AN: This is it…the last chapter. This one is just for laughs, so sit back and make sure you're over carpet…because you're gonna be falling out of your chair on this final chapter!
Thank you to anyone and everyone who sent me outtakes! I'm not going to name you all personally…because I was really dumb and I rewrote the outtakes as they came and deleted the e-mails as they came…so I don't have a record of who all sent them. Yes, that was really dumb, I know. Thank you, you're all lifesavers!
I take that back. I will thank one person personally. An uber amount of thank-yous and kisses from my Muses to Shadowlands, who sent me an insane amount of outtakes. And I mean….like…TONS of outtakes. I looked at THAT e-mail and I thought God had blessed me with an angel of outtakes. THANK YOU SHADOW, and enjoy my interpretations of your genius ideas!
Also, I'm not going to bother telling you when the outtakes take place. Hopefully I won't royally screw anything up. But that's okay, this is just for kicks anyway!
Enough babbling. On with the comedic antics of our favorite boys!
As the room went dark and the screen came on, I found myself feeling a bit nervous. I knew that there were things that happened in the house that were too embarrassing to revisit.
And the first clip that came up was one of those times.
I was sitting at the counter, and Skittery was the only other person in the kitchen, busying himself with making dinner. I remembered being bored to death that day- it would've been a miracle worthy of God's angels if an ant ran across the floor.
So of course, being the dumbass I was, I decided to entertain myself when Skittery had his back turned.
I walked over to the cabinets and pulled out the first thing I came to- a can of carpet cleaner. I shot one glance at Skittery, who was busy with the salads and probably would be for another minute or so, and then I took the lid off the pot of water he was preparing to boil and sprayed a huge amount of the carpet cleansing foam in it. I then took my seat back at the counter, waiting for Skittery to decide to start boiling the water.
Honestly, I didn't know what was going to happen. If I had known, I never would've touched that can in the first place.
I buried my face in my hands and refused to look at the other guys as they watched the clip- because they certainly knew that carpet cleaner was extremely flammable. I heard Blink snickering uncontrollably, and I elbowed him again, but opened my eyes to watch.
Skittery finally turned away from the salads and walked over to the stove, flipping the switch to turn it on. And about half a second later, there was the sound of rushing air and a fireball exploded from out of the pot.
Watching it as certainly funnier than being there. Skittery was half-thrown and half-dived to the floor, and I fell backwards off of my stool and hit the carpet with a thud.
The other guys burst out laughing, and Blink clapped me on the back so hard that I almost fell off the couch. I heard Skittery mutter something to the effect of, "That wasn't funny…" I felt like saying the same thing.
The clip continued, and though we couldn't see Skittery where he had fallen behind the counter, we certainly heard it when he yelled, "What the hell was that?!"
I got up from the floor at the same time that Skittery did, looking like a deer in headlights. He looked in the pot- which the lid had been blown clean off of, and then his gaze turned to rest on me. And believe me, murder was in his eyes.
I didn't even have a chance to move before he was around the counter, grabbed me by the shirt, and slammed me down on the counter.
"What the hell did you do?"
"But…I…It was an accident! I…I didn't think it was actually going to catch on fire!"
That got a laugh from the guys as they watched, even Skittery. I was begging for my life, and I sounded pitiful doing it.
Skittery held me on the counter for a moment, and then he groaned and threw me- yes, he threw me aside- and stalked out of the room. And that's where the clip ended.
"Mush, what were you thinking?" Bumlets asked incredulously, and it seemed pretty obvious that everyone else wanted to know the same thing.
"I was bored, and…and…"
"And you wanted to blow Skittery's head off his body?" Jack added.
"No! I didn't know it was flammable!"
Davey interrupted as everyone laughed at my ignorance. "Alright guys, next clip…"
As the screen came back to life once again, I was confident that I hadn't done anything outtake-worthy while I was in the house.
Boy, was I wrong. By a long shot.
The camera came up on my bedroom, where the other guys were sleeping peacefully. I, on the other hand, was sitting on my bed, pulling on my socks and shoes and mumbling incoherently.
I heard Blink mutter for me to shut up and go back to sleep, but obviously I didn't hear him. This was interesting to me too, because to tell you the truth, I didn't remember a single moment of this. That could only mean one thing.
I'd been sleepwalking.
I got up out of my bed and walked out of the room, wearing my pajamas, mismatched socks, my cowboy hat, and my shoes on the wrong feet. I stumbled to the doorway of another bedroom, quietly opening the door and making my way inside.
I could feel a blush crawling up my cheeks as I stumbled over to Dutchy's bed and started roughly shaking him. He swatted me away a few times, but eventually my insistence won over.
"What do you want, Jack? It's three in the morning!" Dutchy hissed, and I pulled on his arm.
"Come on, Dutchy. Come with me." I said, my speech slurred and tone uneven. I couldn't believe I was doing this. Or…that I did it, anyway.
Dutchy protested, pulling his arm away from me, but I didn't give up. And what I did next shocked me to no end.
I grabbed Dutchy by the waist and threw him over my shoulder, and amazingly, no one was awakened by his frantic insistence that I put him down, or his punches and kicks that he was not in a good position to throw. I carried him out of his room and through the house, only setting him down once we'd reached the backyard.
"What do you want, Jack?!" Dutchy said harshly, and I stumbled further toward the pool.
"Toto…the tornado's coming!" I suddenly said, turning around to face Dutchy. He looked at me in utter confusion as I stumbled back to him. "Come on, Toto…let's go find Auntie Em…"
I grabbed Dutchy again, this time pulling him up into my arms and carrying him against my chest, refusing to let go even as he kicked and struggled. And then, when I came to the edge of the pool, his eyes widened in horror.
I completely ignored him. "Come on, Toto…in the tornado! Find the ruby slippers and the witch!" I demanded, still sounding quite drunk even though I wasn't.
And with a final shriek, Dutchy was dropped into the freezing cold pool.
As Dutchy came back up and gasped for air as he shivered, I turned around and calmly walked back in the house, back to my bedroom, taking off my shoes, socks, and hat and going back to sleep.
As the clip ended, I felt all eyes drift and lock on me. I could tell I was blushing deeply.
"Dutchy…why didn't you tell me?" I asked, and Dutchy shrugged.
"I just figured you wouldn't believe me anyway."
Everyone was laughing too hard to speak by now. Spot was almost falling off the couch, he was laughing so hard.
After we had calmed down a bit, Davey said it was time for the next clip. And boy, was I glad. Somehow, realizing that I'd kidnapped Dutchy and dumped him in the pool at three a.m. was a bit much for one day.
I remembered the next clip. I remembered it quite well. Because it was one of the funniest things that happened in the house.
I had been really sick of everyone in the house that day. Extremely sick of them. So I decided to play a prank on anyone who happened to fall victim to my fun little prank.
So when the clip started, I was sitting on the roof just over the back door, a crate of water balloons beside me.
The scenario couldn't have been more perfect. Just as I was about to give up on anyone coming outside, Dutchy and Specs stumbled out of the house, probably having had lots of coffee and unable to keep their hands off each other. I almost threw a balloon right away, but then I realized that they had stopped right in my target area. So I decided to wait and see if an opportunity presented itself.
They whispered their sweet nothings for a minute or so, but soon they started a serious make-out session, exactly what I expected them to do. And just as things started getting a bit hot and heavy, I decided to cool it off for them.
I grabbed a water balloon in each hand and let the grenades fly. And half a second later, Dutchy and Specs were shocked and soaked, and Specs caught sight of me. And I decided to be polite and wave at him.
"Who the hell let him on the roof?!"
The clip ended there, but the laughter didn't end for a few minutes. Specs and Dutchy were both blushing a deep shade of red, their make-out session having been abruptly cut off by a vicious attack from above- and now everyone had seen it.
The next clip was a familiar one to me, of course. It certainly hadn't been funny then, but now it seemed hilarious.
We were sitting at the breakfast table- "we" being me, Blink, Mush, and Race. Skittery had finished breakfast earlier, obviously. My hair had been falling in my face continually for the past few days, and it had been really pissing me off. And of course, when I get pissed off, I get vocal about it.
"I can cut it for you." Blink said, chewing on a piece of bacon.
Mush looked uncertain. "Have you done it before?"
"I've watched them do it on set. It's not that hard."
I couldn't believe I let him do it. I absolutely couldn't believe it. But here I was, watching myself sit down and let him start snipping away. And from watching the clip, I could see things that I couldn't see before. Like Blink, Race, and Mush trying hard not to laugh as he made ragged, uneven, and diagonal cuts.
And I sat there, nervous but completely oblivious. I guess I should've asked myself why I was letting a guy with no depth perception whatsoever cut my hair, him having one eye and all.
And for once, Skittery saved the day. He walked into the room, saw the scenario, and as he looked closer his mouth dropped open in shock.
"Oh, shit, Blink! What the hell are you doing?"
That was when I realized something was horribly wrong. I leaped up from my seat, fuming as I spun around to face Blink.
"What did you do to it?" I hissed and Blink, Race, and Mush cracked up.
"Aw, come on, Spot. It doesn't look that bad." Race choked out, and I sprang from the room to look in a mirror. And the second I returned, Blink ran for his life. I followed him through the house, screaming bloody murder but not quite able to gain on him.
He flung open the door to the back yard and slammed it behind him, and as I turned the corner I ran face-first into the closed door. Then I tore it open and ran at him where he stood in the backyard. I guess the fact that he was standing still should've told me something.
I leaped at him, and at the last second he sidestepped me, and I went flying headfirst into the pool. And then the clip ended.
"Why did you trust him with your hair in the first place?" Snitch said amidst the laughter. I just shrugged and fumed as Davey tried to get everyone to get quiet enough for the next clip.
The next clip faded in, and I immediately recognized Ace's extremely bad singing voice coming from the shower, singing an extremely out-of-tune version of "The Song That Never Ends". From the camera position you couldn't see in the shower, just the area directly outside of it, and the camera soon switched to show me and Mush sitting in the main room.
I remembered this now. It had been the last week, when only Mush and I were left, and both of us quite bored. And Ace was driving us to the edge of our insanity.
After only a few moments (by this time, Ace had been singing the song for about ten minutes) Mush and I gave each other that look. The look that for him said, 'leave the poor guy alone', but for me it said, 'I'm gonna wring his neck'.
And since when did I ever listen to what Mush wants me to do?
I calmly set down my magazine and stood up, straightening my shirt and walking to the bathroom.
All the other guys leaned forward and watched with curiosity as I walked through the bathroom, walked up to the toilet, and flushed it. Then I calmly walked out. About a second later, Ace was no longer singing, but he was cursing very loudly.
I walked back out to the main room, and after a mutual glance of 'thank you' and 'you're welcome' between Mush and I, I sat down and without a word began to read my magazine again. And the clip ended.
The next clip started with Spot falling in his drag outfit. Another clip, another fall. Another clip, another fall. And the next eleven clips after that: each one of Spot's drag falls, and probably not even all of them. And then they showed the clip that I never wanted anyone to see.
Spot was walking by me in drag, and I couldn't help but crack up. And Spot was a very sensitive guy that day.
"You got a problem, Snitchy-boy?" he snapped, spinning around and promptly falling on his face. This only made it worse for me- I couldn't help but laugh even harder. He stood back up, pulling his wig-hair out of his face and practically shooting daggers at me with his glare.
"Just wait until I get ahold of you. You'll regret ever coming near me." He hissed.
"And you'll do what, glitter boy?"
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wished I could call them back. I should've known Spot wouldn't walk around like this without a concealed weapon.
He suddenly pulled out a water spray-bottle that we used to water the plants with, and sprayed me in the face. I looked at him, confused, and said, "Is that all you've got? Water?"
"Go look at yourself in the mirror, glitter boy."
I could see the realization hit me in my face. And as I ran to the bathroom, they didn't have to change cameras to get the full effect of me realizing that my face was covered in glitter.
"Spot! I'm gonna kill you!"
The next clip started with me just walking down the hallway in the house, but then I stopped abruptly. I could hear the sounds of heavy breathing and movement from inside the closed room I was passing, and I was probably wondering if Specs and Dutchy were that comfortable with the cameras.
Then, a voice from inside said harshly and breathlessly, "No, you stupid pouf! It's step, step, twirl, step! Not step, step, step, twirl!"
Whoa. Never had those kinds of 'getting it on' instructions before. I had to check this out.
I opened the door and it was not Specs and Dutchy, but instead, Bumlets and Race stood there, and Race was in the middle of a 'step spin' as I stood watching. And then, when he realized that someone was watching his dancing lesson and laughing hysterically, he made some excuse about having to shower and left the room- very fast. Bumlets just shrugged and sat back down with his book, and life continued as normal in the Big Brother house- if not with a little extra blackmail material.
The next clip started with another kidnapping. But this time, it wasn't me.
I crept into Reno and Grace's room, where the girls were sleeping peacefully. I walked over to Reno's bed, ignoring how comical she looked sleeping with slices of cucumbers on her eyes, and I grabbed her coveted fuzzy bunny slippers and left the room quickly.
Skittery, Race, and Blink were waiting on me outside, and Race pulled out a thick red marker and drew a line of 'blood' on each rabbit's neck. We then handed them over to Skittery, who fashioned professional nooses and 'hung' the rabbits in the kitchen doorway. With that done, we returned to sleep.
And the next morning, we woke up to a scream that was a mix of surprise and rage.
"You hooligans owe me a new pair of slippers!" she shrieked, standing in the doorway to our bedroom, holding her maimed bunnies. Of course, we just laughed at her, which only made her madder. But we didn't really care.
The next clip had to be the most priceless of the bunch. It was also scripted, planned by all six of us original house guests, but priceless just the same.
It had to have happened right after Austin had entered the house. He was sitting in the family room, just basically sulking and trying to avoid everyone else in the house. And when Ace walked in the room, he looked less than pleased.
Austin's mouth dropped open. "Excuse me?"
Ace was simply casual about this. "I asked if you would mind some casual sex."
"You're out of your mind! Even if you found someone that would…which you wouldn't…Big Brother would never allow it!"
Ace just shrugged. "Suit yourself."
A few seconds later, after Ace had made himself comfortable on the couch across from Austin, Skittery walked through.
Austin looked up, his jaw practically on the ground as Skittery joined Ace on the couch and they started a heavy make-out session.
"You two…you can't…"Austin started, but he was being ignored. On top of that, Ace had straddled Skittery on the couch and was now unbuttoning his shirt.
"Excuse me. EXCUSE ME!" Austin snapped, and Ace sighed and looked over at him, his hands still on Skittery's bare chest and Skittery looking rather annoyed that he'd stopped.
"What do you want? We're busy here!"
"You can't do that! Here!"
Skittery smirked. "I don't see why not."
As Skittery and Ace resumed their activities, Austin groaned and left the room. Very quickly. He ran into Blink and Mush in the kitchen, and frantically tried to explain.
"Skittery and Ace…are about to…to…make love right on the couch out there!"
Blink looked at Mush and raised his eyebrows. "Orgy?"
Mush smiled mischieviously. "Sure."
With that, Blink and Mush stood up and headed for the main room, and Austin was left standing in the kitchen, frustrated and very confused. And finally, he just groaned, threw his hands up in the air, and walked into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
Of course, nothing really happened, and Skittery practically sprinted to the bathroom to use some mouthwash, but in the end it was all worth it.
AN: I had to try very hard to keep that last part PG-13, but I think I did it! I hope you guys like this chapter. For that matter, I hope you guys liked the whole thing. And if you haven't been reviewing, do it now, cause this is THE END, people!
WAHOO!!!!!!!! I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Insane happy dance with Skitts!Muse* IT'S OOOOOOVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Takes a bow and leaves Skitts!Muse very dizzy* I love all you guys…in a non-sexual manner, of course. 'Cept for my Skitts!Muse, whom I love in a VERY sexual manner. *winks at Skitts* If you have any comments or questions about the fic or any particular chapter or event, my e-mail is email@example.com. For that thought, if you want to, add me to your msn messenger list and we can talk all the time.
Now, I am going to take a few days vacation…and then I'm starting on another MAJOR newsies fic project. Be on the lookout for it- from what I've heard from my idea betas, it should be pretty good. Or, at least, I hope it will.
Lookie! OVER 500 REVIEWS ON THIS SUCKER! Is that some kind of a record?
Thanks to all my readers, hope you enjoyed the outtakes! What a note to end on. A newsie orgy. Well, not really, but we scared Austin badly enough with the idea. REVIEW PEOPLE! I DESERVE IT………I think….