Sorry this is so short, real life has been keeping busy ~ Andra

Double Edged

The softly spoken words still rushed through his head, "She's gone. I'm sorry Spike. Dru's gone."

Gone, his dark lunatic girl gone forever. Buffy had done her best to break it to him gently, he could see the sympathy and a little bit of ...fear in her hazel eyes. She'd stepped back and given him space to grieve. His sunlight girl always knowing what to do......he'd have to do something about that fear she'd briefly shown, let her know that she was still most important to him. But now, now lying alone in the dark he was thinking about raven hair and dark eyes, maniacal laughter and sharp crimson nails.

He loved Buffy without a doubt, he loved her children as if they were of his blood, but there was that little space in his heart that would always care for Dru. He'd been her caregiver for so many years it was hard to give that up, he was never sure if she truly loved him back, maybe she wasn't capable of it. But for over a hundred years she had given him purpose - she had let him care for her. She had been the first woman aside from his mother that had allowed him to care, to love.

Buffy stuck her head in the girls room to make sure they were sleeping. Two little heads rested on Disney pillow cases sleeping contentedly having no idea about the turmoil in the room down the hall.

For an instant she wondered if she should stay here with them and leave him to his grief. For the first time in a long time she felt that maybe he didn't want to share something with her. She shook her head and closed the bedroom door, taking a deep breath she walked down the hall to their bedroom door.

She paused outside the door for a moment fully realizing how ridiculous it was to do so, he knew she was there he always knew.

He could feel her there outside their door, anxious, unsure of what to do. He wanted to call to her, tell her it was okay, but it wasn't.....his grief was real. He closed his eyes conjuring up her image, dark hair and eyes, crimson nails, his dark goddess. He opened his eyes and stared at the door, his sunlight waited on the other side. He watched as she hesitantly pushed the door open and entered the room.

"It's okay, luv. Come on in." He gave her a half smile.

"I thought you might want to be alone." She replied softly that hint of fear, unsurety showed briefly in her eyes again.

"No, always would rather be with you." He sat up in the bed opening his arms to her. She went to him and fell into the arms pulling him closer to her.

"I'm sorry, so sorry for you." She whispered against his neck.

"I know you are." He answered his face in her pretty blond hair.

She pulled away and looked in his eyes, "Is their anything I can do to make it better?"

He wrapped a golden curl around one finger and gave her a small smile, "Just hold me okay?"

"Not a problem," She lay down next to him gathering him against the warmth of her body.

"I know this is hard for you, Buffy." He grasped the hand around his waist and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"No..it's..." She started but he interrupted.

"I see it in your eyes, but there's no need for worry. It's like....it's like an old friend has died and I hadn't seen her in years and...there's just an empty space of ...." He began.

"Regret?" Buffy asked softly, hesitantly.

"Maybe but not in a 'I regret not seeing her or being with her way'," He sat up on the bed pulling her with him his arm around her as she cuddled close, "It's more in a I owed her a thank you and never got to tell her."

"A thank you?" Buffy turned her face up towards him, confusion in her eyes.

"Yeah, a thank you for bringing me to you. If Dru hadn't met poor dumb Wiliam...."

"Not dumb, sweet William." Buffy lightly argued with a small smile.

"Okay, if Dru hadn't met 'William' all those years ago and changed his life, there would be no Spike. No Buffy and Spike." He kissed her lightly on the lips then, "People come in and out of our lives for a reason."

"So, I shouldn't worry?" She returned the kiss with a little more fervor.

He pulled away for a moment, "Never you are the love of my life." He spent the next few hours proving that.

Several days later.......

"Bye. Have a good time." Spike told the girls as he stopped at the Chuck E Cheese in the early darkness of a winter's night.

"We will." Brenna and Tierney waved at him as Buffy walked them into the restaurant for a birthday party.

She soon returned to the car, "Could you please stop at the Florist?" She asked as the approached the huge sign with the bouquet of flowers on it.

"Okay, but why?" He asked as he pulled into the parking lot.

"I have an order to pick up, I'll explain on the way." She told him as she opened her door.

"On the way where?" He asked as he watched walk into the florist, his wife was full of surprises.

She soon returned to the car with two sprays of flowers in her arms, "We need to go the cemetary over on Bartlett Ave."

"Okay." He started the car, "Are you going to explain now?"

"I need to put flowers on David's grave." She answered softly.

Spike nodded, not sure what to say, she had never taken him to the grave before. "Wait a minute, you have two sets of flowers, who are the others for?"

"Those are for Dru, I know it's not exactly the same but I thought they could be your thank you to her." She sighed waiting for his reaction.

He smiled brightly at her, "You're wonderful, did you know that?"

"I try." She told him as he parked the car.

He followed her to a corner of the cemetary surrounded by pretty trees. She solemnly placed her flowers on the grave that held David's name and the inscription, "Beloved husband and father."

He watched her carefully as she touched the name on the stone, a lone tear traveled down her cheek. She brushed it away apologetically when she realized he was staring at her.

He took her hand away from her face, "Don't....you never have to apologize for loving him, he was a wonderful husband to you, he gave you Tierney and Brenna. Like I said the other day, people come in and out of our lives for reasons."

She smiled then, "You would have liked him."

"I think so too." He held her hand tightly.

"You can lay these beside his grave if you'd like for Druscilla. David wouldn't mind." Buffy handed him the flowers.

Spike took the flowers as he let go of Buffy's hand and knelt on the ground beside the stone. "Thank you, Dru." He whispered softly as he patted the ground where the flowers lay. Buffy stood behind him, her hand resting on his shoulder.

They left the cemetary hand in hand, two people in love, acknowledging those who had come before and between.