Title: Real Emotion
Chapter Title: What Are You Doing To Me?
WARNING: SHOUNEN-AI, Major OOCness for several characters, hinted lime.
Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto. Enough said.
Author's notes: This is my third Naruto fic. Yes, it still involves Sasuke-kun. Hehehe. This originally started out as a PG-13 fic but… I can't help it. You can blame my sugar-high muses for this!
Alright! To make this easier for everyone, you can just imagine that everyone here's older than in the series.
~What Are You Doing To Me?~
"You're an embarrasment to our village," a red-haired Sand nin with pale green eyes said. Evidence of insomnia ran in dark circles around his eyes. He was standing upside-down on a branch of a tree. "What do you think we're doing here in Konoha village?" He said all these with the tone of his voice never changing, never wavering even for a moment.
The nin being scolded was a chubby young man with face paint. He was wearing a strange black costume. But of course he wasn't from Konoha village either. "But, but Gaara... They started it..." he said pointing to a group of Konoha gennins and soon-to-be academy students.
Those pale green eyes narrowed menacingly. "Shut up. I'll kill you." For a moment, the tone of his voice changed. It was even more frightening than his cold, calm voice.
The nin, obviously frightened by this nin who was younger than him, held up his hands in surrender and said, "I understand..."
The blonde-haired girl beside him raised her hands up as well, trying to stay within this boy's good side, that is, if he had any good side to begin with.
The red-haired nin glanced at the brunette on the other branch of the same tree. "I apologize on their behalf." His voice was still as monotonous as ever. It was like ice, cold and callous.
//Who is this guy? I didn't even sense him. This is Kakashi-level sneakiness...// Sasuke stared at the nin. His heart was skipping beats and his stomach felt like it was doing somersaults nonstop.
Then he noticed the eyes. Those pale green eyes... //I feel like I'm falling into them... Iie! What am I thinking?! I should be saying that his eyes are weird!//
The red-haired Sand-nin turned to sand and re-materialized among his fellow Sand-nins. Then three Sand-nins turned to go, the rising conflict between them and the three gennins was temporarily resolved.
Sakura took the opportunity to say, "From the looks of your head gear, I'd say you're from the Sand Village. Even if Konoha and Sand have an alliance between them, you can't just waltz right into each other's villages."
The three Sand-nins stopped and the blonde smirked at her. "You guys don't know anything don't you?" She pulled out an ID. "Here is my passport." Sakura gasped. "Yes, that's right. We're Sand gennins here to participate in the Chuunin Selection Exam."
"Chuunin Selection Exam?" Naruto asked.
As Naruto arrogantly claimed that maybe he should take it after Konohamaru explained to him about the exam, Sasuke's eyes were still riveted on only one nin. Him.
As the three Sand gennins were once again about to walk away, Sasuke jumped off the tree branch and onto the ground in front of Naruto, Sakura and the Konohamaru Squad. "Hey you! What's your name?"
The blonde-haired Sand-nin looked back with a blush and a smile. "You mean me?"
"No, the one beside you with the gourd."
The red-haired boy beside her turned around to face him. "Gaara of the Sand." Gaara smirked. "I'm also interested in you. Your name?"
Sasuke's heart skipped another beat. //Eh? What's this?// A slight pinkish tinge graced his cheeks. With great effort, he managed to speak without giving away his confusion to his reaction to Gaara. "Uchiha Sasuke." Hey, he even managed a smirk.
Everyone was silent. The wind blew a bit strongly as Gaara and Sasuke stared at each other.
Then the mood was broken when Naruto said, "Hey, hey! What about me? What about me?" He pointed at himself for emphasis.
Gaara just took one good look at him and said, "Not interested." Then he turned away and he and his companions jumped out of sight, much to Naruto's displeasure.
//Gaara of the Sand ne? This is getting interesting. But at the same time... confusing...// Sasuke thought, mentally frowning at the last bit of thought.
Gaara was seated in a tree in Konoha's forest. He just had to get away from Kankuro and Temari before he decided that the plan just wasn't worth it and killed them both. //Yeah. Heads would roll, ne, Mother?// He leaned against the trunk and sighed, his thoughts drifting towards the events that afternoon. //Uchiha Sasuke, huh? Seems like a worthy opponent to me. I especially like his style in handling things… Speaking of handling…// He chuckled as his mind was starting drifting off to fantasize but then, his so-called sanity pulled him back. //What the hell?!// He exasperatedly ran a hand through his hair. //What am I thinking? Uchiha Sasuke? In that way?//
Well, Sasuke wasn't bad looking. He had to admit that the boy was… pretty. An elfin face, full lips, onyx eyes, lean, long legs, fair complexion, a nice body… With that kind of physique, who would be attracted to him? It would probably be a miracle if the boy was actually still a virgin! //What's this? I did not actually think that! But combined with being surrounded by an air of mystery, he's just so hard to resist…// He sighed. //Who am I kidding? This is bad… very bad…//
Sasuke almost couldn't contain his excitement after Kakashi-sensei gave them their application forms and left. //Yes. Finally, a challenge to test my skills. There's bound to be a lot of strong opponents in this exam.// Then, an image of the Sand-nin, Gaara entered his mind. A slight blush tinted his pale cheeks. A small smile tugged at his lips. //I'll be able to see him again.// Realizing what he just thought, he shook his head in the hopes of clearing it of such a thought. //What am I thinking?! No! I did not just think that! I'm an avenger. I'll just have to keep remembering that. Maybe I'll forget that I even thought such a thing.//
He glanced beside him. Naruto was busy daydreaming about being Hokage no doubt. Sakura… He glanced back and saw her trailing behind them. //What's up with her?// From the sad expression on her face, he could tell that something about the exam bothered her. He just didn't know what.
He knew he shouldn't have been that harsh to her when she asked him about training together. Putting her in the same level as Naruto must've been a big shock to her. //But I suppose part of it is true. I have to admit that she's smart, even smarter than I am, but she sometimes neglects to use it when we really need it. Her reaction time is much slower than anyone else's. Then she ends up doing less work than Naruto, who does more work despite that he blunders most of the time.// He sighed. //Maybe I shouldn't really be that harsh next time. If she really likes me that much then might as well use that knowledge to my advantage and help get her to strive harder to improve.//
Then he stared straight ahead of him never breaking his stride whilst forcing his mind not to think of a certain red-haired Sand-nin.
That night, Sasuke decided that training would be the best option so that he wouldn't be behind the other gennins, the Sand-nin, Gaara. He was covered in sweat and dirt, panting heavily from his exertions. After what happened in Wave Country, he didn't want to be beaten again. But taking his body to the limit simply wasn't easy. His jutsus used too much chakra. He scowled.
He needed to become more powerful, more powerful than his senseis and most especially his brother, Itachi. He needed power. But where can he get such power. All on his own, he was weak. Too weak.
Even as his body continued training, his mind wandered. He was too deep into his own thoughts that he didn't notice that someone was watching him.
What was it about Sasuke that he was drawn to? Gaara stewed over it as he watched the boy train, oblivious of the Sand-nin's presence. The boy was dedicated to improving himself. He had the potential to become a great rival to him one day.
Well, the fact that the other boy was obviously attractive has already been established. Gaara sighed. That didn't help one bit. Why? Why of all the people he could possibly be attracted to, he was unbelievably attracted to a potential rival?
This just didn't make any sense.
I've been following, all right, stalking that boy for the past few hours. I still don't get it. Uchiha Sasuke… You intrigue me. You heat up the blood in my veins. You make me feel…
But how? I don't feel any pain, just warmth. That simply isn't possible.
I've watched him wake up early to clean an apartment that wasn't even dirty to begin with. Then after changing out of his pajamas and into his casual attire, he walked out with a small list in his hands. An hour later, I find him in the market buying food. They all looked the same to me but he seemed to know the difference between them just by looking.
He shouldn't be doing something like this. Where the hell are his parents? Oh yeah. They're dead. The hell?! What am I thinking?! I was not concerned about him. I AM not concerned about him. I'll just have to keep repeating that to myself.
I am not concerned about Uchiha Sasuke.
Like hell. I'm not convinced of that myself. This is stupid. What am I doing? This just isn't me. Why am I following Uchiha?
I was just about to go home after another afternoon of exhausting training. I didn't expect myself to come face to face with the one person I've been trying not to think of since we met. Gaara.
"What do you want?"
I tried to sound as cold as possible but he didn't seem fazed, not even one bit. His heart must be as cold as he sounds. That or that he's got one hell of a poker face.
I glared at him and growled, "I know that's my name. What do you want?"
Silence. I stare at him and he stares back. I'm really very tired. I just want to go home and sleep and hopefully, I won't have another Itachi-related nightmare. I took a deep breath and sighed. "This is pointless. If you're not going to say anything, I'm going home."
I casually walked pass him. It would have gone without incident if he hadn't decided at that moment to lash out. If I wasn't concentrating hard enough at that time, he would have knocked me out instantly. That's one humiliation that I'm not willing to experience just yet.
I easily dodge it and scowled at him. He just smirked.
I glared at him before walking towards home but I couldn't help but blush. I could feel my cheeks burning from the heat of the blood rushing to my face. Thank goodness it's dark. He won't be able to see me clearly. Gods, he's creepy but cute.
What the hell am I thinking?
The next day, Sasuke didn't go very far. He spent the morning doing his usual chore of cleaning the apartment and reading the morning paper. It was already mid-afternoon when he decided to sleep in one of the trees. He supposed that one day of rest would be good. He was still tired from the night before. Besides, the sun was warm and comfortable. If only, Naruto could hear his thoughts now, he'd never hear the end of it.
It was by good fortune that Naruto wasn't psychic. And he wasn't here to bother him, possibly for the rest of the day. Thank goodness for small favors.
He was slowly being lulled to sleep by the warmth of the sun and the gentle breeze when he suddenly sensed someone else's chakra very close to him. He opened one eye then closed it. //It's just Gaara… GAARA?!// His eyes sprang open and he bolted right up. And his lips accidentally making contact with the other boy's lips.
Realizing what was happening, Sasuke pulled back and pressed his back against the tree, his eyes wide and cheeks tinted pink. Gaara was standing upside-down from the branch above the branch where he was sleeping. Gaara's branch was pretty low. Low enough for what just transpired to happen with Sasuke merely sitting and Gaara as he is.
Gaara didn't seem affected at all. He stared at Sasuke as usual. It made the young Uchiha a bit uncomfortable to be under such close scrutiny all the time from the Sand-nin.
"What is it this time?" Sasuke asked.
Gaara remained silent for a moment before replying, "You intrigue me."
Gaara smirked. "Makes me want to know more about you." He leaned closer as if searching for something one the other boy's face.
Overwhelmed, Sasuke blinked. "What?"
The Sand-nin sighed. "Never mind." Then he was gone, leaving Sasuke alone to wonder what just happened.
Gaara had been finished with the written exam for quite a while now. He had watched as several nins were booted out of the first exam. //They were too careless. Weak fools.//
His eyes wandered to a certain brunette, a few rows before him. From the other boy's movements, he could tell that he was using the advanced bloodline technique, Sharingan. But why was he so intent and interested in this boy? He couldn't figure it out himself. It was even fast becoming an obsession.
As the exam finally ended, Gaara found himself still without answers as to why he was drawn to this boy. While the examiner explained the exam's true purpose, Gaara was staring at Sasuke.
He simply cannot afford to be confused by one boy. The plan will be in full effect soon. He cannot hesitate even for a moment. Maybe tonight would be as good a time as any to straighten things out.
The night was chilly when I decided that I've had enough training for one night. Besides, I was dead tired and I need to sleep just to make sure that I don't lag behind. If I fall behind even for a moment, I'm sure that Naruto will never let me hear the end of it. And… I'll be pushed farther away from my ambition.
I'm an avenger. I've sworn to resurrect my clan and to kill… that man… my brother, Itachi. After all these years I still do not understand. Why did he kill them and not me? I looked up to him. I wanted to be just like him…
But it was a dream. Just a dream that will never come again. It was wonderful while it lasted until he turned it into a nightmare… Eh?
I looked up at the rooftop of my current residence. It was Gaara. Yes, the gourd-carrying Sand gennin, Gaara. He's still carrying his gourd. His white scarf flowing with the wind. The darkness of the sky surrounding him… It made him look forbidding. My heart's started beating faster again and this time, my stomach's doing summersaults at the same time. What is he doing here? And this late at night too! I fought the urge to blush. Thank goodness for it being dark. At least he wouldn't notice the pinkish tinge on my cheeks.
I knew he was watching me during the exam earlier. It was unnerving. Those eyes… Why was he looking at me that way?
I jumped at the sound of his voice. He was standing right in front of me. How did he get so close without me detecting it? Was I really that deep into my thoughts?
I tried to make myself sound as calm as possible. "What do you want?" Hopefully he wouldn't notice my voice trembling. Either way, he doesn't seem to be reacting to that at all…
He's staring again. Say something you bastard! Don't look at me like that. It makes me feel uncomfortable yet in some way, I like it. But I don't want to like it. This giddy feeling that you give me, the feeling of my blood rushing through my veins, this lightheadedness, this heady feeling… What are you doing to me?
"I just want to make something clear."
"Oh?" What for? I don't get it.
He smirked. I really don't get it. "You really don't know anything don't you?"
That was not the answer I was expecting. But in truth, I didn't know what I was expecting either. My heart made a very painful lurch. I don't know why. I scowled at him, but it was really more to myself, and attempted to pass him by. I casually walked by him just like what I do to the other gennins. But that was my mistake or was it? I don't know.
He grabbed me by the arm. Everything went into slow motion yet I couldn't even react. The next moment I knew I was in his embrace, his lips locked on to mine. I was in shock. I tried to protest. But as soon as I opened my mouth, he decided that his tongue would better keep me occupied.
I thought that I ought to push him away, to tell him to stay the hell away from me. But I don't know why… Hands that were supposed to push him away were pulling him closer. Lips that were supposed to refuse him entrance opened willingly and invited him in as well.
Gaara… what are you doing to me?
Uchiha Sasuke… From the first moment we met, there was always that feeling that you were special. You were above the rest. Do you actually know what you're doing to me?
First, you spoke to me, meeting my eyes. You made my blood boil. Then you haunt my every waking moment, which says a lot since I never sleep for long. That thing must not awaken yet. It's not the appointed time yet. It is frustrating how you affect people with their mere thought of you. You're beauty… Don't you see it, Sasuke? How can you not? Lastly, you stand there, a blush staining your pale cheeks. The moon may have been partly covered by the clouds but it still shined enough for me to see it. You made my heart beat faster. You made me feel… excitement. It's not a normal occurrence for that to happen to me. I assure you.
"What do you want?"
I came here to prove to myself that you are nothing. That I could kill you if I wanted yet… As I look at you now, your blush still evident, your voice trembling… Why are you trembling Sasuke? Are you actually afraid of me? Or do you feel what I feel?
"I want to make something clear."
From that flitting confused expression on his face, I could tell he couldn't read the signs of fascination, infatuation or even obsession well. I smirked at this knowledge. "You really don't know anything don't you?"
He blinked at me, truly confused. Then he scowled. Oh how prettily his scowls too! But it still doesn't erase the blush on his cheeks. He moved. Decided to just walk away from this now didn't he? Fine runaway to your little room. If you at least feel something, say something! Damn it!
Then a scent drifted to my nose. The scent of sweat but what was more powerful was the sent of wildflowers and of the earth… It suited him so well as someone whose spirit is wild and untamable… yet fiercely loyal and protective. That scent was luring me in like a moth to a flame. I, I… Oh gods, Sasuke! I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him towards me. My first intention had truly been only to wrap my arms around him and inhale his scent and have it ingrained into my mind forever. But I couldn't help myself. It could've been the only chance I would ever get to do it. So… I kissed him.
At first he didn't respond, it was from shock I suppose with the way he went rigid in my arms. Then when he finally responded… oh gods… his mouth was like wildfire. I felt like I was being burned alive. Every kiss was like a drug, so addicting and every touch was like a brand searing into my skin. I couldn't just turn away from this even if I wanted to.
Sasuke… What have you done to me?
The moon was three quarters into the sky. Soon the sun would be rising up from the horizon. On the bed, two youths lay peacefully. One fitfully asleep in the other's arms, his body half pinning the other, his back to the ceiling. The other youth stared out the window. For a moment, he had respite from the nightmare that was his life. The boy in his arms gave it to him willingly. He didn't feel tired despite all the strenuous activity that had followed after their kiss. His emerald eyes seemed almost peaceful and contented.
He couldn't sleep. It has always been that way. His companion stirred. "Gaara?"
Sasuke sat up and looked down at him, a slight frown on his lips. "You didn't sleep?" It sounded more like a statement rather than a question.
"Oh." Then Sasuke laid back down in his arms.
In a way, Gaara was grateful that Sasuke didn't even push. But he knew that the young Uchiha was wondering why. A sense of dread filled him. What if Sasuke found out about what he was? That the one in his bed was a monster… What would he think of him? Would he regret this?
Would he hate him?
As if sensing his inner turmoil, Sasuke clasped his hand and entwined their fingers together. Gaara smiled gratefully.
As he settled there comfortably in Gaara's arms, Sasuke felt lost. He felt utterly useless. Gaara's insomnia… What was the cause of it? He really wanted to know. But he didn't push. He hoped that one day, Gaara would willingly tell him what his insomnia was about.
He glanced at Gaara's face and noticed the frown on his lips. Was he regretting what they did? Hopefully, he did not. Sasuke didn't know what to do if Gaara regretted it. Not knowing how to take that frown away from the Sand-nin's face, he reached for his hand and entwined their fingers together. It was his way of saying, "Gaara, I'm here."
//Please don't ever hate me.//
I half expected him to rebuke my show of affection but he smiled instead. It gave me a feeling of warmth.
I felt myself smile back.
Killing that fool from the Hidden Rain was easy. But the blood lust was still unquenched. Why won't he stop telling me to kill people for his thirst for blood?
"The blood of the dead mixes with the flowing sand and grants more power to the killer."
I toss the umbrella aside. Those other fools are now looking at me in fear. Would Sasuke look at me the same way if he found out? If he found out that I was a monster…
They tried to get away but the sand was quicker. I watched their faces as the sand enveloped them until their faces could no longer be seen. The look of pure terror… Was that what Mother looked like when she found out what a monster her unborn child was?
I used the "Desert Graveyard" on them. But it still wasn't enough. There just wasn't enough blood. I sensed three more aside from my companions and me. They've been there a while. I hope they enjoyed the show but now they have to pay the fee.
I could hear myself argue with Kankuro. But my thoughts kept nagging me. It was something about Sasuke. But what about him?
Temari is now imploring me to stop. Do not use the argument that you're my siblings. I never saw you both as such. You are nothing to me.
I was focusing the sand to my hand when a memory came to me. Sasuke's smile… I want him to smile at me again. Then, all of a sudden, the feeling of bloodlust was gone. It was as if it had never been there in the first place. At the last moment, I pulled back and corked my gourd. Whoever those three were behind the bushes, they should consider themselves lucky.
During my possession by the cursed seal, Sakura stopped me. No, not really. It was her eyes. They reminded me of him. They reminded me of Gaara.
Gaara… Even though he wasn't around, the mere memory of him stopped my madness. I never told anyone about that night. The girls would probably drop like flies at the news while the guys… I dunno. I can't claim to know how they'll all really react.
I watched the people around me. Tenten just woke Lee up, if it could be called as such. Such rough handling of the injured couldn't possibly be healthy. Sakura's hair was shorter. I'm touched that she would sacrifice her long hair just to protect Naruto and me. Shikamaru and Chouji just gave Naruto a big bump on the head to wake him up. Naruto looked panicked. Hmph! Probably thinks that Orochimaru is still here.
That Neji guy is still standing on that high branch with a smirk on his face, looking all high and mighty. What an arrogant bast –
Eh? What's this? Did I actually imagine that? I must have because Neji Hyuga would never really consider looking at Shikamaru like that unless he was a worthy opponent in his eyes. I did imagine that because there is no way in hell that Shikamaru would blush even in the slightest from just seeing Neji Hyuga.
Ino just called out to Sakura, saying something about fixing her hair. Did she just that, that thing with her hand on Sakura's lower back? No, I did NOT see that. I did not just see that.
Is it just me or did everyone suddenly turned gay overnight?
"I hate you."
I never expected it to turn out this way. I would think that he'd be glad to get rid of me and erase even a faint memory of me in his life. I didn't expect this.
"I never even liked you to begin with. I just wanted to break you."
Tears… They don't suit you, Sasuke. They'd only suit you when they are of happiness. But the emotion on your face is anything but happiness. Don't shed such tears over me. I'm not worth it.
"Sure it was fun to have you in bed but that's all it was really. A good fuck."
He still hasn't made a move to wipe those damnable tears away. I don't think that he even knows that they're there. But I wish he knew so he'd wipe them away. I can't stand this. You're making me weak! You make me want to hold you close and never let go! This attachment I have for you must end for the plan to work.
"No, I'm not joking. I really hate you."
If they ever found out what you've done to me, I don't know what they'd do to you. That is why this must truly end.
"The next time we meet…"
I'm sorry, Sasuke. You may hate me for doing this… but to protect you, whatever it is that you may feel for me must die…
"I'll kill you."
Then, I walked away and never looked back, afraid to see something that crush my already broken heart.
But… despite what you may think now, Sasuke… I really love you.
I was wondering why Gaara suddenly told me to meet him in this secluded area. I wish I never came. Especially when I heard what he first said.
"I hate you."
I couldn't believe my own ears at the sound of it. It didn't even seem real. I thought I had heard wrong but from the look on his face, that cold façade, I knew that he must mean it. No, there must be some mistake.
"I never even liked you to begin with. I just wanted to break you."
Gaara, why are you doing this? What about everything that we've done? Didn't they mean anything to you? What am I to you?
"Sure it was fun to have you in bed but that's all it was really. A good fuck."
That's not true! You felt it! I know you did! You must have or this wouldn't have gone on since this exam started… This is just one sick joke right? Gaara, please say that you didn't mean any of these things you've said. I clamped my hands over my ears, unwilling to hear the confirmation to my fears. But the words that came out… I still heard them…
"No, I'm not joking. I really hate you."
When did it get so blurry? Is this some kind of genjutsu? My cheeks are wet… Is it raining? What is this pain, this pain in my heart? My hands moved to my chest, over the place where my heart should be. It's so painful… I wish I could tear my heart out… My knees gave out beneath me as a sob escaped my lips.
"The next time we meet…"
I clutched tightly on my shirt as I sobbed uncontrollably. He must really enjoy this, breaking me apart like this. The tone of his voice hasn't even changed since he started talking. Gaara, how could you?
"I'll kill you."
I love you, Gaara.
I wasn't able to fulfill my threat to kill him. I couldn't do it especially when he unexpectedly ran after me and flung himself at me, his body pressing in what seemed to be like all the right places. I glanced around, half-expecting his sensei to show up any moment to kick my ass but no one came.
It was just Sasuke and I alone in this secluded area in the forest. I still don't understand how Sasuke could still want me as he kisses me fervently, his arms wrapped around my neck.
I kiss him back with equal fervor. I can't believe just how much I miss this.
There were no words needed as he divested each other's clothing, desperate for skin contact. Soon he was on his back, his legs wrapped around my waist as I make love to him. His gasps and moans were music to my ears, urging me on. Yes, make love… I never thought I'd call it that.
It was what seemed like hours before I found myself lying on the ground with Sasuke in my arms. He was asleep. He looked so peaceful and content, a small smile on his lips. I wish I could keep it there forever but unfortunately…
I have to go.
I'm sorry, Sasuke.
Author's notes: Well, this is actually the first fic that I really, really like because I was able to do something here unlike my other fics.^^ (Besides it being longer than usual of course.) Oh, and this fic will be having a second chapter (and possibly a third if I feel like it) just to put a conclusion to Gaara and Sasuke's relationship.
To those who reviewed my other fics, all in all, I'd like to give you guys a BIG THANK YOU! Without your reviews, I wouldn't even try to write worth a damn.^^;
Please review the fic. Flamers can go to hell and kiss Zabuza's ass (although they'll have to get through Haku first).
nikki's muse 1 (Draco – Harry Potter) : Yeah and they have to kiss my ass too!
nikki's muse 2 (Aoshi – Rurouni Kenshin) : ………………… (translation: And mine!)
nikki's muse 3 (Hisoka – Hunter x Hunter) : ~And mine~!
nikki *veins pop... and brandishes a large frying pan* URUSAI! *beats the hell out of the three muses*
nikki's muse 4 (Sho – original fiction character) : Idiots…
nikki's muse 5 (Kanone – Spiral) : Um… *looks thoughtful for a moment* I like cats.
*massive sweat drops from nikki and her other muses*
Date started: June 19, 2003
Date ended: July 17, 2003