A/N: Do I still need a disclaimer for stupid poetry?  I don't own CSI.  Not even Greg. *pout*  By the way, Covallo is the lab director.


There Once was a Lab Rat Named Greg…

Or Why Greg Should Not Be Left Alone in the Lab with Several Spare Pens


There once was a lab rat named Greg,

Who's work was best described as segue.

If the lab got more quiet

He might start a riot

And when Grissom comes, for his job beg.

There once was a CSI from Texas,

Who was a major pain in the solar plexus.

He don't understand

Things aren't going as planned!

'Cause the mass spec is broken, alas.

Speaking of pains in the lower region,

Of I, you dearest Norwegian,

There's none that they dodges

More often than Hodges,

That gutless annoying lesion.

Perhaps you consider me too harsh,

When it comes to that idiot arse,

But consider the poll,

Of the lab as a whole—

We'd all like to dump him in a marsh.

There's nothing so much the bane

Of a lab as a technician that vain.

Covallo can't see—

Shit, he's behind me!

… 'Scuze me while I find something for the pain.

Now that my nose has stopped bleeding

I can get around to proceeding

With what I was saying

– The CSIs repaying –

And Nick's annoyingness exceeding.

If you want once in a blue moon,

Try joining Griss's lunch at noon.

When he starts spouting

Casefiles, you ain't doubting…

Just waiting for "And there is no spoon."

If you want someone who wouldn't get that,

Go with the girl you won't jest at.

The guys all agree

Sara hasn't eyes for me,

But what's a pass if it doesn't fall flat?

Now, the guy that I just don't git

Is the one who doesn't like my wit.

To Warrick I refer,

In his side I'm a bur.

What, results am I supposed to knit?

Sounds like channeling Yoda am I,

Said Sara as she passed by.

Nick disagrees.

"Stop that," he pleas,

"And go get yourself an MRI."

The last of the CSIs is Cat.

(Please don't tell her I called her that.)

I've hung with her daughter,

She's of the first water

When it comes to comparing hairs of a rat.

Okay, okay, I admit

Rat hairs weren't really it.

But 'cat' was used,

And 'that' is abused;

For this I think you can acquit.

Jaqui, get ready to raise the alarm,

Cath's got a dummy under her arm.

That means more tests,

And soon arrests,

So get the coffee or buy the farm.


A/N: Sad, I can see Greg actually doing this… oh well.  It's fun, maybe I'll add more.