Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, boo hoo

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, boo hoo. Digimon did not belong to me, does not belong to me, and will never belong to me. Instead, it belongs to Bandai, Saban, and Fox, and even if I beg them for the rest of my life, I don't think I will ever be able to gain Digimon. Sigh, so sad. Michelle belongs to me too. Still don't know if she's gonna show up though, so this might have been completely useless.


Due to Angel Baby's request, suggestion, and guidance, I've decided to make this a bit of a series, starting with "Angel" and next "Looking Up". This is the 3rd part of a Saga I have decided to call "Angels". Please make sure you have read "Angel" and "Looking Up." Then again, you have to read "Looking Up" but not "Angel", but please read it anyway *puppy eyes*.

Ah. I'll also have you know I'm not suicidal. So there.

Takes place 2 months after "Looking Up"


A single figure stared blankly out the window into the night, the clouds pouring millions of tiny rain drops, the small tear shaped droplets that were so like their own.

Life… what was the point? The one she had grown to love and depend on was gone.

She tried to go through the days… attempting to tell herself it wasn't any different. That she could still go through.

But she couldn't.

She couldn't help but miss all those things she had when he was still alive. The comforting hand to guide her through the day, keeping her from falling back and crying. The gentle voice that always instilled positive feeling upon positive feeling. The sweet face, the peaceful smile, all things that kept her from losing her sanity when all she wanted to do was break down and cry.

But… none of that was there anymore.

Oh, she could try and pretend, but the loss of her husband chewed away at her, leaving a gaping hole that refused to be closed up.

And that hole, she knew for a fact, was killing her. There was no doubt about it. Every day, thoughts of death plagued her, and more than once she was barely able to stop herself before she slit her own wrists. In fact, she had cut herself several times, not knowing why but ecstatic at the sight of her own blood dribbling to the ground.

She took a slow long breath from the cigarette she was smoking, and instantly ignored the coughing and gagging she always wanted to do when she inhaled the air. Deep inside, she knew that her husband, of all people, would be screaming at her right now.

Well… he wasn't here. So he couldn't scream at her.

Although her conscience did, but by now, five months after her husband's death, she didn't really give a damn. She had become an expert at lying to herself and blocking her conscience's screams.

She then turned and took a long drink from the beer can close at hand.

That too, would make her husband practically faint, but again, he wasn't here to save her from her antics.

Nobody was.

All those warnings… cancer, liver problems, death of precious brain cells, alcohol poisoning… they were all godsend. She wished they would all happen at once to put her out of her misery.

The phone rang, the first time it had since his funeral.

Slowly, she staggered up and grabbed the phone.

"Whatisit," she demanded, her voice slurred.

"You okay? You don't sound too good," the voice at the other end replied.

"Course… course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I?" she hissed back, hanging up.

Deep inside, she hated what she had become.

A drunk.

A smoker.

A pack a day smoker.

Several cans a day drinker.

She laughed hoarsely. If he was still here, she never would have started either. But in the five months since her husband's death, she had completely deteriorated, only an empty shell of the once proud and energetic young lady she had been.

She could have had everything. The world was her slave, eager to do her bidding. But she never cared or needed that, depending only on her husband as the most basic of all her needs. When her husband died, she did too.

Sure, she still had her friends, but they couldn't fill that empty gap left by his death. None of them could. Some may try, some may even come close, but in the end, she would have all her hope sucked out and be left with the empty shell. But then again, she was already an empty shell, but she didn't care at all. Why would she?

As she stood there next to the phone, a thought suddenly came to her.

She could end it.


She had definitely had these thoughts before, but never had the desire and need to watch her blood spill or her heart stop become so urgent, so pestering, so needful. It was more persistent and longing as her need for a cigarette or beer.

She looked down at her already scarred wrists.

No. That wasn't the way to go. She always faltered as the knife got too close to her pale wrists.

The light fell on the medicine cabinet.

That was it.

It was a sign. Somebody was telling her to die.

She opened the medical cabinet and peered in.


A full bottle of sleeping pills.

She smiled as she read over the label.

Overdose may cause serious liver problems and may even lead to death.

Death. She needed it, like a smoker needing her cigarette.

Within seconds, the entire bottle was empty.

She felt doozy; darkness was coming down on her like a comforting blanket.

She welcomed it.

"For you, Joe," she whispered softly.

The door suddenly slammed open as she felt herself lose all consciousness.

"Oh my god… MIMI!!! NOOOO!!!!!!"

* * * *

Miyako Inoue grimaced as she walked by the hospital rooms. She felt sick… this was the same exact hospital that Joe had died in. As she stepped into the room, she couldn't help but get an empty feeling in the pit of her stomach. It was disgusting… this was even the same room.

It was disgusting.

Yolei quickly walked over to the doctor who was currently standing over Mimi Tachikawa Kydo.

"How bad is it?"

"By the time you had gotten there, many of the pills had dissolved and circulated through her system, one of the reasons why she passed out. According to the bottle the pills were in, there were at most seventy five sleeping pills. Considering how much is still in her system, we think she had at least sixty, which is still too much."

"So. She's gonna die," Yolei finished flatly.

The doctor put a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Miss Inoue."

Yolei couldn't help but move away.

"Don't be. She wanted it," Yolei replied bluntly before turning and walking away, struggling to keep the tears from falling.

But not succeeding.

* * * *

Three days later, Mimi died.

The doctors couldn't do anything to save her, but Yolei had expected that. She knew that it would have taken a medical miracle to keep Mimi alive, and even then, she might have had to be recommended to a mental institute. And who knows if Mimi wouldn't continue to try and take her life over and over again?

Yolei felt that at least this way, Mimi got what she wanted.

She stopped as she stood in front of the hospital, the air a clear gorgeous baby blue with not a cloud to be seen, allowing the sun to gleam brightly onto the ground below it.

She continued to glare up.

"Damn you, Mimi. Why'd you do it? Why? Do you really hate life so much? Did you really love Joe so much? Why the hell did you do it, Mimi Tachikawa Kido? What the hell was so important to you, so hell to you, that you're willing to give up the gift of life?" she hissed silently enough that nobody but herself could hear the angered words.

She looked behind at the hospital as she walked away.

"Damn you," she snarled again as she dragged herself further and further away from where all the madness had started.

* * * * A week later…

The funeral had been short and sweet. Not to mention very simple.

All the Digidestined… the living ones, at least… were there, along with Mr. and Mrs. Tachikawa.

But that was all the people.

She had spent the entire funeral glaring at the wood casket, her tears not caused by sadness but by angriness.

The same question continued to scream through her mind.




Yolei continued on into the night, ignoring the rain that mixed with her tears. She allowed herself to cry, the raindrops disguised the tears well enough anyway. Nobody would tell that she's been crying anyway.

A car suddenly stopped next to her and the window rolled down.

"Yolei? Want a ride?"

It was Izzy, her boyfriend.

Rather gratefully as she jumped into the car, hoping Izzy wouldn't mind the wet seats later.

They drove in silence for a while.

"Yolei… are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Yolei replied.

"That's what Mimi said about three hours before you found her," Izzy answered dryly.

"I'm not suicidal."

"No, but she was your friend."

"She was not. She never should have done that. There was no point."

"What does that have to do with friendship?"

"Who are you to be lecturing me about friendship?"

"You planning on talking to Matt instead?"

"That's not funny, Koushiro."

"And I never meant it to be. But I knew Matt, and he taught me plenty about friendship."

"She shouldn't have done that. Kill herself. Did she really love Joe that much? Enough to give up life… forever?"

"Obviously, she was."

"But… look at Michelle! She didn't kill herself after Matt died."

"Yolei… Michelle was not married to Matt for three years. She had not even known him for three years. They would have married, I have absolutely no doubt about it, but they were not at the same degree of love and relationship that Mimi and Joe had. Besides, Michelle had Ken to support her, and she didn't lock herself in a shell. Mimi did, and by the time any of us figured it out, it was too late to help her."

"Don't you have any regrets? You're talking about her like you don't even care."

Izzy turned away.

"She was my friend, the bearer of sincerity. And if there's one thing I'm positive about, she very sincerely wanted to die. She had always depended on Joe, not to protect her, but to help support her. She would have gone mad if he hadn't, and when he was gone, she did go mad. If she's happier this way, and she most likely is, I'm not going to hold it against her."

"Don't you wish she's still alive though?"

"As long as she was sincere about it, she could have joined a circus and joined the seals in honking horns."

* * * *

You never got to see another day,

To love,

To cherish,

To simply live.

She practically jumped a mile into the sky as the mail flap opened and her mail fell through the small slot.

Quickly, she shuffled through the envelopes.



Some more bills.

Some more advertisements.

A letter from Cody.

Another advertisement.

She almost flipped over the small envelope addressed to her in shaky handwriting.

Quickly, she grabbed it and read over the sender.

It was from Mimi.

I'll never understand your motives,

Your reasons,

Your needs,

Your single thought.

Slowly she opened the envelope and found a letter addressed to her. From Mimi. Written only minutes before Yolei had found her in her apartment, having taken over sixty sleeping pills.

Tears formed as she shakily opened the envelope.

Chorus: The thoughts bring these salty tears,

Running down like raindrops in the sky,

Falling like the crystal beads that adorn the air,

Streaking the heavens with depression,

Like the salty paths of sadness on my face.


You probably don't understand my motives. You probably don't want to understand my motives. You most likely wish I had reconsidered it. But I'm not going to, and by the time you get this letter, I should be buried six feet under, like Joe and Matt. I just want you to know that I do have reasons. There's a reason why I'm the guardian of sincerity, and it's not so I can be sincere about I'm not interesting in dating Chumon or giving him a kiss, even if he did save my life. I was sincere in my love and need for Joe, I was sincere in my need for death. If I hadn't, I would have gone crazy. Don't think you could have helped, you couldn't. But I want you to know that if there's another thing I'm very sincere about, it's that I had the opportunity to act like your big sister. And I don't know if you know or even care, but I do. Cause you were always like a little sister to me, and my decision will be the hardest on you, not only for that reason but because you are the bearer of sincerity, like me.


Mimi Tachikawa Kydo

Every day I wonder,

Do you really,

Detest life,

So much?

Yolei dropped the letter to the ground, her tears spilling out.

Everything Mimi had written was what she had always wished for.

She wished it hadn't come because of her death.

Yolei turned towards the window.

It was raining again.

"Oh, Mimi. Did you really hate life so much? I know you say you mean it, but did you really, absolutely positively, mean it? Did you really want to die, to leave this world when there is still so much left for life to offer you?

Enough to leave so easily,

Not kicking,

Not screaming,

But calm and gently?

"You say you know it, but do you really? What are you doing now. Do you enjoy the fact that you have caused us all so much pain? No, of course not. But that's what you're doing. Causing us nothing but pain.

"Why didn't you let us help you work it out? Michelle let Ken help her, but like Izzy said, you closed up and refused to let anybody else close to you, afraid of what? That we would be able to extract you out of that grimy shell? That you would fall in love with maybe Ken, Izzy, or one of the other Digidestined? And if you did, you would be betraying your crest?"

The thoughts bring these salty tears,

Running down like raindrops in the sky,

Falling like the crystal beads that adorn the air,

Streaking the heavens with depression,

Like the salty paths of sadness on my face.

Yolei looked silently out of the window, the raindrops streaking her window and forming clear paths.

"Is this what you saw that night?" she asked softly to nobody in particular.

The raindrops were like her tears, falling down and causing her nothing but absolute misery in its origin.

I want to scream my thoughts,

But there is no point,

You're gone,

You're not coming back,

"I wish I could have helped you, Mimi. You know I would have, all of us. But why wouldn't you let us? I wish I could beg and plead for you to return, but you won't, and I can't stand that.

"Aren't we your friends? Don't you find us sincere enough to mean it when we say we didn't want you to die, that we wanted to help you get past Joe's death? What were you so scared of?

"Oh, why am I even bothering?

"You're dead."

My words, my pleas, my screams,

All fall on deaf ears…

Your ears.

"You can't hear me right now. You're buried six feet under. Your ears are no longer hearing, your eyes no longer seeing… your heart no longer understanding of our words.

"I wish I could plead with you. Scream at you. Tell you that life is too much to give up, that you have so much to live for. That you shouldn't allow yourself to die. Everybody is given a chance to live, but why did you refuse it, in the end? Why did you throw it back? You could have done anything you wanted… because anything you wanted. You were pretty, sincere, and in the words of Joe, 'Everything a person could ever want… the perfect girl I was so lucky to have'. Well, in my case, to know.

The thoughts bring these salty tears,

Running down like raindrops in the sky,

Falling like the crystal beads that adorn the air,

Streaking the heavens with depression,

Like the salty paths of sadness on my face.

"I suppose it's time to let you go. To stop questioning your motives, your reasons. But I can't. What is it, that is so important that you are willing to easily give up the gift of life?

"What? I don't understand, and I'm not sure if I do want to understand. But then again, you've done so much that I questioned. Like the time with Digitanemon. You thought he changed… I didn't. You are the rightful bearer of sincerity… I wouldn't recognize sincerity if it danced in front of me butt naked. You could recognize it if it had hidden itself in the heart of the earth, and then you would use your own sincerity to drag everybody down there to retrieve it."

The thoughts, bring these salty tears,

Running down like raindrops in the sky,

Falling like the crystal beads that adorn the air,

Streaking the heavens with depression,

Like the salty paths of sadness on my face…

Yolei sniffed as a tear fell from her eyes.

"Oh god, Mimi, I miss you."

As she sunk back to her deep thoughts, the silent pattering of rain continued to fall outside the window.

Raindrops in the sky,

So like my tears for you…

Yolei got out the light green crest she had retrieved. Somehow, Gennai had been able to recreate the crests, and Mimi continued to wear it like a necklace, just as all the other original Digidestined did.

The flickering light reflected off the crest, the teardrop with two circles within.



Raindrops in the sky…

Can you sense that they're crying for you?

Raindrops in the sky…

Raindrops in the sky…

All lost… on you

Ah… it wasn't that bad, was it? *puppy eyes* I made up the song while watching "The Preacher's Wife", so yeah, that's all. Please review unless you are intent upon flaming me, in which I will doubt your reading skills if you do flame. DON'T FLAME!!!!!! I hope you enjoyed ^_~.


By the way, I'm sorta in a mood in which I'm not sure what I really want to write about. Any suggestions? And it has to be more than "I want a Mimoe". I need PLOT… plot is good… storyline is good… If it's romance, I only write Mimoe, Taiora, Takari, Izzy and Yolei, Ken and Yolei, and my fanfic character, Michelle, and Matt. I don't write yaoi, yuri, or whatever it's called. I don't write lemons, I don't have a perverted mind, and other than that, I'm open to suggestions. But please leave your e-mail address so I can contact you. Thanks!