Fate: If you're reading this, you're reading a more revised version, as of 20-11-04. Hurrah for vacations, free time, and movies. I love this story, but Isis knows how it's going to end. Meh.

Disclaimer: Ah...crap. Yu-Gi-Oh doesn't belong to Fate, and the cursing will be at an all-time high in this chapter, due to Ryou and Bakura being very pissy. It won't normally be this bad. I think.


::chapter one::in which ryou and bakura fight::

"Kaiba, it isn't going to kill you."

"Hn."

"Just...just do me this one favor, okay? It's not like you're not going that way anyway."

"Hn."

"Kaiba. Please."

"..."

This argument had been going on for the past fifteen minutes, without much variation, by the counter in the Kame Game Shop. The participants – an undead, vertically challenged pharaoh, and a bad-tempered, teenage multimillionaire – were so used to these frequent disagreements that they practically argued by rote.

Such is life in Domino City.

"Look, the poor boy isn't going to maul you or anything. All you have to do is go up to the door, give him the damn package, say, "Yami sent this," and leave. You don't even have to be polite or anything, because we all know that would just be too stressing on you, Mr. CEO."

Yami knew quite well that he was winning. Seto tended to recede into unintelligible monosyllables or sulky silences when an argument was not going in his favor.

"Oh, fine, now will you shut up?" Seto finally burst out.

"Certainly," Yami said, handing him a small brown-wrapped package.

"So what am I carting around, anyway?" Seto snarled as he tucked it into his pocket.

"..."

"Well?"

"You wanted me to shut up," Yami said innocently. At Seto's incensed look, he hastily continued. "It's an order of some rather rare and nasty cards. You may not steal them."

"I'm sure I already have them," Seto pronounced arrogantly. "Why does that wimp want these cards in his deck anyway?"

Yami rolled his eyes. "His entire deck is full of those sorts of cards. He's been upgrading lately through us. Demon cards pouring in left and right."

Seto made a noise that was a cross between a sigh and a growl, then stalked out of the shop.

Yami smirked. "This should be interesting."

"Yami...that wasn't nice," Yugi admonished, finally emerging from the supply room.

"If you disagreed so strongly, why didn't you put a halt to it?" Yami inquired.

"Oh, all right, there could be an entertainment factor, but really..." Yugi shook his head disparagingly.

Yami sighed and hoisted himself up to sit on the counter, swinging his feet idly. "I don't know why I asked him to give those cards to Ryou. Well, yes, I do, Ryou's been waiting for that shipment for a while and I know that lately he hasn't been in a mood to leave the house, all things considered –damn that tomb robber – but still...why Kaiba?" Yami mused.

Yugi rolled his eyes. "Because you could make him your messenger boy for a day. Cheap thrills, yami." He shrugged.

"Well, yes..." Yami sighed. "I'm for calling Ryou in half an hour and seeing what happened," he added mischievously.

Yugi looked at his watch. "This should be interesting, indeed."


"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"Wrong with me? I'm not the goddamn living dead tomb robber who's going around sneaking into clubs and getting smashed, or maxing out every one of Father's credit cards, or slicing their arms open every third Saturday, or what-the-fuck-ever other shit you do, you fucking psychopath!"

"You insolent little – you – I – JUST BURN IN HELL!"

"Oooh, witty repartee. Oh, and by the way, if I have to clean up any more blood that I didn't spill myself, you are spending a week hanging by your pointy toenails from the goddamn ROOF! I don't care if it's yours or someone else's, you are SO DEAD FOR IT!"

"I'm already dead, you little shit! Haven't we been over this? As a matter of fact, it was you who raised the point!"

"Fuck you." This statement was punctuated by a swift left to the jaw.

Bakura reeled back, red eyes flaring up in pain and anger. This was swiftly followed by a Menacing Glare of Doom (tm) and the snatching up of a knife from the nearby counter. "Yadonushiiii..."

Ryou merely stuck out his tongue and grabbed a knife of his own. "I got the butcher knife, and all you have is your switchblade. Ha!"

Bakura reached into his pocket and pulled out a dagger.

There was a very pregnant pause as the two glowered at each other.

"I do not want to hurt you," Bakura finally snarled. "But you hit me first."

"You started the goddamn argument!" Ryou shot back.

"No, you did!"

"This argument started exactly eleven days ago when I came back from a club and you pitched a fucking FIT!" Ryou screeched.

"I'm supposed to be the one who goes to clubs! Not you! You're the hikari! You're supposed to be all nice and shit!" Bakura howled.

"Oh, I'm the nice-and-pure-and-sweet little hikari, who gets beat up on by their nasty old yami and never has any fun, right? Screw that!" Ryou snapped venomously. "I have just as much right to go out and party as you do, Radamnit."

"I can't take care of you if you keep going out and getting even more smashed than me! A snake could hold more alcohol than you!" Bakura wailed, flinging his arms out for emphasis. One of the knives flew from his fingers and lodged itself in the wall.

Ryou and Bakura both stared at it for a few seconds.

"Damn," Ryou finally said.

"I didn't know I could do that," Bakura added.

"You've never thrown knives before?" Ryou inquired curiously.

"Hell of a way to lose a dagger," Bakura informed him.

"Oh. Where were we?" Ryou inquired. "Fighting or making out?"

"The former, sadly. A snake has more alcohol tolerance than you do."

"I can take five shots without getting noticeably drunk! That's damn decent. Look at Yugi! The kid gets trashed with one shot of vodka! I mean, you fed me a Jello shot without knowing what it was, and I didn't collapse until a LOT later! And I had a lot more to drink after that. So there!"

"But I'm supposed to take care of you!" Bakura whined. "And it's so much easier when you just stay at home!"

"Excuse me?" Ryou demanded, brandishing the butcher knife. "You want me to hide in this stupid empty house and pretend to be a miserable little rabbit so you can polish your bloody ego? If you want to protect me, you can damn well CATCH me if you want me around for your convenience!"

Bakura angrily and somewhat ineptly chucked the other knife at the nearest wall and stormed towards Ryou. "Fine then. I will!"

"Oh, will you?" Ryou snarled, backing up rapidly.

And hitting the wall.

"Hell yeah," Bakura whispered, deftly removing the butcher knife from the vicinity with another unpracticed but effective flick of the wrist.

"You're putting holes in the walls," Ryou said rebelliously.

"Oh, am I?" Bakura retorted furiously, grabbing Ryou's shoulders and shaking him hard enough with each word that his head slammed into the wall a couple times.

"Ow! Bastard!" Ryou spat, flinging one hand into Bakura's solar plexus.

"Holy...Ra..." Bakura wheezed, staggering back. "What...the hell...was that?!"

"My fist," Ryou sniped.

Bakura tried growling again, found it difficult due to his breathing problems, and settled for once more grabbing Ryou's shoulders. However, this time he shoved Ryou onto the floor for their own private makeout party.

With tongue.

And sharpened fingernails.

And pointy teeth.

/Ow! Heyyyy! You...SADIST!/

::Shut up...whoa, where the HELL did you learn to do THAT?::

/So you want me to go to clubs more often?/

The pair broke apart for gasps of air and for more verbal skirmishing, as well as the surveying of bruises. So far, Ryou had amassed a purpling cheekbone, fingermarks on his collarbone, wrists, shoulders, and back, and a few more random painful spots due to being thrown into solid objects. Bakura was nursing his jawbone and chest, as well as his upper arms, shins, and one eye.

And that was just today's collection of injuries. Best not to wonder about yesterday. The bruises were of the sort that should not be seen in decent company.

But the narrator digresses.

"Why do you give a damn about where I go to have fun?" Ryou yelled up at his yami, who was now kneeling on his chest and pinning his arms with his hands. "What's it to you? I never complained when you went out partying all the time!"

"But I'm – I – I know what I'm doing! You're innocent!"

"Me, innocent? With you living in my head for ten years now? Hey, get your teeth off of my neck!"

"Mrr. No."

"Yow! Hey! Let me up!"

"Uh-uh."

"You just licked me! Yamiii!"

"Don't tell me you didn't like it," Bakura retorted with a sniff, then went back to what he'd been doing.

Ryou giggled. "Will you stop? I'm supposed to be yelling at you!"

"And I'm supposed to be keeping you from getting hurt, despite all the bruises I have been showering upon you lately. Keeping you from getting a sore throat is the best I can do, given the circumstances," Bakura replied smugly.

Ryou rolled his eyes. "I can't think when you're doing that. Please, c'mon, back off for a second."

"M'kay." Bakura leaned back.

For precisely one second.

"YAMIIIIII!"

"Mrr?"

"It is very difficult for me to be telling you off when you're displaying your obsession with the taste of my throat," Ryou said severely.

"Exactly!"

"But it's supposed to be you screaming at me. I feel very silly screaming to myself," Ryou informed him. "Wha – do that again. RIGHT NOW."

"I thought you wanted me to stop," Bakura said sweetly.

"Yami, you and that tone do not mix, and I said, do that – oh. Oh..."

Bakura snickered.

And of course, someone knocked on the door right at that moment, just to prove that the universe really was out to get them.

Bakura jerked upright, forgetting that he was still pinning Ryou to the floor. "What the hell do you want? Bugger off!"

"Why don't you lock your doors, if you don't want to be disturbed?" the intruder snapped, peering around the opening door. "What the – who? What?"

Bakura blinked. "Er?"

Ryou burst out laughing. "Yami, gerroff!" The two scrambled somewhat painfully to their feet. Bakura's short attention span led him to start wandering around the room in order to pry the knives from the walls. "Kaiba Seto, am I correct?"

"Erm. Yes," Seto said warily. "You're...Bakura?"

"Usually we call him Bakura," Ryou said, jerking a thumb at the other boy. "Most people can't tell us apart at first glance."

"You're not twins," Seto said, still with that wary tone.

"Nope," Ryou said. "I'm his reincarnated form, part-time fuckbuddy, something of a friend, and sparring partner. Ooh. that was too much information, wasn't it? Thought so. Hey, wait a minute. You're Kaiba Mokuba's brother. If he's been kidnapped again, I swear it wasn't us."

"Ah..." Seto looked thoroughly disturbed. "Yami asked me to deliver something to you, and, ah...can I talk to you?"

"You want him to piss off," Ryou said, nodding at Bakura. "Yami. Go somewhere else."

"Make me," Bakura retorted, grabbing Ryou's collar and dragging him closer.

"We're going somewhere else now," Seto said hurriedly, unlatching Ryou and tugging him out the door.

"Er. I'll be right back," Ryou said superfluously as he was hustled out the door. Which promptly closed after him.

Bakura stared at the door, knives in hand. What the hell just happened here? Why'd he turn up after all this time? And...why outside?

The sound of a car door slamming and tires screeching served to answer the final question.

SHIT!

Bakura bolted to the door and flung it open, only to see a black limo vanishing down the street.

The fuck...he just...I...I don't fucking believe this! Bakura thought furiously. ::Ryou! What the hell?::

/I'm...not sure. But he looks pretty freaked out by something. I think it's the bruises? Oh, but we got those cards in from the game shop. And...um...maybe he'll give me back?/ Ryou said hopefully. /I haven't finished yelling at you yet./

Bakura flung down all the knives but his favorite, which went into a sheath at his side. If I go right there, we may never know why this is happening.

Then he recalled a fragment of a sentence. "Yami asked me..." Oh, fuck the pharaoh upside down and sideways! He must have engineered this, and duped that CEO into this. For Ra's sake, the man hasn't seen Ryou in years. I don't think he even knew we were separate people!

But still...

I don't want to risk it yet.

Bakura shoved boots on over the jeans he was wearing, then watched as the Ring oozed through his shirt and hovered in the air. He grabbed one side and hissed, "Take me to my hikari."

The points stirred and glowed, pointing left.

"Right then," Bakura muttered, and began making tracks down the road, keeping an eye out for a convenient car to commandeer should he need it.

I go STABBY THINGS...


Yugi stared at Yami. "Um. Yami. I've tried calling and calling, but no one picks up the phone. I mean, I don't think Kaiba tried to knock them over the head with his briefcase or anything like he did with me, and I don't think Bakura would just send him to the Shadow Realm without provocation after all these years, so..."

Yami shrugged. "They might not have been home, despite what's been going on this past week. Maybe they're shagging somewhere in their house and Kaiba can't find them. Or maybe he did find them. We may never know."

Yugi hung up the phone. "Whatever. I'm sure it's nothing."

Ha.


Duel: Allo everyone. I am here to request that you press the purple button on your lower left and fill out the bit where you send in comments to feed Fate's starving soul. If you don't, I shall send a murderous Mokuba after you. And since no one seems to like Mokuba/Bakura, or psycho-murderer Mokuba, or Mokuba in any situation other than as a whiny kid or kidnapping bait, this won't be a good thing. So review.