Warnings: Slash, allusions to het, swearing, etc, etc, not so funny jokes, and major OOCness (for comedic purposes).
Note: In this fic, Jack won't be using much pirate slang (for comedic purposes) and Will will (hehe) be a moron. But a pretty moron none the less. This fic is supposed to be a parody or humor, so don't take any of it too seriously.
Disclaimer: Um, I think you can tell what's mine and what's not. The movie wasn't mine, because if it were, Elizabitch would have drowned in the beginning and the movie would have gone like this: J: Here Will, drink this rum. W: Thank you. J: you're pretty, take off your clothes. W: I don't think I've had enough rum to allow this sort of talk. Will drinks more rum W: Okay, I am drunk now. J: Take off your shirt. he does W: Kiss me Jack! he does THE END
Chapter Summary: Four years after the movie, Jack and Will reunite.
"Arrrrrg! Avast there Matey! Shiver me tim-"
"Please stop that." Jack said tiredly. For about the hundredth time. Meanwhile, Will was giving Jack a sad-puppy face.
"But Jack, I was only trying to be a pirate…" Will whined.
"Yes, that's nice. But pirates don't go around yelling 'Yarr' all the time."
"Savvy." Said Will.
"It would have been better if you would have ended that sentence with 'savvy.'"
"Will, please shut up."
"Okay Jack." Will said happily. Silently he added "Arrrg!"
The two men were standing on the deck of the Black Pearl. Four years had passed since that fateful day when Jack plummeted from the cliff, into the murky blue depths below. Also known as the ocean. Will had proposed to Elizabeth, and she had accepted. For a few years the two lived happily, with Will working as a blacksmith while Elizabeth had secretly received money from her father to pay the bills. In fact, Governor Swann's money had even financed tutoring sessions so that Elizabeth could learn Spanish. The tutor's name was Raul, and it was his first job that didn't involve cleaning swimming pools.
In fact, Elizabeth spent so much time learning Spanish with Raul, (who, as far as Will could tell, had no last name,) that Will had taken over the raising of their daughter, Laurentina May. Laurentina May was born nine months after the couple's honeymoon, and so now was three and three months. Anyway, Will was glad to have so much time to raise little Tina (as he called her) and Elizabeth was glad to have so much time with Raul, learning Spanish. Her Spanish was coming along so nicely that, after only four years, she could already say "Hola, donde está la biblioteca?" Her husband was very impressed. Raul, who was an excellent language teacher, considering this was his first job which didn't involve cleaning swimming pools, believed that Elizabeth could learn more if she was immersed in Spanish. Which is why Raul and Elizabeth were currently in Madrid, where Will was sure that Elizabeth was learning lots and lots of Spanish, especially since she'd been there for the last two years.
Six months ago, Will was hammering away in his blacksmith's shop when Captain Jack Sparrow flounced through the door.
"Will!" Jack said, waving his hands vaguely about, as was his habit.
"Jack!" Will screeched, running to his friend and throwing his arms around the pirate. Jack blinked his kohl-lined eyes and then slowly embraced the young man.
"Will, I'm so glad you feel this way…." Jack said huskily in Will's ear.
Will released the dreadlocked man and smiled happily, holding Jack's hands. "Jack, old friend, how could I not be glad to see you?"
"Yes, I hoped, wished, dreamed that you'd feel that way…" Jack purred. He leaned in toward Will's supple lips-
"DADDY!" squealed Laurentina May, running into the room and jumping into her father's arms. Tina looked just like a little female version of her father, which means that she looked like a three year old Will in a dress, minus facial hair.
"What the hell is that?" Demanded Jack, gesturing with his hand toward the pint size Will.
"That, friend, is my daughter, Laurentina May."
"And what is it you were smoking when you named her?"
Will blinked his pretty eyes. "My wife named her."
There was a long pause, while Jack looked from Will to Laurentina May. "Wife?"
"Yes, Elizabeth and I are married."
"You married Elizabitch!" demanded Jack.
"Actually, her name is Elizabeth. Your pirate accent is so funny, Jack." Will giggled happily.
Jack was just beginning to realize that Will's hug had been an expression of friendship and not the product of four years of pent up sexual tension. Damn.
"Will…I…" Jack paused. He had not counted on Will being, well, heterosexual. "Old friend…"
Will nodded happily, encouraging Jack to continue. Laurentina May was meanwhile skipping around near some vats of molten iron.
"Will, I was wondering…." Jack paused to watch Tina juggle some daggers.
"If I would come be a pirate on your ship?" Will asked happily. Jack was speechless, although his hands didn't stop moving.
"How did you know?" asked the pirate, when he had regained speech.
Will blinked his deep, large, pretty, chocolate-colored, sensual, orgasm-inspiring eyes. Laurentina May swung back and forth on a large hook. (Which was similar to a meat hook, but surely had some blacksmith-related purpose)
"It just seems so obvious." (Laurentina giggled happily as she fell from the meat hook and landed on the broad side of one of Will's swords.) "Of course, I can't go."
"Well, I have to stay and raise my daughter."
"Yes, and I can see that you are doing an excellent job of raising her." Jack said nodding toward Tina, who was licking one of the swords she had fallen on.
Eventually, Jack had convinced Will to come aboard the Black Pearl. He suggested Will leave Tina with Elizabitch, but Will explained that this was impossible, and his wife was on vacation. That was six months ago, and since then Will had been traveling with the Pearl.
Will was actually a terrible pirate. It wasn't as though he didn't try, but he had no idea what to do. So he copied Jack, which didn't turn out too well.
"Will, just stand there looking confused, ok?" Jack politely asked the young man one night. Silently he added 'because you are so much sexier when you look confused.'
"But Jack, I like waving my hands around like you do," whined Will. He'd spent the last hour attempting to perfect Jack's ability to speak with his hands while moving his eyes strangely and sashaying around the deck. He simply couldn't pull it off. "Well, if you won't let me speak like you, will you at least let me use Pirate-Talk?" Will pleaded hopefully.
Jack paused. "Will you swab the decks shirtless tomorrow morning?"
"Okay!" he agreed happily. "But why do I have to be shirtless?" (He was beginning to understand how Raul felt in his pool cleaning days.)
"Um….no reason….good for your tan….."