Untouchable Face


[DN Angel (c) Yukiru Sugisaki and

Asuka. Untouchable Face (c) Ani

DiFrancio. Don't sue, please. T_T]

so fuck you

and your untouchable face

and fuck you

for existing in the first place

and who am I

that I should be vying for your touch

and who am I

I bet you can't even tell me that much

-- Ani DiFrancio, "Untouchable Face"

Niwa's body was a light, burning weight in his arms -- he had to think of him as Niwa, even though he knew that Dark was in control of the body. He wondered if he would burn up on the way to the nurse's room, if he would dissolve into ashes and float away into nothing. He tightened his hold before he realised it, and carefully relaxed again. So light, so fragile, so hot, but he could do nothing for him. He laid him down on the bed.

Niwa's face was still, quiet. Satoshi knew, none better, what was going behind that deathly mask. Surely Niwa would wake again. He couldn't do anything but wait.

"You don't look like yourself," he said, quietly, pretending that this was just a normal conversation, that he and Niwa held normal conversations, as friends did. "But I suppose that seal puts a strain on you."

Niwa was motionless, except for his quiet, steady breathing. He looked dead, as if his spirit had fled his body entirely and left only that empty shell to breathe on. Niwa, dead ... all that light and energy gone somewhere strange and unreachable ... the thought was unbearable.

"I can't get through to you, can I," he said. He was vaguely surprised at how calm his own voice was. "Nothing I can say will get through to you. I hate that, you know. I hate looking at you and knowing you're always out of my reach. I hate you for that. I hate you and Dark and myself. But then you come up to me and smile, like you have no idea how far away you are from me, and I hate you even more, because you're so close, and I still can't reach out my hand to touch you."

Niwa didn't respond. Of course he wouldn't. But still Satoshi talked on. Perhaps it would give Niwa something to hold on to when he fought his way back. More likely it was only his own foolishness. "And do you know what's worse? You don't know anything about me. You look at me and you see what you want to see, a silent classmate who watches you and tries to catch Dark, but you aren't scared of me, not really. You think we could be friends if you just tried hard enough, and so you look at me with that happy smile on your face and don't even realise that you're asking me to respond. And I can't, because you don't know anything. You don't know anything at all."

He was shaking, he thought. Odd, that he was shaking. He put his face in his hand to steady himself, but still he talked to Niwa. "You should be scared of me. You should run away from me. But you don't. And you stand there waiting for me to come to you, and I can't. You're always just out of my reach, and there's nothing either of us can do about it."

He took a long shuddering breath.

"There's no more time...for me or for you."



W00t, Meg's ficcing again! =D Sorry, I'm a bit giddy on account of the bleeping medicines I've been taking have totally taken away any desire to write that I might have. And about a month ago I had a very nasty seizure [as near as we can figure, interaction between hormones and medication, but it was Unfun], which took me a while to get over, and THEN I went to Seattle. But when I went to Seattle, my everloving imouto and part-time minion Erin got me volumes two and three of DN Angel. 3 And I'd had Satoshi crouching moodily in the corner listening to "Untouchable Face" on repeat for a while, but had no idea how to fic it. So when I saw the scene where he's sitting beside Daisuke in the nurse's office, it eventually occured to me to wonder, what WAS Hiwatari-kun talking to Niwa about before Riku comes in and hears "...Mou jikan ga nai -- ore ni mo, omae ni mo..." -- which I translated as the last line of the fic. [And yes, I was all over Satoshi like a baaad coat when I saw him in drag. =3]


10:56 PM 7/21/2003

.... why did I never upload this to FF.net? Oo; I did now, anyway.