A/N: PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO READ THIS. Hey folks! Well, for those of you who know me by my fic 'That's Why They Call Him Fluffy,' I have done it again! Only this time, things are going to be a little different. PLEASE DON'T REVIEW TO TELL ME THAT MIKOS ARE WOMEN BECAUSE I KNOW THAT ALREADY... All will be revealed later on and that's part of the joke:) By the way, this isn't going to be a full-blown comedy like my other fic and will probably be heavier on the romance part but hey, it's all good:) Of course, the major difference is that this version of the Inuyasha story will have a DiLLirga spin to it:) Yeah yeah, scary, I know. The story's summary is at the end of the chapter, for reasons you will find out so please don't cheat. Just read it and you'll understand;) Enjoy and ReVieW!!!!!!!
So, the day really started off nicely enough. I was now officially a fifteen year-old. We'd had our little family celebration yesterday, seeing as how today's a Monday and school doesn't care whether it's your birthday or deathday... It's just an endless struggle for survival between tests and...well...more tests. But wait, I'm getting way ahead of myself. The name's Higurashi. Higurashi Kagome. And I was just your average 15 year-old, up until today, that is.
I live at our family shrine with my mother, my grandfather and little brother. I've been here for as long as I can remember and if you ask me, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. This is home. I guess I like it so much because I can be in the city without actually feeling like I'm –in the city- if you know what I mean. The best of both worlds.
Anyway, I left the house as usual, and started heading out when I noticed my little brother standing outside the shrine. You see, if it were anywhere else, I wouldn't have bothered but this is the shrine where the 'infamous bone-eater's well is located...according to legend blah blah blah...' Yeah, that was my impersonation of my granfather. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, but if I hear one more legend then I'm gonna make –myself- history. As I was saying, we were never allowed to play around there because one: mom always thought it was too dangerous and two: grandpa would have a heart attack if we did anything to harm his precious well. I just wish that I'd known that the dumb well was about to harm –me-. So there I found my brother Souta and graciously decided to inquire as to why he was standing there.
"Yo twerp, you're gonna be late. You know better than to be messing around there." Ok so I'm not always a nice guy but hey, if you even knew half the stuff he pulls on me! Like that one time-
"I wasn't messing around Kagome! Buyo's down there and he won't come out," Souta whined. My overweight cat was down there, huh? And the problem is...?
"So you're standing here because...? Why don't you just go in and get him?"
"You try going down there! It's creepy... If you'd listen to grandpa's stories once in a while, you'd be scared too..."
"And you call yourself a man... "
"Yeah yeah, just find Buyo."
"I'm about to. Just don't forget that you're a disgrace to the male population."
I sighed. The kid has that effect on me. So, I did what has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever done since the time I was five and thought that the shrine would look really cool decorated with mom and grandpa's miscellaneaous articles of undewear... What did I do? I entered that stupid shrine and started looking for Buyo.
"S-s-s-something's down t-t-there," Souta stammered from above the stairs. What a braveheart.
"Yeah. The cat," I answered dryly.
I walked around until I was standing right in front of the well. Where was that stupid cat? I must have dazed a little because right then, I didn't notice the blob that had crept up to my foot.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA what happened Kagome!!!???" Souta squealed. Hey, I was just a little startled, what was his problem?
"Stupid Buyo. Don't go scaring me like that again!" I scolded the furball as I picked him up. "What the heck are you screaming about up there?"
"L-Look who's talking! Don't yell like that Kagome, I thought you were being attacked or something." I swear, that kid's got an imagination like nobody's business. Or so I thought. At that moment, Buyo must have sensed what was about to happen 'cause the traitor jumped out of my arms and went to cowar behind my fearless brother. Of course, I was stupid enough to ask:
"Just what do you think would attack me down here?" That's when he got that weird look on his face. Before I could even turn around to see what the heck it was my brother was pointing at, I found myself being pulled down, through that well, by the nastiest pair, or rather pairs, of arms that I had ever seen...up until then, of course. I looked at my attacker. A centipede- person. She was a weird one alright.
"Let go of me you witch!" I absolutely refused to scream like a girl. It probably wouldn't have made a difference anyway.
"Such joy. My strength is returning! You have it, don't you! Give it to me! Give me the Shikon no Tama!" she/it hissed. Shikon no Tama? What the heck was that? Oh yeah... Grandpa had been talking about that thing earlier that day. It was one of those cheap keychains he was trying to sell. 'Sure I'll give it to you,' I thought, 'we have plenty at home.' But before I could get even halfway through my thoughts, do you know what that ugly thing did? She licked me! Eeeewww...
"I said let go you ugly-" I yelled and shoved her face away with my hand. Little did I know then that that was a very smart thing to do. From my hand I felt this really strange power and suddenly a pink light shined through. 'Figures,' I thought, 'just my luck that it had to be pink.' Suddenly, down I drifted along with one of her arms that decided to join the ride, further into the rabbit hole. Let's get this straight right now, I'm nowhere near Alice. I am Higurashi Kagome, raven-colored hair, brown eyes, medium height, all-together pleasant disposition. Yep, your average 15-year-old boy, who just happened to have the Shikon no Tama somewhere in his body. Man, already I hate being 15...
After lazing about at the bottom of the well- which, I noticed, I had somehow managed to find once again- I realized that my little brother wasn't bursting with enthusiasm to help me climb back up. Then again, he didn't seem to be anywhere close either. The twerp must have run off. I toyed with the idea of this being all some strange figment of my imagination...only until I looked next to me and found that the strange figment, being her arm, was still there. Just chilling on the ground. Nasty... I started climbing up using the very conveniently situated vines when a noticed a butterfly pass in front of my face. Wait- vines...butterfly? Whatever this was, I was sure that the old man wasn't going to be too happy about it.
When I got out- finally, might I add - I called out for any one of my family members. I even called out for that traitor furball. No response. Traitors, I tell you- all of them. The first thing I noticed ahead of me, a small distance away, was the Goshinboku tree. 'Good,' I thought, 'I can easily find my way back.' Things were starting to look up. Of course, as I ran towards the tree, I chose to ignore the fact that the area had gotten somewhat...greener...than the last time I had seen it. Which was about ten minutes ago. How time flies.
I kept on walking and in a few moments, there I stood, Higurashi Kagome, in front of his Goshinboku tree...looking at a white-haired girl- who seemed to be sleeping-, pinned to the tree by an arrow. But you see, that's not the part that I paid attention to. Sure it was strange, finding myself being pulled through a well by some centipide woman, nearly killing her with my pink-lighted hand and coming out of the well only to find myself in front of the tree I had seen only ten minutes ago with a few...minor additions, but the –really- strange part was that this girl had...ears? No no, you don't seem to understand. When I say she had ears, I mean like fuzzy cat ears. On top of her head. She looked human enough, though. I was to find out later that those ears weren't indeed –cat- ears but hey, I wasn't totally off. I wasn't totally off about the human thing either.
Back to the point: I was overcome with this insane urge to touch those ears. I say insane because you don't just go up to a girl and start –touching- random parts of her body. Hey, I've had friends who've tried that and all I can say is damn, those nails are lethal. And by the look of this chick's nails, she must've had a real battle beating the perverts off. No matter, I told myself. I'm not just any guy and besides, my intentions were very pure. So I did it. I started rubbing those fuzzy little ears on her white head. Yeah, and I call myself a man...
Of course, I didn't get –too- far, for right at that moment:
"Gah! Stop shooting, I didn't do anything!!!"
Grumble...grumble...and more grumble. Why the heck did they have to tie me up? Do I really look that dangerous? I'm just some innocent guy from Tokyo, honest! Hmm let's see...top-knot, top-knot, top-knot... They had better not lay one finger on this hair, it took me forever to get it this long! 'Wait a sec,' I thought, 'top-knot? What was this, the feudal times or something? Yeah, right.' I mentally snorted. Of course now, as I look back to that day, I find myself snorting for real. A minute later, an old lady hobbled up in front of me and started throwing stuff in my face. Was this hag crazy or something?
"Whaddaya think you're doing Lady!" How embarrasing...
"I was told that a demon was found in the Inuyasha forest. I thought a purification ritual was in order." If only she had known then that guys just don't get purer than me. The crowd contemplated the fact that I could be a spy but the woman was smarter than I had given her credit for.
"You there, let me take a good look at ye. Look clever, boy." Now that I think about it, was she trying to call me dumb or something? I'll have you know that I've always had the highest marks in my class! Humph...before I got dragged here, that is.
"There is no mistaking it, ye bear a great likeness to my brother Kikyo."
Man that name makes my blood boil. Back then, I couldn't have cared less but if you ask me now, I wouldn't mind slugging that guy somewhere inappropriate. Fine, so maybe I –am- being unfair. You try being fair to someone who hates your guts for no reason. It wasn't like I –asked- to be his reincarnation...
The old woman's name, I learned, was Kaede and she was the 'miko' or 'high-priestess' of the town that I was in. And sure enough, I was in the feudal times alright. Was this some kind of sick joke or something? Anyway, she asked me what I was doing in the Inuyasha forest and where I was from. Lady, do I look like I know what I'm doing here? Do you even know what Tokyo is? I didn't think so. But hey, I'm a gentleman and she really was a very nice woman. I was just a little grumpy at that particular moment. I'll skip the other boring parts because the story is all downhill from there and I know you all want to know just how bad my day –really- ended up being. Well, bottom line is that the Centipede Witch (A/N: Kagome's nickname for her) attacked the village and started screaming about that Shikon thing again. I had no idea what these peoples' problems were. It seemed that she really had it in for me so it was either stand there and watch the village be destroyed or make a run for it. Kaede also mentioned the fact that we needed to throw her into the well- yes, my one-in-a-million well- in order to destroy her. Clever woman. So, I did what any guy would do- I bolted outta there.
Come to think of it, I don't know why it was that I screamed for help when I was running because I was sure that I was never going to see the light of day again. But I did, as I headed straight back into that Inuyasha forest, Centipede Witch at my feet.
"Give me the Shikon no Tamaaaa!" she bellowed from behind me.
"I don't have it dammiiiiiiiiiit!" I wailed in return.
Don't you just hate it when you're in a hurry but something always slows you down? So do I. I especially hate it when I fall flat on my face. Then again, I find that the embarrasment is always worse when you have a spectator.
"Oi Kikyo, wasting your time with insects now, are you?"
"W-what? You're alive?" The –thing- was talking to me.
"What's with the dumb look Kikyo? Why don't you just finish her off in one stroke like you did to me? Don't tell me the great Kikyo's lost his mind already!"
Man, this girl had some nerve. As did all the strange women around here. Must be the air or something.
"Kikyo, Kikyo. Who's Kikyo?! Listen you, my name is-"
*WHAM* The witch was in my face before I knew it. Fortunately for me, the villagers came and sank some hooks into her before she could eat me alive. Phew...
"Kikyo, you're hopeless."
Some people are just too damn persistent. In her case, this was nothing, as I would find out later on.
"I told you, I'm not Kikyo! Don't mistake me for him." So I went right up in the girl's face because she obviously had very poor eyesight.
"Shut up! Who else would give off a stink as bad as you! Huh?..." She started sniffing me. Weirdo. "Or maybe...not."
"Get it now? My name is Kagome. Ka-go-me." It really isn't that hard.
"Right...Kikyo was smarter...and handsome." I don't hit girls. I don't say bad things to girls. But this one was just begging to be a called a-
"OWOWOWOW!! Let go witch!!" The centipede decided that it was a good time to intervene so she pulled at me, almost ripping my abdomen out in the process. Luckily, I grabbed on to the noisy girl's hair, which mind you, she didn't appreciate much.
"AAAAAAAAAAArgh let go you son of a bitch!!!!"
"Release the Shikon no Tama!"
There's a three-ring circus for you right there. I found myself facing certain death yet again. And, just as I was about to be eaten alive –AGAIN- I put my hand forward and let loose the pink. I don't blame the Centipede Witch. I'd be scarred for life too if I saw that much pink in one day. So I roasted her, completely unintentionally! Then there were arms...and stuff...lying all around me.
It was then that I noticed a pink glow coming from my side. I sat there in misery, pondering the question: why pink?? Ten seconds later, I found myself being thrashed about here and there. Guess who. You'll never guess what happened next- she bit me! That Centipede Witch bit my side! It hurt like hell, too. Ok, a little violence was to be expected in battle but just what the heck was the Shikon no Tama doing popping out of my body? 'Hmmm...this can't be good,' I had thought to myself. Being the perceptive person that I am, I was right.
I learned that moment just why it is that humans aren't meant to fly...or land. Before I could do anything else, the noisy girl started screaming about the Shikon no Tama but I couldn't do anything about it because the centipede knocked me against her and wrapped itself around us and the tree. She started talking about half-demon brats, etc. and I wasn't really paying attention because I was thinking about how I was going to get out of this one. Preferably alive. In time of need, a solution always presents itself.
"Don't underestimate me you centipede bitch. I can take care of you without even blinking," the noisy girl said. Man, this chick was scary.
"Hey you, you're awfully arrogant but are you really that strong?" I asked her. From her response I could tell that she had forgotten about me being there.
"Well, are you?" So the stupid centipede starts making fun of us and how we can't do anything because there's an arrow on the girl and yada yada yada and she eats the jewel! Seeing this, the girl whom I'd nicknamed 'noisy chick' starts, well, being noisy once again and the villagers had joined her by that time. She swallowed the jewel, what was the big deal? Well I was about to find out. Man, I thought she was ugly then but it got that much worse when she decided that she didn't really need flesh anymore.
"Oi, can you pull this arrow out?"
"What?" Yes, noisy chick was talking to yours truly.
"I said can you pull this arrow out!?"
"You mean this?" So I wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box just then. Can you blame me? I was about to bring my hand to the arrow but then Kaede starts screaming at me to leave it there and something about Inuyashas and spells, all the while I'm about to be suffocated, Centipede Witch is morphing into something down there and noisy chick is, well, you guessed it, being noisy. All in all one thing was very clear: I wasn't –quite- ready to die yet. So you know what I did? I yanked that arrow right out. Bad idea. I was engulfed by the pink.
What makes matters worse is that 'Inuyasha' a.k.a 'noisy chick,' started laughing in a very disturbing way. She cut that centipede up before I could even look up from where her attack had thrown me. In addition to all this, the words 'iron reaver, soul stealer,' didn't add much to my comfort.
Not to mention my wounded pride upon finding out that that –girl- was several hundred times stronger than myself.
As I stood in a daze, Lady Kaede came up to me and asked me to find the piece of flesh that was glowing. I groaned, thinking 'please, no more pink.' I found the piece alright. I also found myself in some deep doo-doo. Long story short, that brat Inuyasha started attacking me for the jewel! How rude can you get.
She was serious too! Knocked down about half the forest chasing after me... Well yeah, I ran! What was I supposed to do? You would have ran too if you had some jewel-crazed chick with lethal nails coming after you. God bless Lady Kaede; she seems to have a solution for everything. It seems that this time, it was a rosary. Naturally, it was all down-hill from there too...
"Kagome! Recite the word that will hold Inuyasha's spirit!"
I remember thinking that I had plenty of words for that chick but Lady Kaede would probably not have wanted to hear them.
"Just say something to subjugate the Inuyasha!"
I chose that moment to once again plummit to the earth. I detest uniforms. The jewel slipped out of my hand and rolled onto a wooden bridge. While I was groaning on the floor, noisy chick flew ahead, bragging about how subjugations wouldn't work on her etc. I noticed that the jewel was about to roll right into her hand. I had to do something. Anything. So, I yelled the first thing that came to my mind.
"O...Osuwari!" That's right. Sit girl!
*THUNK* It was a sight I'll never forget as long as I live. Of course, after that, noisy chick was twice as noisy.
"You old hag! What the hell'd you put on me! Once I have the jewel you're the first in line, though you look half dead already!"
Lady Kaede decided that noisy chick needed to be quiet. I agreed.
"Osuwari!" And down she went, through the bridge and into the river. I retrieved the jewel and stared into the water for a while.
"Now that that is over, let us return home," Lady Kaede said as she lead us all away.
'Well, I guess that's the last we'll be seeing of the noisy chick,' I thought. Little did I know that my adventures were just beginning and Inuyasha...yes, HER. What to say about her? Well, let's just say that I chose the right nickname for her and keep it at that.
SUMMARY: Yes people, I have done it:) I will have you know that although the character personalities will remain in tact for the most part, they may differ –slightly- to better suit their genders:) Bottom line: INUYASHA IS A GIRL AND KAGOME IS A BOY. Not to mention that Kikyo is yes, male, and Naraku will indeed be female. Kouga will also be a female, as will Shippo. What else? Hmm... well Miroku, Sango, Kaede, Sesshoumaru and Rin will remain the same. I'm not so sure about Jaken but we'll see:) This outta be interesting:) Please review!!!!