Attention to my readers: This is a story based on something that really happened in my life, which might be connected to one of the reasons why I'm suicidal. I hope that after you read this story, you'll understand how people really feel in situations like this.

Chapter 1: Don't Cry

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters from Digimon.

My name is Hikari. Yes, I'm suicidal, believe it or not. I might not seem like it from the outside, because I'm cheerful all the time even though he died. Still, I sometimes feel like I can't bear living without Takeru.

I was walking out of high school on a bright, beautiful morning. There was no sign that something was going to go wrong. Little did I know that what was going to happen was going to change my life forever.

When I got home, Tai was already there, surprisingly. His face was pale.

"What's wrong, Tai?" I asked him, putting down my bag.

Tai looked at me sadly. "Takeru...he's in the hospital. His brother called me!"

I looked at him with shock. Takeru, my boyfriend, was in the hospital! It was more than I could bear. My eyes filled with tears as I ran out of my house and to the hospital, crying all the way and wishing it wasn't true.

When I got there, I found out he was there because he collapsed when he went home.

"What's wrong with Takeru?" I asked Yamato faintly, wiping my tears.

"I'm sorry, Hikari," he whispered gently. "I guess he never told you."

"Told me what?" I demanded. "What's wrong with him?"

Suddenly, a doctor came out. "He- he's not going to make it. He's in a coma right now and we're afraid he's not going to live!"

Tears running again, I dashed into his hospital room. There he was, on the bed, looking tired and pale. He was sleeping peacefully, though I knew his body was fighting to keep awake.

"Please wake up, Takeru," I whispered, gripping his hand like steel. "I can't live without you!"
He didn't respond. He was in a coma right now.

"Did you know, Takeru?" I kept talking as if he was awake, listening to what I was saying, though I was crying uncontrollably. "I never said it a lot, but I really like you from when we met. You never knew; that's what I regret for not telling you earlier."

I stared at his face. Innocence filled his quiet, sleeping form. Why was this happening to him? He was okay this morning.

"Takeru, do you understand? I love you. I love you more than anything right now. Please live on."

His breathing was slowing down. I kept on crying, but my hope for him was still burning brightly inside of me. Suddenly, I gasped. His breathing died down. Takeru was dead.

Yamato came in. "He- he wrote you a letter and gave it to me. Takeru told me to give it to you after he died."

I detected tears shining in Yamato's eyes. "Thank you," I whispered.

I opened the letter and read it.

Dear Hikari,
By the time you read this letter, I would be dead. You might think I'm selfish for not telling you earlier, but I have an illness that couldn't be healed. I hope you're not mad at me for hiding this secret from you for so long. I just want to tell you, as my last words, that I will always love you, no matter what. Even though I'm dead, I am sure you will always remember me.

From Takeru

PS: I know you're crying right now, Hikari. Don't cry! I want you to put on a smile. Put on a smile for me. I'm watching you right now. Smile, because now you know that I really love you! Put on a smile and stop crying. =)

I stared at the letter. Yes, I love you too, Takeru, I thought silently in my mind. I stood up and walked past Yamato, giving Takeru one last look. Wiping my eyes, I smiled brightly. Takeru loves me. He always loved me. And I love him too.

I'm smiling, Takeru, I'm smiling for you.