, your dad?" shit! She was way too underdressed for this.
"The King! Ooh, the ultimate bad boy! You think he'll like my roach show? He'd better hehehehe!" Niffy grinned viciously, the knife she held being taken away by Angel.
"Oh, Lord Lucifer himself? Well, my dear don't be rude. It's quite impolite to keep one's parent waiting, especially the King of Hell himself," Alastor moved to reopen the doors.
"Wait, Alastor! That's not-"
"Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, Your Majesty!" Alastor bowed, eyes closed and head down.
"...Uh, yeah, pretty sure you got me confused with someone else."
Alastor said nothing but raised his head and opened his eyes. Though his facial expression remained the same, his monocle fell to the ground and cracked once it landed. The rest of the inhabitants of the Hazbin Hotel weren't as lackluster in their reaction.
"HOLY SHIT!" Vaggie exclaimed.
"OH, FUCK!" Husked spat his booze.
"Ooh... who's he?" Niffty asked.
"DON'T KILL ME! KILL HIM! HE'S GOT NINE LIVES!" Angel declared, using Husk as a shield.
"YOU SONOVA-"
Naruto blinked, "Uh, hi? Do you guys serve ramen here?" for the love of everything please say yes.
Gulping Charlie hesitantly approached the Angelslayer as the media was calling him, "Uh..Hi, I'm Charlie. EheHehehe...Excuse me a moment!" quick as a flash she was back with the group of misfits.
"You need to get him outta here!" Angel told her.
"Do you have any brains left in that skulled fucked head of yours! This guy beat the living shit out of an archangel like she was a pansy-ass bitch. Even Lucifer couldn't beat her! What makes you think his daughter stands a fucking chance? No offense," the last bit was said so Husk wouldn't be offered up as a sacrifice.
"Husk is right. Whenever they fought, Dad was never able to beat aunty Michelle," Charlie told them.
"Aunt or not. Don't yous tink it's a bit weird he'd come here soon after beating the living snot outta him?"
"Pillow-biter's got a point," Husk agreed.
"You know I can hear you, right?"
"AHH!" the group separated, before they, Vaggie included, pushed Charlie towards the woman. Charlie noted that the man was slightly taller than her but still shorter than Alastor by an inch or two.
"So~Mr...Um...I'm sorry I didn't catch your name?"
"Uzumaki Naruto," the blond introduced.
"Ain't that Japanese?" Husk asked the group. This guy didn't look Japanese.
"Don't look at me. I only know English and Sex Talk," Angel also knew Italian but didn't use it that often anymore.
"Of course, you do."
"It is," or at least the language of his continent was similar to what these people called Japanese.
"But you're…uh… how do I put this…" Husk tried to think of a finding a proper way of explaining without pissing off the powerful demon.
"Your eyes aren't squinty, and your teeth-" Angel was tackled to the ground by Husk and Vaggie, his mouth covered before the pornstar with no filter got them all killed.
Luckily for them, Naruto was merely confused, "Huh?"
"Ignore him," Charlie hoped he did, "So, what can I do for you?"
"Well, first off, like I asked, do you have any ramen?" given it was a hotel he believed it worth a shot. It was either that or he went to the other rings.
"Uh… yeah? EEP!" Charlie nodded and found herself in his tight embrace.
"THANK YOU!" Naruto hugged the life out of the Princess of Hell. Oh, he was strong. And Charlie thought her dad was the strongest hugger she knew.
"Oh, wow, you're strong and muscular," Charlie wheezed, feeling the muscles on her.
"Oops, sorry! Just really, really happy! I woke up here three weeks ago and haven't found any ramen since," Naruto revealed.
A pin drop could be heard all to way to Heaven from that reveal.
"…I'm sorry what was that?" Vaggie couldn't believe her ears.
"I believe-" Alastor was cut off.
"I KNOW WHAT HE SAID!" Vaggie exclaimed, "I just find it hard to believe that this guy's a sinner."
"What's so hard to believe? I was human. I died. Next thing I know, I wake up here," Naruto still wasn't sure why exactly given all that he did while he was alive.
"She's right," Husk agreed, "No sinner has ever shown that kind of power, not even the strongest overlords. Hell, I'm not sure even the Sins have that kind of power," that last part was mere speculation on the former overlord's part.
"Oooh! So, you're a bad boy!" Niffty giggled, coming face to face with the powerful demon, "Hi! I'm Niffty! I clean!"
"Uh, hi, Niffty?" Naruto patted the short cyclops, a little worried by the unhinged aura that he sensed from her. Niffty merely giggled from the act.
"Don't worry, we're eighty percent sure she's harmless," Charlie told him.
"Damn! Good thing you didn't run into Valentino. With those tails o' yours, you'd be starring in a whole bunch of roles. Probably with me," Angel winked at him.
Naruto deadpanned, "Sorry lady-"
"Don't let the tit fluff fool ya. Imma a guy."
Naruto blinked at the revelation, "Oh, in that case. No," Naruto had nothing against gay people but he was straight. The Oiroke no Jutsu was just for pranks and infiltration ... and the odd roleplay he and Hinata did to spice things up once in a while. But that was personal damn it!
Angel Dust merely shrugged and grinned, "Your loss."
"I highly doubt it," were Naruto's thoughts.
"Can we get back to the fucken fact this guy, a sinner of all things, has this much power?" Husk demanded.
"Husker is quite right," Alastor agreed, "It does beg the question: how?"
"In truth...I'm awesome," was all a grinning Naruto told them.
"Uh, yeah~ I'm not sure that qualifies as an answer," Charlie pointed out.
"Yeah, well, that's all I'm saying for now. So, about that ramen? I can pay. Oh, and I need a room."
Naruto dropped a huge stack of cash, cash he had taken from other demons that tried to jump him in weeks past, a mistake on their part, and hoped the group said yes.
"Uh, sure?" Charlie hesitantly answered, the cash more than enough and sorely needed given their limited budget, "Instant noddle fine?"
Charlie just made herself a very powerful friend.
And Fin. Please let me know what you liked and didn't like and why. Also, for those not aware, yes, that was Joker's laugh. More specifically, the one where he knocks Batman down with a bag full of rocks in Justice League. Also, note that Naruto's new look is akin to his Baryon mode only much more organic in appearance and how Minato would look hair-wise. Not a big fan of his short hair.