Title: "Running with Scissors"
Author: Assilem1 a.k.a. Melissa
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize? Not mine.
Archiving: Please ask before archiving.
Category: Alternate Universe w/ aliens
Summary: The gang is in college, but home for Thanksgiving and a lot of things are different. For instance, imagine the shooting never happened, so the FBI never came to Roswell. Nasedo never found out the podsters lived in Roswell, so he and Tess never came. And the Skins never showed up because they never set off the orbs . . .
Awards: Winner of Round 3 Funniest Fanfiction at RoswellFanatics[dot]Net and 'Fic that had you snorting and spewing liquid from your nose' at the now defunct Boardello.
Feedback: Yes, please :)
A/N: Ok, far be it for me to start a story and make the first two chapters exposition, but well . . . Here we go . . . :o) . . . It actually picks up around Part 3 if you stick with it . . . ;o) . . .
"Oh, don't worry, it'll only hurt till you die." - That 70's Show
So my alarm clock went off promptly at 7:15 this morning. So that's great right? All systems functioning normally and all that?
Well, um no.
It was set for 7:30!
So somebody please tell me why this clock is waking me up15 frickin' minutes early?!
Grr . . .
And to top it all off, for some insane reason, instead of buzzing or beeping at me, the clock is purring, actuallyfrickin' purring as a wake up sound! When I first woke up, it was so loud and I was so disoriented, I thought I was being digested.
Now if that's not a traumatizing way to wake up, I don't know what is.
And ok, really? What was my Mom smoking when she bought this thing?
Note to self: Fuzzy evil.
So ok, after this great start with the clock from hell taking me through changes no one should have to go through this early in the morning (if ever), I attempt to get out of bed, but the covers must have a different idea because we tango and I end up in a heap on the floor.
So yeah. Fun!
And then when I finally detangle myself and make it into the kitchen, favoring my right side a little, I discover that all of the coffee is gone.
Yep, that's right, empty coffee pot where a full one should be.
Isn't this day shaping up to be grand?
Yes, boys and girls, that is sarcasm. As a matter of fact, I am now declaring today 'Opposite's Day,' which, for all those who haven't figured it out, means that everything I say today will really be the opposite of what I mean.
Hmm, this should be interesting.
Maybe my day is looking up?
Just then the crazily, insane clock starts purring again from it's position on the floor where I swatted it to this morning. It now sounds like a really loud drowning cat.
Shudder . . .
So after dismantling that darn clock and stuffing it in a drawer, I proceed to get ready for my morning shift at the Crashdown downstairs.
For all those who don't know, the Crashdown is this very cheesy, alien-themed restaurant that my Mom and Dad own. And oh, I just love it to pieces.
Get it? The opposite . . .
So anyway, to fit in with the atmosphere of the restaurant, I don my appropriately cheesy turquoise dress with alien-head apron and antennae on the headband.
Yes, I actually said 'antennae.'
It's way outta control.
So I proceed downstairs, hoping to get some actual coffee before my shift.
That's Maria. My most hated enemy in all the world. She and I rarely speak to each other.
Okay, yeah. The opposite again.
"Liz, are you limping?"
"What happened chica?"
"Well, my covers made a pass at me and when I refused, they tripped me."
"Poor chica" she says while rubbing my shoulder. "You want some coffee? Your dad mentioned he'd finished the last of what you had upstairs."
"No, Maria, you know I hate the stuff." I even grimace to add to the effect.
Maria narrows her eyes and squints at me.
"Wait! Is it 'National Opposite's Day' again this week?" she says exasperatedly.
Ah, my friends know me too well.
She throws her hands up. "Great! Just what I need today! My best friend decides to take a trip to the insane asylum in her head and all of us normal people are left here to fend for ourselves, sane and best friend-less."
I just stare at her with an eyebrow raised.
"Ok, I'm in" she sighs.
You gotta love Maria. This should really make for an eventful day.
In case you don't know, waitressing on National Opposite Days can get really scary. You know, with the lying to customers and all . . .
Come to think of it, this could be one of the reasons why my Dad hesitated when Maria and I offered to work here during our Thanksgiving break.
Lame, huh? Working at the same place you worked at all through high school during your break from college?
Well, it was mostly convenience really. I mean, who else is gonna hire us to work for just one week? Plus we knew if we came back here, my Dad would feel obligated to pay us more since we are struggling college students and all.
Can you see me? I look appropriately pathetic.
Anyway, yes, Maria and I are home from our sophomore year at the University of New Mexico.
Yep, we're in college . . . Officially matriculating with the big boys . . .
Huh . . . Why does that just sound wrong?
Anyway . . .
"Here you go." Maria hands me a steaming cup of coffee.
"Thank you, thank you! Have I told you how much I hate you today?"
"Yeah, yeah, I hate you too" Maria responds.
I take a sip of my coffee and feel a little more ready to face the day. I even feel the soreness from falling out of my bed subside.
I think not!