Whose Time Period Is It Anyway?
Disclaimer: I don't own ANY anime (yet...mwahahahaha!), including Rurouni Kenshin, Inuyasha, Yu-Gi-Oh! or anything else that I may have mentioned in this story.
Contestants: Kagome, Inuyasha, Kenshin, Malik
Audience: random people from the shows
Sanosuke: Good evening everyone, and welcome to Whose Time Period is it Anyway?! On tonight's show...
From our time period...Kagome Higurashi! (Kagome is glaring at Inuyasha)
From the Sengoku Jidai...Inuyasha...um...Inuyasha! (Inuyasha is glaring at Kagome)
From the Meiji Revolution...Kenshin Himura! (Kenshin is looking clueless)
From Ancient Egypt...Malik Ishtar! (Malik is polishing his Millennium Rod lovingly)
And I'm your host, Sanosuke Sagara! Come on down, let's have some fun!
Crowd: (cheers wildly)
Sanosuke: (sits down at his desk) Good evening everyone and welcome to Whose Time Period is it Anyway?, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right; the points are just like threats to Naraku. They just don't matter...
Inuyasha part of crowd: (laughs)
Sanosuke: Okay, let's start this show off with a game called...Unlikely Superheroes! I'll have Kenshin start the game off, and then the rest of the contestants will enter one at a time, each being named by the person before them. (Kenshin moves to the center of the stage and the other three move to the right of the stage.) Okay, now I need a name for Kenshin. (turns to audience)
Jaken: Super Jaken!
Miho: The Incredible Edible Egg!
Sanosuke: *snickers* Okay, that will work. Now we need a crisis for The Incredible Edible Egg!
Sanosuke: The world has no more hot sauce!
Sanosuke: All right... (turns back to Kenshin) The world has no more hot sauce, The Incredible Edible Egg! What will you do? (receives glare from Battousai Kenshin)
Kenshin: (pretends to enter a room and examine himself in a mirror) Oh no! I have a crack in my beautiful shell!! (frantically pretends to superglue himself, and glances at a tv) Wha? (stares at the tv) The world is out of hot sauce? Oh no!!
(Inuyasha enters from the right)
Inuyasha: I got here as soon as I can!
Kenshin: Thank God you're here, Catman!
Inuyasha: (growls) These are DOG ears!!
Kenshin: (snickers) I know.
Inuyasha: (back in character) Yes, it is I, Catman, sister to Catwoman! (meows and pretends to lick his hand)
Kenshin: Have you heard? The world is out of hot sauce!
Kagome: Sorry I was late, but the world is out of hot sauce...and yes, that IS a good excuse!
Audience & Sanosuke: (laughs)
Inuyasha: Oh goodness! It's Skydiver Girl!
Kagome: (suddenly spreads her limbs out and pretends to be falling) What are we going to do about the hot sauce crisis?!
Kenshin: I wish I knew!! It is especially important to me because hot sauce is a condiment that goes well with my egg brethren!
Inuyasha: And hot sauce spices up that dry and tasteless cat food!
Kagome: When I'm not skydiving, I like to eat hot sauce plain out of the jar!! (everyone looks at her) What?!
Malik: (enters) I'm here. (rolls his eyes)
Kagome: Wow, it's Antelope Man!
Malik: (glares at her but goes into character anyway) Baaa! (gets on all fours and trots around) Baaa!
Sanosuke: Huh. Do antelopes go 'baaa'?
Malik: I have the solution!! Let's all move to Hawaii!! It's always hot there, so normal sauce will become hot sauce!! (trots away)
Kagome: Good idea Antel-- (suddenly mimics being blown away by a sudden gust of wind)
Inuyasha: (suddenly jerks his head off to the side and looks at Sanosuke) TUNA!!! (runs toward Sanosuke)
Kenshin: ^_^ Another crisis averted by The Incredible Edible Egg!
Sanosuke: Okay, that was good! Hee hee. A thousand points to Malik for getting down on all fours.
Sanosuke: Minus one thousand points for the Hawaii bit.
Sanosuke: Well, before Malik kills me, let's move on to a game called...Ninety Second Alphabet!! This is for all four contestants. In this game, they have to start each sentence with a letter of the alphabet, and they have to go in order of the alphabet until they come back to the letter that they started at. Starting with what letter?
Sanosuke: *sighs* Redundant, but whatever. Okay, we're starting with S. The scene is...Kenshin and Kagome are out on a date, when Inuyasha and Malik, who both like Kagome, arrive.
Audience: (laughs at the cruel irony while Inuyasha glares at Sanosuke and Malik looks appalled)
(Kenshin and Kagome go to the center of the stage)
Kenshin: So...how are you liking the restaurant so far?
Kagome: Too dark for my tastes, personally.
Kenshin: Under all of these black curtains are bright, happy colors.
Kagome: Very peculiar, that is.
Kenshin: Well...why don't we order?
(Inuyasha runs in)
Inuyasha: X marks the spot!
Kagome: You've found us! Oh no!
(Malik walks up and pretends to be shocked)
Malik: Zoinks! What are you doing here?
Kagome: Actually, I'm having dinner with Kenshin.
Kenshin: Can't you guys come back some other time?
Malik: Don't you start, samurai boy!
Kagome: Enough!! What are you two doing here?
Inuyasha: For your information, we're here looking for you!
Malik: Got that right!
Kenshin: How is it that you two always show up at the wrong time?
Kagome: I've had just about enough of you two!
Malik: Just what are you insinuating? That we stalk you?
Inuyasha: (elbows Malik) Keep quiet, moron!
Kenshin: Let's get out of here, Kagome.
Malik: Moron?! You're nothing but a stupid dog!
Inuyasha: No one calls me a stupid dog!
Malik: Oh yeah?!
Kagome: (whispers to Kenshin) Perhaps we'd be better off staying.
Kenshin: Quite possibly.
Inuyasha: Right! Well you're just nothing but a little--
Kagome: SIT!! (Inuyasha is thrown to the ground by his magical necklace just as Sanosuke rings the buzzer)
(they all return to their seats)
Sanosuke: One thousand points to Kagome for saying 'Sit'.
Kagome: (glares at him) SITSITSITSITSIT!! (Inuyasha is slammed to the ground repeatedly)
Sanosuke: Okay, our next game is one of my favorites...Scenes from a Hat! (crowd cheers) This game is for Inuyasha and Kenshin, Kagome and Malik)
(contestants split up and go to their sides of the stage)
Sanosuke: For this game, I asked the audience before the show to write down suggestions for scenes that they would like to see the contestants perform, and then I put them in this hat. (produces a sparkly green tacky looking hat.) And the first scene is... (draws suggestion) "Ways to Kill Jaken".
(Inuyasha runs on stage and draws the Tetsusaiga, cackling maniacally) **buzz**
(Malik runs on stage and brandishes his Millennium Rod, cackling maniacally) **buzz**
(Kagome runs on stage and magically produces her bow & arrows, cackling maniacally) **buzz**
(Kenshin turns Battousai and draws his kitana, cackling maniacally) **buzz buzz buzz**
Sanosuke: Okay... "Gatorade flavors that didn't make it to retail".
(Kagome walks on stage.)
Kagome: Nothing tastes better than Grass flavored Gatorade, new this summer! **buzz**
(Inuyasha walks on stage.)
Inuyasha: Ahh, S**t flavored Gatorade is the BEST!!
Audience, Sanosuke & Other Contestants: (crack up) **buzz**
(Malik walks on stage)
Malik: Blood flavored Gatorade, for all you vampires and Yami Bakura!
Audience & Sanosuke: (laughs)
Yami Bakura: (cackles diabolically) **buzz buzz buzz**
Sanosuke: Next..."Outtakes from Rurouni Kenshin".
(Kenshin walks on stage.)
Kenshin: Now I will kill you, Shishio! (attempts to draw his sword but pretends it's stuck.) **buzz**
(Kagome and Malik walk on stage.)
Malik: *mocking Kenshin* Kaoru-dono...
Kagome: *mocking Kaoru* Yes, Kenshin?
Malik: *still mocking Kenshin* I THINK YOU'RE HOT!! **buzz** (Kenshin is red faced.)
Audience, Sanosuke & Other Contestants: (crack up)
(Malik and Kagome walk back on stage.)
Kagome: *mocking Misao* Oh lord Aoshi!!
Malik: *mocking Aoshi* AGH!! Stay away, demon!! (runs off followed by Kagome) **buzz**
Sanosuke: Okay, that's enough of that. *clears throat* "Things that the Inuyasha cast members would never say."
(Kagome walks on stage.)
Rest of the Contestants: (look shocked)
Audience & Sanosuke: (cracks up)
(Kenshin walks on stage.)
Kenshin: (imitating Kagome) Oh Inuyasha I love you! **buzz**
(Malik walks on stage.)
Malik: (mocking Inuyasha) Oh Kagome I love you! **buzz**
(Inuyasha and Kenshin walk on stage.)
Inuyasha: Dear older brother, oh how I've missed you so!
Kenshin: (mocking Sesshomaru) And how I've missed you, dear younger brother! (they hug) **buzz buzz buzz**
Sanosuke: Okay, that's enough scenes from a hat.
Sanosuke: Let's move on to 'Let's Make a Date!' Kagome will be a contestant on a dating type show hoping to be picked by the three bachelors, who all have strange quirks or identities written on the cards, and she has to guess what is on the cards. The cards have never been seen before, and they are totally random. All right, start the game!
Kagome: Bachelor Number one...I like to take long walks on the beach. What do you like to do for fun?
Malik: *THINKS HE'S A MOTH* Well...I like to fly around looking for light, and fly into it head-first with no regard for my safety. (runs around flapping his arms madly)
Kagome: Okaaaay...Bachelor Number two...same question.
Inuyasha: *THINKS HE'S MALIK* Well...I like to polish gold, and plot to take over the world. (gets insane look and cackles diabolically) YOU WILL DIE, YUGI MUTOU!!
Kagome: Umm...yeaaah...Bachelor Number three! What is your idea of a fun night?
Kenshin: *POLICEMAN IN SEARCH OF THE INFAMOUS 'WHITE HAIRED GANG'* Well, I like to sneak into secret hideouts and chase down... (notices Inuyasha) GASP!!! IT'S YOU!! THE LEADER!! (attempts to arrest Inuyasha)
Inuyasha: (pretends to brandish the Millennium Rod) BACK OFF!! Can't you see that my hair is a beautiful shade of BLONDE?!
Kagome: Right. Bachelor Number one...BACHELOR NUMBER ONE!! (Malik 'flies' over)
Kagome: What kind of place would you take me on my date?
Malik: Somewhere dark, but with several different light sources so that I can fly into all of them!
Kagome: Bachelor Number two...same question.
Inuyasha: Oh, I would probably take you back to Ancient Egypt, when I was MUCH more powerful than that BLASTED PHARAOH!!
Kagome: (rolls eyes) Bachelor Number three...if I were an ice cream flavor, I would be vanilla. What flavor would you be?
Kenshin: Black Walnut...yeesss...black...the opposite of white... (notices Ryou Bakura, Yami Bakura, Sesshomaru, and various other white-haired bishounen in the audience) I'VE FOUND YOU!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!! (runs up and tries to arrest them.)
Kenshin: (drags Ryou Bakura onto the stage and forces him to lie face down) Now tell me, what are you and your cronies doing here?!
Ryou: Umm...I don't know?
Kenshin: ARGH!! (returns to his stool) **buzz buzz buzz**
Sanosuke: Okay, Kagome, now you have to try and guess who or what they are.
Kagome: (rolls eyes) Okay...Malik was...a moth or a bat?
Sanosuke: A moth! Correct!
Kagome: Inuyasha was Malik...
Sanosuke: Correct again!
Kagome: And Kenshin was a cop arresting all of the people with long white hair?
Sanosuke: Close enough! A thousand points to Kagome for guessing them all!
(they return to their seats)
Sanosuke: And a million points to Ryou Bakura! (camera goes to Ryou, who smiles and waves) Okay, we'll find out who the winner is...after this commercial break!
(Miroku walks out)
Miroku: Hi, I'm Miroku. I am a monk. (close-up on his face) I would like to ask a favor of all you young single women out there, aged from 16 to 30. Would one of you PLEASE bear my child?! I have a curse that will not be lifted until the defeat of a powerful demon, and I would simply like to pass on my family name!
(ArtikGato walks out)
ArtikGato: Okay, hentai, your time is up. (snaps her fingers and two of Pegsy's guards come out and drag him away)
Miroku: SOMEONE PLEASE BEAR MY CHILD!!!!
(Fades in to reveal Seto Kaiba in his spiffy Battle City gear with a Duel Disk on his arm and a picture of the Blue Eyes White Dragon behind him)
Seto: Hello, everyone. I am Seto Kaiba, the world's greatest duelist, and I am challenging you! That's right, I'm challenging you to compete in my world renowned Battle City tournament, being held exactly one week from now in Domino City! Bring your best cards and your brains, because both will be needed in the upcoming tournament! Joey Wheeler need not apply...he has neither, you know.
YET ANOTHER COMMERCIAL
(Jonouchi walks on stage)
Jonouchi: Hi, I'm Jonouchi, NOT Joey Wheeler like some of you Americans and Kaiba might believe. I'm just here to say that SETO KAIBA SUCKS!!! NYAAAAH!!
(Seto fangirls rush the stage and try to kill Jonouchi, but Jonouchi fangirls fight them off)
BACK ON THE SHOW
Sanosuke: Tonight's winner is...Kenshin Himura! (shot of Kenshin lounging in Sanosuke's desk) The rest of us are going to play a game for you called...props!! In props, we have to use random props as many ways as possible, starting with...Inuyasha and Malik!
*INUYASHA AND MALIK HAVE TWO OVER-SIZED TURTLE SHELLS*
(Malik puts his turtle shell on his back)
Inuyasha: Muten Roshi! Muten Roshi! Teach me the Kamehameha wave, please?
*KAGOME AND SANOSUKE HAVE TWO WOODEN POLES*
Kagome: (walks on stage and steps on the pole.) AUGH!! SNAKE SNAKE SNAKE!!!
(Malik and Inuyasha pretend to surf on their turtle shells)
Malik: Cowabunga, dudes!
(Sanosuke walks in and stares at his pole on the floor)
Sanosuke: All right, whose bright idea was it to glue all of my chopsticks together?!
Inuyasha: Rather large hats, don't you think?
(Kagome holds her pole horizontal and pretends to pass out drinks with her other hand)
Kagome: Drinks! Drinks! Drinks! Come and get yer drinks, only 200 dollars a mug!
Inuyasha: What kind of chair is this?!
Sanosuke: Man, Maco's gonna be pissed when he finds out that we stole his spear!
Malik: I'd hate to see the snail this shell came from.
(Kagome holds her pole straight and she and Sanosuke pretend to pledge to it)
Kagome and Sanosuke: OH CANADA!!!
***buzz buzz buzz***
Sanosuke: That's it for Whose Time Period Is it Anyway?!! See ya next time!!
Host: Sanosuke or Sesshomaru
Contestant from Present Day: Kagome or Jonouchi
Contestant from Sengoku Jidai: Inuyasha (regular, can't change)
Contestant from Meiji Revolution: Kenshin, Misao, or Sanosuke
Contestant from Ancient Egypt: Malik, Yami or Isis
Contestant from the Future (instead of Ancient Egypt or Present Day): Tsukasa (.hack//SIGN), Domon (G-Gundam) or Ed (Cowboy Bebop).