The Blade of Captain Sparrow
Chapter 5: A Slime on the Face of the Earth


The crew of the Requiescent, caught unprepared and unawares, were no match for the swift and intimidating crew of the Pearl, who subdued them with relatively little effort, but much "Arrrgh!"-ing and "Yarr!"-ing (it had been a long time since their last raid, after all). The captain, trussed like a chicken to the mast, mumbled something through his gag, glaring balefully at the cavorting pirates.

Jack peered at him, bending over so their noses touched.

"Gibbs," he said, straightening, then pausing and lifting a hand to his nose. "One never gags a captain, if one can help it." He twirled and removed the offending restraint. "But don't talk too loud," he said, with a grin. "I likes to concetrate on me plunder."

* * *

The Lord Hilloverdaleworthforthington, when pressed with immediate physical danger, found within himself a wellspring of strength and managed to remove himself from the deckchair, clambering over to the cabin while the pirates were occupied with his crew and hiding under the bed. His wife, finding that there was no room beneath the bunks because of her husband's bulk, looked around rather desperately.

"Miss?" came a brave, honest-sounding voice from behind her. Lady Deppingforthham-Hilloverdaleworthforthington turned, her heart in her mouth, with a rustle of over-gaudy silk.

"Um," said Will Turner, looking distinctly uncomfortable. "Yarr?"

* * *

Lord Hilloverdaleworthforthington panted slightly from his position beneath his bunk, sweating, the powder on his nose running. He would need the slaves to fan him for a long time after this...if there still were any, after the pirates were gone...he shuddered. He detested pirates.

"A slime on the face of the earth," he muttered comfortingly to himself. "Why, if I came face to face with one, I would wipe it out of existence like the maggoty fungus it is..."

"Well, that's a comfort," said Jack Sparrow, peering beneath the bed. "Glad to know an upright gentleman such as yourself is willin' to take the law into his own hands to rid th' sea of a scourge such as pirates. Why, I'm tremblin' in me boots, person'lly."


* * *

"Rape, loot, plunder, pillage," Elizabeth repeated to herself, looking around at the ship. "All right, rape's out. Loot, plunder, pillage...erm..."

* * *

Will cleared his throat, facing the crowd of impatient pirates.

"So...what I'm saying is..." he repeated for those whose attention spans were less than thirty seconds, "...ahh, we should...leave her alone?" The last words were suspiciously squeak-like for a (former) blacksmith.

"I knew we shouldn't've taken 'im along," muttered Bidon the dwarf, three feet of solid malevolence. "Next 'e'll be goin' on about chivalry..."

"Listen 'ere, me bucko," Kostos the Greek said, relatively gently for a pirate. "I know ye've been th' victim of good breedin', an' all, but...look at her." He pointed to the Lady Deppingforthham-etc., who wibbled. "She was born to be pirated."

"But," Will said, desperately. He was suddenly, and urgently, reminded of a rather uncomfortable problem that had plagued him since he was very young: whenever his morals were being compromised, his feet began to sweat. They were currently in danger of soaking his shoes. "I..."

Jack entered the scene with his customary flair, carrying an armful of loot. He quickly assessed the group of milling pirates, the gaudily dressed woman, and the Will Turner converged around the deck.

"Well, well," he said, addressing the Lady Deppingforthingham-etc., who did her best to look competent. "Six necklaces, eleven rings, eight bracelets, nine pairs of exotic underwear, and a half-trunkful of black brassieres...all from your husband."

The lady looked scandalized.

"Now, I suggest you surrender all of y' portable wealth t' my highly competent and very able crew, whilst I take th' young man for a walk," he said, smiling kindly. The pirates grinned.

Jack took Will by the shoulder and led him around the deck.

"Now, are yer feet sweatin', lad?"

Will looked startled. "Wha--"

"Don't forget, I was yer father's captain, too."

Will stared at Jack, and couldn't think of anything to say. Jack had leaned against the side of the ship, rocking slightly with every lap of the blue-black water. Jack smiled a little, and it would have been a sad one if he hadn't stood and thumped Will on the back.

"Good breedin's like a disease, I've found," he said, with the air of someone transferring great wisdom. "It's best fer ye t'get over it before bits of ye fall off."

* * *

"All right," Elizabeth muttered, shoving jewelry into the sack she had expropriated from the captain's cabin. "Loot."

She shoved a few ornaments into her sack, viciously. "This is for the corsets..."