And now, I toss you a brief bone. Does this show my collapse to hackdom, or is it a legitimate attempt to keep the readers loyal? Who knows?
First, let me assure you that part 6 is speedily on its way, expect it by the end of September. As for this installment, I was looking through my saved documents when I found a few unfinished drafts of previous MI installments. I thought "Hey…that's just crazy enough to work", and threw together…
MISSINGNO INSANITY! on DVD!
The Deleted Scenes
From Part 1
"What's wrong with the pokedex?" Misty asked, as surprised as Ash at the machine's response.
"I don't know," Ash said, tapping the machine on the side a few times. He turned it off for a second, then on again, and the red light came on like usual. "It seems alright now. Alright, Dexter, tell me what that pokemon is!" Ash commanded.
There was a pause. Then, "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."
"What! I'm not Dave, I'm Ash!" Ash said.
"Error! Error! Initiating Escape Protocol Delta!" the machine said in alarm. Suddenly, a panel opened on the bottom of the pokedex, rocket boosters came out, and the machine blasted off into the sky, where it promptly exploded.
From Part 3
"Aw, geez, I don't know. I've got so much to do this afternoon, I don't know if I can spare…" Jenny started before her intercom started speaking.
"Hello, ma'am? I have a stockholder on the line scheduling a meeting. You're free anytime from right now to next month, right?" the Nurse Joy asked.
"Hmmm…have that one shot," Prof. Jenny said to one of the Officer Jenny guards, who saluted and readied her submachine gun as she walked out of the room.
From Part 4
"Is it just me, or is everything going crazy?" Ash asked.
"Trust me, it isn't just you," Misty said.
"I know what you mean…and I've had the strangest feeling in my pants lately," Brock said, attracting questioning stares from the rest of them. "Wait, there it is again! Give me a second." He unzipped his pants and pulled the front of them away from himself, looking down into his pants.
"Look! There's light up ahead!" a distant voice cried out from inside Brock's pants. A rope with a grappling hook flew out of where Brock was holding his pants open, attaching to a tree branch overhead. Four grown men, decked in spelunker's gear and filthy from a long time away from civilization, climbed out of his pants. One of them jumped on to the ground and kissed it, happy to be in the daylight again, while the other three stood in silent reflection of their good fortune. Brock and the others, however, were baffled beyond words.
"Ah…the Good Lord has seen us through at last," one of the explorers said, a tear of happiness running down his cheek.
One of them slowly, with a quivering hand, took out a pocket tape recorder. Pressing the record button, with teary eyes he spoke into it.
"Day 1036. After three long years, our ill-fated expedition into Brock's pants is finally at an end. I am happy to say that we are all more-or-less alive and in reasonable mental health, despite several near breakdowns and a disastrous encounter with a feral human sub-species native to Brock's pants. Unfortunately, we were unable to carry through with our original mission of establishing a long-term base in Brock's pants, not to mention the groundwork for a future colony, and this final frontier remains, for the time being at least, uninhabited." He clicked off the tape recorder, his hand still shaking heavily, and he put it back in his pocket.
"Well, men, didn't I promise you we'd get back? Now…lets…lets go home," one of them said with great, silent emotion as the four explorers trudged off into the sunset.
"Now, THAT was odd," Ash said.
"I know. I mean, its only 1:00 PM, how can there be a sunset to be trudging off into?" Tracey asked.From Part 4
They followed Blaine through the gym, soon coming to Blaine's office. Blaine sat in his swivel-chair behind his desk and folded his hands together. "Now, as you've made the offering of the pie, I will answer any questions you might have. What do you want to know?"
"Well, yesterday I caught this strange new pokemon, and…" Ash started.
"Wait, you said you could answer any questions we might have?" Misty interrupted. Blaine nodded.
"Okay, first things first….is Ash my brother, cousin, or in any other way related to me?" Misty asked.
"No." Blaine answered.
"Phew…thank God" Misty said, wiping her forehead in relief as she pounced onto an unprepared Ash.
"Quickly Blaine, you must tell me!: Will I ever get laid?!" Brock demanded.
"You won't leave this story a virgin," Blaine answered bluntly.
"Will I ever get any respect?" Tracey asked.
"Yes, but first, you must find the seven dragonballs and wish to be the most powerful being in the universe," Blaine answered.
"When will Fox Kids figure out that their new shows are crap?" Ash asked.
"Five years from now, when the revolution comes and the entire executive tier of Fox Kids Entertainment has been lined up against the wall and shot," Blaine answered.
"Pika pi?" Pikachu asked.
"Ka chu," Blaine answered. Pikachu nodded, then bit off one of his fingers and drew a circle of blood on the ground. It can only be imagined what kind of question he had asked.